Need Advice Re: Toddler Sleep Issues

I had a problem with my oldest and I used a reward system. I told her that if she stayed in her bed (she didn't HAVE to sleep but she DID have to be quiet and in her bed) all night (5am counted as morning for my family and if it was after 5 am she was allowed to cuddle in our bed). So, here's how I did it...

Cate received a sticker on her door for each night she stayed in bed all night long. When she received 5 stickers, we did something fun (something we'd probably do anyway but she didn't know that). It wasn't long before she was waking up saying "Mommy, I get a sticker for my door! I stayed in my bed all night like a big girl!" If she messed up one night, I'd give her one reminder but if that didn't work then no sticker in the morning. We'd count them before bedtime for incentive to stay in bed. The only time I took stickers off the door was when the 5 stickers were earned and it was time to start over. I NEVER took away a sticker...she earned them!

Good luck!

I am by no means a sleep expert, but I will tell you that my 3 year old goes to bed around 10:00 - 10:30 and sleeps until about 7:30 or 8:00. That's about 9 hours. Then, she takes about a 1.5 to 2 hour nap, for a total of about 11 hours of sleep per day. Since your little one goes to bed at 8:00, if he followed my daughter's pattern, he would be up at 5:00 every day and then take a 1.5-2 hour nap. Maybe he's just getting to the point where he doesn't need as much sleep. 9 hours seems like a long time to sleep and I know that when I'm home on the weekends, my daughter does not want to take her nap. Maybe you should let him stay up a little longer in the evening so that he will sleep a little later in the morning (if that's the schedule you need him to be on) My daughter's sleep patterns have changed 3 or 4 times and I've found that you just have to use trial and error to figure it out.

I have a son who just turned 3 in July! He doesn't take naps anymore and has not since about 30 months old. I have a feeling your son might be out growing his naps. My son will occasionally take a nap if we go somewhere in the car but then he tends to go to bed real late or get up like your son does in the early morning hours. If I were you I would try no naps and see what happens for a week or so! I know it it hard to give up the naps but if he will sleep threw the night it is worth it.

My son will be 5 years old in a couple of weeks and my dgt. will be 3 years next month. Here are a couple3 of ideas:
1) Is he having nightmares?
2) My dgt has been waking up in the middle of the night too. She falls asleep with her bedroom door open and I close it when I go to bed. Usually, when she wakes up I have to leave her door open the rest of the night but she does go back to sleep. Her room gets very dark when the door is closed (even with the night light). I have considered getting her a ceiling fan with a light and putting a dimmer switch on it
that I can operate by remote control That way she could have a little bit more light for when she wakes up in the middle of the night and I wouldn't have to wory about her knocking over a lamp or playing with it. Her brother has a fan like that and it works great. So, maybe a night light of some sort.
3) It sounds like your son is out of the crib and in a big bed. How long has he been in it? My dgt just moved to a toddler bed in August and it took 2 tries before we succeded. We tried in late June/July for a couple of weeks. She would not stay in her bed long enough to even go to sleep. Finally, I told her if she did not stay in her bed that Daddy would put her baby bed back together. He did. After a couple of more weeks in the crib and sleeping in the bed with me while we were on vacation, she was finally ready for the big bed.
4) Both my kids sleep from 9p.m. to 7a.m. (10 hours) and my dgt takes a 2 hour nap from 2-4 each day. If they wake up before 7 a.m. I tell them it is still night night time and to go back to sleep. I don't pick them up or give them a lot of attention when they wake up.
5) Some of the books say to take him back to bed without saying anything to him. You just keep taking him back to bed. Of course, you don't get much sleep in the process.
I hope this helps. Good luck!!!

Hi L.! Here are two articles that might help...

Getting Your Baby To Sleep The Night

You’re exhausted, moody and can’t even think straight! Sound familiar?

Most parents suffer from sleep deprivation at some point. Even those who are lucky enough to have babies who are good sleepers eventually have to deal with getting their toddlers to stay in bed.

To make matters worst there is so much conflicting information as to how and when we should get our babies to sleep through the night. It’s enough to leave a new parent wondering what’s the right thing to do?

Here are a few tips:

Listen to your instincts. Remember you know your baby best. Take all advice you get (including this one) as what it is, “advice”. Never let it replace your own personal judgment. You know your baby best and only YOU know what’s really right for him. If it feels right to rock your baby to sleep, then do it. If it feels right to bring your baby into bed with you then do it.

Stop the guilt. Don’t take it personally. A lot of us suddenly feel instant guilt when our baby cries. Are we doing the right thing? Does she need feeding? Is his diaper wet? And on and on…

Remember your baby could be crying for a number of reasons and some are out of your control. Did you know that babies are born with the crying reflex but not the laughing reflex? Well they are… it’s instinctive for babies to cry. We’re going back to primitive times. Babies cry to have their needs met. Sometimes those needs are just to simply cry it out for a bit while feeling the warmth and comfort of their most loved person … you!

Become an expert. Go online or to the library and read a few books on baby sleep and sleep patterns. Arm yourself with all the knowledge that you can so that when others come your way offering advice you can politely say you know exactly what you’re doing.

When reading advice don’t go for the latest books or fads. Go to the library and look for actual baby sleep research. Then sit down and make a list of what you’re feeling. What do you feel is right for you and your family? This could be more important than any book you may find on the subject of baby sleep. Speak to your spouse and make sure you agree on what method you’ll use.

Whatever you decide, the main thing to remember is that sleepless nights are part of having a baby. Do what feels best for you and remember that this is a normal phase of your baby’s development and will soon end.

Establishing a Bedtime Routine for Your Toddler

Toddlers certainly have their own ideas about what they want or don’t want. Unfortunately, going to bed falls into the “don’t want” category. Getting a cranky toddler to go to bed is no walk in the park.

The best thing you can do is to establish a bedtime routine for your toddler. Toddlers need routine to feel safe and also to learn their boundaries. It will take a little patience and perseverance, but gradually your toddler will start to cooperate.

Here are a few Ideas:

Give him soothing bath before bedtime - This could be considered one of the oldest and most successful bedtime routines for kids. A warm bath will soothe and help your toddler calm down before bed. You can add a little lavender or chamomile oil to help your little one relax. Try to keep things calm and don’t add too many toys to the bath. This is a time for your toddler to relax.

Toddlers love good story – Your toddler loves listening to the sound of your voice. Engage her in a bedtime story to help her drift off to sleep. Also try making up stories instead of reading. Include your child as one of the characters and talk about things your child will find interesting. Regular bedtime stories and reading to your child will help influence her interests and develop her creativity.

Sing a Lullaby – The long loved lullaby does just that, it helps lull babies and toddlers to sleep. Your voice and lulling rhythm of the song will give your toddler security and calm him down. You can also play soft music in their rooms. Just watch the reaction of your toddler. Sometimes even low music can stimulate or irritate very sleepy toddlers.

Don’t Surprise Him – Not when it comes to bedtime. About 15 minutes before you start your bedtime routine let your toddler know. Try not to say it’s time for bed in 15 minutes instead say it’s time for a story or a bath in 15 minutes. Some toddlers will automatically go into overdrive if they hear the word bed.

Remind him again about 5 minutes before the time. You can also get him to help you tidy up the toys as a way of preparing for the next activity, the bedtime routine. Once it’s time to go, gently tell him that it’s time for a story or bath and help him to the bedroom. Your toddler may try to think of a million excuses or things she needs to do at this time but remain calm and insist that it’s time to go.

Don’t Rush Him – Toddlers really don’t like being rushed. As a fully fledged parent of a toddler you already know the patience you need to exhibit doing the simplest things like getting your toddler in and out of the car. Bedtime is no different.

If you’re rushing and putting the emphasis on getting them to sleep then your toddler will pick up on that and lash out. Try to place the emphasis on spending quiet, quality time with your toddler. Allow yourself plenty of time so that you can get through the whole bedtime routine without rushing and be flexible and allow for little glitches in your routine.

Don’t Give In – Speak to your toddler before hand about your new bedtime routine, warn him soon before the time. When it’s time be firm and consistent. Even the most reasonable of toddlers, will push their boundaries when allowed. It’s a normal part of growing up and development. Remember your toddler looks to you to make all the grownup and important decisions for him.

Sleep is important for all of us and more so for young children. Be consistent in your bedtime routine and even if things don’t go well at first keep it up. If you’re consistent your toddler will eventually come around.

Hi L.,

Usually when the toddlers don't sleep at night then there is something bothering them. Maybe he is teething or hungry.
Mine did the same thing when they were teething. I used an herbal medicine for teething from the healthstore since I didn't want to give them tylenol. Hope this helps.

K.

When my daughter turned two years old her nap times changed from her normal pattern and then some day she just did not need a nap. All kids are different and nothing works for all kids. Please do not drug your child to make them fall asleep.

Hi- My opinion is, if he is consistently protesting sleep, he probably doesn't need as much any more (as sad as that may be!!)

My daughter stopped napping at 2 1/2 (while I was pregnant with #2!!!). Our issue was if she took a nap, bedtime wasn't until 9:30 or 10:00. I COULD NOT keep that up, so we just let her skip naps. It was a tough month or so, but it worked out better in the long run. She had quiet time for a couple of months, reading books or watching TV to have some down time. As soon as her naps stopped, she went back to sleeping 11-12 hours at night. And, by the time the baby was born, her sleep issues were totally resolved.

Our only problem is when she goes to occasional all-day daycare. At the center we use, they require a TWO HOUR rest time!!!! Actually, they say the state requires it. I have compromised with the staff and as long as she is quiet and stays on her cot, they don't mind her not napping. She loves books, so they give her a stack and that keeps her busy.

Truth be told, a 1/2 hour nap doesn't affect her sleep at night, but she's so crabby after such a short nap that I try not to let it happen.

Hope this helps!

I'm reading that Healthy Sleep, Happy Child book and it talks about quietly, without talking putting the child back in the bed ....over and over, as many times as it takes until they "get it"
(which will be tons and tons of times for a while!) ....and also having the child go with you to the store to buy a special lock for the door, and see you install it and then give them a warning that they must stay in bed and if they get out, close the door part way. If they do it a 2nd time, close the door almost all the way. If they get out the 3rd time, close and lock the door. The book *says* the threat of locking the door is supposed to work since they know "you mean business." After a while, they will learn to stay in bed.

They also say buy a digital clock and then put up a sign that has written on it what time they are allowed to get out of bed if they wake up (this is done for mornings, but it might work for naps too)

Or set an alarm. So in the morning, "you can get up when the music plays" (this is helpful when they are getting up too early)

Also, posting "the rules" on the wall in the bedroom.....

Example:

SLEEP RULES
At bedtime we....
1. Stay in Bed.
2. Close our Eyes.
3. Stay Very Quiet.
3. Go to sleep.

Rewards and privileges are an important part of this plan. Next to the poster of rules, have a calendar called a "bedtime star chart" ....the mother reads the rules at bedtime or nap time. If the child follows the rules, she gets to put a star on the chart the next morning, or at the end of the nap, which means she can choose a treat later in the day. No star, no treat.

Often a big glass bowl filled with treats on top of the fridge where it's visible to the child will enhance motivation.

Either the treat or a token to be exchanged for a treat is given immediately after waking. Later, the treats can be placed in a "treat bowl" to delay gratification and later the child will substitute heightened self-esteem for the treats. One caveat: the method is guaranteed to fail if the the treats are insufficiently motivational.

Then he goes on to describe the difference between rewards and bribes.

You can also think of what your child loves to do around the house (exclude creative things like reading, painting or building things).....
passive things like watching videotapes, DVDs or TV, or playing with the computer or playing with some favorite dolls or trucks. Choose one activity and call it a "privilege" ....so after reciting the sleep rules, you can say "Lucy, remember to follow the sleep rules so that when you wake up you can choose a treat and play with your doll ( or watch a favorite DVD ) or whatever."

When a child refuses to follow the sleep rules for nap/night, employ the "silent-return-to-sleep" strategy and put them back in bed. You can tie a bell to the door knob so you know when she's leaving the room. Encourage the behavior that is compatible with sleep process to discourage behavior (such as running around, singing, calling out to mommy) that are incompatible with sleeping.

GOOD LUCK!

I am going to be the odd man out. I do not think your child should stop taking a nap. Naps are very important to his growing healthy and happy. Not getting enought sleep has been linked to childhood obesity, learning problems, also it helps their immune system to stay strong, and it makes them much easier to get along w/. 1-5 yr olds should get 10-12 hours a asleep a day. My kids sleep 9 hours at night and at least hour and a half nap. I would try to get your son more stimulated through out the day. He is a boy so I'm sure he is already running and jumping all over. If avilable more outside time though fresh air always helps kids to sleep better. Mind stimulating things could help, like sitting and reading w/ you or buy some workbooks and help him to learn more (colors, letters, shapes etc.). Best of luck!

How miserable! It is so hard when children change or get our of their routines. Have you thought about cutting out is afternoon nap? Maybe he really isn't tired at night. It may make the afternoons tough for a while, but he may then be tired enough to sleep thru the night. Just a thought. My girls are 10 and 13, so it is hard to remember what we did then. Also, we have used Melatonin. I can't remember how early in their life, but we did 1/2 a tablet and it was a big help. Maybe you should try that a few nights to get him back in a routine. Good luck!

I have a daughter who is three weeks older than your son, and a son who is a week younger than your daughter ... I feel your pain! My daughter recently started doing the same thing. I keep her up later at night and DO NOT let her nap to get her back on the proper schedule. It puts you through a torturous day or two with a cranky toddler, but it has worked. She now goes to bed by 9 and gets up at 8 with a 2-2.5 hour nap that starts at 2:30. The more tired she gets, the less inclined she is to sleep all night long; could this be happening with your son? I would keep him up all day until at least 8 pm, and hope that he sleeps through the night!

Hi L.,

You mentioned Melatonin, so I will first comment on that. My son has always had sleep problems, and his doctor suggested using 1/2 a Melatonin tablet. It is a natural hormone produced by the body which promotes sleep. I had very good results with it. I used it regularly for a while, and then slowed down to using it when absolutely necessary.

I think I would also cut the nap time by 1/2 hour even if you have to wake him up. The full night's sleep is much more important, not just for him but for you and your husband. When my son kept me up at all hours, I was exhausted all the time, and my patience ran very thin because of this. I feel that I am a much better mother when everyone sleeps well at night.

Good luck, and let me know if you have any success.

B.

Hi L.,

I think your son doesn't need as much sleep anymore... Try cutting his nap short (40 min) or eliminating it. He will probably be cranky for a few days but will eventualy go back to a sane schedule. Or, even better, you could try this (suggested by Dr. Ferber in his book): If your child is waking up to early you should try to shift his schedule by 15 min. every day. In your case, you can put him to bed at 8:15pm, then at 8:30, and so on. You also should shift his day schedule by 15 min. each day also (nap and feeding times) if possible. That should make his schedule shift without major traumas.

Good luck,
A..

Hi L.,
Firstly let me tell you how I FEEL your pain!!! I have been going through similar issues with my son (who will be three Nov 3). Our family has recently been through some remodeling which resulted in a bedroom upheval and then a move to a big boy bed - another milestone! He has had a very difficult time not only staying in his bed but also has been waking up at 3:30am, 4am and so forth without going back to sleep (Your son and my son may be on the same sleep wave I could not believe that someone else was having the same problem!!) He too is not taking naps well for me anymore.

The benedryl did not work for me, it actually made him hyper...very unfortunate indeed!! I have heard of it working for others - worth a try! I've never heard fo the melatonin - so can't say anything about that.

I haven't read children books about it, however, I have been able to receive some wonderful advice from my Mother:) Which has proven helpful for me. She said the gate was a great thing to do, since he wasn't listening to me via other means, you are ensuring that he does listen to your direction. She also instructed me to completely ignore his crys for getting out of his bed and room-even if it means that I go far enough away from him so that I don't hear him and become upset by his tantraum. She enlighted me that he is "pushing his fences" to see how far or how much it will take until he can get his way. He is wanting the attention. I did spend nearly all of last week awake at 3:30 am 4 am and so forth 5 out of 7 nights. I think I may have made a break through when I left him to cry and carry on while I went into another part of the house. He finally fell asleep around 6:30am and awoke around 9am. It was a tremendously rough day and lucky for me my sweet husband was out of town so his work day was not affected by lack of sleep - you may not be so lucky with your husband's work schedule. This week I'm working more on the staying in bed when I put him to bed. I have been letting him simply wear himself out and ignoring him (other than the "mommy" ear). It was working very effectively and he has been sleeping through the night. I have just changed my stratagy a bit to train him to stay in bed when I tell him to goodnight. Last night when I told him goodnight he did indeed get out of bed, I began to remove items from his room that he likes. It did work! (of course I did have to take everything out of his room - and I mean even the dresser drawers were in the H.) He stayed in his bed and went to sleep! absolutely amazing. I never tried to reason with him about it, never raised my voice, never was I angry with him. I was very peaceful about it and the only thing I would say to him is that he had disobeyed mommy and if he did it again I'd remove or take away "x" thing from him. He finally believed me and went on to sleep. He has also listened to me much better today. We have been at odds with each other for sometime, ie. cranky two year old tantrums.

Right now he is the only child I have, we have one on the way in a week. So I'm a bit apprehensive with how this is all going to play out for us in the next several weeks and months.

I hope that some of that helps you a little...It is most certainly a character building expereince for us mommies! Our sweet little boys learning to grow up can really stretch us!! I am going to bring it up to my pediatrition on our next visit coming up. I have gotten some excellent advice from them on different issues as well.

Sweet Dreams!!

R.

Stay at home mommy of 2 1\2 year old, due with new addition next week!!

I have two boys spencer 3.5 and connor 1.5. I had the same issues with spencer. Honestly the fence works. But when your really tired I would just bring him to bed with me and he would go right to sleep and if not just put him back in his bed. And now Spencer when he is scard will crawl into bed with us and then when he is settled down we will move him or he will go back to bed all by him self. Just my opinion.
I live in Dayton, TN if you live close email back.