Need an Opinion: "Your Dog and Other People's Homes"

My thoughts: You don't take an animal to someone else's home. Period. It doesn't matter if it's considered "family" or not--you just don't do that. How do you know that the person's home you're taking the animal to doesn't have a sensitivity to the animal that won't go away once you're gone because the traces of the animal are still there in the home? This happened to a family member of mine. She just had to bring her dog with her to visit family. Because the family wasn't around dogs in confined spaces much, one suffered an extreme asthma attack and wasn't able to stay in the home until all carpets, upholstery, and drapes were thoroughly scrubbed and washed. To me--that was totally uncalled for on the dog owner's part. If you have an animal and you know you're to be traveling, call a boarding facility and make arrangements with them. Otherwise, either stay home or don't get the animal.

How bout this scenario: I've got a pet elephant that I love. How about a water buffalo. Or a goat? I want to bring them to YOUR house.
How do you feel? Or maybe I've got a pot smoking habit. Hey , if you love me you'll embrace my pot smoking in your house- because this is me and 'it's a package deal."

See how absurd that sounds?
Seems like you get it, but your husband is too busy thinking about himself. Animals are not predictable, they are not humans, and they are not your parents "grandchildren".

Why not show him your poll results to try to change his selfish attitude.

Oh I hate when people think they can bring their pets to my house and don't see why it's disrespectful - AND I used to be one of those who brought my dog everywhere! Now that I have a toddler and a house though (and still my loving dog), I do not like it when people bring their dogs (and this Christmas, birds) here. Their pets, not matter how well trained, inevitably make a mistake on the rug or break something and I can't stand it! It is so rude, dogs are not people and not predictable. Your parents are totally in the right and your husband is being bull-headed. Put yourself in their position and have someone bring a large dog over to your house whenever they visit and maybe he'll start to understand.

Oh, and Lola is right. It's not right that it got to the point where your parents had to resort to telling you not to bring your dog. Imagine how they felt when trying to figure out a way to tell you that wouldn't upset you. This shouldn't have gotten to that point. Your dog is your puppy and no one else will feel loving feelings toward him when he is knocking over their lamps and bodies!

your parents have every right not to want your dog at their house. I see that you are the one who is okay with it and your husband is not. You are not a package deal, as your husband says. Your dog is just that, a dog. An animal.
I can't tell you how much I hate it when my brothers bring their dogs to my parents house. I think it's so disrespectful and just not neccesary. And I am a dog owner (I have a one year old beagle/border collie mix...lots of energy). Your parents are probably older and may not want to sweep up dog hair when you leave, or vaccum up dog hair, or be worried about a 90lb+ dog running around their little house.
Your husband is in the wrong here, and I have no idea how to "soften" it....he's just wrong!
L.

Package deal, hmmm?
Leave him at home with the puppy.
How rude, how inconsiderate.
Your respect for your parents and their need not to have a big unruly puppy in their home takes precedence, in my opinion, over your husband's boorish attitude.
In general, of course you shouldn't force your dog on other people.
Especially an untrained rambunctious BIG puppy.
Good grief!
I realize that taking a dog when you visit is more common in some places than in others. It seems to me that when people visit people,
animals should not be included unless they are specifically welcomed
into the home.
You could have your husband read the answers here.
I haven't read them yet but I believe most of the people here will agree with me. I'm wondering if your husband may have some other reasons for not wanting to visit with your parents.

Good luck.

I agree with you and your parents - I realize many people think of their dog as their child but a dog is not a child, this is not a "package deal", and your husband is out of line to expect others to just allow any dog into their house if they are not okay with it. And we are not talking about a little chihuahua here that sits in your purse - 90 lbs of 1 year old BMD is a lot of dog! There is absolutely no reason why the dog has to go with you guys everywhere. Otherwise you can visit with your daughter and he can stay home with the dog if he so chooses. You guys are their guests (even if they are your parents, you are still guests) and like any guests, should respect their wishes.

I am an avid dog lover. That said, I check in with my host before bringing my mutt along. She's great and is very good with kids, doesn't chase cats or other furry or feathered creatures, is off leashed trained, doesn't chew, doesn't get on furniture (unless invited), doesn't make "mistakes", and is generally well trained. Still. I know that having one extra body can be a burden, or simply not a pleasure. Some folks don't feel warm and fuzzy when they see a wagging tail. Their home, their prerogative.

Your husband is out of line. Why do you think there are kennels?

"Package deal," please. He needs to grow up and respect your parents' wishes.

And maybe you can't change his opinion, but you can tell him, "Honey, I'm not going to force our dog on my parents. I've found a really good kennel we can board him in." Or "Our really nice neighbors are going to take care of him."

Your parents request is fair. And a "we are a package deal" tirade is an over the top reaction IMO.

Sounds like your parents asked nicely, and your husband is being a little baby about it. I'd leave him at home with the dog if possible.

I'm a dog lover and would never bring my dog to someone's home. It's too much trouble and not everyone loves my dogs. Your husband needs to seriously grow up.

I agree that your husband is off on this one. The thought I had is that perhaps your parents didn't really want your previous dog visiting either, but they didn't want to or know how to say anything about it. When it passed, perhaps they breathed a sigh of relief that they didn't have to address the issue at all. Then you got the puppy...another HUGE dog...and they wrung their hands figuring out how to tell you...and they finally managed to (after a year). I'm just saying that I can see the difficulty of it from their point of view and dont think they should be punished because they were honest with you.

I understand you hubby for sure, but agree with you. Could the doggy stay in the car (depending on weather!)? I adore my beloved dog who is my family. My love for my dog is immense, and vacations are planned on where we can go with her. She goes where I go...when possible. At some point, however, respect for others is necessary and understanding that there is a wide spectrum of how people feel about dogs. This understanding will help your hubby not take it so personally...your parents don't mean anything bad, just setting a boundary.

People don't like crying babies in a movie theater...doesn't mean they hate babies or disrespect families. There's just a right place and time I think.

Not sure if this helps but felt like responding to fellow doggie lovers:)

You're right. Your husband is wrong. Get someone else to watch Fido when you visit your parents.

I didn't read all the responses. We are dog lovers, we have 3 in our home. Our dogs are dear to us, our fur babies and treated royally well.

I would never consider taking any of my well mannered dogs to someone else's home when I visit. I think it is rude to insist on bringing pets to someone's home who is.....

1. not used to having pets in the home
2. very wrong to bring pets into the home of someone who has pets. You are then having your pets intrude on the other pets' turf.

We hire a dogsitter who comes and practically moves in to our home. Yes, it can be costly but our pets are safe at home, our home has added security with someone living in it.

You hubby is out of line and maybe has some underlying issues and just wants to use this as an excuse to cut off contact.

Hubby needs to grow up and be a responsible man.

Your husband must think he is pretty important to demand that HE makes the rules for OTHER people's homes that they have worked hard to earn for themselves. Sheesh! I have two dogs and would never bring them to someone's home without their permission and would never be offended if they asked me not to bring them. I've had 5 puppies over the course of my life and have trained them all to be alone in the house while I'm gone through kennel training. It's hard work and the dogs usually can't be trusted alone in the house until they are about 1 year old but if you do this you won't need to rely on dog care unless you are going somewhere overnight or on vacation for days or weeks.

Before I say anything else, let me say I love dogs, I have 3 100+ lbs. German Shepherds and they are part of our family. One of them sleeps on our bed, the other two on the floor, one on my hubby's side, one on mine.
That being said, I'm with your folks on this one. They are totally within their rights to ask you not to bring your dog to their home, even if they had previously been okay with it.
Your husband's response seems a bit out of line with what your parents have asked of you. Is it possible that this isn't really about the dog for him? Does he get along with your parents otherwise? It just makes me wonder. Like I said I love my dogs, but I understand that not everyone feels that way, and not everyone is willing to have them in their homes. I certainly would never refuse to visit my family or in-laws over it. Please don't deny your parents time with their grandchild because they don't want to host the puppy as well. Find a friend to stay with your dog, or a good kennel in your area and enjoy visiting with your family.

In as much as we like to believe our pet is human and part of the family, they really arent. If someone asks you not to bring a pet.... you shouldnt. Not visiting people because you cant bring your pet is very unreasonable.

Sounds more like a power trip on your husband's part. There has to be an underlying issue here regarding your husband and your parents. His reaction is over the top and inconsiderate as well, childish & stupid.

I consider myself a dog person, but since I became a mother it seems my heart has hardened a little towards dogs. Especially other people's dogs!! I can no longer understand the "the dog is our baby" mentality. Children (their safety, their needs, their need for attention) come first, and sometimes, dogs can get in the way of that. I think it was brave of your mom to make her wishes known and your hubby should grow up a little and suck it up. You're right, you shouldn't force your dog on people. Don't let him hold a grudge, it will just look like an excuse from him not to go there anymore, and it seems pretty childish. If you keep yourselves and your child away from family celebrations for this reason, you are taking away something very important from your child... spending time with family and grandparents and the memories that go with that.

Thats a tough one. Regardless of how they felt in the past-the fact is they are older now and really don't want to deal with a 1 year old dog. Try to see if you can arrange a neighbor or friend to come over and dogsit while you are gone. The only way you can soften your hubby's attitude is to try and help him understand that they are getting OLDER. thats the reason. Older people sometimes get cranky and just don't want to deal with unneeded stress. You can either go without dog or not at all. I would go and if hubby wants to join you, great-if not then just take your daughter.

M

Your parents were up front in stating a need (probably hard for them)/ boundary regarding a PET. If it had been a child ... THAT'S a package deal.

R- Dog owner / animal lover ((3yo part kangaroo ;) / husky in a chocolate lab suit))

the only place we take our dog is my BIL's, and that's because he keeps hoping we'll just leave her there. It is extremely inconsiderate to expect everyone to want your dog to come over. My mother keeps assuming that just because we have a dog, we want her to bring hers over when she comes to visit. The answer to that is always no. It's not fair to our dog to let another one in her territory, plus I dont really like dogs (ours was my husbands before we met) and my mom feeds hers from the table, which is so gross.

Bernese are pretty hardy - maybe you could take a crate with you and keep him outside, under a cover of course.
The other issue is should you force your dog on people? Well I am a dog person, and I also have a two year old daughter. My dog is much neater than my daughter who breaks stuff and spills whatever she holds. but then again my dog is 150lb great pyr, and he would swipe a shelf of delicate ornaments in a second. So no I would not take him in someones house. My SIL brings her 6 American Eskimos wherever she goes, I think it is unnecessary to cart your dog everywhere with you - yes we love them, but at the end of the day they are not people.

Unfortunately your parents are right, and it's not good they have been put in situation to say please don't bring the dog anymore. Shouldn't have happened in first place. Your husband needs to find a solution for the dog when you guys go visit. Kennel, dog-watcher, neighbor, friend etc. You need to explain to your husband that you all (including the dog) are not a package deal, and that forcing other people to have to deal with a dog at their homes is not fair.
You already have the dog, and your parents already have to deal with the dog when they come and visit you. If the dog is a nuisance to them they can choose not to come at your home.
Dog stays behind.
I

Dogs aren't kids. They aren't a package deal. A large puppy full of energy shouldnt be confined anyway, and maybe your parents just dont want to deal with the hair and slobber that a dog like that entails!
I love dogs myself, but would never expect my family or anyone to "entertain" my dog to get me to visit! Put the shoe on the other foot, what if your parents got a cat you didnt care for, or potbellied pig (lol) and felt the way you do? It's their home, not your dogs. your husband should loosen up!

I hate to say it, but I think your husband is wrong.
Just because you love your dog doesn't mean everyone else has to.
They may even love it from afar, as I do many of the dogs I know, but I don't want them in my house.
Maybe your parents are missing your other dog. Maybe they are feeling a bit like I do. In one year, I lost a cat, a rabbit and a bird. I told my kids there would be no more pets. We had these pets for years. Our cat was 14. The bird was 12. The dang rabbit was 8. We loved and adored them like crazy. But, in all honesty, I am enjoying not having all the work and responsibility and the mess. We can go where we want without having to worry or have people arranged to come and take care of them when we're gone. Your parents may not be ready to jump back into having a dog in their house. I can relate to that.
The other thing I want to say is that I have nothing against dogs, but I really get offended by dog owners who don't take into consideration that other people don't appreciate them taking their dogs everywhere they go.
Dogs are not humans. They are not children. They are animals and they don't belong everywhere.
My neighbor hired some men to do some work on their roof and two of them brought their dogs. They let them run and use other yards for a bathroom and they barked at the kids getting off the school bus. Not cool.
I'm not saying your dog behaves that way at all, but "my dog goes where I go" isn't always appropriate.
Try to appeal to your husbands sensitive side.
Maybe your parents will lighten up a bit about the subject when your puppy is older and more calm or they give themselves time to get used to the idea of having another dog around. Him being pushy about it won't help anything.

Best wishes.

Your husband needs to understand that the dog isn't part of their family to them! It's THEIR home, so if they don't want your dog there -it's their choice! It's nice that they allowed your other dog and this one for awhile, but people don't need to feel that their dogs or cats should be welcome everywhere they go. He's being extremely silly about it. Most of us who own pets of any type realize that means finding a good pet hotel or petsitter for when we go out of town. Why does he think these services exist? Remind your husband that just because you love a giant dog doesn't mean everyone does -or that everyone wants it in their home. Some people REALLY don't like the smell of dogs or other things they bring along that those of us with dogs don't necessarily notice much. I know I have an aunt who brings her dogs everywhere. My parents have always been dog people, but even my mother used to get annoyed because her dogs would piddle on the carpet -and the aunt never even noticed. Your husband needs to realize he's talking about your parents here -and as much as I love animals, since it sounds like you have a good relationship with them -they DO rank a bit higher than the dog!

Wow, is there some other issue that he is really dealing with when it comes to your parents? Most people see that you cannot force people to like your pet and put up with the issues that go along with bringing a pet. If your husband is not the insensitive type, then I'd ask if there is something else about your parents that is bothering him. Let him be honest without getting defensive. In-laws can be annoying since they come from a different generation and often, a different culture. As they age, some things just seem to get more pronounced. Let him know that you understand his feelings and try to come up with a solution to help him with that issue.

I'm glad you see your parent's way...a 90 pound puppy is a lot to deal with. You are right, your parents were younger and were used to the older dog. I hope your husband can view it from their position. I don't think the puppy is a package deal...does he eat at the take as well, sit on the couches and ask for ice cream...no. Please help him get over the hurt feelings, it is great he is bonding so much with the new dog. I too have a 90 pound dog and wound never consider it and she is ten years old (she thinks she is three). Good luck!!

Your parents have every right to set rules for their house including dogs. Hubby may feel that the dog is a member of the family, many people feel that way about animals. But the truth is it's a pet.

Have hubby stay home with the dog while you and your daughter to visit.

I am a dog lover but I agree with your parents and you husband is way out of line with his attitude. We have a large dog too, my husband's parents love her and always want us to bring her when we come but when we visit my parents, my mom doesn't like my dog so either my husband stays home with her or we will kennel her depending on how long we stay. If we had a nice trusting neighbor, I'd ask them to watch her too but we don't have that unfortunately here.

From the way you described it, I think your parents asked you nicely. I don't know.... You have a BIG dog! That is alot to ask of someone to bring your dog wherever you go. I have always had big dogs. 75lbs - 130lbs. I never even asked to bring them. I actually wouldn't. Your husband is kinda over reacting.

i couldnt do a dog that big in my apartment. my place is just to small. if a smaller dog I could handle it. but some people may have pet allergies and puppies arent always completely house broke and so forth. they may not have the energy for a puppy of a large porportion either. so I say your husband is wrong. maybe if put this way he may understand. if not he will get over it he can always stay home with the dog if he so choses and the dog is that important to him.

You have the right attitude! No matter how much we love our pets, they aren't people. It isn't like they asked you not to bring your son or daughter, they don't want a huge, energetic dog in their house. That's perfectly okay.
I never understood people who brought their dogs to people's houses without asking permission first, that is one of the rudest things to do. (not saying you did, just venting)
Tell your husband that people are way more important than animals and that he cannot regect family in favor of a pet. He needs a big reality check!

Tough1...but you're right you can't force your dog on anyone. I used to bring my dog w/me every where till I had my daughter. You're not a package deal as your husband put it. I love my dog but she is my pet not a person. My neighbors are great about watching her when we go away. Some ppl really like watching dogs because they get all the happiness of playing with a puppy then giving it back:) You have to put humans 1st and in this case it's your daughter getting to see her grandparents. Your husband can stay home and watch the dog:) JK

If someone asks you not to do something to/in thier house, you have to respect that and not do it. How would you feel if you asked someone not to bring thier stinky ferret to your house (for example) and they just brought it anyway?

We had a beagle/lab mix that passed away in may at 15 and she was my parents first grandchild, she was always with me and my parents would wonder if I did not bring her over. Now in september we got another beagle mix and she is 2, she is very energetic and needs alot of training, so I choose not to bring her to my parents house for those reasons. They are not dig lovers, my first dog was an exception. My sisters never bright their dogs over. I would not he offended, dogs, especially big dogs who have not had all the training are a handful.

Does your husband like cats? If not, how would he feel if someone brought a cat to stay at your house for an extended period of time.

I would just tell him how abnormal it is and wonderful it was in the first place. I've never heard of such a thing. I mean kennels exist for a reason. I'm not being rude or anything I've just never seen anyone bring a dog with. Sure I know one girl who walks around with her lap dog but my friends all think she's insane. She's the "dog lady"

But I don't see how it is strange to ask this at all. You have a huge dog, ok scratch that a huge puppy. He sheds lots, might have little accidents as puppies do. The whole package.

I'd just explain that it isn't the norm in the first place and most kennel their dogs in the first place and you feel so happy they saved you money for so long.

I'm a "dog person," but I think your husband is out of line. People have all kinds of reasons for not wanting someone else's dog in their house. I currently have a poodle puppy that my parents love and welcome in their home. However, he isn't fully housetrained yet so he is either very well supervised, not on the carpet or in his crate when he is at their home. Prior to this, I had two shedding terriers. My parents have always had a rule that they don't allow shedding dogs in their house or cabin. I found it mildly irritating, but I respected their wishes and we usually came to a compromise. The dogs would stay in their kennels or in the basement if I ever needed to bring them to my parents' house, which was rare. At the cabin, if the weather was cooperative they stayed in a shed. If the weather wasn't going to be warm enough the dogs stayed home with a dog sitter. It was expensive, but a necessary thing to do. As a concession, when I was down to one 15-year-old terrier who was blind and had other health issues, my parents let her stay in the cabin for what turned out to be her final weekend at the cabin ever. I just don't bring my dog/dogs to anyone else's home without their blessing. Good luck getting your hubby to accept the situation.

Hi there. I'm the owner of two bigger dogs, and have also worked as a dog trainer. It's actually quite funny how having children has changed my view of my pets, and where I take them. I can now understand how some people might not want them around, even though, before I had kids, they were my life! As you said, Berners are big dogs. One year old puppies are energetic and goofy. If they are getting older, they just might not want to deal with all that. You can't force it on them, and you still want to spend time with them. Can you find a friend to watch the dog for you while you travel? Things may change when he gets a few years older and mellows out a bit, but you do have to respect their wishes since you are staying with them. I'm sure they mean nothing personal by it. It's one thing to bring along a toy poodle, and another to bring along a huge, young puppy. Give them all some time, and things might get better. If they don't, your husband will need to accept that and get over it. ;)

Good luck
T.
Barefoot Books Ambassador
www.ReadandGrow.com

I think you should respect your parents' wishes and not bring the dog. I too have a 100 lb puppy who is full of energy. I never bring her to anyone's house or to any function without first asking, and if the answer is no, then I don't bring her. Not everyone loves big dogs as much as I do!

The flip side is that when I don't bring her, I don't have to constantly watch her, which makes my visit a little more relaxing. They're kind of like having an overgrown toddler, aren't they? Only they're stronger than us and can run faster! :)

I'm sorry your husband sees it differently. I definitely see my dog as a family member, but I understand that not everyone feels that way. Hopefully your husband will come around. And maybe once your puppy grows up a little and is less energetic, your parents won't mind if you bring him. It shouldn't cause a rift in your family!

I think if you were my friend I would say leave your dog at home...if that's not okay with you then stay home. I like dogs too.

If you want to go visit your family and leave him home with the dog then go without. He has made his choice, a dog over a real live loving family.

I would say that just because and dog family thinks of them as part of their family, other people do not understand the bond. If it is their house and they must feel strong enough about it to bring it up I would respect their wishes, it is their house. At your house you want others to respect your wishes.

My daughter has an English Mastiff. When it was a puppy it was adorable. It is now 10 months old and 130 lbs of solid muscle. the tail knocks over tables and chairs and the slobber is everywhere. I love it. My husband hates it. He would prefer she leave it at home. so most of the time she does unless it is just me and then she brings it. That dog doesn't bother me nearly as much as my cousins yappy little dog that barks and pees everywhere lol. But back to your question. Your husband needs to get a grip. The baby is part of you the dog is not. It is in his eyes part of your family but your parents should not be required to host the dog. Have a neighbor take care of it for a day or so to go visit. Or board it at the kennel and go see your parents they won't be around forever.

I think you should honor your parents request. Dogs, big dogs, even big clean dogs still leave a dog smell in the house. Having to confine him to the kitchen just seems bad. I don't have a big dog and wouldnt want a big dog in my house confined to my kitchen either.
If you had a big, controllable dog that minded and would lie in one corner of the room while visiting that would be a different story. After your pup is trained and learns how to be invisible maybe your parents wouldnt mind.
I think your husband is being childish about it. Kind of like a smoker that smokes regardless of the surroundings.

Older dogs, puppies? Completely different. I think it is the rudest thing ever when my step-mother-in-law brings her one dog EVERYWHERE with her. The day we moved into our new home, the dog was running around the place before our own dogs were even in the house. Yes, we have 2 dogs and have visited people on occasion with them but always ask first if it is ok. They are dogs, even if members of our own family, not members of the rest of our family's family. Your husband needs to emotionally take a step down and relax a little, it's your parents and your daughters grandparents, do you really want to ruin the relationship because of a new puppy?

I would never think to bring a dog to someone else's home. They are different than children. I am sure that he is a huge part of your family and that is great but I wouldn't let it come between seeing your family.

I have two dogs and I would never bring them to someone else's home, including family. I don't know how someone would be offended by this request. I wonder how your husband would feel if it was someone coming to your house to visit and made the same demands?

Kennel the dog. You will enjoy the time more without him there also. There are tons of awesome pampering kennels out there now. Someone will take great care of your dog while you are gone.

We have two small dogs and do not bring them to others homes unless we know they are welcome (my inlaws). My SIL and her BF have two larger dogs and they have brought them to our house when they visit, yet ask each time if they can bring them. My rules are that the dogs are not allowed inside the house, as my two dogs are also outside 90% of the time. They either have to be in the backyard or their crate. I have a toddler who is mildly allergic. It is MY HOUSE and it is MY RULES. My SIL has no issue following them if she wants to visit. Your husband needs to get over his selfish act and realize that its not up to him what he can and can't do at your parents home. Really sounds like he is just trying to create drama between you and your parents.

There is definately some food for thought here...

My two cents (as a dog owner and a Mama of two - a 3YO and a 15 month old with a third on the way) is that visiting pets should always be discussed BEFORE the visit. If allowed, an owner must take extra care that everything is left the way it was found! This may mean offering (at least) to vaccumm and being prompt about cleaning any kind of "accident" up immediately.

My husband works the weekends only and therefore puts in two 12 hour shifts. Because of this arrangement, traveling usually falls to me. Our boxer-lab mix is kennel-trained and while very very good in her house, my husband and I hate the idea of her being in there for over 12 hours at a time, crossing her legs, tail and whatever else while she waits for someone to return home. When I can, I will take her with me - to Grandma's house, etc. - but I always ask before hand. It is NEVER a "given". When we can not bring her, I will usually tell the party I am meeting that I am leaving later in the AM (so I get to let her out one last time) or returning home early (for the same reason). In extreme cases, we have had the nieghbor's older children put her on a leash and take her out.

The last doggy scenario was over Christmas - my folks had a full house! They own two little dogs. My youngest brother and his wife (who are currently living in the house) have one small dog and a cat or two. My other brother and his wife came in from IL with his three boston terriers and then my sister came up from VA with her Jack Russel and Cat!! I was asked to leave my "horse" at home. I totally understood why and really there was no hurt feelings or any of that nonesense.

I have to agree that this is /not/ a "package" deal and as a pet-owner, you need to make the necessary arrangements. You have made a promise to that animal to care for it just like you have to your flesh and blood kids and that needs to be honored in the best way you can - even if that means getting a petsitter!

Best of luck.
~C.

I completely understand both points of view on this one. I understand your husband feeling like the dog is a part of the family, and should be accepted as so. But I also understand your parents feeling that a large dog is not the best idea for a family gathering in a small house. I actually just wrote a rather humorous and tongue in cheek blog about this issue myself. You can check it out at http://www.yourcornerbarkery.com/blog/ if you wish. If someone was coming to your house, I say the dog has the right of way; however, if you are going to someone's house, I think you should respect their wishes. Good luck, and I hope all goes well!

It's tough when the dog is a member of your family! But, it is your parents' house, and you must respect their decision. Give your husband time to get used to the idea. He can't expect you not to go see your parents because of the dog. They are still your parents, and while you love your dog, the family still needs to be able to visit your parents. Just give it time. He'll be fine with it.

I do think they should have said something sooner (but were probably trying to figure how to tell you without hurting your feelings or upsetting you). Your parents are right and your husband is being stubborn. You, he, and your daughter are a package deal. Your dog should stay home, be watched by a friend or kenneled. The only other option I see is if you could ask your parents if you could bring him if you left him outside....on leash or a kennel for his safety but not in the house.

Well, I'm not going to repeat everyone and say your husband is wrong (even though he is), but I will say that he probably just reacted defensively to what he saw as an attack on his beloved pet. I'm sure once he's had some time to calm down and be rational about it, he'll cool off.

I agree with you. We have lots of kids and a small house and it is very crowded when visitors bring their dogs- even if they are well behaved. We do have a small fenced in area, but one of the visiting dogs is a digger and dug holes all over our yard including one under the fence to get out!
My sister has two large dogs and said she won't visit unless we allow her dogs to come with her because she doesn't want to put them in a kennel. We have small children and I don't know her dogs- I don't feel comfortable with large dogs that I don't know around my kids- I don't know how her dogs handle babies. So I told her she is more than welcome to come visit but her dogs are not. She hasnt' come- but I'm okay with that.
Large dogs in a small house just create a lot of stress for the homeowners if the dogs are just visiting. I am glad you guys love your dog and take such great care of him/her- but you do have to respect the wishes of others when traveling or you're not going to be invited as often.
Good luck!
~Carrieee

L.:

OH MY!!!! I love BERMIES!!!! I had a Pyrenees!! They are LOVELY dogs!!

A dog is a pet - but it is still a family member. You made a promise to love and care for it.

I don't feel you are forcing your dog on other people - a full-grown Bermie is a BIG DOG!!! I will assume that he was mellow with age and the puppy, although a big boy, is a PUPPY!!! Is there some sort of compromise you see being made?

Your husband loves the dog and feels strongly about it. While I don't blame him - there has to be some sort of compromise - talk to your husband and tell him the difference between an "adult" dog and a puppy....that MIGHT help him out a little.

Your parents were probably used to a big dog that came in - showed them love and laid down. Now, they have a big dog that shows them love AND wants to play!!!

Is it possible they have a bigger yard where the puppy can get some of the energy out?

If they don't allow your puppy - tell your mom and dad they are welcome to come visit you - but Dexter is part of our family - we would REALLY prefer he comes with us - we can give him outlets to use that puppy energy - but it's not fair to him to leave him behind.

Your husband looks at the dog as another family member and being told to stay home, to him, is like being told one of your children aren't allowed there. I don't know if you will be able to change that opinion or not, but you do have to respect your parents wishes on this. Your husband doesn't have a lifetime invested in visiting your parents like you do. My guess is he doesn't usually enjoy visiting them and this is giving him an excuse not to be hasseled to go. If he really enjoyed going, he wouldn't use the dog as the excuse to go home, he would have more respect for them and be willing to get someone to keep the dog. We take our dog to my husband's parents house when we go and they watch her if we are going out of town. My parents don't like dogs in their house and so we never take our's over there.

How do you soften hubby to this? Let him know that the choices are getting a dog sitter or Kennel the pup or he can stay home and take care of the dog while you and your daughter go visit without him. Tell him that none of them going is NOT an option.

Updated

Your husband looks at the dog as another family member and being told to stay home, to him, is like being told one of your children aren't allowed there. I don't know if you will be able to change that opinion or not, but you do have to respect your parents wishes on this. Your husband doesn't have a lifetime invested in visiting your parents like you do. My guess is he doesn't usually enjoy visiting them and this is giving him an excuse not to be hasseled to go. If he really enjoyed going, he wouldn't use the dog as the excuse to go home, he would have more respect for them and be willing to get someone to keep the dog. We take our dog to my husband's parents house when we go and they watch her if we are going out of town. My parents don't like dogs in their house and so we never take our's over there.

How do you soften hubby to this? Let him know that the choices are getting a dog sitter or Kennel the pup or he can stay home and take care of the dog while you and your daughter go visit without him. Tell him that none of them going is NOT an option.

as a dog owner of 2 one being a puppy of 5 months-i feel your frustrations-can you bring a kennel along??not all ppl are dog lovers,if your not at your folks long cant the puppy stay at home?? im not a big fan of kennels-but ive found it to be a very necceassry option-due to my pup chewed up a huge part of my expensive chair.but your hubby has to realize that not all ppl want a dog in their home.can your folks come to your house to visit?? its all compramise.or hubby stay home with the dog,while you go for a visit?

Okay, I'm a super dog lover. This would never happen in my family because we're all dog lovers but if it did happen, I wouldn't write them off but they would probably see a lot less of me. Has your puppy done any damage at their home? Is there any compromise possible?

I would try a compromise, find a dog sitter who can come to your home and take care of he dog during the winter and take him with you in the warmer months. You can not force your dog on anyone. My Mom is deathly afraid of all animals but I love them. She would never allow a dog in her home it doesn't matter what the circumstances. Now at 93 she lives with me, so does my daughter's Pomeranian. The dog seems to understand that Mom doesn't like her and stays away from her.
I think your husband is being unreasonable while he may see the dog as a family member many people see them as just a dog and unimportant. I disagree with that thought process but it doesn't change it. Maybe he can stay home with the dog and you and your daughter can visit your parents during the winter months. In warmer weather he can take responsibility for the dog while at your Mom's home. Take him out for more walks and play with him more so the dog doesn't disrupt your parent's home.
You should also make sure you clean up after the dog both inside and outside at your parents home. Many people dislike the idea of dog feces in their yard or dog hair all over their carpets and furniture.
Bottom line it's your parents home and their right to say no.

Why not check in to a hotel that accepts dogs? 90lbs...might be tough, but maybe you can find a place, usually an extended stay.

Is your daughter new? If it was just an old dog and no baby before, then surely your hsuband camn realize that baby + puppy is different from one old dog.

It's possible that they weren't thrilled about the old dog either. Or that they really liked him but aren't keen on the gigantic puppy.

I have a friend who had an old wolf hybrid I adored. She was a strangely sweet dog, given her DNA. Now that friend has a beagle...that I can't stand. I used to dog sit for her mom and LOVED her old dog. Then her Mom got a new dog, same breed but very different personality and I just couldn't do it anymore.

Maybe your husband has other reasons he is angry with your folks? This just seems unfair. It's a BIG BIG puppy and it's their house. I am sure they'd rather focus on their grand-daughter & not worry about what puppy is up to.

Good luck.

I am parent-my six children just happen to have a lot of fur and four legs each. By reading most of these posts, it is very clear that there are many people out there that simply do not understand the bond that us pet parents have with our dogs and would much rather judge and ridicule us than to try to empathize and understand how we feel. The same way I think it is wrong to judge how I may feel as a pet parent, I feel it is also wrong to judge those who choose not to have pets or even children in their homes. Let your husband know that dogs, just like children, can sense when they are not welcomed. Simply let your parents know how important the dog is to you and your husband but that you respect their wishes. This way if there are times when you have to cut your visit short or your husband can't make it, they will understand why. Just like they are asking you to respect their choice I think it is only fair that they also respect how your husband feels about his dog. What a great lesson for a child-just because we see things differently doesn't make one perspective better than the other, it simply means that we are different. Respecting differences. Good luck