Need Help with Son's School

I think that doing too much for him will make him rely on you more. Don't punish yourself for his fall backs-if any. Your already doing what a Mom is suppose to and that is love him and incourage him. If he senses that you feel he is not up to your expectations he won't be. In a word reverse-phsycology. Tell him all the time that your proud of him and that he is doing so well etc,etc. He will start to belive it and behave that way and his will to try harder will come with it. I've seen it-it works.

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Hi D.,
I am the secretary to the Director of Special Services for a school district. CALL right away and ask for a private meeting with just you and the director. Tell him/her of your concerns. Unfortunately, the guidelines set for special services is set forth by your state. If they student does not qualify for special services (by the state's standards) then there isn't much they can do to give your child those services. Being on a 504 plan is really the best without stepping over those lines set by your state guidelines.

I would also ask your child's counselor or the director if there is such a thing as a "learning center/class" in your child's school. In ours there is such a thing and this class/center is for those children that do not qualify but still need that extra help to be successful. They receive their regular studies in the regular classroom and then are sent to the learning center with their assignments for that extra help and more one on one attention.

If you don't get the results that you feel are necessary for your child to succeed, call the Superintendent's Office and request a meeting with him/her. You do best by following the chain of command.

Best of luck!
D.

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I don't know about ADHD, but I have dealt with schools and IEP plans. The only thing I can say is STAY on them like stink on s6!t. My stepdaughter was promised everything, but it was never followed through, but then again, her mother was/is worthless. Once she moved in with us, I stayed on the teacher, the principal and even the dean of students. I don't know who was happier when she was done with school, us or the school!!

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I have a question; does your son keep up with his homework and turn his assignments in to the teacher? If not, you may want to research the area that your son is in need for more independent teaching. My son had ADD and it was not until his teacher and principal realized that he was not keep up with the another students before they did anything. Also pick your son involved with sports or music like singing or an instrument or any activity that the school can offer like drama, debate clubs or any club in school or out of school like Boy Scouts, it has to be his choice and interest to keep his mind busy. Another question is he taking any medication to help him? Hope he did not have to take anything but if he does make him responsible to taking his medication and let him realize the benefits in taking his medicine on time. Hope this will help because 20 years ago when my son was first starting school we did not have the information available to us about ADHD or ADD like you do now.
Take Care and Be Strong!!!
D.

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You can call Marquette University and get assistance for you with issues for children with learning didabilities.

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I have a son about to start 7th grade and have gone through those same struggles. Try contacting the Pacer Center www.pacer.org at ###-###-####. They have great advocates there that can tell you what exactly to say and how to say it so that the schools will listen. They tell you what your rights are and how to make sure the school is doing what it is legally required to do. I know it gets overwhelming but it's well worth the fight. I've found that onece we got things moving I became more confident in telling the teachers, principals, and counselors exactly what my son need them to do in order for him to be successful. Good luck!

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OMG!!! They didn't implement any of the things on his IEP?! I have been really luck with dealing with special ed with our kids. Our bio son has adhd but does not need to be medicated. The 2 of my other kids do need to be medicated. When I wanted an assessment done for my daughter, I called the school and they did it over the summer! Have you gone to the school and talked to the principal? What about the special ed teacher, have you spoken with her/him? I have found that if I can get a good working relationship with the special ed teacher and the homeroom teacher that is a good place to start. I noticed that you are from a much bigger area than I am, so maybe that has something to do with it? I have been very lucky I guess. Another thing that I have done is to make a business card with my name, my child's name and my contact info...home phone, cell phone, work phone, and e-mails. They HAVE to do what is on his IEP, if this does not help then it is time to go to the superintendant and tell him that nothing is being done to help your son and that he needs to do something about it. Then after that I think I would go to a school board meeting. At this point, I would not worry about stepping on someone's toes, after all, your son comes first! Good luyck, let me know how it goes!
L.

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D.-- When you requested testing for your son did the school follow through? If so did they do a "screening" or the actual testing to determine he was on grade level? Either way you can request that he be tested again--your best bet to make them follow through is a written request. They then have ten days to respond-most likely with a screening-which is basically a review of his academics. Another thing-if he has a 504 then the teachers are bound to keeping it. Keep pushing for them to follow through. Unfortunately sometimes we are the only ones who look out for our kids. I have a daughter who I feel the same way about in the school setting even though I am a special education teacher--it is very different when they are your own!!

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It sounds like you have done everything in your power to address this issue. I'm assuming medication as well. Don't give up. Continue to be persistant with all his teachers, you never know when the person with the right answer for you and your son will come along. I had a similar issue with my son, I continued to get many "2nd" opinions til I found the right help he needed. You sound like a very good mom. Take care and God Bless.

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I had to contact our local ESU unit. i don't know what state u live in, if they have these but that's what finally got me the help i needed for my son's adhd and got him free occupational therapy for the handwriting etc. If that's not an option where u are try contacting the state board of education. adhd is a special needs diagnosis and u and ur child have rights under the no child left behind act and ur school is required to help u with this, keep being a good advocate for your child!!! way to stand up for him!!! C.

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What's nice about middle school D. is that this is where children get the most individual help. All middle school programs now adapt to those who need help because they have realized that these are the years where students fall through the cracks.

This being said, some of the most brilliant and productive members of our society were bored ADHD students in their younger years. It's too bad that our school systems are only teaching to those who can sit and ingest cognitively.

Don't worry about your son as much at school ~ empower him to spend his free time doing things that make his brain function. Rather than sitting in front of the TV, get him out on his bike, hiking, sports and other large motor activities. His academics will catch up later.

But then again, maybe they won't and he may wind up with the perfect job for him: one that engages his body rather than his intellect. There are jobs for everyone out there.

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If your son has been officially diagnosed by a psychologist (or other learning specialist) take in his results as well as detailed writing from the DR about what he needs in school to succeed. If the school doesn't comply with the DRs orders its against the law. If it comes down to it try to enroll him in a different school or district, some schools just dont get it (personal experience working in a district that overlooked kids as long as they didn't make the school look bad). If you stay in your setting and things still dont improve the only way to catch him up would be a tutor. Hope this year is better for you!

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As a former special education teacher in a middle school who taught kids with ADHD, LDs, etc., I will be the first to admit that many teachers do not fully implement 504 plans. I do agree that an advocate may help you deal with the school, however, parents are the ones who know the most about their children and are the best advocates for them. Advocates can help you push the teachers to develop a good plan, but you can be the best voice for you child's needs by constantly staying in contact with the school and your child's teachers.
Because middle school is a big change, make sure you arrange a meeting with your child's teachers to review his 504 plan. This will allow the teachers to know that you are a parent who is involved and that you expect for his needs to be met to ensure that he has a successful educational experience. I would come prepared to discuss your child's strengths, needs, and any other advice you can offer about your child so his teachers can help him learn.
Another suggestion I have is to find a way to constantly maintain in contact with his teachers to ensure he is not slipping through the cracks. You can do this by emailing his teachers, using a planner or notebook, or making a checklist for him for his teachers to use on a weekly basis. This checklist can include informal goals like "stayed focused", "got all work done", "participated in class", etc. Any goal on his 504 plan can apply...Make the method of communication simple and concice as possible so teachers can quickly provide you with information on your child's progress.
Hopefully this advice will help...it sounds like you are very involved in your child's education and that's what makes all the difference. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and I've found that parents that are involved get the most results. :) Good Luck!!

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I agree. Be persistent and communicate with his teachers individually. Get him tested again. The Middle School years are the hardest years, and sadly there are not a lot of alternatives for those kids, but there are. Check out alternative schools with smaller class sizes if that is an option. You don't have to just go to your local school and deal with the same people. I don't know where yo live, so I don't want to give specifics. Just know that you always have choices.

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Sounds like you need an outside advocate. Contact WI FACETS or the ARC. They have great people who can give you suggestions on how to deal with the school. Also contact the schools social worker...they should be able to help you too.

Good luck and keep fighting for your son! I can tell you from personal experience (I have a daughter with spina bifida)that the squeeky wheel gets the oil.
Never settle!

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At this point it goes beyond the teachers and even the principal, you need to go to the school board and the superintendent. You need to get a lawyer involved at this point. I'm not a "sue-happy" person, but if it is for your child's well-being you need to start taking legal action. A school can get in HUGE trouble for ignoring a 504 plan. My son was being singled out at his school for "behavior issues" (we live in a small town where certain names hold certain clout and even the adults are cliquish). Well as soon as I mentioned that they had been ignoring his 504 for most of the school year their tune changed real quick. You need to be the mother tiger here, someone is screwing with you cub so get your claws out and fight. Good luck!

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I would say to stay closely involved with the school. Call for weekly updates to see how everything is going. Ask for monthly teacher conferences. There should also be a group in your area for children with disablilities which should have advocates for the children that can go to school meetings with you. My daughter has ADHD but was not diagnosed with a learning disability until the she was in fourth or fifthe grade even though she had problems before that. They have to be a good two years behind the other children to have a diagnosis of a learning disability. I would say keep bothering the school and teachers. ALso you can get him tested at a place like childrens hospital and take thaose results to the school as well. The more information you have the more it will help. Most of all keep the comunication with the schools open. Since he is going to a different school they may be more open. Don't give up.

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PACER is a wonderful resource for parents! Contact them and they will help you find ways to advocate for your son, including attending meetings with you (I beleive). The organization is made up of parents and those who have experience with family members who have a wide range of difficulties (physical, mental, etc). I think these are the people you should contact first. They may tell you that you will need a lawyer, etc. but you might be very surprised about how quickly a school begins to act once PACER is involved!
EDIT-
I just realized you were from Iowa...ASK is the equivalent. http://www.askresource.org/ask.html is their website. They even list partner organizations including info and advocacy groups. Good Luck!

A lot of school districts have alternative learning centers. It works better for some kids. There is smaller class sizes and more one on one learning. This may another option to look into.

Is your son on a 504 plan or an IEP? Try contacting Family Services in St. Paul and ask for Lory Perryman (if she still works there). She has worked in the learning challenges area for years and specializes in teaching parents to be strong advocates for their children.

Is there a local support group for kids with ad/hd and other special needs? If so, you might find someone there who has had an easier time navigating the school system who would be able to help you do it better.

Hi D.
I would recommend you contact your state's parent advocate group and have them give you suggestions. As a special education teacher, I am a HUGE advocate for implementing everything that is on an IEP or 504 plan. If your son's teachers are not following through and you have sincere concerns, I would contact your parent adovcate group and get their support. In MN it is called PACER, but I'm not sure what it would be in Iowa. Good luck and don't give up!! 504 plans are as LEGALLY BINDING AS AN IEP!!

AS mentioned below, call PACER. Just throw out the word PACER at your sons school and it should jolt them enough to work with you better on his education. Schools hate when PACER gets involved because they don't stop until they get what the kid needs. They can be very pushy, depending on who you get, but you'll learn a lot and your son will get what he needs.

D., I sympathize with you. If you haven't yet, you should read this (short) book: "The Gift Of ADHD: How To Transform Your Child's Problems Into Strengths"
by Lara Honos-Webb
There are a lot of great, fun ideas and it also discusses the student/teacher/school relationship.

D.

I am no expert but I do work with all different types of children with different abilities. A couple of questions has your son ever been diagnosed ADD or ADHD? Does he have a hard time concentrating on a task for a length of time? Has your son been tested by a M team where there are several specialist that evaluate him?
I work in the MPS school system in Early Childhood and you have every right to be concerned even if your child is behind 2 years in reading. The school where I work at there are tons of kids that are behind but a lot of times it is because they either don't get the extra help they need or are allowed to take more time to complete an assignment.
I don't know if you are just looking for advice or what but I can also offer my services. I am a licenced daycare provider and also works in a school setting so my daycare is in a school setting even in the summer. My kids learn through out the year,
If you want more info on your son or my daycare please feel free to contact me at ###-###-####.

Thanks
C. O.
MPS assistant teacher ECC
and Caring for Kids daycare owner

If the teachers are not giving your son what he needs, and not implementing the plan that was set up for him, you should contact the school superintendant. If the teachers still are not willing to work with you and your sons needs, you may need to switch schools, If that is possible. There are so many programs in the public schools designed to help all levels of students. It sounds like your teachers just aren't willing to put in any effort. You can also ask around for references for tutors. Private tutoring isn't always terribly expensive. There might be a retired teacher in your community that is tutoring. Keep asking for help. Don't give up! There are good teachers out there. Sometimes they are just hard to find!

D.,
My heart resounds with Gail B's advice. As a mother of 4 boys and 2 of them with ADHD; I have learned many things through the years. One son is 21 and in college now - this is a HUGE success for him. The other son is 14 and has Tourettes Syndrome as well, so he has to make it through school without any medication for the ADHD. Over the last 12 years we've gone through the struggles of testing, homeschooling for a time and then changing school systems (we have open enrollment in WI). But the biggest thing I have found over the years to be the most help is to develop a relationship with the school psychologist and/or guidance counselors - whoever you can get an ear with and find to be the most helpful. Then get to know his teachers and develop a relationship with them. You are your son's BEST advocate, as many other responses have verified. Let them know that you will do whatever you can to make your son successful and that you want to work with them and need their help. Find the easiest way to stay in contact with them (in my case it is email). Does your school have an online grade tracking system? WI uses something called EdLine and Family Access. If your school has something like this, you can use it to track his assignments and see what's missing or where he's lacking. I didn't have the help of an advocate, so I was forced to let the school know that I would do whatever I could to help my child succeed and work hard at developing relationships with teachers, etc. If a teacher feels you are on their side (they know you, like you and trust you), it will take you a long way and your son will be the better off for it. If the teachers, etc. in your school system still do not work with you, you may have to seek an advocate or change school systems.
I wish you success. It is a huge task, but don't give up. We are so proud of our 21 yr. old who chose to go to college and is being successful (at his own pace). It's so easy for kids to believe that they are stupid because they struggle with school and so many other things. But they are very smart, and your tenacity in helping him through school, along with your constant encouragement in helping him find and develop his passion (whatever that may be) will go MILES in helping him become successful in life. Our 21 yr old has completed auto mechanic school(he always did love taking things apart), and is now enrolled in a private Christian college for a year. Our 14 yr old couldn't stop jumping and spinning because of his TS, so we put him on figure skates three years ago and is working his way to the US Jr. National championships this year. You never know what kind of talent or genius you are raising in that young little body, so do whatever you can to bring it out. GOOD LUCK!

I have a daughter with ADHD so I feel your pain. It sounds like you've done a lot of things for your son already and you are discouraged. I encourage you to continue to be an advocate for him because YOU are the only one who truly cares about your son (and hubby too of course). If you feel that the 504 is not being implemented, you may want to contact the Pacer Center which is located in Bloomington. They are a parent advocacy center and they will actually send someone to the 504 planning meeting with you if you feel that is necessary to get something done and it is free. Their website is www.pacer.org. School districts tend to follow through better when they see a Pacer advocate sitting there. All the advocated have had or have children with special needs which ADHD falls under also. You can also just call and talk with an advocate and get some ideas from him/her. I'm a former teacher so I don't usually like to blame teachers but some are better than others when it comes to handling children with ADHD- so far I've been able to work closely with my daughter's teachers and she is headed to 6th grade this year too. They are special children and I'm constantly trying to find her good qualities and point them out to her because it seems that everyone else is finding the other things. Keep being his champion!

call pacer center ###-###-####- they can get you an advocate to help you get your son the help that he needs.
Pacer helped me and they were terrific!!! Best Wishes!

D.,

I know this seems like a big step but, I would look into another school. I had a similar experience. Changed schools and now it is night and day difference. I switched to another public school. It is possible and not as difficult as you might think. You should never feel like you are fighting with a school. You should be a team. Trust me. It does not have to be that way. Email me if you want to know how. I don't know where you are from but can help with specifics if you are near by. Good luck

M.- mom of 2 crazy boys.

check into getting him a private tutor-some offer after school programs/free tutoring...sometimes you just need to let go a little bit-i know i was extremly over protective of my kids in school-it can be more harmful than helpful-check with your local library also-see if they offer any programs-i know if you push to hard in a school system-they peg you out as troublesome parent-focus more out of school than in....good luck...

Persistance is key! My daughter has a learing disability but we were frustrated with the system because she kept testing above what they considered for getting tutoring and additional help. She has been in speech therapy since 1st grade. My husband and I were very vocal at the IEP meetings stating that we knew she needed help. We were in constant contact with her teacher too to find out what we needed to do at home. My child goes to MPS. If you feel your child is not getting the proper attention you can go to the school board and appeal the whole process. My daugter finally qualified for tutoring this last year. She is starting 4th grade this fall. I am very nerveous. We as mothers want our kids to succeed. Sometimes I have found the squeekiest wheel gets the grease!

I have one VERY VERY VERY important word for you and try not to forget it..... PACER...... You need to call Pacer Center. They are the advocates for special needs kids in education. They are awesome and can "make water flow UPSTREAM". They are terrefic and when you get them involve, the school walks on egg shells. I do not have the number at my side, but just google it and I am sure you will find them, they are located in Bloomington and represent all of Minnesota.

As a special education teacher, it is hard to get the appropriate assessment scores to qualify. In Minnesota, there has to be appropriate doctor releases and poor test scores, grades an behavioral issues before a OHD evaluation can be done.
As far as specific Learning Disabilities, most states use a discrepency model which shows a difference between ability and intelligence. (Ability has to be 15 points below Intelligence)
If your son's grades are very poor, C or below, he has issues following 2 or more step directions, and has not yet learned the basic functional math and reading, by all means get to your school and talk to your teacher, ask them for a child study or TAT meeting. Make sure you have the doctor diagnosis of ADHD.
I have seen many children with extreme ADHD not being in Special education. These students may be bouncing around the classroom, but they are still learning.
One thing, whatever you do, don't blame you, or your son for the ADHD, be positive, structure his day, that is key for kids with ADD/ADHD.
I hope this helps, from my little corner in Minnesota.

PACER center has a workshop coming up on that I'm not sure of the date but it is very important to keep up the comunication with them . special needs mom . Liz S.

Hi D.!
Good Morning!
My daughter has ADHD as well and is on a 504 plan. She goes to the Southeast Polk school district. They are wonderful! She is now in the junior high school. However, even back in the elem. level we would have meetings with the 504 coordinator, (every school has one) and sometimes it is not the counselor (ours was not), the principal, the teacher etc. Make a list of all of your sons "disconnects" -- for example my daughter has a huge disconnect when it comes to her thinking of a concept or answer and getting it down on her paper. They have her able to type all of her homework if necessary. They were not following through at first on my daughters either -- but that is when a Q & A session happened that I organized and I kept following through. As that is our responsibility. A VERY good resource for you is the Parent ASK Resource Center. They are a Sister Company to the Hearland AEA. They sort of work together. I hope all of this helps...send me a note with ANY questions! God Bless you!

If your son has an IEP that is not being followed then you can take legal action. You have already tried talking with the school and they are unresponsive. I would find an educational lawyer to help you with this. It is up to the parents to be advocates for our children. Good luck.