Need Help with Weaning a Toddler

Hi K.,

At this age, they can understand some explanation and "cause and effect". I weaned my daughter (the second time!) at 21 months, and I did it by telling her in advance that we were going to stop doing nummies soon because she was getting to be such a big girl. I picked a date 10 days in advance and drew a big red heart on the calendar, and told her that was "no more nummies" day. Then, at each feeding, I'd first reduce the time she nursed, then in subsequent days drop feedings entirely. Each day we'd mark a big red X on the calendar and I'd count down "only four more days of nummies left!". The trick with this is to be really positive and encouraging and help her know that she's growing up and gaining something, not just losing something near and dear. (For my daughter, the prize for no more nummies was changing her crib over to a toddler bed). This worked really well, and by day 8 she was saying "no more nummies" and not really nursing at all. We increased the # of stories we were reading and made a more elaborate cuddle / rocking ritual to subsitute, and she was able to get into bed awake and fall asleep on her own. Now she will only ask for nummies if she sees another baby or toddler nursing, and is satisfied with a "no, we don't do that anymore" answer. Good luck!

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Hey K.,

I weaned my daughter around 20 months and it took about one month. She did cry some, but it was always in my arms!

Also, my husband works late hours and is almost never available in the evenings, so I had to do it alone (some people have had success by having their husbands take over naptime and bedtime). Anyway, here you go:

Since your LO falls asleep at the breast, the first step is to wean her from falling asleep at the breast. I would recommend you start with her naps only.

Do your regular nap routine and then start breastfeeding. When she starts to slow down and show signs that she's sleepy, but not asleep, gently use your finger to separate her mouth from your breast. Expect her to cry, root around for it, and so on. If she's frantic, give it back to her and repeat. And repeat and repeat and repeat until she finally falls asleep without the boob in her mouth.

The first time you do this will be the longest and the hardest.

But once she's falling asleep at naptime without the breast, do the same thing at bedtime.

Then phase out the breast completely at nap time. Once that's done, phase it out at bedtime.

Some people do this gradually, some cold turkey. I decided to go cold turkey.

Yes, she cried and said, "nurse, mommy, nurse, mommy," but I held her, rocked her, and comforted her through it all. She fell asleep in my arms the first time after about 30 minutes. By the third day of doing this, she only asked to nurse once and then just cuddled in my arms until she fell asleep.

She's 2 1/2 years old and she now falls asleep with my just sitting in a chair next to her bed. She's a fantastic sleeper, by the way!

Good luck! M.

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Hello I my son is almost 24mths and we just finished nusring in the last 4-6 weeks or so. I too enjoyed it very much and i still miss it. I also needed to take medication and it was not a good idea to nurse my son as well. I did the don't ask don't refuse. I would nurse if he asked and I would not offer it either. Can you do other things for your bedtime routine? Can you lay donw and cuddle together. i know not in the rocking chair of course that is associated with nurseing. Also do you have anyone else who can put her down at night and for naps? My husband would put him to bed and he would not ask. Also will she drink milk from a cup wether it be yours or cows or ect..? Can you give that too her at night and naps? There is also a good book called The nurseing mothers companion adn there is whole chapter on weening. I hope that does not overwhelm you. Good luck and it's ok she will eventually give it up. From M., a mom to a wonderful boy who is almost two, I can't hardly belive it.

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I went through this problem with my little girl --now 9!!-- when she was ~20 months. (My boys seemed to both wean naturally.) In the end we had to have Daddy take charge of the bedtime routine. At first, I would leave the house. Eventually, we would both participate in the bedtime routine, without nursing and then once an obvious non-nursing bedtime had been established it could be just me putting her down.

It takes much more time than the cry-it-out method, but I ccouldn't do it either. (Until number 3 came along-- but he's a different story :0)

You are wise to wean now. This way you avoid the "I can't nurse because of the baby" resentment that can happen, not always but often, when new baby comes into the family.

Good luck!

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Hi K.,

I just wanted to say thanks for writing. I am in the same boat. My daughter is 21 mo (b-day Oct 30)and still nursing. I love nursing, but want to work toward weaning her by 2 as well. Hope you get some good advice that I can glean from as well. glad to know I'm not the only one.

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There are lots of ways to do it, apparently. I'm in Michele's situation--dad doesn't get home until way after bedtime--so I will have to tackle this myself (23-month-old). As Michele recommended, the first trick is to get her to stop nursing to sleep. Keep popping her off the breast until she drops off without it (Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" has good recommendations for various ways of helping little ones fall asleep without the breast).

We got that far a long time ago, but I wasn't in a hurry to wean, so my phase 2 has been to keep nursing as a part of the bedtime routine, but move it farther and farther toward the beginning of the routine so that is no longer associated with dropping off to sleep in bed. Now nursing is the first part of the routine, then diaper/PJs, then brushing teeth, then a story in bed...the best part is that SHE now initiates bedtime when she asks to nurse (moo ha ha). And the teeth brushing happens after nursing, yay!

As for the third phase, we are just starting to experiment with dropping a feeding or two. By this age, the plus side is you can discuss it a bit, but the minus side is they can keep coming back and asking. Now when I walk in the door and she demands to nurse I say, how about a hug and a cuddle and a snack? Or I put her off until after mealtime and she sometimes forgets entirely. The last phase will be to eliminate bedtime and overnight nursing (we co-sleep) but I'm not ready to deal with that yet.

Best wishes!

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Okay, I'm not exactly an expert on weaning, since I nursed one until 2 years 10 months and the other until he was 4... but I have lived with the 2-year-old daughter who was dependent on nursing to go to sleep at night, and the way we got past that was to make bedtime all about Daddy. I kissed her good night before storytime, then left the scene entirely. If she saw me, she'd start crying because she wanted milk. (Probably the reason your daughter will nap at the daycare is that the day care provider is not the milk source.) If she didn't see me, she was content to have a small cup of warm cows' milk, listen to Daddy read, snuggle up to him, and go to sleep in his arms. It took about a week to establish this as the new routine, and then all was well. In fact, my husband is still the bedtime guy, which has the added bonus that I get a little patch of free time at the end of my day.

Hope that helps.

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I would say to start limiting the amount of time she nurses, shortening the amounts by 2 minutes every couple days. For example, if she nurses now for 15 minutes before falling asleep, let her nurse for 13 and then gently scoot her up to a snuggle on your chest for the last couple. After a couple nights, let her nurse for 11 minutes, then snuggle for 4, etc.
I did a combination of this and the cry it out method, which really worked well and only took about 5 nights. We snuggled for 15 minutes and then I put her in bed, and at first she cried after putting her down, but then she realized the routine and has slept fine ever since.

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My advice- I have nursed two kids for two years each and my advice is to go away for a couple of days if possible. Have (hopefully) your husband put your daughter to bed both nights with a glass of milk,and the whole night routine.
Then when you come home just go on with the new routine. When she starts asking for nursing just say really matter of factly "Oh we're all done with that.." and try to change the subject to something positive. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it worked for us. They were big nursers too.
All night if I would let them! Good luck!

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Hello! Kudos to you for extended nursing. I also did this with my now 3 1/2 year old son. I nursed him to sleep until he was 22 months. He was also dependent on it/me to sleep. This may sound harsh, but I weaned him by the out of site out of mind theory. (I had tried various things prior to this) I schedueled a "girls weekend" My girlfriends and I went to Vegas for the weekend. My son and husband had a bonding weekend. He said it was utter chaos for him, but when I came back my baby was weaned!! And, in turn I had a great "Girl Time" with my friends. I have to admit, it was the first time I had left him, so it was rough on me as well. I cried a lot when I called home the first night to check on things. But it all worked out great, and they were both VERY EXCITED to see me when I got home. Good luck with however you choose to take on this task!!

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First off, i want to applaude you on breastfeeding for so long. You don't see that much these days.

I weaned my son at about 21 months. It helped that he was also ready to stop. He wasn't eating nearly as much. I sort of did a combination of quitting cold turkey and progressively. He always fell asleep at the breast, so at nap time I would not nurse. He was more prone to put up a big fight at bedtime than nap time. Of course he fussed, but after about 45 mins. he would fall asleep. He continued this for about a week.

At bedtime, I would reduce the time I fed him by 10 mins. I would take an extra 10 mins every week. I would comfort him until he fell asleep. After 3 weeks, it was done and he rarely asked after.

I would say to be ready for a fight. When I started on naps, my son was only fussy and whined but when I started bedtimes, he got very upset. Just be prepared and good luck!

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Hi darling,
If I were you I would continue breastfeeding. Complete weaning can be a quick process (cold turkey) or a slow one. Going back to work will be another step in the weaning process--she won't be able to nurse during the day, but she could keep her bed time nurse time and morning nurse if you do that. The bed time nursing is usually the last to go because that is when they are the most needy.

My feeling is that if you can wean without a fight then the child is ready. It doesn't sound like right now your daughter would wean quietly.

Try reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" because she offers some suggestions on breaking the nurse-to-bed habit. My first nursed to bed until she was about your daughter's age. We finally did go a crying route, but never left her alone to cry.

About wanting another baby: Of course you want to be as safe as possible, but if your doctors had to give you a level of risk what would it be? Yes breastfeeding can cause contractions (in normal pregnancies this is fine) so it's right to be cautious, but you could wait until you conceive and wait to see if you have any of the same problems as before and if so, completely wean. If nothing happens, then you can wean whenever you feel that you and your daughter are ready. If you decide to go ahead and wean now, I would read a book called, "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning." Good luck.

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Hi, I weaned my daughter at about the same age (22 months). She could/would not sleep without nursing and we tried everything. She was and still is a Mama's girl. So to reduce the stress for me and for her I went on a little vacation. When I got back she was less interested in nursing and much more happy to have Daddy time. It worked for us. Good luck!

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Hi K.,

I weaned my girl at 36 months from her night time nursing. Given her age, I just said one day - the "boos" don't work anymore....no more "boo milk". She did fuss a bit but soon enough....within a few days, she had accepted that they did not work and did not ask again.

I do applaud you for the long time nursing. I know it has been a benefit. My now 9 year old has only had one ear infection and twocolds in her life, so the positive powers of nursing longer are SO worth it.

A.

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I was in the same situation with my nearly 2 year old and ended up giving her a bottle of milk to fall asleep. It may not be the best thing in the world, but it was all I could do to wean her (I was pregnant, also, and needed to stop because I was so sick with the pregnancy I just couldn't keep it up).

Then you can work on weaning her from the bottle, when you want to do that.

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My youngest daughter nursed until she was just past her second birthday. One day when she was snuggling with me for her nap and wanted to nurse, I just told her that she already drank it ALL and that it was all gone. She asked later on that evening, but when I told her the same thing, she just accepted it and moved on. Usually, if I give her plenty of advance warning and remind her often, when the event occurs, she's prepared to deal with it. Good luck!

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I'm not sure how you feel about a pacifier, but this might be a help. At this point the nursing is about the closeness between the two of you, and the sucking habit. At nap time, try cuddling with her, and having her suck on the pacifier. She will probably resist at first, but with a little persistence it might work. This is how I got my youngest to ween. After a while, we were able to put him in bed with the pacifier, without the cuddling, and he was able to calm himself. We were very strict about the pacifier staying in bed, so he didn't develop the habit of needing one all of the time. Then eventually, he didn't even need the pacifier to go to sleep. I hope this works! Good Luck!

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As a 40 year ''little kid'' person ( parenting, grandparenting and teaching preschool) I promise - this WILL work - it's all in how you approach the situation. What worked for me with my oldest was a matter-of-fact ''oh, dear, Mommy has a boo-boo and can't do mommy-milk - so we're going to have SPECIAL ------------- ( special tea in pretty cups - or Mommy's FAVORITE story from when I was little- or --- a cuddle toy JUST like mine when Iwas little--) the point is if YOU absolutely know that facts are facts and weaning is now and here's a special something just for you- '' It WILL work. Children read us - our conversations with other people- our body language-- if you KNOW this is it, it will be fine- and lets make lemonade with it--- it'll be fine. Let her hear you talk to others about --- ''Mommy milk is all done - so I've found this great bunny-- it's just like my favorite and I'm going to give it to --------- tonight so she can go to sleep cuddlling with it '''''

Blessings,

J.
aka Old Mom

I would like to know what people have to say to you because I too have and older child bestfeeding and am trying to wean!