Need Advice: Should Having Fibromyalgia Affect My Decision to Become a Mom?

My mom has fibromyalgia. She was diagnosed with it when she was 13/14ish somewhere along there. But she still had three kids, did daycare for awhile in her home, went to college at night and managed the day to day stuff.

I don't remember my mom being sick when I was younger but I know as my sisters and I got older mom would spend a day or two in bed and so it was up to my dad to take care of us (which was always interesting because he can't cook. Well he can cook oatmeal and that is the only exception).

Mom had her great days, her good days, her not so good days but she could still hide how she is feeling days and then the days she just didn't want to move. It happens.

Fibromyalgia affects everyone differently but if you want to have kids and be a good mom you still can be. Don't let the fibromyalgia control you, you control it.

I don't have this condition so it is hard for me to know how it feels. If it gets worse under stress and when tired you will have some rough days as a parent, especially in the early years. However, if you really want kids you may be able to line up enough help to get you through the tough days. I have young kids and on days when I am tired or achy (which is common for me when overtired) I can be short tempered and not be as good a mom as I like. But no parent is perfect anyway. It is very much a decision to make on your personal pros and cons about it.

I can only think of 3 women I know with fibromyalgia. One has a milder case and has raised 1 son who is in college now. She never said it was a problem for her. My other friend has a much worse case and struggles even to work full time (no kids). The third one had a really hard time with pregnancy (getting pregnant and during pregnancy) but is muddling by like anyone else with 2 young kids. Her husband is pretty energetic and helps a lot with the kids and household stuff (they seem to have a better than average marriage).

I know you are just asking our personal opionons, not medical advice. My totally uninformed opinion is ....
The aches and pains of pregnancy were pretty difficult at times. I can't imagin being pregnant AND having sever fibromyalgia pains. But if the urge to be a mom is there and you are willing to deal with the pain and think you can manage it, I don't see why you shouldn't.

I would visit with your dr to see if he thinks you are healthy enough for pregnancy and find out the risks to the baby.

No, it should not influence you at all. It is not going to effect the children or you. You'll have some bad days, we all do even without the Fibro, when leaning against the counter will hurt like hell on your pressure points. There will be days when you might be a bit more grumpy if they are clingy and each and every time the grab you hit a different pressure point but being a parent is like that regardless of the physical pain.

Use ice to make the inflammation less intense. I put water in Strofoam cups then peel the rim off and hubby rubs the dome on my pressure points and the pain is so much less. Long slow stretches also help.

I have fibromyalgia and have two children. I actually found the my pain and symptoms were less when I was pregnant, which was a great feeling. The first year of the baby's life can be a bit more difficult because of the lack of sleep so it is important to nap when the baby naps. I didn't work until my first child was 6 months old and that was probably helpful because I could nap during the day (or at least rest). Overall, at times it can be difficult because I have to be careful to take care of myself and it is easy as a mom to spend all my time taking care of everyone else (and not myself). As long as I make sure to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, eat healthy, and make sure to reserve some energy (or take a down time) for when the kids are going to need me, I seem to do okay. I'm also lucky because I have a supportive husband who's willing and able to step in and help when my symptoms are bad. I also believe that it's important that a disease not make important life decisions for you. It is of course wise to be realistic about personal limitations but it is also important to decide what you really want in life and then make it happen. Best of luck.

Only the worry that it would be passed on to your child would be my biggest concern. I didnt want to have kids because my sister got a brain tumor when she was only 8, I was afraid it would happen to my kids and I was always paranoid of symptoms. But, I had 2 sons anyway, not of my own plan.
I know lots of mom's with that affliction, the kids learn to deal with it as they deal with any other disability a parent might have.
If you are into being functional on your really bad days, go for it.
I know a gal that was diagnosed, but it disappeared during her pregnancy and hasnt resurfaced yet, her child is now 4. So, ya never know.

It may depend somewhat on the severity and your overall mental attitude. If you can move, lift, and hustle reasonably well in spite of the pain, and if your outlook is mostly positive, then you may be able to handle it. It seems to me that pregnancy might make the pains worse, though, at least for the duration.

But the illness is thought to be associated with mood disorders, which can be inherited. And even if it's not genetic, many people coping with long-term pain have to deal with depression, and studies do show that depression in mothers tends to have negative, long-term effects on their children.

This is really a good question, L.. I didn't develop chronic pain until my daughter was raised, and I have a great time with my nearly-six grandson every week, but I do move slowly and can't lift much. I hope you'll talk it over carefully with a doctor. If you don't already have one, it might be worth seeing a rheumatologist to discuss likely long-term outcomes.

I wish you well, and hope you find the best answer for you.

Just a suggestion: this is a great question for the online Fibromyalgia boards/forums. You are going to find plenty of people who will give you their opinions simply because your audience regarding this topic will be broader.

Best wishes!

I don't have it but my cousin does. She has a very supportive DH, but he often works weird shifts. Right now, they have a toddler and she's a SAHM (was laid off just before her DD was born and decided to stay home for a while).

She also said that her symptoms were less during pregnancy. I think she's a good mom and certainly think that if you want to be a mom, you can be a good mom with many conditions, including fibromyalgia.

I never let it stop me from doing anything. I never let the doctors get ahold of me and I never took more than advil no matter how much pain I have had. I have evicted pain from my life. God did not design us to be sick. You can be healed from this. It takes time. I've studied biblical healing between 2 hours and 6 hours per day for the last YEAR. But I am BETTER. I am HEALED. Satan tries to put some symptoms on me once and awhile. But I just rebuke it and take my healing scriptures.

Please don't be tempted to think I was not very sick. I'm 45 years old and I had Fibro from 14 years old, getting worse and worse up until this last year and the healing came slowly. There were years when I thought I would be in a wheel chair and was tempted to let the doctors put me on the long list of medications offered. I am so glad I did not let them make things worse. Giving in would have made everything so much worse.

Do you know WHY you have Fibro?

I have it, and it was debilitating at times. I actually 'pretend' that I do not have it...that every day is a new day, with new energy....and I will make it through.

I tried using Motrin/Advil products....and that turned into a disaster. I became addicted the pain relief, suffered from horrible rebound headaches which brought on migraines, etc.

I would recommend a multi-faceted approach:

#1 - You must eat right - natural, fresh, simple, and easy meals. Get a cook book for Fibromyalgia.

#2 - You must do gentle exercise - walk, yoga, swim. Do not do classes that jar your joints.

#3 - Try EFT = Emotional Freedom Technique. Google it. It's free. It works. I use it a lot.

#4 - You must sleep and rest when weary.

#5 - Since all the above tips are really about self care - you must simplify your life so that you can do these things. You must protect the time in your day to do these things.

For me, I must plan and cook my meals early in the day, as I don't have the energy past 3pm to cook. I walk or do yoga in the morning. I cannot do these exercises past 2 or 3pm. I take a nap most afternoons. I get a massage. I take hot baths. All of it over time will greatly improve your pain and health. There is no magic pill or magic answer or magic treatment. You must take care of yourself.

As far as being a mom... my kids know when I'm down for the count. They know to read, play with their pets, etc. We have a big tub, so my daughter hops in with me and we wash each others hair. My son will massage my back....but I also invest a lot of time their individual activities. So, essentially, we're a team. I scratch their backs, they scratch mine.

I think with any chronic illness you have to make sure you have good support. Getting good rest is critical. It is tiring for a mom without chronic illness. But again if you have support and plan things out you can do anything. Having a partner that will be very involved is important.

I am a mom to 4 kids and now another grandbaby at 40. I've had fibromyalgia since right after my 3rd was born so, 12 years. I think its really all about your mental tolerance. I am in pain a lot. I am in pain management, but really I think its about finding that balance of doing what's best for me and what's best for them and sometimes those things don't coincide. I try to make that time for me to do things like walking because it really does help as much as I've wanted to punch doctors for suggesting it (lol) if you're the type of person who is totally going to lose sight of your own needs to your childrens, then perhaps you should consider that. As for my kids, I'm sure their lives aren't as busy and crazy as other kids' their ages. But, sometimes that isn't always a bad thing. Pain will likely not affect your ability to be a good mom, just limit what you say yes to. If that makes any sense.

I can't answer your question. But I have 2 friends with fibromyalgia and both of them say the symptoms went away when they cut out the foods listed on this website. Both of them say when they accidentally eat one of these ingredients their symptoms come back. It's worth a try for you if you have not already tried this. http://www.msgmyth.com/ (the ingredients are under "msg myth"). I only know so much about it bc I used to get really bad migraines and this website helped me.