Need Help with 4 1/2 Year Old Son.

You could talk to his pediatrician, without your son present, for advice on ways to handle the situation and to put your mind at ease.

Some children discover themselves far earlier than others, BUT you do have to put an instant stop to him attacking others. Remove him from the situation, get down on his level and make sure he has your full attention and let him know that it is not OK to touch other peoples private parts (list everything that is off limits) and tell him to let you know if anyone ever tries to touch his. Then, everytime after that, remove him from the situation, tell him it is wrong, and give him a time out. Try not to tell him that touching himself is wrong or bad, just make sure he knows he can only do it in his room by himself, he can not do it if anyone can see him.

Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

oh my gosh, I'm sorry but I do NOT agree with everyone else who says its ok to do that. He's 4 1/2 years old for Gods sake. If you let this start at an early age, it could become an obsession. Then sitting alone in his room wont be enough anymore and he'll find other ways to pleasure himself. Do you know how they say that Marihuana is the "Gateway drug" because it leads to other things? This is the same thing.

Talk to his Doctor. Ask him what to do about this.

What is not normal is for him to disobey you. If you told him repeatedly and he still does it , he is being naughty and should be punished for disobeying. PERIOD. If he was hitting or biting and didnt listen what would you do? Your children need to learn to follow your rules regardless of what they are. Tell him certain things are private and it is not allowed to touch or hump other people. If he feels the urge he has to go to his room.
Is it normal for him to have these urges? Yes. Small children can enjoy sex which is how predators can keep molesting them. They like it and then feel guilty and this is how they get trapped. I dont think he has been molested, Im just saying liking sex is normal. But kids like lots of other things too, yet we tell them no or limit them, so you can limit his urges too. I really get annoyed when I see little boys playing with themselves in public, which is a very common occurrence. Parents seem to think if they tell their son not to play with it they will stifle him. yikes

I'm sorry this is happening F.. While some curiosity is normal, crossing boundaries is not okay. I agree with Nan, he is not a baby. He is disobeying you. If it's a rule that he is not to touch anyone's breasts or privates (and this absolutely should be a rule) and he breaks the rule, I would punish swiftly for this - and severely for this type of offense (I don't mean to imply you need to beat him). There should be a consequence for any rule breaking, but for this, I would be sure it was severe enough to make a point because what he is doing to other people is something that no one should be subjected to, and I feel you need to put those other people ahead of the disobedient and inappropriate child. His curiosity is in no way your fault, but if you are allowing him to do this without a consequence, then you are to blame for it continuing. Telling him not to do it is not a consequence. Good luck

I agree with some others that this should not be taken lightly. The fact that your son is not listening to you when you tell him his actions are inappropriate is a little worry some. I don't know the maturity level of your son, but my 5 yo daughter has had no problems comprehending these types of discussions for quite a while now. If you think he is not listening because he really doesn't understand what your telling him, that's one thing but he should be able to understand this by now. It couldn't hurt to have him speak to someone. I assume he will be starting school in the next year or so. If this happens at school, they will take action! It is prob. better to act sooner rather than later. Good luck to you.

I think when you see him doing these things you should take him to his room and explain to him that this type of behavior is not okay. Touching his own private parts needs to be done in private. He must learn that touching others like that is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. It is obvious that just telling him is not getting through you need to take it a step further. Each time he grabs someone inappropriately I would give him consequences what ever punishment you use for any type of misbehavior. You do not want to stop him from learning and exploring his own body or make him feel shameful for what he doing to himself. However he is old enough to learn that it is not appropriate to touch others in that way and that if he does there will be consequences for his actions. You need to be very firm with him because this type of behavior in school could cause him to be suspended, expelled, or even worse have charges of sexual harassment brought against him. It is not a big deal for him to explore his own body but it is a big deal for him to invade someone's personal space. Good luck!!

Thank you for your post. My 4-1/2 year old boy also has a developing interest in my breasts and touching me inappropriately, which obviously has caused me alarm. He isn't as extreme as your son.. he has yet to start humping anyone.. but his behavior is still a concern for me. I've even been considering posting this problem here on Mamasource. So, thank you for your post. I plan to watch this closely and follow the advice you receive.

One thing, though.. I'm thinking that my son's television viewing needs to be monitored more closely. (I need to find something else for him to do when I watch my daily soap opera or anything else that may have explicit sexual scenes in it, now that he is more aware of this.) I wonder how much your son may be exposed to. You wrote that you have older kids, so is he possibly seeing anything on tv or movies that is putting ideas in his head? Just a thought.. I know I'm going to be more careful about this, as well as follow the advice you receive.

Good luck to you!
N.

He has either been molested by someone, or he has seen inappropriate things on TV. or in a magazine. Try to nip this in the bud. Remove him from the situation when he touches others inappropriately. Take him to a child therapist to be evaluated. Also, sit down and talk to him about this. Find out if he has been molested by someone in his life. Good luck.

Hi F.
Talk to the MD
Old enough to be your mom, I suspect and you sometimes talk about these things to MD to cover yourself.
Have you talked to your mom?
God bless you
K. SAHM married 38 years -- adult children 37,33, and twins 19.

Out of curiosity, do you know for sure nothing inappropriate has ever been done to him? I have three boys and none of them have ever done that so I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you but if he is ever out of your care, daycare, sitter, etc., how do you know for sure nothing has ever happened? The most unlikely of people have been found to do things like that sometimes, sad as it is. :(

The internet has tons of stuff on childhood development stages. I have a great book from college that talks about this stage in psychosexual development. (Freud/Erikson) It is normal at this age to be curious about parts of the body. You need to be careful how you handle this behavior. I suggest you check it out online.

Nanc

Dear F., I agree the curiosity is normal but you may want to ask your doctor. I will be interested in what the other moms say because with 5 of my own I never came across this. Grandma Mary

Hi F.,

Okay so you don't think he has been sexually molested. Now from what I read and experienced myself. Children who have experienced some sort of sexually contact do get aroused and really don't understand why. Just that they know this feels good to them. I would definelty have him evaluated. They maybe some hormone imbalance that has accured. I would speak to his doctor. Because this could be a really big issue has he goes to Kingdergarden. You don't want someone sueing you because your son touched someone. This could be a whole lot bigger then you may think. They may take a look at you. What is going on in this childs home that he is doing this. I have seen this before and its not going to be good. I hope you take him soon. Good Luck