Need Help with a Discpline Method for My Almost 5 Year old..HELP...

give him time out in a chair or something and walk off and don't talk back to him ,kid hate time out better do this now before he start school .I saw this work on nanny TV show and I love her and it work for all the kids she teach the parents, and when he is through with his time out ask him if he know why he is on the chair time out and make him give you a hug and sometime it is work to put a kid on time out if they get up and screaming just ignore him and walk off and let him get so tired of it and he will do better next time .

Without knowing the particulars, it's hard to say what you might do differently. By "he will not accept his discipline", do you mean that you don't see any change of attitude and behavior after you discipline him? Or is he defying your authority to discipline him in the first place and keeping you from that? Can you email me privately to explain? I might have some good resources for you.

J.

I highly recommend anything by John Rosemond! His books are wonderful! I have personally met him and he is just the same in person as you read in his books. His books have worked wonders for our children!

.

Check out the book "The Heart of Anger" by Lou Priolo.

what is your punishment

Hi J.,

Let me tell you about what works for me with this age in a school setting with 20 kids at a time. :)
For you:
1.) Have a plan
2.) Use positive reinforcement when posible
3.) Be consistent

*Talk with him about the 'new and improved' mom and what she is NOW going to expect. Do roll play, like when you throw your food at me, I'm going to say this, if you do this, then you will do this. etc.
Rules for him:'
1.) You will never hurt others.
2.) You will not interupt learning. (so at home this could be you will not be a disruption???)
(Everything falls under these two rules, so even if you didn't specifically tell him he couldn't paint the walls, well it is hurtful to mommies feeling b/c she worked hard to decorate the house (whatever).

1 HAVE A PLAN:
This means plan for the worst, plan for if he doesn't accept his punishment. This way you are always ready and in control. It also allows you to stay calm b/c you are prepared.

What I do...
*GIVE ONE VERBAL WARNING (HE KNOWS THE TWO RULES NOT TO BREAK). "CAN YOU STOP YELLING?"
*IF HE DOESN'T, NO BIG DEAL YOU HAVE A PLAN, HE GOES TO TIME OUT...THINK ABOUT HOW THIS WILL LOOK IF IN THE STORE, MOVIES, CHURCH, ETC.
*HE STAYS THERE UNTIL YOU, YOU NOT HIM, DECIDE TO TALK WITH HIM ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR AND CHOICES.
*IF HE IS CALM AND LISTENING, GREAT BACK TO NORMAL AND THINGS ARE FINE (MOM, DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE)
*IF YOU KICKS AND SCREEMS THEN HE GOES TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF CONSEQUENCES... AN ISOLATED ROOM, SOMETHING AND CAN'T COME OUT UNTIL HE IS CALM.
*WAIT OUT THE STORM AND THEN TELL HIM WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID CALMING DOWN. MAKE MORE OF A BIG DEAL OF THE CALMING PART OF THE FREAKING OUT PART.

2 USE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT:
You know what his usual down falls are, so when he actually doesn't do that. Make a huge deal that he "nicely handed his sister the fork" (in your mind you can be thinking, instead of throwing it at her!)

3 BE CONSISTENT
Just stick to it no matter what! Hubby and you if possible. Don't try talking to him when he is still angry or crying. He wont' hear you or reason with you.

Good luck!
Amanda

I'll tell you the best 'one-line' advice my mother ever gave me about parenting (and I raised 4 kids next door to Mom and Dad). "Don't say anything to a child unless you mean it." That's so simple, but so profound -- if you take it literally.

Really all it takes to be 'in charge' of a kid is to believe, YOURSELF, that you are in charge. A kid can tell if you're second-guessing yourself and having insecurities about it and will take advantage of your weakness. You have to trust and believe in yourself.

Watch a few shows of Nanny 911 (I'm a 51 yr old grandma and I LOVE it!)

Prayer and believing in (and relying on) God's as a perfect parent to you helps, too!

I am the mother of a 26 yr old son with a disability. I also have worked at a preschool for 9 years. It's time to get your son's attention. What toy or activity does he value the most? Is it a ball, truck, dinosaurs or a special time with mom or dad? Now you sit him down and tell him there are new rules at home. If you don't listen or do what mom requests, your favorite toy will be gone for the day. It's one strike you're out. No warning or discussion....just go take it and put it out of his reach. If he tries to get it from the top of closet, put it in the attic. He needs to know that you are serious and mean it. My son was "loud and wild" and grab everything. I picked the worse behavior and extingished them one at a time. It absolutely works. You have to talk to his dad first and make sure that he supports it and will enforce it too. Good luck and keep strong.

1-2-3- Magic is awesome. There is a book or DVD. A friend had a child with anger issues and this was the only thing that really worked. We have used it with great success and its simple to do.

I agree with Christine below. 1-2-3 Magic really works! It's such a simple concept with awesome results. It does almost work like "magic!"

Reward good behavior, but do punish bad. When he misbehaves, confront it on the spot. If you are in a store, leave. Do not let him behave like that, and let him know he will never get to go again if he behaves that way. When you say No, mean No and let him know you mean it. Children will push the limit, but ultimately, you are the parent. You are the boss, basically. Would you rather have a child that people love to see, or one that prevents you from being invited places. "spare the rod, spoil the child" The Bible has some great advise in it too. Good luck and God bless.

Try this really great book:

"How to behave so your pre-schooler will too."
By, Sal Severe

I was doing a pretty good job, but after reading this, I tweaked my methods & saw results in just a few days, especially with my defiant 3 year old.

It is not un-like dog training, really. You are not teaching the dog to do something - you are teaching the trainer to communicate effectively with the dog.

Check it out of the library, it is an easy read & will help you feel like it is possible!

P. : )

The best I can tell you to do is start reading John Rosemond. You can start at his website - rosemond.com. You can find his books on amazon for used/cheap. He teaches us how to raise children like our grandparents did, and they didn't have all the angst and problems that we do.

It is not up to your child to "accept" discipline from you. He should have no choice in the matter - other than making the choice that leads to the discipline. You need to set the ground rules (definitely communicate the rules), and not give second chances, or threats, or bribes, etc.

If you expect him to do something, once he figures out that there's no way around it, he'll start to comply. If you tell him to do something and he ignores you (which it sounds like he will at this point), then after a reasonable amount of time you have a real consequence, such as spending an hour in his room (turn the door knob around and lock him in there if need be), and taking away whatever is most near and dear to his heart (television, or video games, or whatever it is).

You're going to have to totally change your parenting, but it is so well worth it. The best book to start with would probably be John Rosemond's Six Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children. He explains that well behaved children are happier, and that is so true.

Just today I was at a play group at a park and someone's son who will soon be turning 5 was just abominable. He had a complete melt down when it was time to go, much like what one might expect from a two-year-old. She spent a good 10 minutes getting him from the playground to her friend's car, then trying to get him in the booster seat, etc., all while she also has a toddler. It was embarrassing for her and everyone else. I happened to notice that when he'd be trying to beat another kid out of a swing (or whatever outrageous behavior he was up to), she would run over and say "don't do that; wait your turn; blah blah blah", which of course had no effect whatsoever. Powerful parenting would have been to immediately march him to a time out, or even better (if she was in her own car) to take him straight home and put him in his room for an hour. That would get results real quick. Instead, he acted like an ape the whole time, and who wants to be around that? She is hoping to get him into kindergarten this year (he has a late birthday), but he's clearly not ready. Kindergarten is far more about good behavior and discipline than knowing how to read or any of that.

Anyway, I can promise that you'll get results (not overnight - it takes time to undo all his learned behaviors) if you do as J.R. recommends. It's been working well on my wild and crazy boys, and we're getting ready to have another one.