Need Help with 4 Yr. Boy Not Trying to Learn.

I feel for you! I have a 7 year old girl and we went through the same thing at that age . . . BUT when I took her to pre-k she was happy to learn from the teacher, and through kindergarten and now in 1st grade she's been in the top of her class. With mine it was personality issues - very strong willed and she just chose to make that particular area a battle (b/c you can't really force them to do it even if you punish them for not). When she started "school" she had peer pressure plus teachers who not only knew how to break it down for her but also how to deal with her fear of failure. Anyway, you don't mention your son's personality but I really wouldn't sweat it too much at this point. Many kids do much better for someone other than their parents! Good luck!

Let your son mature a little more. He's probably not ready. My daughter didn't want to go to preschool and when she was old enough for kindergarten, she was still not ready, so we held her out a year. She graduated from high school with honors and from a very prestigious college with a 3.0. Some kids just want to play, and they learn other things from play. Give him time.

Please back off...he is not ready and you can do more damage to his little mind than good if he is not ready. I recommend the book, Your Child's Growing Mind: A Guide to Learning and Brain Development from Birth to Adolescence by Jane Healy and also Magic Trees of the Mind by Dr. Diamond. It has helped me understand what my daughter is really capable of, and I've had to back off of some things for now as well.
Basically, it describes how our brains develop and the synaptic growth and myelianation (sp?) that has to occur before certain types of learning can take place. This growth happens over time and at different rates for everybody. So while one 4 year old may be able to read, another may not have the brain resources for it yet. If you try to push a skill that the brain is not ready for, it will try to compensate by creating different paths and this can make it harder for your little one. Not to mention the frustration he is feeling can cause him to have a negative outlook on learning. The books says that boys often develop slower in this area than girls but in the end they all catch up! It will also suggest some other activities that you can do with him to encourage synaptic growth and get him ready for the next step.

T.,
I have to agree with mama #1....you need to take a step back and not push this issue. I can only assume that you might be comparing your second with your first and that your first probably loved learning early and didn't fight you at all. Your little guy just isn't ready to focus that way, yet and that's ok, he's got plenty of time to learn the things you have described. No one at the daycare will look down on you because he "doesn't know enough"...I guarantee he will fit somewhere right down the middle which is a perfectly fine place to be. My daughter is 11 and was an early learner, my twin boys are 4 like yours and although they recognize their alphabet, I know without a doubt they are not even close to being ready to sit down and write them. I think it has a lot to do with birth order, first borns just usually tend to succeed earlier. The daycare will have a curriculum in place that will allow your son to learn in a fun, imaginitive and nonstressful environment surrounded by peers who will help him succeed as they do. Don't make the same mistake that many make and become overbearing to the point to make your child hate learning....but just for fun's sake, break out the chocolate pudding or shaving cream and cover your kitchen table and practice finger writing new letters (start first with the ones in his name). Keep it fun and light because that's all it should be at this point. Best wishes!

As parents it's natural to take note of what is going with our children's development. So first, kudos for paying close attention to your child. Second, I do agree with most of the mom's here to not worry about so much. Your youngest is very similar to mine, who is also 4 (& a summer baby). Any type of formal home teaching typically backfires. So we now play with letter, sounds, nothing too serious or formal. We sing the alphabet song while we swing. We ID letters on the back of cars. We read a lot of books. It's all a game. If he doesn't want to play then we just move along to something else.

He just started prek 4 and my goal is that he adjusts socially to a classroom setting, which includes following directions, playing with others, sharing, taking turns. If he learns more letters & sounds then great!

Anyway, this has been my experience with my son. Good luck:)

He may be resisting because he is just not ready for formal learning. I have three boys and they all reached that point at very different stages. I would just relax about it for awhile and try when he is 5 or 6. When I was a child we didn't start pre-reading until first grade. Now kids are expected to cram it in in pre-school. Research has shown that no matter when you introduce it, everyone evens out by third grade. I just worry if you push it now it will build his resistance to learning. Try activities that sneak learning in or just have fun adventures. There is plenty of time to go to school.

I think my husband can help. He is an educational diagnostician and has experience working with young children and thier parents. In addition he has worked with young children wile he was an assistance principal. Feel free to call him to see what ideas he may have before your son totally shuts down and learning is a real problem. ###-###-####
www.educationalrescueonline.com
H. we hear from you.
H.

T.,
I have been a teacher for 14 years, and now I own a company in Weatherford called, Unlock the Box Innovative Learning. My company is unique in that we deliver instruction in a way that is conducive to the way that particular student learns. We figure out what each child's learning style and multiple intelligence is, then design engaging, fun lessons specific to that learning style, which in turn allows for more retention and engagement in the activities.
Feel free to give me a call at ###-###-#### or feel free to stop by my center. We are having an open house next Saturday and then a Fall Festival on Oct. 24th. The address to my center is 150 Willow Creek, St. 107.

Hope to hear from you and if not, good luck!
M.

just back off! he's 4, not 8 and earning grades. let him be a kid and learn at his own pace for now. if he's still like this come Kindergarten or first grade, then worry about it.

I would agree with the other mothers suggesting to back off a little from the structured learning. At that age, much of what they learn is through interaction with their environment -- through play, being read to, going to the park,playing make believe and dress up, etc. You can integrate letter recognition, counting, and other "basic skills" as you play with him. I would suggest taking him on lots of "outings" . . . go to the park, the zoo, the grocery store, take a tour of the fire deparentment or other local professional buildings. When you are out, point to letters on signs, count various items you see, etc. Doing this will help build your relationship with him (less tension and crying) . . . if it does turn out down the road that he has difficult learning in a school environment, at least you two have built the kind of relationship that he feels encouraged and supported by you, not critized. And just to remember, as important as school achievement is in our society, not every child is gifted in academic learning. Look for other traits he may have . . . athletic, artistic, mustical, emotinally intelligent (emphathetic), etc. Encourage him in the areas that he is naturally good at!

Don't make it a lesson. Make it fun. I use these play cards for kids with letters on them and make it into a game. I ask my 2 year old: "Let's see, can you find the letter 'A'?" Then if she picks the right letter I make a HUGE deal out of it and I help guide her to the correct letter so she doesn't get frustrated. They can easily get frustrated if they are not getting immediate satisfaction. I also make it game when we are in the car or anywhere - it doesn't have to be at a home sitting down at a table. If I see a sign, I go look - there is the letter 'a'!!!! Hopefully, that helps. I just think the key is find something that he really tunes into and use that as a lifting point to learn. If he likes cars or dinosaurs, use that. It has to be creative and fun or kids at this age won't feel encouraged. Good luck!

my son is 6 and he can not do homework for more than 30 min after this time he gets all cranky and start to cry ,i think your kid is 4 he have to sit for about 10 min and thats it and let him be a kid and don't worry about this stuff now

Oh Lordy, not a good sign dear. I just say that with love as I just got my 18 year old through school and had to drag, push and pull all the way. I remember at 4 is when I started noticing it. Yes, He did have a 3 year older sister whom I could compare but you kinda know that your child is not showing interest in learning even at 4. The only thing I can advise is home school him because the teachers will mess him up because all they will feed his all the negatives he does wrong. Every once in a while you will get a good one who is full of love buy trust I can count them on one hand. The only way my son did well was with things he liked. Dinosaurs, scooby things like that. You can find games that he will learn because they are fun to him. Try playing tapes where he just just listen as he plays. Avoid the ADHD trap :) I am sure you will hear it by 1st grade :)