Need Help Getting Pregnant

I know it may seem silly, but stop thinking about it. With my first, I was so anxious to get pregnant. I was taking pregnancy tests before I was even late for my period. It seemed as soon as I stopped going crazy over it, it happened. The same thing happened to my aunt. She tried for 10 years to get pregnant. Her dr finally told her that one of her ovaries was no good and she would never get pregnant. 2 months later she was pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope everything works out for you

Wow, I am in the same exact boat!! I hit the big 3-0 this year it took me one year to conceive my daughter and we have been trying since April and still no luck. Two of my cousins, my sister and two friends found out they are pregnant they all got pregant before me last time too... Good Luck I know how frustrating it can be. Once I stopped trying with my daughter I got pregnant (we decided to take that summer off of trying). For me I think I get way to stressed out, I don't want them to be far apart in age so I am having a hard time relaxing and not getting so upset. I hope it will happen for us both soon!!

A.,
My advice to you is to not stress about it. I hear stress tends to make conception more difficult. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant in Oct. We tried everything you mentioned (ovulation kits, tracking temp, etc) and we didn't get pregnant until July. Everyone is different. I know I was frustrated when I didn't get pregnant the first month like everyone else I knew. But like you said, it often takes a year. So I think you shoudn't stress about it until you've been trying for a year. There's no need to stress when you may not have a reason too. It may be doing more harm than good. Just be patient. I know its easier said than done because I've been there. But I believe it will happen when its meant to be. Good luck to you! I'm confident you'll be successful soon!

You need to relax!!!

Stress and anxiety are your two worst enemies when trying to get pregnant! It took you ten months before, but it happened, right? So, we have proof it's possible.

Why do some people get knocked up so easily and others don't? Luck of the draw. Some people get knocked up when you mention the word "pregnant" or "baby" in the same room. Others need medical intervention. There's no telling. So don't go jumping to the "there's something wrong with us" place just yet.

I've heard accupunction works wonders. And for now? Just enjoy the "trying" part of it ;)

A.,

I think the key is to stop comparing yourself to your friends. I know that is easier said than done. I actually have no problems getting pregnant and was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant at the same time as a dear friend of mine. Then we had a miscarriage...I was sooo sad. But my friend went on to have a healthy baby. I too luckily got pregnant about 3 months later and had a very healthy beautiful baby boy. My point is that looking back I am actually glad I did not have a January baby...ours was born in June. And had it not been for the miscarriage I would not have had my most amazing baby. I absolutely believe that everything happens for a reason. SO...just keep trying and try to continue enjoying the trying process. You know you have had a good pregnancy, so chances are it will happen.

I wish you much luck...and hope this helps!

H. Z. (SAHM 5, almost 4 and 15 month old boys)

Hi Amadna:

I understand your frustration, it is so hard as every month is a big emotional roller-coster ending in disappointment. I too have gone through this, I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility and it took 2 years (for each) of procedures, miscarrage, etc. to get pregnant. I have been fortunate to end up with 2 beutiful, healthy kids (and it was so worth it for me).

Here would be my advice: first there is NO research evidence to show that to "just relax" will affect fertility problems. When you are dealing with such a momentous thing as fertility this is so frustrating to hear from people. Its like telling someone with arthritis that if they "relaxed" they wouldn't have anymore pain or stiffness or telling a diabetic that relaxing will fix the problem-I mean who would do that? People need to recognise that this is a potential MEDICAL problem just like anything else related to your body.

Having said that, remember that a health couple has only about a 20% chance of getting pregnant with each cycle so there may be no problems just the law of chance at work here.

Next: Ob-gyn treatment plan for difficulty getting pregnant is to follow up with your dr. after 1 year of trying if you are 30 or younger and after 6 months if you are over 30. So first step would be to talk with your dr. (sometimes they will modify this depending on your specific situation). About 40% of problems are male related so it is important that both you and your husband get follow up if your dr. agrees that more follow is needed in your situation.

Fertility is a very complex issue that is little understood by many. Education yourself as much as possible. there is a lot of info out there on getting pregnant etc.

I wish you the best and feel for you during this time. I found that having a second child was just as important for me even though I did already have one child. It is the ability to have a "choice" and have the ability to build your family just like everyone else that can be the big issue for a second pregancy. People who have this often don't realize how impacting it can be for parents who can't get pregnant easily.

Let us know how things go, will be thinking of you:)

Hi A., I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am going through the same thing right now. I got pregnant with my daughter right away and then again when we decided to have another baby we had not problems. We had a miscarriage back in march and have not been able to get pregnant since. I feel your pain. Everyone says to stop stressing and relax but it is super hard!! i went and saw an herbalist and she gave me some ideas of things to take to help with fertility. I am praying that works!! Good luck!! I know how frustrating it is, and if you don't have someone to talk to that has been through it it is even harder. If you need to talk let me know!!
R.

The only advice I can give is to get the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.
I thought I understood my cycle etc. until I read this book, starting taking my temp and charting my cycle. Then I discovered that I was ovulating earlier in my cycle than originally thought. I also realized through the charting that the OP kits didn't indicate that I ovulated until AFTER I had. (I guess the hormones where there but the window for fertilization had passed) So I stopped spending $$ on OP kits and watched my chart and got pregnant on the cycle that I FINALLY understood what was going on.

Also did acupuncture, which may or may not have contributed.

Good Luck!

I think one of the best things to do is to try and not think about it and obsess about getting pregnant. You have to let go of your fear of not being able to get pregnant, that could be the subconscious underlying cause of it not working. Focus instead on your love for your husband and the quality and openness towards each other in making love. Every physical problem has an emotional cause, you just have to let it go and relax (easier said than done), but good luck!

Hi A.,

Unfortunately, it's probably stress-related, but it's hard not to stress about it. Maybe you & your husband could plan a romantic getaway (even just a weekend) and that would relax you both.

Also, it may help to move forward with fertility help. Just knowing that you're doing "all" you can, may make you feel better and more relaxed. After 12 months of trying, we went to the Boston Science Center (now in Lexington and services in other offices & hospitals in Mass.). I cannot recommend this place enough -- every single person that works there is absolutely AMAZING!!! We ended up having our first two boys with their help (IVF) and went to have our third, but low & behold...I was actually pregnant on my own! (A girl!) A part of me was actually disappointed because I couldn't have the AMAZING care they give for the beginning of the pregnancy! Now that's saying something!!

Best of luck...

Definitely check with your GYN. I had a very hard time getting pregnant before age 29 and didn't like to be around others who had children. It was hard for me to hold the baby of another mom. After speaking with a friend who was a GYN and made an appointment to see him, we discovered my uterus was tilted way back. So trying to get pregnant lying on my back was never going to happened. His advice was to lay on my stomach with a pillow under my thighs, which threw the uterus forward. I had my first baby 15 days after my 30th birthday and my second baby came when my oldest was 15 1/2 months old. Definitely ask your GYN. Good luck.

I am kind of in the same boat as you. It took me 3 years to get pregnant with my daughter, now 18 mos. We were both tested and perfectly normal. We wanted to start trying for the second but I did not want the pressure of getting pregnant like the first. For the first all of our friends and family that could get pregnant did and they all knew we had been trying so long and were sorry to tell us when it was their turn. Anyways, we finally did get prego. So now we decided that we would not prevent but not try. I was told by one of the midwives that I was seeing that your mind definitely plays a huge roll in getting pregnant. Our minds are so powerful...and I really believe it. I say this because when we decided that we weren't really going to try I got prego within 2 months. I know it's because I wasn't thinking about it. As soon as I found out, I thought there has to be something not right because it happened so fast...and this kept going through my mind like all the time, even though I was so happy. At 8 wks I had a miscarriage, and it was horrible, and I was so sad, still am...but I sort of expected it because of what I had been thinking. I'm not telling you this to make you sad but just to show you what I've come to discover about how our thinking carries over into our bodies. I know it's hard, I've been there, but you have to stop thinking about everyone else getting pregnant and about wanting to be pregnant so bad and think, I have one beautiful daughter, time spent with her is wonderful. Relax, don't discuss how much you want to be pregnant with everyone either because then you will have people asking and it will put the pressure on that much more. If anyone does ask, tell them a little lie and say your not really trying but if something does happen, then it does.
For me it's only been about 2 months after my miscarriage but we are still in the same mindset and hopefully we do get pregnant and I am going to think positive!!! You too! Good luck, it will happen, just relax about it...I know, easier said than done.

A.,

You can talk to your OB about this. When I talked to mine she realized I was frustrated and started to test me and my husband. This helped and we got pregnant the next month. Weather or not your OB is willing to start testing you -I don't know but if you talk to him/her it might set your mind at ease. The one thing I do know is the frustration and anger only make the situation worse and harder to get pregnant. Maybe if you can go to a spa day and relax, take a short weekend break even with your daughter. Even a bath together (cramped or not), give each other massages, anything to take the focus off - we have to get pregnant. I know from experience I didn't get pregnant when I was in that frame of mind.

Good luck and relax,
L. M

It took my husband and I 8 months to get pregnant using ovulation predictors too. I understand your frustration but try to be patient. I know that's hard to do. Just imagine that your body is waiting for the right, healthy baby. Perhaps consider acupuncture to improve your fertility and prepare your womb. It can be a little costly but it really does work well for people. I go to Integrative Acupuncture and Massage in Norwell. Good luck and try to be patient. Remember, some people try for years to get pregnant. A few months won't seem like much at all when you look back on it.

Hi A.,
It took us six months to get pregnant with both daughters. My first daughter I got pregnant only after I stopped stressing about it. I was an "advanced maternal age" Mom and I thought with my luck it figures that I would have problems. I have two beautiful healthy daughters and am hoping for a third before my 41st birthday. My advice, don't stress, relax. The baby will come when it is ready.

Maybe it's time to talk to you Ob/gyn and get some professional insight. I ended up on medication to increase ovulation both times we wanted to get pregnant, in ever increasing doses until it finally worked. If you did it once, it is very likely you will be able to do it again- it is ok to need some "help" though. good luck!
A bit about me:
wife of 23 years, mom to 2 beautiful teen girls. I own a paint-your-own pottery shop that welcomes walk-ins and birthday parties. It is also my watercolor gallery and art studio with art classes or children and adults. I also so Physical Therapy part time.

It took me 3 months to get pregnant with my son, than we started trying again when he turned a year, got pregnant right away, had a miscarriage, than tried for 11 months and not pregnant. Just took two months off of "trying" and now we are trying again. For some people, its just not that easy. VERY FRUSTRATING!!! Good luck.

Hi A.,
have you used Toni Wexler's book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? It is an excellent book, and may help you to chart your cycles so you can figure out what is going on.

Yes, it is easier for some than for others, who knows why. Just remember that MANY many women need help to become pregnant. If you do not become pregnant after one year of trying, you can go to a fertility specialist to see if they can help you.

Also, some people swear by acupuncture (I have done it, and the needles don't hurt - it is actually very relaxing).

Personally, we had a terrible time getting pregnant the first time (lost my first baby at 10 weeks), then couldn't get pregnant for over a year, tried all kinds of things, then as we were going for IVF, discovered I had thyroid cancer. Had to have surgery and take time to heal from that. Then, got pregnant easily - twice in the next 6t months, but lost both of those around 5 -6 weeks. So - we went back to IVF and finally after two cycles, conceived our daughter (who is now 2 1/2). This time, when we wanted to try again, we just went right to IVF, and it worked the first time.

So - you never know who will need help and who won't. Just remember, so many women need help getting pregnant most people just keep quiet about it because it can feel so personal. So many people have to really try and try.
Use the book and acupuncture first, and good luck to you!
If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me directly.
Warmy,
E.

Hi A.,

If there is nothing physically wrong with you or your husband, it could be a simple matter of missing your ovulation window. It's a very small window and it can actually vary from woman to woman.

Start trying to get pregnant the same day your period ends and just do it every night until you're pregnant. If your period comes, then there may be a problem you and your partner need to get checked out.

It can be a little work sometimes to just "do it" every day, but that is the fastest and most effective way I know how to do it. :)

Good luck and have fun!

~H.

Have you tried charting your temps? And have you read "Understanding Your Fertility"? I think that's the title. Ovulation sticks did not work for me but charting your temps tells you everything about your cycle. Once I tried that we got pregnant right away. Good luck!

I'd say talk with your gyn. I know it's supposed to become more difficult to get pregnant as you get older but I also know there are some health problems that are often left undiagnosed until a woman is in her 30's that can cause problems with getting pregnant. In the mean time, enjoy the one child you do have.

Hi A. - I remember feeling like everyone else except me was pregnant right before I got pregnant with my oldest daughter. I am a teacher, and it is VERY female-dominated, so every day it seemed someone else was announcing their news! The good news is, even though it took about 5-6 months to get pregnant with my oldest, my youngest was conceived the second time we tried. I actually was not ready for it to happen as quickly as it did the second time because I was banking on it taking 6 months again! Sometimes when you least expect it, it can happen. I know plenty of women for whom pregnancy seems to come "easy", but also many who tried for quite a while. I used the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler to chart and track my body temperature, and it worked great for me and really helped me understand when my body was ready during those peak times. In addition to that, as hard as it can be, I suggest not focusing too much on it. When you let go a little, the stress leaves you too and I really think that helps in the long run. Enjoy having your one child now, because when you do have two you will look back and realize having one was very different!! Good luck and hang in there!

talk to your obgyn.. you had a child so they may be able to help you along with a second.. good luck

There is a great book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It explains a lot about the woman's body and how to help get (or not get) pregnant.

You didn't say how old you are, but if you're over 35 and been trying for 6 months you should consider seeing a doctor about your fertility.

Good luck!!

Hi A.,

Are you working? Stress inhibits pregnancy for some moms. The advice it quit work
and relax! Easier said then done, eh?

Were you on birth control for many years in your twenties?

Women who have been on the birth control pill find they have a hard time
getting pregnant when they decide to start a family;
one of the big downs to birth control pill is it really messes up your system.

After you've medically been on the pill, which "aborts' a conception; your body
starts to do this automatically even if you go off the pill because it's got so accustomed
to this.

Unfortunately women aren't told this and like you end up being frustrated.

I have known many women who have had this problem and they find it a big regret.

When we mess with nature, we have to face the "natural" consequences whether we like to or not at times.

I'm very sorry... best wishes in having a baby.

HI- if your ovulation seems normal then it might be a matter of your thyroid. Often women's thyroid is thrown off after having a child which can impact getting pregnant. But since it took you 10 months before perhaps it is a matter of beig patient... which is hard. Maybe ask your doctor if a blood test is worth it.

Taking Juice Plus helped me, along with knowing my cycle. Also, reduce any stress in your life, even if you think you don't have much, I'm sure there is some stress. Take more walks, etc. Worked for me. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

A., don't feel alone, lots of people take a while to get pregnant, but it's not something people tend to talk about much, so it can feel very lonely when it seems like everyone else is getting pregnant and you're not. If you don't have luck in another couple months, maybe consider seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. Sometimes your body can change after a first pregnancy, and an RE would be able to help you determine if this is the case with you. In the meantime, you can try to focus on how wonderful it will be when you finally do have your second child, whenever it happens! And by the way, you have loads of time from an age perspective...

I used a basal temperature thermometer each morning and started tracking my ovulation schedule. You can look up how to do this online or in books, etc. It helped me feel more in control and really helped me get to know my body. The best part was that it only cost about eleven dollars total. The problem with ovulation kits is, if your cycle is very different from the average you could be testing on the wrong days and wasting your money. With basal temp testing you get to know your OWN ovulation schedule. That way you'll also find out whether or not you're ovulating every month or if something needs attention there. Anyhow, that would be my first advice. It's cheapest and causes the least amount of stress. Even if you're getting help, going to a doctor can be stressful and put unnecessary pressure on you and your husband. I recommend trying that for a few months to get a feel for your body and your schedule.

Hi A.- It took me a long time to get pregnant with #2 also. I was using the ovulating kits no luck. MY OB recommended that I start plotting my basal body temp. Yes it is a total pain, but I found that I was ovulating 3 days later than I thought I was. I highly recommend fertilityfriend.com. It is a free site, but you get many more benefits if you pay the $16 fee. It is a website where you can plot your temp each day and it will graph it for you and notify you when your 3 best days are for getting pregnant. I got pregnant 2 months after I started using the website.

Lastly, you might want to have a conversation with your Ob about clomid. Once you have been charting your temp, if you are still not pregnant, clomid will force your body to release an egg.

P.s. when you have a little one in the house, it is hard to remember to take your temp BEFORE you get out of bed. Sometimes, I would jump out of bed and go to my son. I found that if I woke before my son, I would take my temp, even if I was going to lay in bed a little longer.

GOod luck

a friend of mine found out she doesn't make enough progesterone. Maybe a trip to the Dr. would be helpful?
good luck
HC

Hi A.,

When my husband and I decided to try for our second, it took us 5 months of active trying. I, like you, began getting frustrated in my 4th month, and was just so high-strung trying to do the charts and "forcing" when we would have sex. My husband told me to relax, and just forget about the charts, and forcing our intimacy. After a few weeks, though getting pregnant was still in the back of my mind, I just focused on my work and didn't notice when I had missed my cycle. Just try to relax, try not to stress and take it day by day.

Mari

This may be a little too private or personal to say but I did read some where that whether or not a woman reaches climax during sex does have an affect on the chances she has on getting pregnant. I guess if the female reaches her climax there is an increased chance of pregnancy and I forget the explanation...but could be fun to make sure you are trying for that each time! Good Luck!

Oh dear, I cannot even begin to guess why some get preggers so easily and others have such a time.

You still may want to have fertility tests. His little tadpoles may have high mortality rate, or you may not ovulate properly. This would not prevent a pregnancy but it may make becoming pregnant more difficult.

The only suggestion I have for you, and I know it has worked many times before because its what I always give for advice.
Obviously you and your husbands bodies can make babies.
Now I would suggest you find a reputable herbalist. There are herbs that can help you .
Our Mum's used to tell us to get a puppy and take our minds off prenancy. Interesting how many times that worked too lol.
Anyway, wishing you the best and GOd bless

Grandmother Lowell

There are a lot of issues with secondary infertility. If you are concerned obtain a referral from your PCP and make an appointment with a fertility specialist. You will still have a few more months of trying on your own because you won't get an appointment for a bit. There are A LOT of options available to help you. Hang in there.
S.

I highly reocmmend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. My husband and I tried for a year for our first and nothing happened - then my sister gave me this book and we were pregnant 2 months later! We now have 2 girls (3 and 1) and everyone I have recommended this book to raves about it. Good luck!

http://www.ovusoft.com/library/bookexcerpt.asp

I first want to say that I totally empathize - I was 24 when we started trying for our daughter, and it took 12 months. Did the whole fertility work-up and everything, and were about to start with the fertility drugs when it just happened. In addition to sympathy, two quick bits of advice. 1) do a fertility work-up if you haven't already. Maybe there is something going on. 2) Ovulation predictors work much much better if you use them at night instead of the morning (unlike pregnancy tests). Good luck.