Need Help with Sleep Issues

with my daughter, I found that I had to let her cry. It is hard, but it only took 2 nights and she realized that she could put herself to sleep. That was the advice I received, so I will pass it on.

I could not Ferber my DS- after 10 months of him not staying asleep I was at wits end. Found a sleep consultant (Kim West, 'the sleep lady' shuffle)- She has a book, Good Night Sleep Tight, as well as a website. This worked for us- I was able to use the shuffle- though it did take longer than the 2 weeks. I also recommend the book, Health Sleep Habits, Happy Children- by Dr. Weissbluth -It helps understand all problems related to infants not sleeping well, IMO. Good Luck.

Hi B.,

I must say, I am quite shocked at all the "cry it out" responses you have received. I have 2 boys, 5 years and almost 2. My opinion is that they are going to have a lifetime of tears and if there is something I can do to prevent or help stop them I will. A baby at 6 months old more than likely is not hungry and just wants comfort. Who better to give him/her comfort than Momma? My kids were a little different as babies, my oldest was a week late and my youngest was 5 weeks early, so they had slightly different needs as babies. But if one of them cried I would always get them. Maybe they just needed reassurance, maybe it was something more. You have to do what your heart tells you. I always try to think "in 20 years will I have any regrets?"

Good luck.

K. - Mom of 2, happily married for 10 years

I know he gets a bad rap, but Ferber worked really well with both our children (ages 4 and 18 months). The first would have trouble falling asleep, the second, now, has trouble staying asleep. A book I really found helpful is "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" (by Richard Ferber). The best part about the book is all the helpful information on how sleep works, and particularly the chart on page 19 that lists common amounts and types of sleep for kids of varying ages. This helps me constantly to see if my kids are, more or less, in a good range (they need so much less than I think, so often... maybe because I'm so tired...). Anyway, I just wanted to reiterate that Ferber's not "bad" (nor are many others) and that the problem you listed sounds very much like your daughter needs a new type of self-soothing method. A caution about white noise (and we have friends who've chosen it even considering what I'm about to say): you could be setting your daughter up to always need it. That's fine, of course, if it's what you want to do, but you may consider some non-other soothing methods first (like, letting her learn to do it on her own, even if it means crying some). A wise person once told me about crying babies, "If they're dry, full, and tired, then crying's just a form of exercise..."

Also, If she was fine for that long and is now "needy" again when she wakes, she could be teething and some tylenol might do the trick. Good luck and let us know what you decide and how it works!

We went through the Ferber method when our daugher was 5 months old. If you actually read his book, 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems', you'll find that he is actually quite compassionate and flexible. The web often presented his method as cold and mean so we had stayed away from it for a little while.

We actually found that we had to just not go back in once we put our daughter down and not try to soothe her since it just made her angrier. The first night was awful, 45+ minutes of crying. The next night she cried about 15 minutes and the third night she whimpered as we laid her down but was asleep before we got out into the hall.

After that she's slept great. We've had periods of backsliding with teething/growth spurts/etc. but by and large one night of crying was all it took to get her back in her groove.

Good luck and I'd recommend getting some good music to listen to while you wait for your daughter to settle down!

I have a 10 months old and also 4 year old and went through the same thing a couple months ago. You have to let her cry it out. Don't pick her up. Go in there and rub her back and tell her it's ok every 10-20 minutes the first night. Go longer the next night between going in. It will take 3-4 days but eventually she will put herself to sleep by herself. One thing I realized is that I needed to be emotionally prepared to let my son cry. She is ok and just wants you to come in. If you let her cry it out it should take only 3-5 days for her to put herself back to sleep. Oh also do you rock her to sleep when she first goes down or does she put herself to sleep by herself for bed and naps. That could make a difference too.
Be strong!!! Just my perspective.
A.

B.,
Have you tried playing soothing music in her room and just lay down next to her while you're putting her down to sleep?

And as you know, kids have 6-sense; they would easily feel you if you are happy, mad or sad. In turn, when it's my turn to put our daughter down; I often look forward to it cos it always keep my calm and truthfully; it is one of the best moment for me to spend time with our daughter and bond.

I remember when our daughter was at that age, she started the same trend of wanting to be hold and rocking, etc. As soon as we played her the music and lay down next to her (she loves to sleep on her side) she'd fall asleep in about 15mins. Our daughter is now 4yrs old, she still wants us to play her "sleeping music" and still want either my husband or I to just lay down with her and cuddle.

(Both my husband and I are fulltime parents. Our daughter was at day care when she was 13mths old and now she's in pre-school, full time. Till date, her teachers have never complain about our daughter's sleeping at the daycare/school)

All the best of luck to you and congrats!

- R. D.
Glen Allen, VA

Hi B.,
I have a 9 month old son who also cannot sleep through the night, but I will say this; DO NOT LET YOUR BABY CRY IT OUT!!! They cry because they need something and I as a mother cannot sit there and listen to my baby scream for me being scared and not understanding why I won't come for him. They fall asleep after crying because of the stress that racks through their poor little bodies. All of their brain receptors are forming now and not responding to their needs can cause damage later in life even if you don't see it at first. I know it's hard now but you will not have a 20 year old getting up in the night looking for you!! You will however have a well adjusted, cared for little girl!

First I would make sure that she doesn't have anything wrong like apnea. My 4year old couldn't stay asleep and here her tonsils were blocking her airway when she laid down for bed. Another idea is to get up before you know she will wake up so at the first sign of her stirring you can try to comfort her, maybe by rubbing her back and humming, before she wakes up completely. She is most likely in the habit now of waking up and will continue to do so. It will probably be rough for you but maybe it will change her habit. It also may help to keep her up longer and make sure he eats lots before bed. Good Luck!!

What are you feeding her before going to bed? I got an advice if baby is still on milk/formula to make it thicker, if baby is starting solids to se that they get a lot of protein that is longer lasting as close to bedtime as possible. The whole idea is that a full belly will have them sleeping longer. A friend of mine made oatmeal for the baby, the fine one of course, made the whole in the nipple of the bottle bigger and the baby had a rather thick night "cap" that she slept thru the night on.
What advice have your pediatrician given you?
Does your baby have acid reflex problems? Mine did, and that kept her up as well. The nurse at the pediatrican recommended liquid antacids (can't remember the name now, witout flavour if possible) it helped to calm her stomach down. But I rather have you check with your pediatrican about this one. The medication that we used help to heal her stomach and she recovered rather quickly.
She still wakes up at night, but if I give her enough with heavy duty food, she sure sleeps longer

Don't know if any of this relates to you?

Best of luck

M.

Boy, do I know where you're coming from. I have 2-year old twin daughters and they, too, were waking frequently during the night. We did not address the issue until they were about 13 months old. We did the old "let 'em cry it out" that our parents used. It was really hard, but it worked and now they are GREAT sleepers. The first night they cried for about 30 minutes. It got less each night and by the third or fourth night, they were sleeping through and it's been that way ever since.

Hi, I have a 18 month old son, and at 15 months, we were still having sleep issues, we were having sleep issues, and with another on the way, I was stressed! A friend recommended. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. Now he sleeps twelve hours a night and takes a 1-2 hour nap in the afternoon. I recommend it to everyone! I liked it because I truly felt informed after reading it and it was a great place (and still is) to go back to when I was feeling frustrated. Good luck!

By rocking her to sleep you have given her control. I've read that the first 3 months are ok, but after that it becomes a control issue. You should lay her in bed at the time you want her to sleep. Start a routine that will teach her it's time to go to sleep. Some people give baths and then read a story just before, but you can choose whatever you want just make it calming. Then you take her and put her in her crib and say, "Good night, go to sleep." Close your eyes when you say it so she knows what sleep means. Turn off the light and leave. She'll probably cry, but it will hurt you more than it hurts her. If she's still crying wait 5 minutes go in, but keep the light off. Do not pick her up, just pat her back and say, "go to sleep." Again, close your eyes to show her what you mean. Go back out. If she continues to cry wait 10 minutes before going back in, but this time do not say anything. Pat her back for a few seconds then go back out. Again, if she's still crying wait 15 minutes before going back in. This time no contact. Just stand there with the light off, but close enough that she can see you. Wait about 30 seconds then walk out. Next time you wait 20 minutes, but do not actually go in the room. Stand at the door just so she knows you're there, wait about 30 seconds then leave. Do not go back any more. When you first lay her down leave at least one stuffed animal or something that's soft. It will help her by bringing some security as she learns to put herself back to sleep. Also, if you give in and pick her up you'll just be giving her that control back. You must be consistent and patient. It may take a couple of nights before you have complete success, but each night should be less and less contact with longer times in between. By 6 months they've already learned how to get your attention and get what they want so never think she's too young.

I found the book The Baby Whisperer- Tracy Hogg- to be helpful- she's very sensible and middle of the road and doesn't resort to the full cry it out solution that Ferber advocates.

Hi B.,

I struggled with this around 6 months as well. Crying it out did work; however, it's important to make sure you put her down when she is sleepy. My daughter will soothe herself to sleep just fine, unless our day has been a little out of the oridinary and she isn't tired - then the crying doesn't stop so I'll help her calm down by rocking.

Good luck!

My son (who is now 2-1/2) had so many sleep problems when he was younger. I read just about every book out there on sleep and nothing seemed to work until I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Karen P. already mentioned it, but I definitely wanted to second that recommendation. I still go back to it if there ever is a new problem (it covers sleep issues for many different ages) and give it as a shower gift at every baby shower I attend. I think the best part about it is that it takes into account your child's general temperament, which no other book I have read does (and was a significant reason why some of the methods did not work for my son). Sleep seems to be one of the issues that almost every parent has to face, but not every method works for every child. I wish you great luck in solving it not only for your daughter, but also for you!

The only thing that worked for us was to tough it out for a week or two let him cry it out. Like you I rocked him to sleep every night and he wouldn't go to sleep without a great routine. For your own mental health and to grow an independent child try to let her cry it out. It's painful for the first few nights - but in the long run it'll be the best thing for you, your marriage and your daughter!

GOOD LUCK!

I may not be the same as most moms, but she is still young! If she needs you to comfort her, comfort her. She is still tiny and new to this world, she may need her mommy and daddy still. My daughter did this occasionally until she was about 1 year. I do not work full time, so I was able to sit up with her if she needed it.

What about a white noise machine or a soothing cd like baby einstein "baby neptune"? My daughter did better with a nightlight for a while, too!

Sounds like she might need to learn to "self-soothe". Are you putting her down sleepy but still awake each time you put her down? She has to practice getting herself to sleep to learn how to do it in the night, too. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and Jodi Mindell books are good sleep advice books. First off, make sure she's getting enough to eat during the day, and then make sure you are giving her a chance to get herself to sleep and back to sleep before you rush in. Do some research before you just let her "cry it out". Either you can go in and check on her with incrementally less intervention (picking up becomes patting and shushing, becomes just shushing, becomes no checking...) and either stay for less time with her, or stay with less frequency (5 minute increments). Find a book or website that explains it. It does take patience! We had to do it too! Try to make sure you are getting enough sleep yourself so she doesn't wear you down and make you cave and rock her! It's hard to resist, but will be worth it. With a 13 year old, it must feel almost like starting all over again at parenting a baby! Best of luck!

I strongly suggest "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth.

By picking her up to put her back to sleep, you are reinforcing the undesired behavior. And if she does not learn now how to soothe herself back to sleep, you will all pay for it later.

I assume you don't want to continue rocking or swaying her to sleep. I would have to recommend letting her cry. Ferber isn't as harsh as some people think. Perform your bedtime routine as usual and rock her until she's sleepy, NOT asleep. Then you can start with letting her cry for just one minute if you can't listen to her cry or you can start with more if you can. She's old enough to put it together that she can fall asleep without your intervention and she will.

You also have to ask what kind of day she's having sleep-wise to know if she's getting overtired and may need to go down earlier for the night.

Buy some books on baby sleep and just read them. You don't have to follow the advice, but learning how kids' sleep is organized and what happens when they don't sleep properly or fall asleep on their own should help you. Good luck!

See my response to "just want to sleep again"

My daughter is also 6 months and her doctor has advised that it is mostly a security issue not a hunger issue of sleepless nights for our babies at this age. The suggested the cio method but my daughter is a sufferer of acid reflux as well as recently recovering from RSV and my husband and I have been stressed trying to get our house ready for rent while we are in contract negotiations on a new home closer to our jobs. I do believe children feel their parents stress.

If your daughter is not eating and just doesn't go back to sleep on her own, you might try just not getting her out of the crib and patting her back to start. Someone suggested the white noise, sounds, which I concur and use myself. My mother in law got me a box that plays outdoors sounds and the heartbeat as well as has a projector on it that shows lullaby scenes on the ceiling--replaces the mobile concept since her crib rails are too large for a mobile to attach to. She might cry and fuss but it is not like you are abandoning her. She will know you are there, hear her, and are aware of her problem. I stayed calm holding, talking to and rocking my daughter as she fussed and cried to nurse--teaching her that she cannot eat in the middle of the night. You probably just want to leave her in her crib and pat her back, rub her head, talk to her, shhh her, to teach her how to go back to sleep on her own. My daughter fought hard and was persistent for almost 2 hours the first night but fell asleep eventually like a light switch.