Need Help with Blended Family Issues.

V., I never thought I would say this but you have rendered me almost speechless. From one workaholic to another God Bless you. I raised four children and their father left us when they were 15, 13, 11 and 8. I worked three jobs just to keep things going. We ate baked potatoes with cheese, bean soup, canned tuna, peanut butter and lots of vegetables. So I know this is not going to be easy for you. You need to focus on you and the baby right now. If possible your 18 year old should find some sort of work. The 14 year old can babysit soon to bring in some money. They should be encouraged to pay for their own things. Your husband sounds confused right now but he seems like a decent sort of man. He wants to do right by his own kids. You will have to work that out with him. Now that the morning sickness is over you should feel stronger. If his kids are going to be at your house for long periods of time then maybe he should just get full custody and cut the ex-wife off completely. Maybe she should have to pay child support to you. (LOL) Let her sink – not the kids. You are already feeding, housing and clothing the kids now anyway either with child support or when they are at your house. At least you would have some control over the situation. Sounds like his kids would be better off with you and their Dad since you both are the functioning parent figures. But really right now, your health and the baby must come first. Your husband will find work. Tell him to look for a Government job. It is just a thought you sound like a responsible sound person – you could do wonders for those kids. Make friends with the people you meet at their school. Again - God Bless you.

Well this is definitely a tough one but I'm going through something somewhat similar except ours is my husband getting used to having a family. I'm not sure if I have any good advice but I've had to sit my husband down and tell him like it is. You may want to sit down with him by yourselves and basically get it all out on the table. It's not fair for your step children, your children or even you and your husband for the step mother to just send the kids whenever she feels like it. To me it sounds as though the kids would be better off with you and your husband but either way it needs to be permanent with the other having a regular visitation. You and your husband need to sit down and decide what yall want and then do it. If it's that his kids come and live with yall then it needs to be for a full school year instead of a few months whenever the other mother decides she wants a break. It's very difficult on the kids to go back and forth like that. You should be open to going either way. If the other mother seems to want to send the kids to yall for long periods of time then yall might want to work something out where they stay with yall for school then go to her for an every other weekend visitation or something but everything needs to be in writing and signed when an agreement is made. I wasn't sure if your husband gets regular visitation or not but if not that may be why he gets angry about sending them back. If he doesn't then yall should look into setting up a regular visitation schedule. And when it comes to child support he should have been notified before anything was put into place. If he wasn't you should find out why. He sounds like a great guy but I can't imagine taking that kind of hit without knowing ahead of time. You may need to get a lawyer involved or call the Attorney General's Office to find out what steps you should take.
Good Luck

Do you have an employee assistance program through your employer? If so, please consult them. They can help you with family counseling, as well as legal counseling.

I'm sorry about all the stress going on in your life. I see nothing wrong with you sending those kids to their mother, especially when your husband lost his job. It's quite a complicated issue you've got going on and the best thing for your pregnancy is to take care of you! I wish you the best in no matter what decision you make. I totally understand since just a few days ago I sent my teenaged brother, that I've been raising since he was nine to live with my brother and finish his highschool. It was heartbreaking for me but with my two kids and his not so desirable behavior it was something that needed to be done. Good luck!

Hi Vanessa!
My heart goes out to you. Being Pregnant and already having 3 children is already ALOT! You should try and make sure when you speak to you husband you try and not explode the frustration of your (ya'lls) situation on him. Being an Man without a job is probably his biggest personal pride issue. Which he may be taking out on you a little. Do not take him personal, He will work through it. As far as step children go..... The mother gets child support because she is the primary custodial parent. Meaning she needs to have her children living with her primarily. In you specific situation I think you should very calmly speak with your husband about how your feeling very stetched personally trying to take care of yourself being pregnant and your kids, plus you really want to make this work. However, you need a break (from a 5 kids at once) and you just can't take everything at this time. If he wants his kids there when he is home you are open to that. But, you also understand that he is under alot of pressure with trying to get back to work. You and he have a baby on the way and really have alot going on in yur home with out baby momma drama for right now. And you definitely care about his kids because you love him and they are part of him. But, right now ya'll need to get on your own feet before you can help anyone else.