Need Help with Daughter's Hair

Hi J.,

I commend you on even trying as hard as you have to learn how to do your daughter's hair. I am an African American woman and would like to give you some helpful and inexpensive tips.

First, I am surprised that a relaxer was put in your daughter's hair at such a young age. In my experience, relaxers are not used at least until the age of 4 or 5. But, since you did, here are some helpful products you can use to help manage it on a daily basis. There is a product called "Just for Me". They have wonderful detangling, conditioning, and moisturizing lotions for black hair. There is also a product called "Pink Oil Moisturizer". That is also great for helping smooth down and style black hair. I usually kept a bottle of each of these products in my cabinets for my daughter's hair. "Just for Me" also comes with a relaxer if and when you decided to relax your daughter's hair yourself. It comes with plenty of easy instructions if it ever came to that. I learned when times got hard, money was tight, and hairdressers wanted to charge me $60 to give my daughter a relaxer which was ridiculous!

You can also purchase various black hair care magazines which has bundles of helpful tips for you and can be picked up in the book/magazine sections of most big grocery stores.

I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello J. S

I know there are style books that you could buy that could help you with your daughter's hair. Go to a book store & look through the magazine section for hair style books. I googled AA hairstyles and came up with these sites.

http://www.blackhairmedia.com/kids.htm

http://www.blackhairplanet.com/

http://www.treasuredlocks.com/blhacafa.html
this site would probably be your best shot it is quite informative. I hope this helps.

Funny story for ya. I had a friend who was afican american & she told me one day she was going to get a perm. I laughed & said why,your hair is already curly. She informed me that ..." when black people get perms it is to straighten hair, not curl it" I learned something new. Good luck with your daughter & I hope she loves school. If you want you go to GOOGLE and just type in African American hair care & you will get plenty of sites.

S. B

I have 2 daughters who I have had hair struggles with since the day they were born. They are 6 and 8 now and were both born with full heads of hair. My husband is African American and I am a mixture of Mexican and just about everything else. I have bone straight hair myself and my girls have an exact blending our our hair textures and very curly hair. One product that I have come to use, especially when their hair is pulled back or in ponytails is coconut oil. It is pretty greasy and heavy but it really keeps down the flyaways around the face and around parts and is really conditioning. It is the texture of butter so you have to rub it in and comb it down really well to avoid white clumps. It is really inexpensive at Dollar General or Wal-mart ($2.00) and it smells great. It's located with the black hair care products. On a daily basis I have to spray their hair before styling or it is just big and fuzzy. I use a spray bottle and fill it about 3/4 the way with water and then fill with conditioner, shake it up and spray. Makes combing thru much easier and restores moisture daily. Also I have used about every kind of "frizz Ease' product. They do work but can be expensive, but if she wants to wear her hair down with nice curls this is my best tool for my girls. It doesn't have to be the frizz Ease brand, just have the same first ingredient which is some formulation of silicone, and a little goes a long way. Good Luck and just keep experimenting with products and moisturizers until you find something you like. The sales people at Sally's Beauty Supply stores can be pretty helpful with suggestions too.

J., It appears that you have a lot of suggestions that sound good. We are Caucasian and I got to a AA hair salon that has a multicultural hairdresser, I followed her when she left the last salon where I originally found her. Anyway my DD has hair down to her waist and gets it trimmed every 6-8 wks if not it starts breaking off my hairdresser uses something that has stopped the breakage and it is called KeriCare and a Paul Mitchell detangler and moisturizer and we have had healthy hair since switching to these products the past 6 months... The only thing is that I have to have my hairdresser purchase it as it is sold to licensed hairdressers only.

They make sleep bonnets too that would keep fuzz, and keep the hair from breaking when your DD sleeps. We use one to keep the hair from getting tangled.

I hope this helps, you may want to also consider joining some adoption boards so that other mom's can share first hand about the children. I will tell you that those who are biracial have a different hair texture than those who are AA. The hair texture is as different as tones of skin color.

Hi J., i have a 2 1/2 year old granddaughter. She is mixed. I use just for me and curly q products on her hair. I wash it about once a week with the curly q shampoo and conditioner... I use just for me lotion in her hair and have just recently started to use the gel by them also....these seem to work for her but if you have any others that you have tried and work for you please let me know....thanks and good luck

If you have a Sally's Beauty Supply shop where you live, the people that work there always have good advice on products for me. I'm white, but my hair is very similar to African American hair. You can also look online. There is a lot out there for naturally curly hair. Sorry, I don't relax my hair, so I don't know those kinds of products. Good Luck!

First I would like to commend you for adopting a child. The world needs more people to do so. Second, how old is your duaghter? As an african american female myself, I wish you would have waited to put a relaxer in her hair if she was not old enough. A relaxer is something that takes alot management on your part and on your daughter's. I am sure you know that and you are up for the challenge :). I would recommend pink lotion and Pantene products for relaxed and natural hair. They are great products and they will keep her hair soft and manageable. Good luck.

J.,

You have some interesting questions and I will try to be as helpful as possible.By relaxer, you mean she probably put PCJ or something in it to make it more managable to comb. If her hair is of the texture that I think you are referring to by good hair, a good conditioning shampoo and conditioner can be used on her hair, this can be done every 2 weeks or once a month depending on whether or not she gets excessively dirty and her hair begins to smell,I am an african american woman and Wal-Mart has some good hair care products on the african american hair care aisle, if you don't want to go that route, you should be able to buy the products that your hairdresser uses from the hairdresser or any department store salon, those will be a little more expensive.Additionally, Sally's beauty supply carries a number of products. Finally, you should use a moisturizer like "pink oil moisturizer", or "moisture max", etc on a daily basis and just brush it into those ponytails. just don't make them too tight because you don't want to pull out the hairs around the edges of her scalp and of course pony tail holders, not rubberbands. I do want to re-iterate what was said also, that you do have to keep up relaxing the hair on a regular schedule, but every 2 weeks seems a little excessive. When I did relax my hair it was once a month and just wash and blow dry at the 2 week mark in between. Hope this helps.

Hi J.,
I use Pink Oil Moisturizer in my daughter's hair, and brush it with a bristle brush, not a comb, to smooth it out rather than take all the tangles out. I also really like a product that's called an Edge Tamer which is really heavy but you can just use a little to smooth down all the fuzzies that stick up around the hairline. I usually put my daughter's hair in two braids because it's easiest to do every morning. Hope this helps, and good luck!

Hello there...and maybe I can help as I am a stylist myself. I am caucasion but I really love working with ethnic hair and in my experience I believe that to truly manage this hair you must use great products. Its amazing the difference that you will see. I work at an aveda salon and they have some that are grat but I also know some that they have at Sallys that would work too. Instead of hairspray I suggest an oil sheen spray that keeps the hair from doing anything crazy as well as adds shine and condition....

if I can help at all email me back...I must go now and tend to my screaming child...lol

HI I'M S... I'M 53 Y/O AND HAVE THREE BI-RACIAL CHILDREN (2 ARE GIRLS WITH A TON OF HAIR,NOW ALL GROWN) MY ONE GRAND CHILD ,A GIRL, IS ALSO HALF NIGERIAN... LOT AND LOTS OF HAIR. 1. LEARN HOW TO BRAID AND ALSO TO TWIST. BRAID YOU PROBALLY KNOW .. TWIST IS JUST THAT SEPAPATE HAIR INTO FOUR SECTIONS (OR MORE IF YOU LIKE) PUT A NON HAIR TEARING BAND ON EACH ONE THE ELASTISIZED ONES ARE COOL.OR A DOUBLE TYPE HAIR BEAD THING THAT LOOPS OVER IT'S SELF... THEN SPLIT EACH PONY TAIL INTO TWO SECTIONS .. TWIST ONE AROUND YOUR FINGER IN A CIRCLE MOTION ,GRAB IT IN OTHE HAND AND THEN TWIST THE SECOND ONE IN A CIRCLE.. SOUNDS COMPLICATED BUT VERY EASY JUST TWIST AND SWITCH OVER AND OVER TIL THE END AND ADD A BARETTE OR ANOTHER ELASTIC....ALSO USE A BIT OF CURL TAMER , I LIKE FRUCTIS LEAVE IN CONDITIONER TO START AND AFTER WASHING, THEN SOME FRUCTIS SOFT CURL CREAM TO KEEP THE FRIZZIES FROM GETTING LOOSE. IF HER HAIR IS VERY THICK.. YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE JUST SOME GOOD OLD HAIR GREESE... THE YELLOW HAIR FOOD OR COCONUT TYPE IS NOT SO GREESY FOR A LITTLE ONE. IF MONEY IS TIGHT USE A LITTLE VASALINE WITH A DAB OF WATER)JUST GO WITH PONY TAILS FIRST THEN BRAID THEM UP EITHER JUST ONE EACH OR SEPAPATE INTO AS MANY AS YOU LIKE.. And WRAP END AROUND A CUTE PLASTIC BARETTE. IF YOU USE BLACK ELASTICS YOU CAN PUT A DOULBE BALL TPYE OVER TOP WITH BARETTES THAT MATCH HER CLOTHES AND WILL EASILY CHANGE WITH OUT TAKING HER HIAR ALL LOOSE EVERYDAY. LATER WHEN YOU GET MORE CONFIDENT GO TO A WIG TPYE SHOP AND GET SOME HEADS(WITH THE LITTLE HOOKY/LOOP THING INCLUDED) AND ASK THE LADY TO SHOW YOU HOW TO PUT THEM ON, IT ISN'T HARD EITHER. YOU CAN MAKE REALLY LITTLE BRAIDS OUT OF THE PONY TAILS OR PART LITTLE SQUARES AND BEAD EACH ONE TO MATCH OUTFITS OR MULTI COLOR AND THIS SHOULD STAY FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS IF YOU KEEP THE FRIZZIES BRUSHED BACK WITH A LITTLE CURL TAMER. IT'S REALY NOT ALL THAT HARD JUST TAKES SOME PRACTICE... AND YOU'LL DO FINE. JUST DON'T LEAVE IT LOOSE IT WILL TANGLE REAL BAD AND BE A MESS TO FIX AND KEEP USING THE KIDS GENTLE STRAIGHTENER... YOU CAN DO THAT YOURSELF TOO... JUST FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND BE CAREFUL OF HER TENDER SKIN... GOOD LUCK

I would have never put a relaxer in a child's hair that is under the age of ten, because it can really damage her hair. All she really needed was for it to be flat iron or hot comb and shame on the hair dresser for putting one in her hair. I am an African American myself, so I know what you mean. You could have just put some "just for me spray" on her hair and brushed and combed it. You can buy it at almost any where including some grocery's stores. Also,maybe you should try taking her to some of the beauty schools to get her hair done. It is cheaper and they do a really good job. One school that I like to go get my hair done is Empire Beauty school on Independence. They only charge $8.00 for wash, blow dry, and flat iron. I know several people that does really good with the kids there. They also promote healthy hair. Let me know if you are interested and I can get you some contacts. They also open on my Saturdays as well.

I know exactly what you are going through. However my daughter is half white and half black but I found that all the just for me products work great. Get the conditioning lotion and when you are doing pony tails put somne in your hand and rub in her her each pony tail at a time and that will put the moisture back in so I does not look so dry. you can find these in walmart they have a little section just for those things. hope this helps and i do 3 pony tails two in the very top and one with the remainder of the hait and then pull them all together this style will last at least a week.

This may not be of any help but, here it goes...
Do you have any AA friends or neighbors? You need help in physically teaching you how to manage AA hair. ask them if they can come over to your house (or go to their house.) Maybe, have a hair party for your daughter to make it fun for her.
OR:
You mentioned that her hairdresser is great, if that is the case then she can be the one to help you learn how. Have her teach you how to work with your daughter's hair, find products for you to use at home and teach you simple ways yet fast to fix her hair until you take her to the hairdresser again. If not, you may have to find another hairdresser that is willing to teach you. Good luck!

Unfortunately, your hair dresser took the easy way out. I've used my hairdresser since I was in college, over 20 years, and she refuses to relax my girls' hair until after puberty. My mother-in-law allowed someone to put a texturizer in my 5 year old's hair without my knowledge. I did not keep up the bi-weekly appointments, and, she suffered hair loss and damage that took weekly treatments from my hair dresser six months to neutralize. You must keep up the bi-weekly visits now that the hair has been relaxed and continue re-touches on a regular schedule. If you wish to discontinue the visits to the hair dresser, you must work with your hair dresser to grow out the relaxer. Otherwise, the new growth will rid itself of the relaxed hair, in other words, her hair will break off and you'll really have a mess!

Hello, I commend you for adopting a child of a different race, that is beautiful and there will definitely be challenges along the way. I first would like you to seriously consider changing hair dressers, because any professional stylist that would put a relaxer in a child's hair that young DOES NOT have the health of your child's hair as their best interest.

Second, the term "Good Hair" is not the best term to use, it refers to curly hair as if non-curly hair is not good. Good hair is healthy hair and now that your child has a relaxer, if it is not maintained well it will no longer be healthy and no longer be "good hair". In the future a better term to use might be a curlier texture or finer grade, but "good hair" is not appropriate to describe a particular texture.

Finally, I would suggest seriously growing out the relaxer and gradually cutting off the relaxed ends and finding someone into natural hair care and getting your daughter's hair braided or twisted (not tight, nor with extensions) and wearing it braided or twisted regularly. And on weekends you can give her scalp a chance to breath and take the braids/twist out and wear puffs or pony tails (loose). As for products, there are several in target, walmart or sally's that will be great for daily use and won't dry the hair out. becareful of product buildup.

Hi J.,

There were two other threads that dealt with your subject, though not quite the same as what you're asking. However, I thought you might like to read a little bit about it to see if there's anything in any of the responses that might help you, even if the problem isn't the same.

http://www.mamasource.com/request/recent/28120/1220411768...

http://www.mamasource.com/request/17871418017405992961/0/...

All my best,
D.

I don't have a lot of experience with African American hair, but I can offer a cheaper alternative to a hair dresser- check out a local cosmetology school, their prices are usually very affordable.

Hi J.

The main thing you need to understand is that black hair needs oil and you will not be able to use the same products on her hair that you use on yours. Look in your phone book and find a black hair dresser who can cornroll your daugther's hair. This style can be worn for about two weeks before she needs to have her hair washed. It is inexpensive and only takes about 30. Do not have them add any hair. After her hair is braided you can put a silk scarf on her hair at night to keep the braids looking fresh. The thing with black hair if you wash it too much you will take the oil out of it and it will become dry. To save money you also can go to a beauty supply store in your city and pick up a shampoo, conditioner and a moiturizer for her hair. (Just for me is one brand). Another is Baby something. I can't remember the name exactly. There is so much you can do with black hair. Being black myself (I hate African American) one of the things I like about our hair is we can do so much with it. My daughter in law is caucasion and I purchased her a "dummy head" from my hair dresser so she could practice braiding. She is doing better with parting my grandchilden's hair and doing different styles by practicing on the dummy head. That way you can do her hair yourself and save some money. I don't know who suggested putting a perm in a 18 month's old hair. No, No, No. That is too young. Plus once you put a perm in you have to keep it up to keep if from breaking off. I someone told you that your daughter has "good hair", in the black world that mean she does not need any chemincals in her hair. There are also books at the hair dresser with styles for children's hair. Good luck and I commend you for trying to do something because I can't stand to see a child with an unkempt head!

C.

you may need to take your daughter to Sally's and ask the african american associates there just what it is they recommend? Is the hair stylist that you take her to african american? Because usually they will show you some different ways to put her hair in pony tails, as well as twist pony tails, if you ask, they may asume that you know already if you do not ask. It is hard to tell you what to use on her hair without seeing her hair and the texture, since there are different textures of black hair. Please do consult with someone, as not to over treat or under treat her hair. Good luck.