Need Help! Husband Wants a separation.....Need Advice!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Many times the strain of family life and raising kids separate us from our spouses. In many cases the men in our life just want attention from us and some quality intimate time, and I know it can be overwhelming with cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and all our responsibilities. I went through a similar situation with my husband but my case was a little different. I was not comfortable with my husbands drinking, and my children were one and two when we separated and it was very difficult. My kids were going through emotional strain, and it was very difficult. All in all what I realized that if I was okay the kids were going to be okay. They feed off our emotions I started to get help for me. I started going to support group meetings like alanon or divorce support groups, and it gave me hope that other people were walking through the same thing I was, and they were happy and surviving. If you are okay, those kids will be okay too. Start getting help for you, and try not to obsess over your husband. Remember you did not cause it, you can't cure it, and you cant control it. Whatever he is going through is really out of your hands, and you need take care of yourself emotionally, and above all pray. That will give you the strength to survive. Wishing you strength, love,and serenity,

E.

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Hi B.,

My heart goes out to you and your family. Marriage is tough enough when you're in love with your spouse and there isn't any children yet. So adding in all the stresses that you have mentioned, it can seem impossible. You mentioned prayer, so I'm going to assume that you believe in the power of praying to Our Heavenly Father and in the name of Jesus. I've been reading Power of a Praying Wife again this month. There's a lot of wisdom in that book from a Christian woman who was married over 25 years when she wrote it. One of the biggest lessons I've learned while reading it is that those times when it seems like talking to your husband is futile are the times when you need to submit it all to God.

My husband and I have had it pretty rough. We got married after being together for 7 years. We weren't in a church at the time we married. That first year of marriage was so wonderful and difficult. A lot of the stress was centered around me not being able to find a job for what I studied in college, and him getting stressed out about the finances. A friend of ours brought us back to church, and we have been doing so much better ever since. Our priorities have fallen into their proper places. Life isn't about climbing that corporate ladder or about financial success. We were put here to get ready for our eternal lives. So much stress has fallen by the wayside when we look at it that way. Now our vision is united, and we are closer than ever before. We still have fights, but I've been learning to pray to God instead of beating a dead horse. It has worked miracles in our marriage!

One note, though. Sometimes, God wants to change us first! Even though we believe that our husbands are the ones that need to change, we gotta realize that there may be areas that need fixing in ourselves. That's ok. Our husbands will most likely notice a change in us.

I believe that if you pray everyday for your marriage, and if you have other women joining you in those prayers, that your marriage could be saved. If you don't have the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, I suggest you get it. I'll even buy it for you if you let me. The book gives you an area to pray over your husband for each of the 30 chapters. I'll be praying for your marriage. If you want, I can become an "official" prayer partner with you. Just let me know. I'm here for you.

In His Love,
M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, all I can tell you is to stay strong for you and your boy's, about 4 months ago my husband abandoned me and my boy's so I totaly know how you feel it's very depressing and exhausting. I have a 15year old and a 10 year old and it's been really tough on all of us but trust me it gets harder before it gets easier. pray alot and try your best to do things with your little ones keep your self busy.
Good luck and I wish you and your family the best!

Great counselor, Lee Ann Hart ###-###-####

I would say separate while the kids are young because it gets so much harder when there older and chances are if your husbands un-happy now he'll be un-happy later especially if he's not showing any signs of trying to work it out and IT has NOTHING to do with YOU ,I would focus on those boys of yours they will follow your lead so try to stay possitive ! take care lots of love, A. ,mom of two boys.

Hello B.,

You can't make someone LOVE YOU. If he will not go to counseling then what can you do? Tell him how you feel once and for all, then let him make his decision. Do not beg him or cry. If he moves out, take this time to work on you, inside and out. Be stronge for you and the boys. He will have a change of heart when he sees that you can carry on without him. If he doesn't come back, then you will be strong anyway. If he does, and he will, go to counseling before you let him move back in. The key is to be strong. Find a hobby to occupy your free time.

Pray for the correct answers/guidne & for the protection of you & your children.

Hi B.,

I hope you can work things out with your husband. I haven't had to go through a divorce myself but a co-worker of mine has and she lives in the same area. I believe the lawyer she used is near the Del Amo mall. Shiela Naghi ###-###-#### 21515 Hawthorne Blvd Torrance CA 90503.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
~J.