Need Creative Disclipline Suggestions for a 10 Year Old

We have a 13 yr old daughter and she has not given us much trouble at all. We get the occasional smart mouth but overall, like your son, she is honor roll, accomplished musician, black belt, great kid. She could use a few lessons on room upkeep! LOL

I know my daughter is a little older than your son but here are a couple things we do.....depending on the situation.

1. She loses the iphone. She HATES this because she LOVES her phone and she texts a LOT.

2. I take her laptop. She misses out on her emails, updates from friends and SIMS. BTW....NO Myspace.

We do not have monitoring software on her laptop but she knows that I will drop in at any moment and check history, email, everything. If she can't provide a password, then I take the laptop. We are an open book at this house on communication.

3. On one occasion, she had a smart mouth and a friend was here to sleepover. I warned her that I would end the sleepover if she did not control her mouth. Well, attitude got the best of her that night, she slipped again and was very disrespectful to me in front of her friend. I handed the phone to her friend and told her to call her mom that she was coming home. Her mom COMPLETELY understood. We have never had that issue again in front of a friend.

When she was younger, I would put her favorite toys in time out.

Like you, I do not and will not spank. I believe it is wrong. My parents were believers in spanking and I got the crap beaten out of me enough that I don't care to even see my parents do this day. I was not a bad kid, my parents just spanked as the first and last opportunity.

Good luck to you with your son.

Also, keep in mind that it is the beginning of the year and the teachers might be a little tough on him now in order to break him of the habit...

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Hi C., I am a 4th grade teacher and a mom of 2 active boys. HOnestly, I feel like talking at school is something the teacher should handle and unless he interupts you at home when you are talking, I would let him get the consequence of his behavior where he does the "crime". I have students that are talkers and I have lots of little things i do to deal with the problem. Usually when I bond with a child, they then respond quickly because they don't want to make my job difficult. One thing I do that is extrememly effective is an "energy drain" from Love and Logic. I will have the student come in during recess or after school to make up for all the time I had to stop and ask them to be quiet or the time they took away from the class. Maybe you can support the teacher by allowing her to use this and have your son stay after to do "work" for her. Please feel free to email me if you want any more suggestions and all the best to you and your son.

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C.,
I am a talker. I've been a talker all of my life and was corrected, humiliated and scolded for it from most everyone along my way. In my family the joke has always been that I was bound to say something smart and note worthy ... it's the law of averages!

I have only recently come into my own and realized that God made me a big idea person. That's where I'm gifted. Once that was identified I actually have been placed on committees and have friends calling me ASKING me to talk them through whatever is going on because the idea that flow so naturally our of me are without boundaries. I believe the term is "visionary" and had I known about being an "Imagineer" I likely would have been very good at it.

Your son is gifted. He's great. Encourage him to "write" down what he's chitter-chattering about. His comments could be the ideas that will help guide his path. My "good ideas" become "God ideas" when I put them in my journal and pray over them. Then they're more than noise, they're gifts back to the Gift Giver and He will make wonderful things out of them.

Blessings to you and to your husband for caring so much.
Suzi

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Hi C.

I am a teacher and a mom myself. My brother has a little boy that is the same way and would spend half of PK because he wouldn't stop talking.
I have to be honest and say I don't agree with the ideas you have right now...for two reasons...one you are punishing him with food; sounds like a eating problem waiting to happen. Two you are punishing him with writing; something teachers want him to love to do. If you punish him with it, it will make him harder to fall in love with it.
So, do I have advice...uuummm how about instead of punishing him when he talks reward him when he doesn't. Think of something he would love and remember he is a kid. Have a reward that he can abtain...a trip to somewhere (not expensive) but if he can go 7 days without signing the book then you will take him and a friend. But since he is old enough it has to be uninterupted. So it has to be 7 days in a row...he signs he goes back to 0...then when he does that make it 10 and so on...as a teacher this is something I have always told my parents...everything that they are right now is what they will be when they grow up...you want him to talk as an adult...give his opinion, stand up for himself, be friendly don't squash that...but he does need to learn the appropriate place...I hope this helps

R.

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Go the reward direction. I think that gives kids more motivation to do what they are supposed to do. They have something to work for. I don't think the food thing is a good idea. I don't think food should be used as a pawn for punishment or reward. (saying this in the nicest way, no judgement at all) Food is something that is a necessity, so I don't think using that against him will do anything but hurt the situation. I definetly thing using a reward chart would work.
Good Luck!

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Hi C., I think you sound like an awesome mom who is doing an excellent job raising your son. I too have an almost 10 yr old in the 4th grade. He is also a wonderfully great child who very seldom gets in trouble for anything. He is an all around athlete, excels at math, and is very loving. His biggest problem in life though is concentrating. He cannot concentrate with any noise, any activity going on around him, or any other distractions. My suggestion for your son would be to help him do some research on how hard it is for some people to concentrate. He can look into ADD, ADHD, and anything else he can find. Maybe he can write a research paper and present it to the class. You can show him how a child that's easily distracted feels in a classroom by turning on the tv, the radio, the water faucet, banging pots and pans, etc while he tries to read out loud to you or tries to recite you something from his memory or tries to learn new spelling words. It's hard!!! But that is how some kids feel just with 1 person talking or being noisy. I think just helping him realize WHY he needs to be quiet and how much he will help the other kids may be enough to curb the behavior. Also, if he does present some of the things he learns to his teacher AND CHANGES HIS BEHAVIOR BECAUSE OF IT she may take that into consideration when it comes time to give the grades.

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We also have a VERY bright constant talker who used to get in trouble at school for her chatterbox ways. What we figured out was that she was bored. She would finish whatever assignment she was working on then turn to her neighbors and start talking. We talked to her teacher and worked out an agreement that when she finished her work she was allowed to take out a book and read or (if there was time) go to the library and get another book.

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Go for idea #2. Writing quotes is a fantastic idea. It takes more than time. Your son also has to engage his brain.

You may also want to practice some times of silence around the house so he can learn that he doesn't have to speak as soon as his mind has something to say.

Please do not discipline your son with things that are good for him. He will doubly hate them -- for the rest of his life.

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Why not use his "talking" to yours and his advantage. Give him a subject he must talk on. Show him how to research it, how to evaluate arguments on both sides and make him think. Talk to him on what he is saying and how it affects other people -- how so many people have ideas without thinking them through and just spout off their emotions at that time (and how emotions change with circumstances). Before you say "I can't do that"; think about it because I think YOU CAN. Think about how this will come to his advantage in years to come, and isn't that part of what a parent is suppose to do? Yes it will take time and effort, but things that are of value do take time and effort :-)

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You have a lot of terrific advice here. I think parents have to always keep in mind that children are constantly in the process of "finding themselves". They have very little control over situations and often find something that enables them to have some control. Maybe talking is the way your son can feel empowered?

He is a good kid. Why punish him? Especially with food or writing. Both will have very negative consequences later on. I agree with the reward system but also with letting the school handle it. If he can't be himself at home, well that is a real problem right there. A child should be able to have his home the one place he can feel accepted for whom he is at the moment, the one place he can feel free to work out his identity and his needs.

Why not enroll him in a debate class? Even if there is not one in school, you can find an extracurricular activity outside school that will encourage his natural "skills". If he is in preparation for a debate he is going to learn how to utilize his natural talent for talking!
Or sign him up for an acting class. I can recommend a great one for kids that is not expensive. If you want to email me privately I'll give you that information. If he is busy memorizing monologues in his room , he's going to be worn out!

I think approaching the issue as a "talent" instead of a problem may shed new light on the situation. He has a natural ability, it just has to be channeled. He could grow up to be someone who makes a great deal of money talking as a professional speaker on whatever subject he excels at. I have a friend who owns a company that represents professional speakers and they make an excellent living. SO, think about what you have here, potentially a broadcast journalist, an actor, a politician. Channel those energies and the acting coach or debate coach will do all the "work" for you!

K

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Ohh that is a tough one, but the first thing I want to say is that I disagree with using food as a punishment...seems like you are asking for food issues later on ya know! but I do understand your desperation, so here is my 2 cents. My mom also employed the writing tecnique, she required sentences at first, but as they aged (I never had to do this, just the younger ones who were far braver and mouthier than I!!) they had to write reports about respect etc. Included was up to 5 scripture references that focused on the needed attribute. I also think he should write a really nice letter of apology to his teacher for his disrespect. And, for sure if he has things he loves, video games, tv, or whatever..he should start losing privelages! It is wonderful that he is so good otherwise, so it should not be difficult for you to help him correct this problem, but you and he must see it as a real problem first. Even if it seems like it is not a huge deal, he must learn to respect others rules, no matter what his personal opinion of them is! Good luck, you sound like a great mom ,with a great kid on your hands, so just dig in and solve this problem with him!!

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He sounds like a good kid, so maybe this is something he can't help. Maybe he has a mild form of ADHD and meds would help him control this impulse.

I have a brother-in-law with an impulse issue and he just blurts out whatever his mind is thinking and it's not always a good thing to "think out loud".

Since you're a good mom and he's a good boy maybe it's something else, like ADHD, altogether and you need meds instead of punishment.

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Hi,

We did the sentence thing when our boys were smaller, with one exception. I found a bible verse that had something to do with whatever our boys had done. For instance, if they had disobeyed me, they had to write the verse about honoring your mother and father. This will involve you being creative on your part and actually searching for a verse that is adequate to the situation. But it was kind of cool that while they were being corrected they were actually learning something at the same time that is actually worth while. It can also help to improve penmanship! And it sharpens your mind as well. Learning scripture never hurts anybody!

Good Luck!
B. B.

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I feel your pain, I have one of those wonderful 10 year olds who makes great grades and is blessed athletically, always willing to help and never seems to do anything wrong. It makes it hard to punish them when they do step out of line. I hate to see his talking chastised as God my have given him the gift of gab and it might turn into a career for him one day. I myself was a talker and my mom did the "I will not talk in class" 50 times thing and it did not work. I honestly feel that born talkers just talk and have a hard time controlling it. On the upside it proves that his mind is very active!! Maybe you could get him a book of monologs to read and memorize then make him perform in front of the family.. Maybe that will wear his talking out!!!! Just a thought! Good luck!

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Have you thought of maybe going to school with him for a day and observing or would he think that was just way too cool? I like your idea about writing "I will not talk in school". Maybe the teacher could put his desk by hers. You may have already tried all of these things. If I think of anything else, I will let you know. He sounds like a really great kid!Good luck and God Bless!

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I talk a lot in school when I am young. And I realize that I talk because I need to express myself. I just want to tell someone because I am so excited about what I know. So if you can give your a little notebook to keep at his side. He has to write down what he wants to say. So instead of telling his friends immediately - he can tell them later.
You can reflect with your son on what is more important to do. You can help him weigh pros and cons.
To your son, talking is not an infrigement. There is no harm done. Help him to see the side of the teacher. What if everyone in class talks.
I will pray with you and your son. I hope all those that gave their comments will pray too. Let's trust the Lord as well as doing what we need to do.
BTW, I do not agree on writing lines. A kind of punishment that is negative and does not give proper deterent.

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C.,
He's being punished at school -- no need to do it at home.

PLEASE don't do the veggie night -- will just teach him to hate vegetables.

How about some positive reinforcement -- for every day (or maybe half day) he goes without being written up, come up with some sort of a small reward -- then go for something bigger for a 3 day period, or 5 days -- talk it over with him.

My 25 year old was a talker -- grew up to be a 2 time state champion debater, and will finish his MBA in December. Find positive ways to channel him.

A. -- former teacher.

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I skimmed through the other advice real quick before responding. I have to agree with the person that said what about trying reward before punishment. I've done "sticker charts" with my kids, so they could see the progress. It really motivates some kids! You could do the "no talking for a week" as suggested, or pick different goals for him and make the "prize" increasingly BETTER. Like at 5 stars he gets a quarter, at 10 he gets to pick dessert for the family or go for ice cream - Make it things that would motivate him (I know with my oldest ice cream & pokemon are the way to go!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!! My son got in trouble in school K - 2nd. We changed schools the next year & he has done way better at the new one.

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I think you need to analyze his talking. Is he talking because he is a social kid, or is he talking because he has to have the last word? These are two VERY DIFFERENT types of talking...but both are pretty serious.

Children who have to have the last word, always with a response to everything an adult has to say to them are being incredibly disrespectful. They are behaving in a way that says, "My words are just as important, if not more important, than what you have to say." If your son cannot accept correction without feeling like he needs to explain why it isn't his fault, or has to justify everything that he has done, and he can't stop talking no matter what until his words are out, then this is a serious problem. It needs to be dealt with seriously because as your son gets older, it will only get worse. It will turn into arguing with adults and will cause him to lose all sorts privileges later. If this is the kind of talking he does, then you, as a parent, need to retrain him. You need to never allow the arguing or "explaining" in the manner that gives him an ego boost of having the last word. You need to work on his being respectful at home with the adults there.

If your son is just chatting to everyone about everything going on and is just being social, then you have a different problem that is not as serious as the one above, but still a real problem.

So analyze the problem here. What your son doesn't seem to realize (or care about is that his talking is causing a huge distraction. It is rude to the teacher. Even if it is the second, seemingly less important type of talking, he is still distracting other students who are trying to learn. He is being willful and disobedient. Is his purpose to make the others laugh? Does he think he is clever and funny?

You describe your kid as a good kid and you say you don't want to discipline him. That is obvious! Having him eat a vegetable is not a discipline for misbehaving at school. So I would re-evaluate this and treat it as a very serious issue. Learning self control is a VERY SERIOUS thing, especially for a young man.

Perhaps your son needs to do his work in the hall. Perhaps he needs his desk moved away from the other children until he learns the self control he needs to earn the privilege to sit with his friends again. Talk to the teacher and ask for suggestions. Ask her what kind of talking it is, and ask for examples of when it happens and how. If your son has the need to be funny and disruptive, then you need to work with him on how to fit into the group in a different way.

All-in-all I would not treat this matter lightly. I would talk with your son very deeply and earnestly about his talking...what kind of problems it causes (distracting those who are easily distractable, making teaching harder for his teacher, being disrespectful and willful.)

I would also put your son in a sport the minute he hits junior high with a coach that makes them run or have opportunities for unpleasant consequences for the kids who have failed citizenship. I know personally of several kids who behaved beautifully in class just to avoid the consequences in athletics.

Good luck...BE CONSISTENT!!...Treat it seriously.
VickiS

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Hi C.,

Have you sat down with your son and explained the importance of not talking during school? He is old enough to understand he is responsible for his actions and behaviors expected of him in different situations.

He may be bored and need to be in a gifted and talented class. As far as punishment, does he have a favorite TV show or computer game? You could talk to him the whole time he is trying to focus on that. Hopefully this will disturb him so you can reinforce how frustrating talking can be.

Hope you find the answer you are looking for.

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Your son sounds like a great kid. If he has only signed the book 3 times in 10 days, that shows that he does have some self-control. Focus on the positives. Praise him abundantly when he goes a day without signing the book. I don't think "things" work. I think spending extra time with him, one on one, where he can talk without interruption to his heart's content is a good reward. Go for ice cream. Go for a walk. Let him call his grandparents/relative and talk to them.

I think you need to meet with the teacher and together, come up with some strategies to help him. Then discuss them with your son. Explain to him how his talking affects others, or have the other kids at his table talk to him.

When I was teaching, if someone had a hard time with working quietly, I stapled together folders to make a sort of cubby/wall to put on the desk. It was used during quiet work time. I explained that it wasn't punishment, it was there to help him/her focus. Most of the other kids would ask for one because they thought it was cool.

Try to find ways to channel that "gift of gab" into other areas where it will be appreciated and maybe he won't feel the need to talk so much in class.
Ask if he can tutor/read with a younger student.
See if he can help with morning announcements.
Ask if he can teach the class something.

If he isn't already, get him involved in activities where he can shine whether that be sports, theatre, art, music, boy scouts, etc. That sounds strange but some of the students I taught who were big talkers lacked self-confidence around their peers and felt the need to "prove" themselves by talking all the time.

Sorry for rambling.
Hope this helps.
S.

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When I was your son's age my mother started taking the door to my room off of the hinges. I really valued my privacy and this always made a HUGE impact on me. Also, she would limit my telephone time to about 15 mins twice a day. Since boys are so much different than girls I don't know if either of these would work, but I wanted to suggest them.

The other stand-bys are no TV, computer, cell, XBox, etc.

You could also try a positive reward system. Tell him if he can make it through the rest of the week, he gets to pick out dinner on Friday night. If he makes it all next week, he gets to rent a movie or go out for ice cream.

Good Luck! Hope the rest of your year goes better!

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I was blessed to be at a conference this summer where a speaker said several things that made me think about my two gifts from God.

1. Your children are designed by God for HIS pleasure and purpose.

2. What do you suppose Barbara Walters got in trouble for at school?? Talking too much??!! :) What do you suppose Julia Child's got in trouble for? Cooking and not cleaning up or being inventive in the kitchen. What do you think Mikhail Baryshnikov got in trouble for? Moving all the time?

God has placed within your child His gift. Sometimes the very thing we punish our children for or what drives us crazy about them is what God's going to use for His purpose in your child's life.

If your son isn't having behavior problems that the teacher wants your help on, let the punishment at school stand. Personally I think schools are run a little to strict. I know in my step daughter's school she wasn't allowed to talk in class, wasn't allowed to talk at lunch above a whisper, wasn't allowed to talk in PE. Tell me when, praytell, are they supposed to talk? No where else on the planet are rules like that a part of every day living. Not even prison.

You may have the next Walter Cronkite on your hands, I don't know. Just please let the punishment fit the crime. Will they fail him in his grade because of poor conduct grades? I had on every report card sent home "L. is a great student but she talks too much". My parents disciplined me over it and I don't remember ever having a report card without that comment on it. I've never lost a job over it, never had any problems because of it, and have been called a people person my whole adult life. Not too bad I guess! :)

Just know this is a part of your son's person as much as the color of his eyes or hair. Treat it with as much respect and wonder as you can.

Blessings!
L.

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Heres what I think:
Dont ever use food as a reward or punishment. It should be considered nurishment needed for life.
Continue to explain and educate him on why it is wrong for him to speak out of turn. He sounds really smart and maybe if you treat it like some kind of project he might respond.
You need to start taking things away. Things that are really important to him ( toys, tv, pillow etc).
good luck

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What does he love? What's his favorite toy/activity/pastime/etc? I would start with having consequences each time he gets in trouble for talking in school. The consequence being you take away one of his very favorite privledges. That might have a bigger impact that eating yucky veggies or writing sentences :o) Good luck, I am happy to see you taking this seriously as he does need to learn that being disruptive in school impacts not just himself but others around him. He sounds like a very sharp kid so I would imagine if he starts to lose something he really loves he will learn how to zip that mouth when he needs to!

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The best thing that I have found that works for me is to take things away. It has to be something that he really likes so that he feels the consequences of it. Ours is usually to take away tv or video game time. He has also lost favorite toys or privileges as well.

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I had a friend in college who told me what her parents used to do to her. When she got in trouble, she had to handwrite a chapter of the Bible. I thought that was kind of funny. When I worked as a substitute teacher, I'd get the OCS room sometimes, and when they finished their work, the principal told me to have them copy the dictionary or encyclopedia. Seems to me that would be a pretty yucky punishment.

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I was (am) also a big talker. The good news is I became a music teacher and it suits me great! I think it's a tricky thing, because I remember often being embarassed at being reprimanded by my parents in front of other people. But maybe that helped. One punishment that I still remember is from an awesome elementary teacher. He assigned "LM"'s - "loving message"? "learning math"? "loud mouth"? Never knew the meaning. Anyways, it was writing the multiplication tables from one to 10 and back. In 6th grade, it was 1-20 and back. You better believe I never got one in 6th grade! They took forever to do, on top of an already huge load of homework from the guy - he was great! Good luck with your chatter bug and enjoy all the positives!

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Have you met my son?

Seriously tho...my son was guilty of the same thing. He was very self correcting (knew when he did wrong and usually would tell you that it was) and other than his conduct grade, my son made straight A's.

Kids learn different. And I've never seen a child that didn't get into college because he talked to much. I also know that when I changed schools for my son, instead of the constant badgering about how much he talked, she would give him his moment in the "sun" every day...to kinda get it out of his system so that after that...NOW...he can get on with his work.

If your son isn't hitting, fighting, pinching, doing drugs, doing other horrible things...or god forbid, his hair touching his eyebrows(my son got sent home because of that...another story altogether)then I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I'd reiterate to him that there's a time and place for talking. I'd make sure there was open communication with the teacher (ie: grades, when is he talking most, etc) but he seems like a smart kid...

For the record, one of my favorite sentences to give my son to do when he was acceptionally "bad" was: "I will not talk in class because it disrupts others. Actions have consequences and because I didn't understand those consequences, I am now writing sentences." And yeah...I LOVE the long ones. And yeah, he wrote it 100 times. Double spaced. Neat or done over.

Good luck with your son. I will be sending good thoughts your way.

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Sounds like you have a very bright and energetic young man on your hands. I would strongly advise against food. When emotions become tied to food....well that can lead to other problems. Food is not the problem here, talking is. I think you ought to talk to his teacher and/or counselor and discuss some extra outlets. Maybe a speech/debate team or program is available during or even after school. Maybe he can tutor younger kids. Or help with an after school program that he can talk and lead. I would search out ways to help him use up his energy. Maybe it will help him to express himself with theater class or chior. Also, have you asked him what he thinks the problem is and how he thinks your two should handle it. Since he is older and seem to be eager, he should help you make these 'big boy' decisions. Good luck!

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Is your son a starter on his sports team? Ask the coach to sit him out for a game.

Does your son watch television or DVDs or games? Take them away.

Make him go to bed an hour earlier for x-amount of days.

THis can be very humiliating but have the teacher place your son in front of the classroom with his nose in a circle.

Maybe if your son can be quite ie not talk without being addressed, then you could reward him with a particular favorite edible treat.

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First off, I love the Veggie Night idea! Sounds like your son will get more than the reccomended dose of veggies! :)
Is there a chore he could do that he would normally refuse to do like toilet cleaning or gardening for you or hold back allowances if he earns it...make him pay you!
Depending on your husband's or your job...is there a need for "Work For Mom or Dad Day" ?

You don't want to squash his social butterfly completly so you could also try a reward system instead of a punishment system. You say he's awesome in all but the talking. Give him and incentive not to talk....a reasonably priced item of his choice as long as he doesn't sign the book for 1month.

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When you described your child, you described me. My dad used to say he would give me a quarter if I would not talk for 5 minutes. I don't remember ever getting a quarter. I was in trouble a lot for it. Especially at school. Thoughts would pop in my head and I would say them. I was grounded, spanked, wrote sentences, missed important events and nothing helped. I am now 52 years old and still talk. I now know that I have ADHD. I do take Adderall and it helps. At work, I prefer to work alone and that way I am not distracted. As a child a teacher told me to put a mark on the paper every time I wanted to talk, or write down what I wanted to say and share it later. That helped in school. A home is not structured like school so talking was fair game.
Asking him to not talk may be asking someone who needs glasses to squint harder or a diabetic to make more insulin. But he should be able to reign it in and control.
I have a BS and MS and work in education. I consider myself successful.

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We are staunch advocate of respect and the difference between right and wrong. Thankfully, I'm one if the lucky ones as well. I have 5 GREAT kids and while do use discipline as a realistic measure of punishment, we only have to do so in rare cases. What we have focused on are Biblical principles of honoring thy father and thy mother and our kids being responsible for their actions. This covers respecting direct requests for a specific behavior from us the parents, teachers, family, etc.. Respecting themselves and their peers. We lay out the consequences with them in advance. The kids even help layout the different means of staying out of trouble and the consequences. That way everyone understands what is expected of them and what will happen if the expectations aren't met. They are also an active participant in choice making in their own lives. Whether it's a timeout, groundings, removal of privileges, or worst case scenario a dreaded spanking. They know what to expect and then we as parents follow through (even when we don't want to).
We also urge our kids to pray about things that is causing them issues. Just as for me, I believe that there are some things that require divine intervention :0). I wish you much grace in resolving this issue.
I wish you much grace in this situation.

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I love to follow the "make the punishment fit the crime rule" whenever I can. Since the problem is talking, maybe make him be silent for a certain amount of time, adding on 5 extra minutes if he can't do it. He can still be out and around others, he just must be silent. It sounds like this is an issue of self control, not really disobedience, so setting a timer, even one he can clip onto his belt loop or carry around with him, and saying he must not speak or make any noise for x-minutes, maybe he will learn to control himself.

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Hi C.,
I read the responses you have gotten so far and especially agree with two teachers who wrote. Using natural and logical consequences seems a better way to go than punishment. Logical consequences are administered with a matter-of-fact manner, not with anger. The approach mentioned was "Love and Logic" and another one that is good is "Raising a Responsible Child" by Mathew McKay, Ph.D. Another thought: Have you talked with the teacher to get his/her suggestions as to what you should do at home about this issue? I agree with many of the others that his ability to talk is a gift that needs to be channeled in a healthy direction. Despite his excessive talking, he appears to be "listening" to the teacher as evidenced by his good grades. The worst part of his excessive talking may be his disturbing/interrupting the learning process of his fellow students, interrupting the teacher, and his lack of ability to consider others needs in group situations such as classrooms. Talk to the teacher and/or counselor at school, tell her what you have tried these last few years and try to come up with a plan with her/him that focuses on logical consequences. Also, at home is/has he been allowed to interrupt others? If so, you might consider seriously talking with him about how his behavior has been handled in the past and that that needs to change, because not to do so will leave him with habits that may cost him friends, etc. I don't think talking about how it will hurt him in his career will make much dent with a 10 year old, but maybe talking about how his "gift" can be honed and channeled and will open up all kinds of opportunities for him hopefully will make some sense to him.

I think you have an intelligent young man with impulse-control issues that don't sound involved enough for meds. Talking with a counselor/psychologist about counseling for him using behavioral psychology interventions may be very helpful to you and your husband as parents and to your son. I don't know where you live, but Dr. Susan Fletcher in Plano, Tx would be a very good consultant on this issue. My brother and I both were talkers in school, got better as we got older and both used our ability with words in our careers. One of my grandson's got in trouble in early grades for talking and excessive activity. My daughter was able to get him to a very good child psychologist (after she was asked to take him out of a Montessori school at age 3 1/2 because he could not control his talking and getting out of his seat--they said he should have started there at age 2 rather than at age 3 1/2--they only worked with him about 2-3 months max before telling her she needed to move him--obviously that is still a sore spot for me--I attended the conference with her--the worst parent conference I have ever witnessed--I am a retired counselor/therapist and have sat in on and conducted hundreds of parent conferences and would never talk to a parent the way the director and teacher talked to my daughter--sorry, another story). The psychologist was able to teach him, even at 3 1/2, ways to begin to control his inpulses himself. With a 3 yr old, I remember he did play therapy and one of the games he used was "Simon Says". Whatever else he did, it worked. Today my grandson is a 17 yr old honor student in AP classes at a prep school for students headed into medicine, engineering, etc. He is very laid back, behavior is excellent. C., there is light at the end of the tunnel. Look for positive ways to frame this situation and consult with the teacher, psychologist, etc. on natural and logical consequences to put into place. Good Luck and continue to enjoy your young treasure.

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Engage him in an eye contact conversation, and ask him if he would like someone else to talk all the time so that he couldn't get his ideas or tell things that excited him told. Tell him that you think he is a good kid & talking doesn't seem the same as some other conduct problems, so it is hard to think his behavior would class him as a bad behavior person, & you are sure he doesn't want to be classed that way. Tell him it is rude to talk when it isn't appropriate, and does he think of himself as a rude person. If he is just busting to talk about something, ask him to write it instead of talking, so that he still gets it out of his system, and that you will read it at the appropriate time, and if he is wanting the teacher to know, he can hand it in to her, then he will still get his say in, without disrupting the class. Is he excitable also, like some foods get kids wound up, this could contribute. I had a son, grown now, that loved to talk, still does, but not to that degree. they are lovable and good people, just have to learn when and where. In the first grade he was called motor mouth.
At home practice the not talking so much, (as you can't be at school) and maybe it will at least make him stop and think at school, and maybe no TV. It has to almost be immediate, and not something that will happen later that evening, as that doesn't nip it in the bud so to speak at the time, as when he is on a roll, I'm sure he isn't thinking of what will happen to him later. Hope some of this helps.

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C.,
You sound like such a great Mom! I identified with you as my son used to get into trouble for talking. All I can say is that UN-fortunately, it passes! My son, now 20 is a great, well adjusted young man of whom I am very proud. But once he hit teenage years, he went to one syllable sentences, and grunts. I miss his chattiness. Enjoy!
R.

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C.,

I love the writing "I will not talk in school" - like 500 times!

You could just let him get the lower grade in school - if he is on honor roll, I bet he will hate actually seeing that lower grade.

Now, this is what my husband and I did when our kids kept interupting us during our TV time...
We would go and interrupt THEM when they wanted some down time. If they were on the internet, watching TV, on the phone, even going to sleep... we would go in and ask them silly questions.
They stopped interupting us.

You could just go and talk to him when he expects it to be quiet; and don't stop. Do it even when he is trying to do his homework.

Good luck on your yabber.

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I know you feel bad about disciplining a child that seems to not need very much discipline. But consider this... he is disobeying you and you are letting him. It doesn't matter to what degree or that it is a little offense as compared to a big one. He is being flat out disobedient and cannot control himself. My rule of thumb is that Mom/Dad control you until you can control yourself. He has to learn that self-control. And it is your job to teach him. Period. When is a lie little? When do we graduate from little lies to big lies? Why are little lies ok, but big ones aren't?
Why is it ok to talk and not control yourself but not in other aspects? If he is disobedient and talks now, what will he say as he gets older? Disrespectful things, cuss words?
My point is that some things start as very small disobediences that can lead to other behaviours later because we as parents don't think they are that bad. So, he is a talker....I hate to punish him because he is mainly a good kid. But one that can't control his mouth when asked to, or told to. But continues to do the behaviour you have told him to stop. And if he can't then you need to help him be obedient to you for his own good.
Now how to go about doing that is another story. But I still think that you do not believe he is really having a problem, because you hesitate to really punish him, you don't really want to "hurt him". But I am not sure that I know what you mean by hurt him. How? physically with a spanking? or emotionally by making him obey, over something you see as petty?
I think the main goal here is that no matter if he thinks it is small or petty, he simply has to obey because his teacher told him to and it is disobedient and disrespectful to do anything else. Personally, I don't care if I told my kids to jump on one foot, they do it simply because I said. That my word is to be obeyed and respected whether they think it is important or not, and to do so immediately and with a happy attitude. And if they don't then there are consequences that do include spanking. I don't like to spank, especially an older child, but will if nothing else seems to work or they particularly deserve it.
I would think that a talker the main thing to punish them with is to not let them talk. I think that he should have a bandana tied around his mouth to remind him not to talk. A rubber band on the wrist for you to pop will get his attention if he can't keep quiet, so if he got a mark for talking at school, say he has to be quiet for 45 minutes at home--during the high talk times--like right when dad gets home and everyone wants his attention. I would also sometimes, out of the clear blue, say "Stop talking right now for one minute" and make him do it as a lesson on self-control. And for you to exert your authority as someone to be obeyed, for the simple reason to be obeyed, and to teach him self control. Because if you don't then the school will. But that is in all things. Like if you don't teach your kids to obey rules and laws, then the prison system or police will. Same theory. Some pepper on the tongue might work. So will making him brush with some salt, won't hurt him but won't taste good and may make him remember not to do it again.
If after all that you try to do to help him, teach him, etc and it still doesn't work than I would resort to a spanking of one swat with the wooden spoon and then increase by one swat for each time he comes home with the problem of talking and getting into trouble. You have to escalate to something to get his attention if nothing else works. Or you could let natural consequences take over and just let him keep getting in trouble at school, but I don't like that unless he really just doesn't want to try to stop. Becasue I see this as a challenge for me to teach my child and to guide him if he truly needs help with a problem or bad habit. I see that as my parental duty. I have a talker myself, who will bend anyones ear, so have struggled with this problem. But thankfully we have the problem well in hand now.
Good luck,
L.

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I have the same trouble with my 9 year old. He also is into sports. I have found that using the sports as a reward has worked. If he gets in trouble at school he misses sports for that day. If he gets in trouble more than twice in a week he misses game on Saturdays, this really seems to work. Good luck hope this helps.
T.

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I agree with the comments about the food and also the sentences and color me stupid, but the child is already having consequences at school and part of being a parent is allowing our children to learn to live with the consequences of their choices. It is possible that what is going on at school will solve the problem because I assume that the teacher will start doing things like having him skip all or part of recess if he cannot get it under control through the conduct grade.

What I would do is find something that the boy likes, a treat, going out for ice cream, a trip to the dollar store to get whatever that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Use these as carrots for the good behavior, i.e. if you get to the end of the week and you have no conduct marks (maybe in the beginning you settle for one a week) and otherwise, he is in the 4th grade, getting a poor grade is not going to kill his academic career but if he likes to succeed, he is going to learn that part of that is controlling the mouth.

I know he is probably driving you crazy with this but he will get past it. Part of the deal I made with my mother to get my ears pierced in 7th grade was not getting any check marks on my report cards, and believe me, they were always for self control. You might also try telling him that his talking is a gift but like anything else, it must be used at the right time.

As a grown-up, his ability to talk to a fence post will be a good thing and you should also let him know that, but even then, on the job, he can't just start talking in the middle of a meeting or something. A lot of grown-ups get paid to talk but they don't just randomly talk, they do it in a really smart way. Planting these positive seeds should be part of solving the problem.

He sounds like a really good kid and positive reinforcement is always a better way to prompt desired behavior. Also, part of this should be teaching him the same at home. If he interrupts you and your husband or someone else talking, remind him that it is impolite, etc. He has to wait until the right time. If you have indulged the talking and never really told him this much in the past, it is one of the reasons that he does the same thing in school.

If he starts to associate the talking with punishment, he could wind up clamming up either in an effort to comply when he needs to or because it truly changes the way he interacts with the world, and that is like putting a bushel basket over your child.

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The only thing that I can think of is to take away priveledges. If he has to sign the conduct book at school, then a privledge gets taken, when he goes a certian amount of time without signing the book, then the privledge gets restored. Make it something small at first, and move up to the stuff he really will miss, TV, Video or computer time, etc., my 11 year old son has ADHD and is a handful all around, I have found that taking away those things that he really enjoys, like not being able to go to the pond and fish on a weekend, helps him to focus on what he should be doing and try harder to not get into trouble.

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C.,

I love your final entry about what y'all have decided to do. Congrats on coming up with something that is so practical and puts the responsiblity on him. It sounds like a perfect start.

Good luck!
Tamara

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

The above website has some wonderful books for great discipline ideas in a loving caring manner. Thought you might be interested in checking them out. My sister has started to use the concept and it has really made a difference with her kiddos. Good luck!

I know your post is old, but my sister has the SAME problem with her son. What she does (and it seems to work) is the sentences that you mentioned. She has him write 25 sentences, then she has him research for 10 Quotes he has not previously researched before, AND 10 Bible Verses on being quiet. It works.

I really don't think that punishment is the right answer. But I don't have a word for what I am thinking either.
I think he might actually be unable to not talk. I think he might have an impulse control problem. I am a talker got in trouble all the time in school as well. It is something I work VERY HARD at, not talking out of turn that is. I am that annoying person who talkes to everyone in line etc.
So I have two thoughts. 1 Is there one or two particulare people he is always talking to at school? Can he talk to them other times, like on the phone afer school or something? Get it out of his system I guess would be the aproach here. 2 is to practice with him. Make him sit and read, or do a word puzzle or something while you and your husband talk about something that would intrest him. Make baby steps, tell he needs to focus on his items for 5 minutes, then try to build it up to 40. Let him know what you are doing, that you are wanting to help him practice so he can do it at school.
I do truly know how it feels to sit and have a comment on something and just not be able to keep it in, you can't focus on anything becuse you just want to say what you are thinking. It is very hard to supress.