It might not help but what if it would? Sometimes even as adults we need to know that mom loves us and cares. It might be a wake up call for him if you did track him down and gave him a good shaking. Does he really want someone else raising his kids? probably not. He might be struggling and really need help and just need a voice of love that goes beyond the basic call. I might get flack for saying all this but...you've been his mom, you have that mom-tuition you know? trust your gut. If you feel you need to let it go for now, trust that if you feel you need to go find him at the bars and shake some sense into him do that. It might not help but what if it did? once you've been raising a child, your blood or not I think they do become yours, you may share that with their "real" parents but it doesn't make you less of a parent to them. My other "kids" have been with us for only a year, not all the years you had yours either but I know how I can't let go--and I commend you for that, not everyone will care that much--trust your gut.