Need Advice on What to Do with My ADHD Son in Kindergarten

Hi S.,
well, my son has ADHD and the school told me the exact same thing. I did push for him to stay in school and he really struggled. He really fell behind all of the other children. The teacher even took him from 12 spelling words to 6 and he still wasnt able to catch on. The teachers and I met again and agreed that he just wasnt ready. I held him back and he started the first grade over and he has thrived in everything. He is an A/B student, his communication skills have improved and his confidence is up. so its a hard decision but I am glad that I held him back. that year made such a big difference.
C.

I would keep him in kindergarten. They are suppose to provide help in that area in a public school. They school probably just doesn't want to deal with him. If he is ADHD they can diagnose it at five years old. Maybe take him to get tested, I think not providing inclusion is the worst thing to do. He needs to get use to being around children, because he will be in school for the next twelve years. Also, is the behavior recent or has he been "active" his whole life. He might be rebelling due to the divorce, some children have a hard dealing with change and express it an various ways.

Is it an all day kindergarten? My son was a lil behind and instead of the half day, he tested to get into all day where the teacher can work more with the kids. Do they expect him to color perfectly??? That is minor stuff and with practice, he will catch on. I'd work with him at home but keep him in kindergarten. School has just started and it sounds like they are already ready to give up on him. Good luck!

My niece turned 5 on September 17th. She missed the cut off for kindergarten by one day. My sister was concerned (she wanted her to go to kindergarten) but our Aunt (who has taught kindergarten for 30 years) told her not to be concerned. You�re child won�t be �behind� if he goes to preschool this year. In fact if the teachers indicate he needs some work with scissors or coloring, this may be a great opportunity for him.

I may have read this wrong, but I got the impression that you feel preschool isn�t normal for most kids. I�m not sure I would consider preschool as an �alternative� option. Everyone I grew up with went to pre school before they went to kindergarten. It wasn�t part of the school system (generally they are in churches or daycares) so that may be why the school staff referred to it as alternative. However it is very much a normal step in a child�s education. Again, I�m sorry if I miss interpreted anything. My niece is very excited about going to preschool this year good luck with finding a program in your area.

Good luck
M.

Hi S., my name is J. am also a single mom student and worker. I have 3 children under 10 as well. My 4 year old son had some of the same problems that you said your five year old has and I was also told that he was adhd. I took my son to get tested at a place called The Cheshire Center in greensboro. I t turned out my son was not Adhd at all even though he showed all of the signs, but that he has Sensory Integrative Disorder, the signs which are almost exactly similar to adhd, but instead of having to be on medication which made my older son a zombie I was able to take Jake to the cheshire center once a week, which insurance pays for, and 'brush' him at home. I almost immediatly saw positive results and now even at four Jake is coloring in the lines. He can hold his pencil correctly and even write his name. I did not have to take him out of school. and i am able to schedule his appointments during times which are convenient for my schedule, and be present in every session. I wish you luck, I would be happy to talk to you more about this and give you information if you want.

I am a kindergarten teacher and Isee this all the time. The truth is that if he turned 5 that late he was not ready for kindergarten to began with. The are right by saying that he is not developmentally ready. In my advice I would put him in pre-k and he will not be behind. He will be where he needs to be.

S.,

I have really struggled with this age issue. My daughter turned five on the 12th of September. I have had her in preschool since she was 2, almost 3, not sure what I should do. I have talked to several other parents and looked at our families and decided that one more year of preschool couldn't hurt her.

My mom graduated from college the week before her 20th birthday because she was pushed 2 grades ahead. She said she would never do that to a child because of the social aspects. Our 16-year old niece has a birthday at the end of June and was held back due to the cut-off. She is very happy she is only a sophomore and glad she's one of the older kids because she gets to do things first - like drive. Another niece has a birthday at the end of August and was pushed ahead in school because her mom felt she could not challenge her enough at home. ADHD has been a problem since the beginning, although it's getting better now that she's 9. She could do the school work, but she couldn't concentrate. They tried different things from giving her cola in the morning to medication. She does okay in school, but I don't think she's exceptional.

Our daughter can concentrate for hours at a time when she's playing on the computer, but she can't still sit without wiggling long enough to eat a snack or read a short book. My feeling is that in the extra year of preschool, we can really concentrate on her physical and social abilities while still engaging her academically. We were fortunate to find an academic preschool in town with a class specifically for 5-year olds. They study similar things as the kindergarten, but the students have all missed the cut-off (August 30). It is expensive, which is why I can only send her three days per week, but it's just for this year and I think the benefits will be long-term.

She does wonder why her friends have moved to kindergarten and she's still in preschool, but we've talked about her age and I think she's okay with it. I know this is a tough decision, especially since your son's already started kindergarten, but I really feel there could be some harm in pushing them ahead, but it can't hurt to hold them back just a little.

Best of luck!
C.

My children have a.d.d. they were diagnosed. I did not put them on meds. Children with a.d.d. and a.d.h.d need consistency meaning breakfast, lunch & dinner the sametime everyday homework sametime it's repetition.

Maybe you should think about getting him checked out.

Hi S.,

Don't be discouraged. My husband works with ADHD children and other children with special needs in an elementary school environment. My main advice is that if his teachers and counselors say he may not be socially ready for Kindergarten - take their advice to heart. It isn't a reflection on you or your parenting skills - some kids are just ready later than others - and having him wait to start Kindergarten is going to be FAR less dramatic then putting him into school for a year and then having him potentially held back later once he's meshed with his classmates. (At least this is the case in my personal as well as professional experience). I would suggest a pre-school environment for him to help him develop his social skills (including being able to sit quietly for extended periods of time) and dexterity (using scissors, coloring in the lines, etc.)... i believe that you will both be happier in the end... Good Luck!!

I would seriously considering taking him out of that school. It sounds like they have given up on your son and that is never a good thing. It would not be such a bad thing if he had to do K4, although he would end up being the oldest in his class all the way up, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I would check other schools in your area, how might offer a program specifically for children who did not attend K4. Maybe even some private schools might have something for him. I know that being able to cut straight, color in the lines, is part of moving up from K4, but maybe if you could work with him at home, and you had a good teacher willing to work with him at school he would be fine and able to go to the 1st grade next year. I wish you the best.

I had the same issue with my son. He's 8 now and in 3rd grade. In 4 year old kindergarden his teachers/counselors told me the same thing they're telling you. Well, shortly after that I sout advice from a doctor that specialized in ADHD. She's also now his pediatrician which works out really well. Anyway, we tried putting him on medication. We had to take a pill and spread it on a piece of toast for years so he'd be able to take it. Anyway, it really helped. It's taken me a long time find the right medication but as any professional will tell you, the thing about kids with ADHD is that they're never consistant! Things will change all the time. You will constantly have to try new things. I did not take my son out of school and he's doing fine. A few struggles here and there but he's doing just fine. I think sometimes teachers just don't want to put in the extra effort it takes for a child with ADHD. Anyway, my son still has issues with sitting still in his seat and coloring in the lines etc... Just cuz your child is slow in a few things doesn't mean that he cannot excell in others. Medication is a good option for your child, talk with your pediatrician. If you're against trying medication than you're gona have to try extra hard for your child and home school or special needs education may be what you'll need to do. Remember there is no harm in trying medication and no one will make your child stay on it if you don't like it. Do whatever you feel is best for your child. But I feel that the early interaction they get from kindergarden is good for their social and intellectual development so don't take him out if you don't have to.

S.,
I was in the same boat that you were in. At age 4 (in preschool, his teacher suggested that he was delayed. She referred me to the public shools resource center. You might want to ask if your city has one, I'm sure they do. There, they will go over your son 's history, your history, give him an hearing test, iq test, and will determine if he is developmentally delayed. My son couldn't talk, couldn't write or color, he scribbled all over the page. Even non-adhd children can't color in the lines. I saw that first hand this weekend with 2 twins who had been in preschool since they were 3. My son also couldn't use scissors properly. His fine motor skilss had not developed and of course with the ADHD he was all over the place, even on the small dose of medicine he was on. Once the resource center has determined him developmentally delayed, they will set him up with an IEP. This will determine if he needs speech therapy, reading therapy, writing therapy, or anything else. It will also state how often. These are federal laws. No teacher or school can tell you your child is developmentally delayed without the proper testing. The new trend these days is to mainstream the children in regular classes and get them the proper therapy needed to bring them up to where they should. In VA Beach, there is NO special education class. They have what is called inclusion class. You might want to ask about that. It is a normal class, but with some children that are delayed, they are also smaller classes, and the teacher will sometimes receive an aide throughout the day. My suggestion is if you think your son is adhd, take him to the doctor, you will have to go through a series of surveys along with the teacher. It took us two appointments to get him on meds. but when him being so young, the dosage was low and only lasted for 3 hours. As he has gotten older they have increased it a little. The major thing that has helped us is therapy. He sees an Art Therapist once a week and she has been my miracle worker. He is now 7 and I just got the compliment that he is better behaved than the non-inclusion children. It is a tough tough road, it truly is, but you are your son's only advocate. They will try to push him away because they don't want to deal with it, but that is what they are paid to do. Unless he is a behavioral problem, (i.e., hurting other children ) There is no reason why he can't got to a normal class if you feel he is ready. If he doesn't do well, he can always repeat it.

Hi S.,
My son turned 5 last December, and so was one of the older children in his Pre-K. In his case, there was no choice about whether he should go to Kindergarten or not, he missed the cut-off date by a mile! Anyway, I'm so grateful for his late birthday, he certainly was not ready for Kindergarten last fall. I've heard so many parents say that waiting an extra year is especially helpful for boys, they just mature more slowly than girls.

It sounds like your son is just not ready for kindergarten. There may be nothing "wrong" with him, he is just not ready. Forcing him into it will only make things worse all around. I think pre-school would be the perfect place for him, they will work on the fine motor skills and he can learn to focus a little bit. Don't feel like he'll be behind. All kids are different, and respecting that is the best thing we can do as parents.

Good luck!

try pre-k that will get him ready for K

Hi S.,
I was a volunteer at my kids school when they went to private school, (homeschool now), and from what I observed and from what I heard the kindegarten and first grade teachers stress if that if a child is not ready, it's not a big deal, they're just not ready. I watched children in kindergarten with my daughter who had just made the cut-off and some younger (a private school in KY will let 4 year olds in kindergarten if they parents desire it - BAD idea)and the younger students, if only by a few months, struggle. At the end of the year, there was 7 out of a class of 28 the teacher felt wasn't ready to go on and 5 of the 7 parents refused and shoved them into a grade they were not ready to cope with. My son was in kindergarten the next year with the 2 students whose parents had listened to the teachers advice and they just blossomed. The five in my daughters first grade class really had it rough. There were tears and frustration and I regret that their parents were never in the classroom to see what they were putting their kids through. There were also two boys in my daughters class that had done kindergarten twice and they were doing fabulously. All of the parents who put their kids through kindergarten twice said the same thing; they agonize over the decesion, but in hind sight, it was the best thing they could have done.
Now, when I agonized over putting my son in kindergarten because I didn't feel he was ready, the teacher told me that 2 years of kindergarten would be better than 2 years of pre-K because he would try to keep up with his fellow students. So, my advice is keep him where he's at, BUT be prepared to let him do it again next year if he needs it.

Hello S., this is K.. I have 4 children 12 and under. My youngest is 4, he will be 5 on the 26th of September. He is also in kindergarden this year. He has a speech problem and has been seen by a speech therapist/teacher since he was 2 and a half. His speech teacher at school this year called me the other day and said that he has trouble staying quiet while working on his school work and that he disrupts the class. I asked if maybe there was a possiblity that he might have ADHD. She said that a lot of kids that age, do that. Especially with boys, they tend to be more figity. If you think that your child might have ADHD, watch him at home. If he is very hyper and has a short attention span...you might want to have him/her tested. You pediatrition should be able to give a small evaluation, but they will refer you to someone that works in that specialty. Also, if your child did not attend a pre-school or jump-start, he/she might not be exactly where all the other kids are. School just started a few weeks ago...give him a chance. If by winter break he/she hasn't caught up a little, then you might want to look into something else. He won't be too far behind that he can't catch up. Just keep in touch with the teacher and see how things go. I'm sure I wasn't much help, but I am just giving my opinion. I am going through slight problems with my youngest son as well.

Hi S.,

First off let me say, you're not a bad parent. Each child is different and has special needs that need to be worked through as you come to them. I am a former first grade teacher in the public school system and I have a special ed degree. I just quit to stay home with my son this year. I am assuming your son is in a Wake County school. Do know that teachers would never bring something up like this unless they thought it was for the students best interest. This is a hard decision for parents and teachers. The school system has changed and the expectations are SOOOO much higher than ever before. It is much better to keep them back a year when they are young than having to do it later. It is pretty common for difficulties to continue without early intervention.
To look down the road, first grade is tough. It is such an important year and if the student is not developmentally ready, it will be even harder. My son has a later birthday and I have already decided not to push him through even if it is possible bc of his age and he is only 11 months old. Boys are often 6 months behind developmentally and if he is already younger, there probably will be issues later on. Many of the troubles I had in my classes were because kids were so young and barely made the cut off date or somehow made it in with a late birthday.
I say give your son a chance to be a kid and develop at his pace. If the teachers think this is best, then I would tend to agree with them. It would be hard but I think in the long run it will be best for your son. Would you rather have him be on top all the time or behind each year?
I hope it all works out for you and that your son succeeds whatever you choose.
OH yeah- if you do think your kids are ADHD, I would have them evaluated. There are so many things you could benefit from academically and resources to pull from if you have a diagnosis.

My son turned 5 the end of July. In our state he was eligible to go to Kintergarden. His best freind who lives two doors away, is going to kintergarden this year. My son didn't get to go to pre-school due to problems with potty training. I had been working with him at home, and he probably could have slid by though kintergarden. We opted to enroll him in pre-school this year instead. I want to give him every advantage to succeed in school and not start out "behind" the other children. We decided it was better to hold him back now, than to have to do it later. Every child develops at a diffrent pace, just because his age is 5, he may need to spend some more time on his fine motor skills (holding a crayon to color in the lines, and holding scissors, etc). He will only be "behind" if you label him that way. Let him know he just needs to have some more practice time before he can go to school. The more you focus on the negative, he will be upset by it. Do what's best for him, whatever you decide.
God Bless!!!! J.

Please consider homeschooling if you think it's something you or someone in your family could do. At least for a year or so. Don't put your child in a school that has labeled him before he even stepped through the door. He may have ADHD and many, many parents homeschool kids with these types of problems with success. And he may not have it.

My sister (15 at the time) went in last year to get tested for a reading problem. She was sent to a doctor by her pediatrician. She walked in the room, not five mins later the guy said she was ADHD and suggested medication. It was so appalling and my sister who is almost 17 now, has had to deal with a reading comprehension problem on her own.

Some schools and some doctors get kick backs from the drug companies. Please keep that in mind before you load your children up.

They want your naturally active little boy to be drugged. They see him as a problem because he can't sit still. 20 + years ago when you and I went to K, we got to color (outside the lines), learn to cut, sing, and play. Now it's Spanish, sitting in desks without moving for several hours, computers, math, reading, and writing. Some kids just don't fit in that environment.

I have worked in daycares, preschools, and elem schools in several states for years before my daughter was born. My mom worked at a high end preschool in Miami for several years. The kids who are active and would rather be out in the sunshine then in a classroom don't make it. Children must conform or the are left behind, labeled, and drugged. It does not necessarily mean there is something really wrong with the child, the teachers just don't have the time or resources to deal with 25 kids who can't follow directions. An active child causes problems. If your son can't sit still he will have many of the same problems in preschool.

That's a lot to expect from a five year old. I work at a group home as a therapist with small children (6-12 years old) and some of them can't do those things. Each child develops differently...it's difficult to expect a five year old to stay in his seat for an extended period of time...nor should he be it's NOT normal...they have short attention spans...if you really think your child/children have ADHD you should have them evaluated...I don't push meds on anyone but I have also seen them work firsthand for the kids I work with...also I would give your son the opportunity to try...once kids are put in special education..it is difficult to get them out...

You should get all your kids evaluated. Its got to be nagging int he back of your head if they are or aren't. Just do it and put your mind to rest.

As for kindergartner, if he is in public school depending on the county they will remove him from a mainstream class and place in in some type of special services.

I would keep him back if they think he's not ready. I know as mothers we think our children are just perfect but sometimes it takes an outside person to tell us things like that. It will help him in the long run. When I was young my parents put me in Kindergarden early because I was advanced for my age, and all through school I was at a disadvantage because they were all older than me. When I graduated HS I was only 17 and all the others were 18 and got to do the "fun stuff" without me!

I am that child !!!! I have ADD and when I was in school it was a new thing. Now here's the story. My birthday is in October so I was 4 when my Mom put me into Kindergarten. I was held back in the first grade and went to summer school in the 8th and 9th grades. Summer school was after I had been tested and put on meds for the ADD....then I ended up dropping out and finishing later!!!!

My brother was just made it past the cut off by like 2 weeks and he was held back in the first grade(he was not ADD). I am not trying to scare you b/c I am sure alot of children make it when they are just past the cut off. I think with your son having ADHD he just needs some extra time to tone the skills to be ready for kindergarten. My mom told me she wished she had waited until we were almost six to put us in.

I am not sure if this helps but maybe it will give you some kind of sinario(sp) to go on. GOod luck and I hope the best!

As a former Kindergarten teacher I have to aggree that this isn't a refection on you. That being said, my advice for you is that over the years I have never met a parent who regretted having their child wait until they were a year older, BUT I know many who wished that they had given their child the extra time.

The teachers and administrators are truly looking at his best interests. I, myself, made the same decision three years ago and I waivered back and forth on what was the right thing to do. Finally I took the exact thought above into account and I knew in my heart that giving him time could only help. In our society kids grow up so quickly anyway. Let him be 5 and find a fabulous preschool that will build onto the skills that he already has and he'll be ready to soar into Kindergarten next September!

Best wishes!

Do you plan on getting your boys tested for ADHD ?
I have 3 boys myself and my youngest 2 are both ADHD....
Good Luck !

I agree and can't stress enugh the importance of getting your children tested. Testing is usually offered by the county services free of charge in most areas. Check with Child Services in your area. There are a number if health issues that can mimic ADHD, and until you know what is going on, you cannot help your children. For example, Jessica's comment below on her child. My daughter is ADHD and also has SID (Sensory Integration Dysfunction)(now in 1st grade and smart as a wip!). Certain types of Autism also mimic ADHD, etc.
I personally would not remove my child until I had more information so I could make an educated decision. Schools have a tendancy to be more than willing to remove a child from main stream that requires a little more time and effort because child teacher ratios are so high, but I would not let them push you into anything like that without more information. They are not doctors! Pulling you child out or moving out of main stream may give your child the wrong message that he isn't smart enough or isn't being good and is being punished in some way, and it's his fault. If you have a diagnosis, then your decision can be based on that fact, and not your childs behavior alone....make sense?? If you child doesn't have any issues, then maybe he just needs to be held back a year. If he does, then you can truely begin to help him be the best he can be by getting him the therapy (behavioral for ADHD or occupational for SID), counselling, and even meds (ADHD, Autism, etc) if needed so he can learn to control his behavior and really succeed.
Good luck sweetie! I know how hard it is being a single mom dealing with all this, and I fostered on top of it. I actually adopted my now 6 yr old while single. I was divorced 7 yrs before marring again. Keep up the schooling! I have the utmost respect for you trying to finish under all this pressure! You go girl!!

S.,
My son's birthday is in Aug. so, he just made it under the wire too to be able to start school. When I went to enroll him in school I was given the same option to delay enrolling him. I opted to go ahead and enroll him basically with the same thoughts that you have. I didn't want him to be behind. For my son Kindergarten was difficult. It seemed to take him longer to get things than it did other kids who were a little older.
I ended up deciding to hold him back in Kindergarten and letting him repeat. I wish now that I had just h eld him back in pre-school an extra year. ADHD may not be the problem at all. It could just be he's a young 5 year old and it's just going to take a little longer for him to adjust.
I would monitor his behavior and if you still have concerns then maybe you should look into getting him tested. Better to find out now and treat him then to wait til later in his life.
Best of luck to you.

R. F

If you think your son is developmentally ready, I think you should stand your ground, but if you are questioning his development also, I would send him to preschool. My daughter is 4 and won't turn 5 until September 30. She is bigger than all other kids her age as her father is 6'8" and I honestly think she is mentally able for school, but her disability with ADD may cause problems for her in school, so I will be waiting until next year. Since the cut off is close to your son's birthday, I don't think he will feel out of place or anything if you hold him back because there will be plenty of other children in his same situation. YOu are the mom, you know best, so follow your heart. Good luck

Hi S. W, I experienced a similar situation with my son last year in kindergarden. I always knew that my son was ADHD and I was totally against medicine until he got into kindergarden. My son got referrals on the first week of school it got so bad that the school threatened to kick him out of school. So I decided to do the medicine thing. Now so far my son has been on 5 different meds. In the beginning some of them helped then he got use to them. Then it always went on to a new med. Then some of them never worked at all so I had a very hard time last year. He always got notes sent home about him not being able to sit down, pay attention, keep his hands to himself. Having fits, crying at random. I can tell you this if you do decide to get help evaluated I recommend you got to the Crater Child Development Center in Petersburg. Because without the help I received from them I would still be lost. I want you to know that you should never give up stay strong at what you believe and always do what you think is best even if it means going against your son doctors. I really suggest that you let him stay in kindergardedn and just get him evaluated or talk to his doctor about the situation. My son was called immature by the schools prinpal, teacher and everyone else because his birthday is July 21. I know times get hard but just keep on trying and pushing your way through it all it will get better. By the way mys on is doing much better this year in first grade and he loves his new teacher.
Take Care Y. J.