22 answers

Need Help with Very Sweet/ Very Angry 7 Year Old

I need help with my 7year old son. He is my 2nd son and almost from birth can be very, very sweet or very, very angry. When he is happy it's "You are the most wonderful mother in the world." "Do you need me to do anything beautiful mother?" Then if he trips over your foot he screams and says "You did it on purpose." and runs out of the room. I tried to speak to him about reacting differently instead and screaming and yelling and he looked me dead in and eye and said " I know what you want, you want to shot me with a bazooka so I will die" No matter how may times we talk about his aggression or anger he says OK and then 2 seconds later is doing it again.
I just got a call from the principle because he got in a fight. A kid was throwing grass so he punched someone that had nothing to do it. The kid then punched him back. I don't know what to do.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

D.,
Did you get the help you need?

I am here to help, you just have to ask.

B., B.A.;B.Ed.
Family Health and Wellness Coach
____@____.com

Consultants are always free.

I know this sounds weird, but maybe he is reacting so strongly because of things in his diet, like food dyes? They are known to cause/exaserbate behavioral problems.

More Answers

My first thought was....is he playing certain video games, or watching certain show on TV? Do you and the father argue in front of them? I am guilty of arguing in front of my 10 yr old daughter and it, I believe, is the cause of her agression. Since becoming aware of this I try to avoid altercations all together when the children are present.

Hello D.,
I have been a special educator for the past 9 years. I have experience with students with learning disabilities, emotional handicaps, behavioral disorders, and cognitive disabilities. What you have described above is not normal. Your son seems to have a behavioral and/or emotional disorder. Go to his school TODAY and make an appointment with his teacher, the school guidance counselor, and the staffing coordinator (ie a representative from the special/ exceptional education department). Your son needs to be referred for testing to see if he qualifies for extra support through the school system. He could qualify for counseling, a smaller class setting, etc.

Have you discussed his behavior with his pediatrician? His ped might be able to make some recommendations as well.

I know this is a lot to take in but your son needs help, now. As he gets older this behavior will most likely increase and he will become more and more difficult to handle.

Feel free to contact me with any questions.

Best Wishes,
S.

D.:
I have an 8 year old son (my oldest) who has some of the same characteristics. I don't know any of our son's other personality traits, but has he shown any symptoms of ADHD? My son exhibited this type of behavior very young and has always been very impulsive, a chatterbox, and defiant. He was diagnosed ADHD and I was very surprised because he was not the kind of child bouncing off the walls-he's hyper-verbal and impulsive, both are very strong characteristics of ADHD.
You may want to talk to his teacher and your pediatrician and see if something else may be going on. The lack of impulse control is an indicator of ADD or ADHD. I'm no authority, but what I've lived with has shown me different characteristics of an often-misunderstood diagnosis. Chances are, he knows intellectually what he is doing is wrong, but has no control over those impulses. He thinks and then acts. Talking to him and punishing him probably won't help if something else is going on. Talking with his teacher may give you some insight and you may want to see how much he's being reprimanded at school. You don't want him to get frustrated with school because he's always in trouble for something he may have no control over. We are still struggling even with medication and therapy, but you have to do what helps your child. Best of wishes.

D.:

I understand what you are experiencing is very frustrating and trying on your patience. I can only imagine how much you want to pull out your hair about now. You are also probably getting flooded with respones that have varying answers that may well confuse you all the more. You say you have tried to talk to your son about his behavior. Have you tried having him do all the talking? Ask leading questions to get him to express himself about why he responds in such a way. I would avoid any prescription medication, the long term side effects a far more deadly than the immediate trouble with which you are experiencing. My best-friend's son was having similiar issues. She came to me for advice and with the help of an allergy test, a dozen books and the our two minds together we found out that most behavior issues are food related. I also have another friend whose 3 kids are allergic to sugar and had the same behavior you described. Without having the allergy test done (which can be expensive if you do not have the right insurance) I would suggest the following diet changes immediately (if you have not done so already): no caffiene ever, no sugar (anything ending in "ose" fructose sucrose etc) especially high fructose corn syrup, nothing that is processed or has preservatives, or anything artificial in it, try organic meats (there are no test studies that show what Bovine Growth Hormone can do to a human, unless stated on package no hormones, it is in the meat). Those small changes should help within a few days. Also, add magnesium to the diet. We are told to get more calcium, get more calcium, but what they do not tell you is that when you consume calcium it utilizes all the magnesium in your system to be absorbed, a child should get atleast 250 mg more magnesium than calcium. Magnesium will have a calming effect on a child that is safe and natural with no side effects. Also, I reccommend the book, "The Maker's Diet" by Dr. Jordan Rubin. I know that it is hard to know who to listen to and which advice to take. I have a co-worker who put both of her boys on medicines years ago, one for ADHD and one for BI-Polar dis-order these children have been through the ringer with the side effects of their medicine, they have also been taught that they are not normal and have things wrong with them (which is no way to raise a child, telling them they are broken only makes it worse). These children have been on every kind of medication there is and when one starts to not have as much effect anymore the mom gets a new stronger prescription. These drugs cause dependancy and do not allow your child to learn how to cope with life and interact with other kids. They can be helped with therapy and diet. I hope you know I am speaking to you from my heart and that I only have what is best for your children in mind. Physicians are trained to prescribe medicines, so be weary of what you give your child. Research any prescription you give him and ask your self, is it really worth risking all these side effects and health complications? Behavior issues are overwhelming in this day and age. My friend also limited the amount of TV she allowed her child to watch, absoluely nothing with any violence. There was a study doen on children who watched wrestling and they were 40% more aggressive than other kids. The children I spoke about in my letter lead normal healthy lives by eating the appropriate diet. Their doctors wanted them on medication as well as their teachers (teachers like to diagnose children as if they were doctors no offense to teachers but they are not trained psychologist and your pediatrician is not qualified to diagnose any major mood/behavior disorders only a specialist should do that). I want you to know you have options and they do not have to be harmful. I pray you find a safe natural way to help your child. God bless.

Though I am not an expert I would one ask you is his behavior gotten worse since your transition from one to state to another in the year? Also not for nothing does he play alot of violent video games? That can contribute to his aggression. But I would also suggest looking into if he does have a chemical imbalance because going from one mood to another so quickly could be strong signs of such. If it does have something to do with a chemical imbalance you can look into what foods you can eliminate from his diet that can help out.

D.,
Did you get the help you need?

I am here to help, you just have to ask.

B., B.A.;B.Ed.
Family Health and Wellness Coach
____@____.com

Consultants are always free.

Hi D.,
My second child has ADD (not hyperactive). I am not suggesting that yours is at all. He also is very different when he eats foods with Red Dye 40. RedDye40.org (I think lists the foods to stay away from). He has the behavior you described. He takes it out on someone regardless whether they did something or not. He is very uncontrollable after eating foods with red dye 40. Strawberry milk was an everyday drink for him. After learning about the dye, I eliminated it and he was so much better - I eliminate it from everything he eats now. The difference is ...he still gets angry, but with out the red dye 40 he is reasonable. (With it he became irrational and angry, even aggressive!) Horrible to say the least! They have found children with ADD / ADHD are more prone to be allergic to foods with this additive. My next goal is to eliminate highly processed foods - food additives are not very healthy and have been shown to have negative effects on behavior. I am not a serious health person, but needed help with my son like you. He has been so much sweeter! I hope that can help you find some answers. There are professionals that can help if you need them. If you live in Gainesville I could give you a recommendation. Keep searching for answers - your son needs you. I am sure you love him very much.

Without knowing any other factors such as a recent traumas,(the move may or may not be one stress factor) I would consult my pediatrician for an evaluation. There could be a medical condition or behavioral disorder that might well be helped with early intervention. There are treatable conditions that show early signs such as what you describe. If it does turn out to be just a discipline problem, you will at least know you have covered all the bases. Your doctor is the safest place to start, and will give you peace of mind. He/she can point you in the right direction to get support whatever the cause. Don't be frightened, but take it seriously. I expect you'll find many people who have "been there" and can speak from personal experience. If you aren't set up with a pediatrician yet, or if finances are a factor, ask the school guidance counselor or administrator to refer you to the appropriate agency. Good luck and blessings on you and your little boy.

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.