Need Carseat Advice/suggestions for Problem with Great-Grandmother

This may sound a little bit harsh, but I wouldn't be letting my child ride with her...you mentioned that when you've ridden with her before it was a bit nerve-racking. My child's safety comes first, even if it means offending a grandparent. We've had this issue come up recently with ex's parents coming for a visit. His step-father is not a safe driver (other family has brought this up, though not to him, at previous times). They wanted to drive my son the 2 hours to his dad's house. I made special arrangements for me to drive him there instead. The "what if's" just aren't worth it. Obviously this is just my opinion, but if she is only watching her one day a week - she could probably save errands or other things she has to drive for to other days. Good luck!

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Wow - that's scary!

I know that for my son's Grammy, we were able to add a caribiner (d-ring) to the release strap to help her get a grip on it.

Is it possible she could just loosen the straps for your daughter to slide her feet in, then buckle the chest strap and tighten the whole harnes? It would be a way around having to un-do that center buckle.

And, if she can't buckle her up properly, I think you have to put your foot down that she can't go anywhere. How horrible would Great-Grandmother feel if something DID happen?

Best of luck finding a solution!

T.

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If it were me, I'd take grandma on two field trips.... One to a highway patrol safety station to have them show her the proper way to restain a child in the car & secondly I would go to Babies 'R Us and start getting the shelf models down and having her try them out to find which one works best for her and then split the cost with her. "BRU" by my house (169 & Barry Road) has a bench seat that you can put the car seats on and put the child in and out to test it before you buy it.

Your child's life is at stake here, and as hard as it is with Gma, put your foot down and let her know that your daughter is to be buckeled in properly or she is not allowed to take her anywhere in the car.

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Ok, E. let me start off by saying that this website is great for honest advice, and we will give it to you. Nothing personal, but E., NO NO NO!!! If shes not able to put her in her carseat right, she shouldnt be driving with her. If she cannot follow your wishes then find someone else to watch your daughter. Yes, accidents can happen, but a lot of them can be prevented as well. Im really afraid for your daughter and yourself. Im really hoping you dont get a horrible phone call someday. Please make sure shes safe.

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You do need to be aware that if only the chest buckle is fastened that poses a strangulation risk, even if it is just from stopping the car (not a crash). If you must have your grandma watch your kid, you might offer to drive her to do errands instead of her trying to drive your child around on the day she babysits.

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The only suggestion I have for you stems from what I have done in some "vainer" moments. I like to have long nails from time to time and at a certain length it becomes difficult to oush the buttons...when this happends I use soemthing else to push the button which allows me to exert more pressure... I was keeping a thick black sharpy with the big round cap to push the button, of course common sense dictates keep the marker out of the kiddos reach, but maybe this would help? I don't know...if it were me I would be a nervouse wreck, I would have to be firm and lay down the law either kid gets buckled correctly or kid doesn't go bye bye...maybe take her shopping and try some carseats out and see if any are easier for her to manipulate? I feel for your problem...good luck
B.

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I'm sorry, but you should not allow your 84 year old great grandmother to drive your daughter around. It is too dangerous. Even if she hasn't had her driving privileges taken away legally, she is too old to be driving safely, regardless of the car seat situation. I would never allow someone that old to drive my children around.

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Sorry, but there is NO WAY ON EARTH I would leave my 2 year old with a relative that even MIGHT take my son anywhere in a car - even two doors down - without being properly fastened in a safe car her word that she won't do it again, either. The fact that you are not asked SCREAMS that she knows she is not supposed to do it and you would say NO if asked. Problem is she is old enough to remember a time when there were no seatbelts in cars. You need to inform her that there are now laws in place for GOOD REASON! We know better now! Better option? My advise is to never leave your baby alone with your grandmother. If you must - TAKE HER KEYS so there is no chance of her going for a joyride. If that sounds harsh, it is because I want to convey the severity of the situation. This is not to be taken lightly! Your baby's safety and well-being is your chief concern. YOU are her voice, her protector.

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Hi E.,

I have to say I agree with Lori.But Im going to go a bit further and say were it me...I probably wouldnt agree to let her drive my toddler anywhere.Even after having the 'talk'. If she cannot buckle the seat properly,its an extreme hazard to your toddlers safety,regardless if shes just going round the block or to the g store.Not to mention how she would feel did something bad happen. Im an ex trk driver and have had experience with 'older' drivers,so my next concern would be because of her age,the delay in her reaction time to a driving situation.Not that even the most experienced driver cannot make mistakes,but the odds increase with age. To me that is 2 -, 0+.
Maybe suggest refraining from driving until you arrive and all 3 of you can go together? I think its great that your Grt Gma loves to spend so much time with your lil one and would hate for that to be jeapordized.

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I'm going to stick up for Granny a little here. I come from a family where people live long rewarding healthy lives. Being 84 doesn't make her feable.

The carseats can be really difficult, no matter what the age is. I would approach it from the stand point that it is illeagl and she could get a fine and cause trouble for you. Maybe that would be a good way to get it through her mind.

As far as leaving your daughter with her, you know her abilities and it is probably fine. My grandparents watched my daughter when she was 1.5-3 several half days a week. They were 78 and did wonderfully well with her. The delight they all took in each other was rewarding beyond measure.

They are now 81 and 84. My 81 year old grandfather could put up a fence - he is strong and sturdy and I would not doubt his ability. My grandma isn't doing as great, but still independant and amazing.

You can't judge a person by age alone! My grandmother-in-law lived in her own home, going up and down stairs to do laundry until she was 93. She was perfect! She raked her own half acre yard when she was 85 (beat the rest of us to it every darn year!!!).

Hang in there E.. The bond your daughter and grandmother are building is worth tons. However, I would figure out a way to make the car trips stop. Carseats are very important and you would never forgive yourself if something happened.

Good luck!
K.

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I think it is great that your grandmother and daughter spend time together. It will be something your daughter cherishes later in life. I would not budge on the carseat safety issue, though. The carseat is not going to be effective in protecting your daughter if it is not fastened properly. Besides worrying about your grandmother's driving, it is the other drivers that concern me. I feel honesty is the best policy, and even if she feels you are being paranoid, maybe car trips aren't the best idea. If she needs to go somewhere on a certain day, pick another day for them to spend together. Back in your grandmother's day, no one wore seat belts, but no one drove like a lunatic either. Times change, so we have to change with them, whether it is convenient or not. Good luck and stay safe!

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Hi E.,

As all of the others have responded - you can not keep letting Grandma put your baby in danger!

You will have to let Grandma know she is NOT to take the little one out in the car alone. It will more then likely hurt her feelings, but better hurt feelings then suffering through a tragedy.

Another thing you can do after your talk with Grandma is ask her if there are places she needs to go - it could be she just likes to have someone with her while she is out running around, since you are a stay at home mom, maybe you can work it out so you and the kids run with Grandma once a week or once every couple of weeks.

As we all get busy with our lives I know it's harder and harder to find time for the elderly, keeping in mind that she won't always be here, take advantage of the possibility of making extra memories of spending time with her while helping her out. You will be grateful that you did in the long run.

Good luck!

N.

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Go ahead...accuse me of flaming...but are you OUT of your MIND?? You cannot allow your 84 year old grandmother to drive your child anywhere. Elderly people are serious dangers on the road to all of us - but if she can't even buckle the safety harness?!? That is straight-up child endangerment! You should stop allowing your grandmother to watch your child AT ALL if she isn't even going to consult you about outings. She doesn't need to be going anywhere. She should schedule her errands around her babysitting time. This is outrageous.

And I just have to add...please reconsider whether a woman of this advanced age is an adequate caregiver for a toddler at all. Could she stop your daughter from running into the street? From falling off a chair? From choking? I honestly think your daughter is in danger just being alone with someone so old! Please stop this. Great-grandma time should be supervised and should certainly not involve the CAR.

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Until she is able to buckle your daughter in properly (and she won't be, if she doesn't have the strength to do it) ABSOLUTELY put your foot down and say NO car drives. The way she has her buckled in now -- she might as well not be in a car seat. Are you willing to let your daughter's safety be compromised yet? You need to sit down and have a talk with your gg in order for her to realize how serious of a situation this is -- but you need to realize how serious this is first. Just google carseat test crash videos and you'll get a quick education. GG and your daughter can have fun at home, or lend her a stroller so they can walk around the neighborhood. Do NOT let her take your daughter in the car any longer. PLEASE!

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This is a non-negotiable. She's gotta be buckled in - ALL the way in.

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Hi E., I have seen a couple of people's advice on here that talk about putting your child in a high back booster. Let me start off by saying that booster sits are for children 4 years of age to I think about 6 year of agoe or so and they have to be so many inches tall and at least 40 pounds ( some booster's it's 35). I have a high back booster seat for my son but we don't use it all the time, only when needed but my son is 3 and fits the height requirement and the booster seat that we got says they have to wiegh at least 35 pounds ( which he fits that requirement too.) I would not use a high back booster for your little girl considering she is only two. I think it's really cool that she gets to spend time with her great grandma mother, and she will remember a lot of the things that she gets to do with her but safety does come first. you said that most of the places that she goes too is just around town but did you know that most accidents happen within 10 miles of your home? I would just her to please not take her, that you would like for her to just stay at the house with her. I know that is way easier said then done but sometimes you have to put your foot down. I don't really know of any carseats that are easy to unlatch at the bottom. I hope that you will be able to get everything straighten out. God bless you!

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Hey there, man there is one one serious issues that needs to be addressed with grandma. That is that it is illegal to go without proper restraints.
But one thought that I didn't see is that how big is your daughter? would she be able to use a high back booster with shoulder seat belt? I have rheumatoid arthritis and have found the seat belt buckle is possible to unhook where other car seat straps are impossible. This said only MY great grandma would not have been able to do kid duty. All my other g-parents kept them till within a year of their deaths at 90+ years old.
Your daughter will remember and cherish every moment with g-ma. My teenagers still remember all of their moments, and my toddlers are creating new ones. Give g-ma a hug and explore options, my kids have learned quickly how to buckle and unbuckle themselves b/c I could not do it.
I worked in a preschool and am amazed at how many parents moved their kids to boosters at 2. But if g-ma's car only has lap belts, you are sorta out of luck till she outgrows her carseat then they recommend only lap belt without booster, if the lap belt is the only thing available. Boosters are only to be used with shoulder/lap belts. This is a little tid bit that most people do not understand.
Good luck hon, and love them both

i agree with lori and carolyn for the most part. but i don't have that problem so don't know how i would handle it...just know it would make me extremely nervous. but i wanted to add about the carseat that has the bar that comes down, i got one on the advice of another mom who said that it's great because they have something to rest their heads on when they're sleeping...well. #1 my son rarely sleeps in the car and the one or two times he did, he didn't use the bar at all, his head kinked over at that horrible looking angle like all kids' do in a carseat and it didn't make one bit of difference. and #2, it is HARDER to get them into those. the bar is right over the latch (or was on ours) so it's really hard to see what you're doing and get it latched correctly. my suggestion (although you've probably already thought of this), if she's two, does she weigh enough to get her into a booster seat? that would be the absolute easiest for grandma. just a thought. once we made the switch it was SOOO much easier to get my son in and out. good luck, not an easy situation.

Well, the most obviouse advice has been said over and over. I would like to make another suggestion. You mentioned she did not have the strength to unbuckle the seat, which is why she doesn't use it. Well something worth a try is WD40. My buckle STICKS, which makes it much harder, even for me, to get undone. If you are looking for a solution, try this. Wd 40 the inside of the buckle fastener, and around the push button. Work it around and see if that helps. What do you have to lose?

Hi E.,

You need to have a frank talk with your Gr-Gma. Tell her about your concerns and for your daughter's safety. Do it in a loving manner and I'm sure she'll understand.

By the way, they still do make the over-the-head carseats and unfortunately are not any easier to buckle up. The problem we had with ours was both hands need to be at the same place at the same time, and it was difficult to snap down the bar with both hands in the way. I don't know if it was just the kind of carseat we used or what. But please don't just take my word for it, there may be better seats out there. That's just the experience we had.

God bless, ls

Bottom line here is that you CANNOT continue to let her drive your daughter around as long as she's not properly restraining your daughter in the car seat. Also, you said you're not comfortable with her driving your daughter around anyway because she's not a good driver... so, don't let her. I know it's so much easier said than done, and you're worried about hurting her feelings, but your daughter comes first here. Her safety is what is important. How terrible would it be if something (god forbid) actually did happen?? Accidents happen all the time, the majority close to home. You have to speak up for your daughter, she can't do it for herself. People of our grandparent's generation didn't have the same safety laws that we have now, so they don't quite get it. It's up to us to educate them. If your grandmother were to get in an accident or get pulled over with your daughter improperly "secured" she will get a ticket, and possibly get in trouble for child endangerment.

Also, wanted to add something about the carseat with the bar, instead of a 5 point harness. I'm not even sure they make these anymore and any of them you see used are probably expired. They aren't as safe, 5 point harnesses are best. And, 2 years old is way too young for a booster. I believe it's 4 years old and 40 lbs. Here's a link to the Missouri law: http://www.modot.mo.gov/Safety/newlaws.htm & http://www.dhss.mo.gov/BabyYourBaby/carsafety.html

Would probably be better if you suggest no road trips and explain that your baby is only with her once a week and doesn't need a driving outing and that is her special time at gg's house not at stores etc.
As for the carseat with the bar. I didn't like mine. You couldn't get the straps tight enough to where the kids couldn't climb out of it. Ours was designed with the straps attached to the bar and the straps were at a slant so there was wiggle room no matter how tight it was adjusted. You also have to teach your kid to hold their hands up in the air after you put the bar down over their head so you don't smash their arms when trying to buckle it. I think your GG would not remember to watch for her arms and hands and would probably smash them when trying to get it buckled. These seats are more bulky and hard to buckle. I preferred the T-Bar but don't think they make these anymore. My kids could not climb out of those type and the t-bar went across their chest and would fit in a slot to buckle. I also had one of the new 5 pt harness type with our youngest and that one was very unsafe. The straps wouldn't stay tight and several times when we got out of the car his straps would be lying in his lap. It was one of those that could be converted to a highback booster seat. I was very dissappointed in that seat and was constantly looking for a recall but it never happened so I ended up buying him another seat that I felt safer with and wasn't as expensive as that unsafe one. We did use the other one when he was old enough to go to the booster seat option as it was ok for that but was not safe for younger babies that still needed the harness straps.