Need Advice on Weight Loss Motivation

Hi N.,

I teared up after reading your post because I know exactly how you are feeling. I battled an eating problem in my early twenties. I say "eating" problem instead of "weight" problem because eating was the real problem, weight gain was just the result. I still don't know why I binged. I guess I was bored, confused, and unsure of what to do with my life...anyway, I ended up losing weight by dieting--eating a dry plain bagel and black coffee for breakfast, canned soup and 7 triscuits for lunch with a piece of fruit, and maybe a frozen entree for dinner. Every day. Sure, I lost weight, but I was NOT healthy. I was deprived. It was not a good way to live.

I encourage you to change your thinking from "I need to go on a diet" to "I need to nourish myself." Make sure that everything you put in your mouth has some nutritional value. I am also a holistic health counselor (I saw two other comments from HHCs) and here's a rule I created for myself:

Do not eat anything that contains:

*partially hydrogenated oils (trans fats)
*high fructose corn syrup
*a list of ingredients that I cannot pronounce

If I'm buying packaged food, I read the entire nutrition label and ingredients list before putting the item in my cart. If I see any of the above ingredients, it goes back on the shelf.

If you eat better quality food (ideally organic, local and in-season)--veggies, fruit, whole grains--and begin an exercise regimen (just walk for 30 minutes a day to start), you will undoubtedly feel better and lose weight. I truly believe that because I live it.

Here are two of my very favorite food blogs that contain great, relatively easy recipes: www.101cookbooks.com and www.smittenkitchen.com. Eating well does not have to be bland and boring. It takes a little effort, but healthy foods can be absolutely delicious.

Lastly, about the party, I've found that whenever I really don't want to go to an event, but I decide to drag myself anyway, I end up having an awesome time. So, my advice is: go find a pretty sundress, get a pedicure, and get your party on!

Best wishes,
A.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Nocole,

All of this is too much too fast.
You sound overwhelmed.
And I feel overwhelmed reading your post.
I think baby steps are in order.
You did not get fat overnight, so you will not get thin
overnight.
First step, join a gym and go everday or every other day, but no less and no excuses.

Also, you do not sound in denial, you seem very, very aware
of what all the problems are and you offer yourself very intelligent solutions, you just have not acted on them.
You sound a bit depressed and depression halts action.

Another thing, I think it is good that your husband is kind.
When marriages hit road bumps kindness is in order, but he is not the issue - you are.

Just do(1)one thing join a gym.
The activity will lift you out of your depression and propel you on to step (2)two self love.
As energy is lifted you become like a rolling ball.
A peek at step (3) three? Eating right.

But I repeat!
Do only (1) one thing join gym and go!

1 mom found this helpful

Please go to the BBQ. Last week I went to my 20 year HS reunion weighing about 100 lbs more than in high school. I don't like being fat..but I am still me. I stressed over my weight for a month or more before this reunion but I had a great time and found 2 good friends I had lost touch with over the years. I only told this story because sometimes a person's limitations are largely internal.

It sounds like you are struggling with depression and body image issues as well as just the weight. Will your insurance cover counseling and maybe a visit to a nutritionist? There is also Overeaters Anonamous (a free 12 step support group) as well as Weight Watchers. Can you try setting small goals like losing 5 or 10 pounds at a time, 1 lb a week or something like that. Maybe changing 1 bad eating habit or cutting out a specific junk food would be a way to start. My friend lost a lot of weight when she got a blood test back that said she was borderline diabetic not just overweight. But she started by cutting out sweetened drinks like iced tea (her favorite) and walking more. You might also want to have a complete physical with bloodwork. I would ask have your doctor check your thyroid function--if it is low it can cause weight gain and fatigue among other things. A good multivitamin probably won't hurt either. My doctor told me to keep taking the prenatal vitamins after pregnancy to help with recovering from it.

Whatever you decide to do good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

N., I do understand your frustration. While I have never been what some would call fat, I was at one time 40 lbs overweight. I am 5'10" so I was always told that I carried it well, but I was very unhappy with myself. I did also manage to lose the weight with the help of a nutritionist and was extremely happy! Since then I've had my daughter and I had no problem dealing with my weight gain from the pregnancy, but afterwards I got so frustrated knowing that I had already lost this weight and I needed to do it again. It seems like it will never end. I am in a friend's wedding this summer and I felt like I was going to be the token "fat kid" of all the bridesmaids. About 2 months ago, I finally decided to be motivated and I am exercising more. I still absolutely HATE exercising. I don't mind every day activity (ex. taking a walk, swimming, etc.), but "working out" is definitely not my favorite activity. I just decided one day to do it. It was not like one day it was easier, I just said that I'm finally tired enough of being overweight and started it. What if instead of watching what you eat AND exercising, you start one at a time? What if you started working out, even just taking regular walks with family or friends and then gradually decided that one thing at a time in your diet would change? Would your husband take walks with you? Maybe if he sees that you are trying to lose the weight, it would help him be more accepting and bring you closer. I know that you and I are in different situations, but I understand your feelings. You are important and what you feel does matter. I do not think that you should stay home because you are ashamed. I think you should go out and start little by little so it's not so overwhelming. Send me a message if you want to talk, I'm always open for a new friend! Good luck!
B.

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In high school I was the big girl but looking back I wasn't very overweight (10-15lbs). I am 6foot tall and all my friends were 5'8" or shorter (one not even 5foot). I have a "get together" for my high school coming up and probably will not go! I an 37 weeks pregnant but I am also FAT! I am pushing 300 lbs and have been since shortly after amrriage. I have never found a way to lose the weight. Last year I decided I was ready to make my life what I wanted. I use to ride horse, kayak, sports, run and all sorts of things in high school. I want to do that again and take my kids with me. I do NOT want them to be fat and watch what they eat. I started doing Weight Watchers last year (summer) and lost about 17lbs in the first 3 months. I got pregnant in October and have not done it since (not allowed) but I will be lighter after the birth of my baby than before conceiving. I plan on going back to WW because for me hearing others good and bad helped me to do it for me. I can't tell you how to do it but I can tell yuo the only reason to do it! It is VERY selfish but you must do it for YOU!!!!! Don't do it for the husband, kids, friends or family. IT IS YOUR BODY AND YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO DO IT FOR YOU! I had to realize that I AM WORTH IT!!!! I have "low self esteem" issues because I have always hated my body since I was about a 7th grader. I was always the tall "amazon" kid from about then on and then after marriage I became the "amazon, obese" woman. I felt GUILTY for taking 40 minutes once a week to go to WW meetings but I am ready now to give MYSELF the benefits of a thinner me. will those around me benefit YES but I WILL BENEFIT AND IT IS FOR ME THAT I WILL LOSE WEIGHT AFTER BABY IS BORN. I too an 36 yo with 2 beautiful girls and another girl due to enter this great world in 3 weeks or less! You like me probably give everything to everyone else. NOW IS THE TIME TO GIVE YOURSELF A GREAT GIFT!!!! Get healthy again so YOU feel good and you will be a better mom, wife, and friend because you won't hide behind the "excuses" you hand out all to easily! I am an expert hider! Lets get out from behind the "excuses" and treat ourselves to a life that we LOVE in a body we love and not just tolerate and "Get through". Email me if you want. I WILL trade my fat life for a thinner one as soon as my doctor says OK after baby is born. I could always use a weight loss friend. If your game so am I!!!!! If not OK but remember YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME AND EFFORT!!!!!!! A.

1 mom found this helpful

hi, N....I highly recommend myfitnesspal.com it's free and there is a forum there too of other people that are also using the site, supporting each other. I'm on there too. my page is: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/peacefullone I also want to get down to about 125. I'm also 5'2" and since being married and having 3 children and a couple miscarriages...I had gained up to about 230. I'm getting down to near where I want to be, but I'm only part way there. I'd love to be a support to you. if you join on myfitnesspal.com and let me know your username. I'd love to add you as a friend on my profile.

Holly

1 mom found this helpful

Go to OA (overeaters anonymous) meetings. You will find a bunch of people who understand "emotional eating" I wish you the best.....V.

Hi N.,
First of all, don't let anyone or anything keep you from enjoying a nice holiday BBQ with your family this year. Go to the parties with your head held high, smile, and enjoy your family and friends. If they seem shocked, that is their problem. Nobody is perfect, you have to remember that.

Secondly, your story parallel's my husband so much. He gained a lot of weight after we met and his weight has been a struggle for the past 6-7 years. He just can't find it in himself to lose it. He's like you, has tried diets, exercising, even fasting to lose the weight. Food is such a comfort for him, it makes him happy, then gets upset with himself after eating it. It's a constant battle. I want him to be healthy for our children also and so does HE, but he's just having the hardest time trying to get to a point where he draws the line and says "enough is enough."

I don't have much advice, I just wanted to reassure you that you are sooooo not alone in this. Everyone has their issues and unfortunately, losing weight is one of the hardest wars to win. I admire you for really wanting to do it because there are people who just don't care, or don't want to strive to be healthy for their families.

I wish you lots of luck on this journey to finding a better "you." You sound like an amazing person. I hope you can find a way to true happiness very soon. If you ever need to talk please let me know!! Maybe you and my husband can challenge eachother to a weight loss contest. :)

God bless,
L.

I just read a really good article by a psychology professor who used psychology to beat her "compulsive" overeating, and then wrote a book about it. The article is at http://www.guideposts.com/story/psychology-dieting-person..., and her book is called "Mind Your Diet: The Psychology Behind Sticking to Any Diet."

I wish you all the very best!

Hey girl,
Thanks for putting all your emotions out there.
you are stronger than you think.

Just wanted to let you know that I have another interesting perspective to add...
I teach pilates & the majority of my clients are thinner than i will ever be. I'm about 5'6" and about 155. I used to be about 220....I have come a long way, and it has taken years....YEARS...
its such a day to day process i promise you...
but is so worth the attention.
so what i wanted to say is that my skinny clients...
i mean the ones who look the BEST...
have the hardest time with their bodies.
they are just as sad as you, think just as many terrible things about life and their relationships suffer just as much.
invite positivity into your life as much as you can. turn off the tv. dance with your kids. walk. drink water. eat fruit. get rid of high fructose corn syrup!!!!
and have fun.
you sound awesome girl.
cant wait to hear about your success!!!
dont be afraid to find a counsler...and find one you like.
that takes a while too.
good luck & good energy to you!!!
hugs
S.

Hi N.,

Trust me, your not alone. I have not been able to lose my pregnancy weight for 9 mos. I am 5'9" and was 140lbs, I now weigh 195 lbs.

I have been running into people lately who have not seen me since I have put on the weight and I have been embarrassed every time. I knew these people would make comments to each other. I really don't like going out much because nothing fits and I don't feel very attractive.

The only thing I can tell you that helps me be OK with where I am right now is reminding myself that this body nurtured and brought life into this world, that's pretty amazing in itself and also the people who will judge are not good friends to me anyway. They are not someone I would go to with a problem or a shoulder to cry on, plus they are not perfect.

Hang in there. I know how difficult it could be and how easy it is to put yourself down. Just know your not alone and if you ease-up on yourself then things might change. I try everyday.

Best!
M.

N.~Oh, I would love to help you!!! I'm a holistic nutritionist and most all of the women I work with could be your twin. Moms.

Holistically, when your holding onto weight ask yourself: What old stuff are you holding onto? Fat is protection, emotional protection. Diets don't work. Yes, paying attention to portion control and caloric intake is very important, but it's not the full remedy. What it really all comes down to, is love. Self love, not loathing.

Two things to get you started...if you so choose...

1. Look in the mirror every time you are in the bathroom and say: "N. I LOVE YOU!" over and over...look yourself in the eyes. It's hard, but the only person that counts is you. Got it!

2. Water. Yep, water and only water as the beverage of choice. Add slices of fruit or vegetables to it to make it interesting, but drink only water. Drink your weight in ounces. (As close to it). It fills you up and cleans you out.

Good luck! Be good to yourself!!! I really would love to help you. I'll be glad to give you a half hour free session, because I know how painful this is. No matter what though, love yourself!

Life is a process, from this you'll become so empowered~
M.

Hi N.,

Usually it takes a life change in eating and exercise habits. However, my new company has a diet cookie that is producing excellent results without major changes in diet and life style.
Eat Cookies -Lose Weight. Two cookies a day-high FIBER/Protein is how it works. Plenty of water and added natural energy drink is the bonus for "my program". One eats the cookie between meals or just prior to lunch and dinner. Helps give nutrition as it fills you up. Fiber is key to elimination also.
You can check it out for yourself at:
http://MyBestCookieStore.com or for full line of products: http://mariji.ShopVitamark.com

If taste is an issue-you will love these cookies!
I wish you the best. Call me anytime: ###-###-####

M.

Hi N.,
I know I am responding a little late, but I just wanted to tell you how much I can relate to everything you said. I, too, am 5'2". I weighed 190 when I got pregnant, and I was 235 pregnant! I got down to 120 through Overeaters Anonymous. Their website is http://www.oa.org and they are a 12-step program similar to AA. You are right, diets don't work. OA is the only thing that's ever worked for me. There are meetings everywhere, and they are free (they pass a basket around at meetings and people put in a dollar or two if they want). There's nothing for you to lose to try one meeting (except weight, that is). Anyway, good luck, I hope this helps.
--D.

Dont stay home life is to short get out there there are plenty of overweight people out there. You have been thin you can do it again alittle at a time it took years to gain and will take yrs to lose. I was heavy throught my childhood and still keep fighting everyday. I am thin now so i am told still feel like i could loss a few but live life well. I walk a 1/2 hour a few times a week it works.

good luck

N.- i'm at a similar point in my life. i lost weight before i met my husband and all the stress of building house, getting married, trying to concieve etc i gained 40 lbs. i have recently started running again and i have lost a little bit but mostly feel better about myself already. i also started taking St. Johnswort and let me tell ya, that stuff is magic. try it out, it helps to lift your mood. maybe t hat will bethe edge you need to get exercizing again. good luck. A.

I would go ahead and go the the BBQ, N.. There will be people there who will be genuinely happy to see you and they would be very disappointed if you did not show up. So go, be yourself and have a wonderful time. Go, eat, drink and be merry, and then the next day is when you start to take walks with your kids & husband. Include more proteins, veggies, & fruits into your daily in take and omit any soft drinks or other sweets you enjoy. For myself, I know that if I don't go for the walks and/or bike rides, I don't lose the weight. I have to get my heart racing for at least ten minutes anyway. I started taking the Hoodia diet pills to curb my appetite and it has helped a lot. I don't need to take those any more though, since my stomach has now shrunk and I just eat less. The hoodia was a huge help to me in the beginning though. Plus I am drinking more water now too. It took me a year to lose ten lbs. on my own, and then with the hoodia, I've lost another nine in four months time. When I exersize daily, and stay away from sugars, I lose the weight. When I don't exersize, I don't lose. I have found that if I have caffine (black coffee with nothing added) with a protein in the morning, it helps me to stay energized for some reason. I don't like just black coffee, so I just drink it quickly and with my breakfast. Sometimes I'll have another 1/2 a cup with some fat free French Vanilla cream added. :) (But that's my treat for the day then.) Good luck. Enjoy the BBQ!
D. N. xo

N., I just want to say that I think MANY of us feel the way you do on some level when it comes to our weight - whether we have gained 5 pounds or 90. I am 35 and feel like I am constantly battling a 5 - 10 lbs gain - now that might not seem like a big deal to you but I've always told women - that it doesnt matter how much the scale says, we are all battling!!!! With that said I have found that you really have to be MENTALLY ready - thats why I fail...I get all serious and strong and then the minute I go off track I say - oh well, forget it all start over NEXT WEEK. Well, NO, I've decided to truly work on taking it one step at a time, one meal at a time. I've learned my TRIGGERs for eating too. BORED AT WORK and No willpower on the weekends. I think you've realized whats holding you back - even though you are asking so I think you need to CONQUER that. Emotional eating...you need to figure out how to OVERCOME that. I know you said you did weight watchers. I've been doing that on and off for YEARS. I think its a great plan. Writing down everything I put in my mouth really puts it in perspective. EXERCISE. EVen if its just a half hour a day is sooo important fo ryou physically and mentally and once you start incorporating that into your life you will start to feel better and stronger. One thing I've done this time around is joined a community board on weight watchers. I tell you it helps keep me motivated - its generally the same women on there, a few newcomers but I feel like I think of these women when I am about to do anything -whether its eat a big meal or when I go out at night to exercise. Its a great online SUPPORT. Probably the same support I'd get from goign to meeting but b/c its a specific message board, these women are EXACTLY like me. you can go online and search to find a group that fits you and once you get involved it might help. I think WW's is great. Maybe you should give that a try again but look at the whole picture...theres a lot going on with you - mentally and physically and you need to address ALL those issues at once to be a balanced healthy strong woman and YOU CAN DO IT! Its not about the weight on the scale - YES, to some degree it is, but its about YOU - feeling good, feeling healthy. I suggest you start by writing down your feelings - keep a journal of how you are feeling - it helps to let go. Then write down ALL you eat. Put your diet into reality and you may think twice before making some choices. Set aside some time to WALK- just to get outside and get some air and enjoy the world around you - makes it less of a chore if you do it for fun. Start out with a goal of walking around the block - for 10 minutes only and chances are once you get out there you will want to go further. Bring YOUR favorite music with you. Its uplifting and its YOUR TIME. Talk to your husband. Tell him how you are feeling and try to set aside time with him alone to try and find the love again. Take it ALL one little step at a time. I guarantee whats stopping you is that you are overwhelmed, you are over emotional and you just aren't focused - I know the feeling!!! Once you get off track you probably feel totally defeated and just give up. I am the same way. It is NOT easy to stay focused but you can do it!!! You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be improved and YOU CAN DO THAT! Stop worry about what other people say right now, I agree with you about the reality of what other people think but right now what you think HAS to be the only issue - make a committment to yourself TODAY to take control of your life! Start off with a SMALL goal...something YOU KNOW you can reach - then once you reach it make another goal.

Go to your parties this weekend!!!! Don't hide - no matter what you are feeling or how you look right now I KNOW you are still a beautiful person - you are a mom and a wife and a women and we ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.

You can do this...as women we all struggle in soooo many ways and you are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!

Use this board for support. I seriously suggest a weight watchers board for support and the plan - even though you've done it before, I think its the healthiest most balanced plan and it focuses on diet, excercise and well being. Sign up online RIGHT NOW and get started and you can always contact me directly if you want additional support. I could REALLY go on b/c I truly believe and understand you but I also belive that you have it in you to conquer all that bothers you right now!

You need to focus on more than just a diet...you need to focus on a lifestyle! Thats what I'm trying to d - I just dont' want to that woman who is ALWAYS dieting, I want to be that woman who'd rather be active and eat healthy b/c thats my life...So i focus on that.

I suggest drinking lots of water. Half your body weight in oz's. I suggest you REALLY focus on your emotions and what triggers your eating and then WRITE IT DOWN. Then when you become aware of what/why you are eating - decide another way to release the emotion. pay attention to your HUNGER - your true hunger. Eat when you are hungry. If you find you are eating when you really aren't hungry (I admit I still eat b/c I am bored at work sometimes)then make sure you are eating HEALTHY snacks instead. Keep yourself reminded of whether or not you will feel ok about yourself after you eat something. Once you can learn to control it and determine if something is just not worth it, you will get better and better at it and soon you probably won't even have to think about it all! Realize that you are going to have slip ups, we all do. Whats important is what we do AFTER we have them. Do we throw it all away, hit rock bottom and undo all the good we've done or do we say, oh well, not the best choice, but I am in control to make better choices moving forward! This is what I'm struggling with right now and its NOT EASY but it is DOABLE!

Hi N., I feel your pain. You sound so depressed and so frustrated. I have been in your shoes. You must take a positive step. Either join weight watchers or OA. You need to be around others who share your problem. I will pray for you. Grandma Mary

N. -

You sound really depressed. Maybe you say "yes, because I am over weight", but maybe you are over weight because you are depressed. Could you at least ask your doctor or another professional about it?

Good luck. You know you can lose the weight because you have done it before - and you lived that way for 10 years!

flylady.net

love your self, take care of your clutter and then work on your body clutter - she'll be there for you every step of the way

Hi,
I am so sorry you are having a hard time with weight loss. I am a nutrition counselor and deal with people trying to get back on track. Emotional eating can be so hard especially when you feel bad about yourself. But do try to ask yourself if you are hungry for food, and, if so, make a good size serving of something healthy and stop when you are full. Then, try and write down how you feel. Guilt should never be a result of eating; content is how eating should make you feel (not too full and not like you have made a bad decision.) Also, for emotional eaters it is best to try three meals a day. It is very hard to stop eating once you start, so just start and therefore need to stop only three times. Every snack can open a can of worms for an eater who can not stop eating. I have many recipes designed for acheiving and maintaining weight loss. I do promote vegetables, fruit and whole grains and limiting breads and eliminating packaged foods, preservatives and dairy. But every individual varies so much and you need to eat what is right for you, your body type, and your budget. Feel free to view my blog for recipes and information http://www.nutrimommy.com and my health counseling website http://www.nutrimommy.net for further information. I also have just begun a daily diet plan which is accessible to those who pay to view it...it only has one day up so far but it will be three weeks of daily diet to get people on track for life. Contact me if you would like. Best wishes. This will get better!
A.

Hi N.,

I read your post and just had to respond. I am 5'2" also and am going through the same thing that you are right now. Only difference is that I know I came from a family that is BIG, so I kind of expected it to happen. For more than half of my life, I was obsessed with weight. Being that my grandmother, my mother and aunt are also heavy, I dedicated myself to doing at home work outs and being extremely active. I have a cousin who is my age (no kids, not married)and she weighs over 400lbs at 5'1", I used to say If I get to that, someone please throw me off the roof. This is how obsessed I was with my weight. I used to have a work out regimen set up for every night and made sure once I was old enough that I went dancing (kills loads of calories)every Fri & Sat.

When my husband and I first meet, I weighed 130lbs. We have been together 10yrs. Of course with married life, I started to slowly creep up the scale. I did not really notice until it was too late(you know, the denial stage). By then I had gotten to around 165lbs and the scale kept adding numbers as the yrs continued. At our wedding I weighed 173lbs after losing 20lbs. I felt great because I had lost some weight, but that was short lived ;-( . So fast forward, I got pregnant and in the beginning weighed 200lbs, at the time of delivery, I weighed in at a whooping 267lbs. OMG I felt like a balloon. I started to look at myself with disgust and was so aggravated. Telling my husband that I look just like my cousin and then she came to visit and we sat side by side (not purposely)in front of a mirror in my room, that's when I realized that I still had a long way to go before getting as heavy as she is but that still didn't make me feel better. I ignored all invites to go anywhere with ppl who hadn't seen me in a while and just sulked all day long. Needless to say I came back to work three months later weighing 235lbs, still feeling crappy. With coaxing from my co workers, I joined the Chubb Club at my office. We weighed in every Monday and wrote down our results. That was really bad because I was the heaviest one. It helped me because I didn't want to be the one to gain that one pound on Mondays, so I watched what I ate. Don't get me wrong I had one day a week where I allowed myself to have whatever I have been craving. However, soda was out, juice out, bagels out and loads of fatty foods were reduced. I am now down to 191lbs and am feeling better. I did it one lb at a time. My eating habits have become better only because I know my goal and am so determined to get there. I have also surrounded myself with a lot of positive ppl who know that when they invite me out to a bbq or to eat, that I will be watching what I consume. It's like a buddy system, they encourage me to eat healthy food, which is great. So there are no cookies or junk food in my house, if it's not there, I can't eat it.

I learned to accept that I am heavy and that I CAN do something about it, but it is completely up to me to make that happen. Look at yourself and love that you are not a 600lb woman and that your goal, however far it may be is only as far away from you as you make it. Try to cut back slightly on the foods that you eat. No McDonalds, no Burger King, no soda, juice(only real juice not Hawaiian punch)if you want fast food, the best one is a slice of pizza from your local pizza shop. No eating after 7pm. I am almost sure you'll see some difference in a few weeks time. I have more energy for my two yr old now and take him to the park, while there I run all over the place with him.
Message me if you want to know what else I am doing to get down to my goal.

I wish you the best of luck.

D.

Hi N.,

first of all don't be so hard on yourself. You are the only one that stands in your way!! You are an emotional eater and you need to understand that and find other outlets to your emotions. Everything is going to be just fine if you'll take control over your life and don't let your life control you. Read some books to be empowered and stronger and to understand where it's all coming from.

All the best and much love and light.

N.,
About your party.

You have borne 3 children into this world. You have gained a new shape, not just 'put on weight'.

When you and your body are ready, you will start shedding pounds.

Until then, you are responsible for FIVE people: Your three children, yourself and your husband. Just the same, your husband is responsible for the same five people.

Your babies need YOU. Give them yourself, but don't forget to take care of yourself. I didn't see how old they are, but they are in need of a Mom who is going to look after their needs - and in doing that she looks after her own so she can be a role model.

I am not scolding you. I am not telling you to lose weight. You say you are fun-loving - be fun loving! Be loving of fun!

The biggest thing I CAN tell you is: stop watching TV. Cut it down to your favorite show and the news. You are your own best friend.

www.flylady.com.

Even if you are not ready, go there. You will find different and new ways of thinking - and they're not all about housework! :)

You are working hard with your husband and children. Keep a journal,and for everything negative you want to write, make sure you write a positive thing too.

You can do this: be yourself!

One thing I have learned over the years - if you pull back, people think more about you than if you give yourself wholeheartedly.

Go to the barbeque. Dress up a little - earrings, necklace, a little makeup. Sweep your hair up or into your favorite do if you can (I can't bc I cut it all off after being pregnant) Enjoy the family, friends, neighbors. Enjoy yourself. Eat what you want, and while you're eating, VISIT with people.

Tell me how it goes.
Good luck,
M.

Dear N.,

Somehow I don't think that what you're looking for is advice on how to loose weight - I think you already know how. Our stories are pretty similar and I am still struggling and to tell the truth, I HATE ALL THE STRUGGLING AND IT'S HARD AS HELL AND EVERYDAY I FEEL FRUSRATED WITH MYSELF But I'm doing it one day at a time. Sometimes, one meal and a time. I'm crazy uncomfortable in my body and THAT is the main reason I'm still trying. I will get there and you will too. We just have to remind ourselves WHY we want to lose the weight, close our eyes and walk away (from the food, that is).

As for the BBQ - you should go. Wear the thing you feel most comfortable in, have a drink BEFORE you go and relax...we always think "our" problems are the worse. Who knows? Maybe some of the people there have far worse problems than they let on. Everyone struggles with something. And remember, you're there with your man and your children - they are what matters. Hey, you might have fun not having to pretend you're something you're not!

Good luck and I hope you're already feeling better :-)

Hi N.,
It sounds like you have a couple of different issues you want to deal with. On the 4th of July party, if these people were your friends and you had fun with them, you should go and ENJOY yourself. The more you shut people out and the more reclusive you become, the harder it will be to start losing weight. We all would like to enter a cocoon and not come out until we've morphed into the beautiful butterfly, but that's not how life works. Just remember, maintaining the status quo with your diet and exercise, people's metabolism slow and every 3 to 5 years you will gain 5 pounds. That means, a lot of the people you are afraid will be judging you will have gained at least 10-15 pounds too. Some of them will have gained more, and some will have upped their exercise regime or adjusted their diets to match their new metabolism and will have stayed the same or lost weight. If they are your friends, they will just want your presence and will enjoy your company. That doesn't mean they won't notice you gained weight and some may even come right out and say something about it either to you or behind your back, but it doesn't reflect on what kind of person they think you are. NOW, if the party is among a group of people who all work in the exercise field, then they may be judging you based on your appearance, but then they would all just be a bunch of exercise anorexics and not quite right in the head anyway :D

As to the issue of weight loss and motivation, I have my own 25 pounds I'd like to lose and am my own worst enemy when it comes to doing it. I think, since you successfully lost weight in your 20s, you should try to make a list of what you did then and try to incorporate some of those things into your routine. I agree with the moms who said to talk to your husband about what you want to do, you need his emotional support and you need him to watch the kids while you take a half-hour to hour a day for yourself. You deserve it! If you have a friend you can work out with, that's even better. Also, do as much physical play as you can with your kids. Run around, play tag, play hopscotch, soccer, throw the little ones up in the air or just lift them above your head - you have your own set of weights that will love being played with! I have a daughter who just turned 6. She is becoming aware of the weight I gained, and so when I woke up this morning I was thinking about things I could do with her that would be good for both of us, and would burn some calories for me (granted I only have one child which is why you really need hubby's help, you don't want to use your kids as your excuse why you can't exercise). I want my daughter to improve her swimming, which is something she'd like as well. I plan on putting a life jacket and swim goggles on her and swimming laps around the lagoon near my parents house. In the moments when I woke up and dreamed this idea up, I was thinking we could do 10 push ups, 10 situps, and then swim, but in reality, I'll be doing well if we get the swimming in.

So my advice is, revisit what worked in the past, get a journal write down all your mesurements, upper arms, thighs, chest, waist, hips. Then right down every little bit of exercise you do each day. (Include things like lifted the youngest above my head 5 times - things that don't mentally feel like exercise, but are). Once a week, write down your new measurements and weight. The measurements are important because as you tone, you add muscle which weighs more than fat, if the workouts you do include weights you may gain a little while you are slimming down. BUT, muscle burns more calories than fat so you definitely want to lift what you can when you can.

Go to the party, reconnect with friends, maybe you'll find a new workout buddy (assuming the party is close to where you live). And like the Nike ads say, Just Do It!

Best wishes,
A.

Hi N.,

I think you just summed up how most of us mom's have felt at one point or another.

It sounds like you're under a lot of stress, which of course, is causing you to overeat and gain weight. It also sounds like you may be suffering from minor depression or the "blues". I was having a lot of the same feelings and discussed them with my doctor, she has me on some mild medication, which is working great.

Does you're insurance cover any type of therapy? Or is there someone you can talk to? Maybe you might want to join TOPS or Overeaters Anoyomus?

You mention the thought of all this is like climbing Mt. Everest. Try setting small goals for yourself, like this week I'm going to go for a walk everyday, or the only beverage I'm drinking today is water. Don't think about the weight, consentrate on making healthy choices. I'm finding that it's working for me. I've only lost 16 lbs over the past 5 months, but the steps I'm taking towards a healthy life style are making me feel much better.

As far as the BBQ, have you thought that some of these people may also not be "skinny" any more. It may be a good chance to reconnect with someone. On the other hand, it's ok not to go. You have enough things going on in your life.

Good Luck.

I know how you feel. I gained about 70 pounds with my daughter, and didn't feel sexy or comfortable with all that extra weight. I suggest finding someone to talk to a about your issues, a doctor could refer someone if you don't belong to a church. The second thing is to get moving. Try to find a walking or workout buddy. Realize that it is not going to come off over night and take baby steps. I'm still trying to get rid of this gut, and it is hard to do anything with a toddler at my feet. Look into this website http://www.sparkpeople.com to track what you eat and for support. Before I moved I actually found a walking partner(friend) through them and she lived on my block and I never would have known.

Hi N.,

First of all, I can completely understand where you are coming from with this. I was 102 lbs when I met my husband but right before we got married I was diagnosed bipolar & put on a medication that packed about 70 lbs on me in 3 months. It is hard to lose the weight I've gained because it seems like I already feel defeated. Something I did for myself was got the Biggest Loser books. I have read about half of the first & get to a point where I can't put it down.

I agree with you with the whole judging thing & feel like I'm constantly judged by the skinny moms but I think that is just my own insecurity. Try not to focus so much on the weight loss in whole - maybe set a weekly goal of 2 lbs and see where things go with that.

Sometimes the less the amt you set to lose, the easier it is. Good luck and if you need anyone I'm here.

G. Lynn

Lots of good advice already. I sepecially like Glo T.'s advice. Work on small successes (1 lb!) Beating yourself up over failures won't help anyone. And the best thing you can do for your kids is to be a happy, confident mother who never gives up, despite setbacks (we've all got them!)

I've got a friend who is very overweight and her daughter (5) came up to her with a camera, took a picture, and then said, "Look, Mom, you're beautiful!" Moms are beautiful to their children when they find joy in the little things and delight in their children.

That being said, don't give up. Being thinner feels better than any chocolate cake tastes - you've been thin and you know how great it feels. But don't let it consume you. The number on the scale is not what defines you. If all you have to offer your friends and loved ones is an impressive pants size, then what kind of friend is that?

Anyway - chin up, fellow Mommy - we're all there with you!

Hon, I know how you feel. I've been there, done that. The first thing you need to do is stop trying to lose 90 pounds. Concentrate on just losing 1 pound. Yes, 1 pound! Once you have lost that pound, concentrate on the next pound. Before you know it you will have lost 5 pounds, then 10 pounds, etc.

You can do this! You have done it before and you can do it again. I know you can. You have a real understanding of your problem of food being a comfort tool. Find a new comfort tool that has nothing to do with weight loss or gain or food of any kind. A clean house, a flower garden, write a book (children's books are fun to write even if they are just for your own personal use). Anything that will take up your spare time so you don't have time to think about your weight or diet.

Good luck to you. I look forward to reading an update from you some day that says you are doing well, losing weight and feeling better about your self again.

Hi N., your wording suggests that you strongly hate your body image to the point that you are depressed. However, you actions are not in alignment with your words. If you truly hate the extra weight and don't want to lose your husband because of it, then take control of your life and your health/weight. As you see in the media, people are dying every day unexpectedly and the underlining causes are health issues. With that said, you owe it to yourself and your children to get in gear and change your behavior. Just take it one day at a time-like losing one pound a week. Losing weight is relatively easy-it's the actions required to lose weight that are hard. Here is a great detox diet for you: Cut out the carbs-no pasta, no breads, no rice, except brown rice. Also, no sugar and processed foods. You can eat meat and veggies and fruits. Get yourself a juicer and start juicing one 8 ounce glass of juice per day. For a snack, you can have a fruit smoothie sweetened with Stevia or 1 tsp of honey (if needed). Start walking 15 minutes every day and slowly increase it. Lastly, get your vitamin d levels checked-I am sure they are weigh low to non existent. Take Carlson' Nordic D cod liver oil.If you vitamin d levels are normal, I recommend a high quality Krill oil. This should get you on the right track. you will crave the sugar for two day, but after that, the cravings should stop. In a week, you will feel a marked difference in your mental state as well as begin to lose weight. This is not meant to be a diet-it is meant to be your new way of eating until you get things under control. I hope this helps.
T. Hall Parker, Holistic Health Counselor
My Food Therapy
www.myfoodtherapy.com
Momma Don't Eat It
www.mommadonteatit.com

I have no advice, just sympathy. I am in a similar situation myself and have just started therapy to figure out why I am standing in my own way. You are not alone, so many of us are struggling with these issues. Keep the faith, we have to find a way.

You need to adopt a tough love attitude! come on now--your hubby isn't the reason to lose - it is something you need NEED to do for yourself.... and you need to start immediately. Make an appointment with your doctor and talk to him about the best way to approach it. You shhould go see a nutritionist (and if the Dr. recommends it insurance may even pay for it).
DO SOMETHING!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the BBQ, I wouldn't go if I were in your shoes. I know it shouldn't matter but I would feel too self conscious.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! Where do you live? I once went on a diet (b/c I was facing a class reunion)and went to a diet dr. in New City, NY and got the weight off very fast--my point is if you live in the area I could give you his name. You could at least jump start your diet.

Sounds familiar. I spent my early years (starting at 13) bordering on an eating disorder. I am/was a classically trained ballerina who was perpetually judged on physical appearance. About half way through college I hung up the pointe shoes and decided to look into becoming a personal trainer. Learning about how the body builds strength, muscle and endurance helped me find "fitness time" throughout the day.

The day my husband met me I weighed MAYBE 110 at 5'0". On our wedding day, about 100. Now, three years and one child later... 125. I am determined to get those last 10 off, but needed to enlist my husband to help. We talked about how I felt about my post-baby shape, how much I missed my "old self" and how getting back into shape would make me more willing to let him come near me! He agreed to help by taking the baby for a little each night so that I can go for a run. If it's raining (like the last three weeks)... he leaves me alone for 30 minutes so that I can do a yoga video.

It's about accepting who you want to be and working towards it. You may never be the original "skinny" you, but you can work towards better health. Couple of suggestions:
1. Talk honestly with your husband. If a new fitness routine is going to work, he needs to be on board.
2. Talk with your doctor and ask for a referral to a nutritionist. My aunt was severely overweight and had wonderful results working with someone who doesn't put you on a "diet", but helps you mold your eating patterns.
3. Carve out three 15 minute intervals during your day to walk. If you work, take a quick lap around the block. If you're home, take the kids around the block. Trying to find 30-60 minutes in one span is tough, so break it up.
4. Find a buddy to go through this with. Seriously- it makes you somewhat accountable to someone else. Schedule "walks" and use that time to catch-up.
5. Consider taking a class in fitness. Learn how your body works. It's really not a "simple" equation.

Good luck- diets don't really work in the long run. You say you understand the input-output calorie equation, but you may need help understanding some of the other factors.

You sound depressed. You need to learn to love yourself again. Look into your eyes in the mirror and say I love you three times. Try this everyday for 30 days, see what happens. and go for walks outside, get some fresh air.

this may not be what you expected to hear, but I just want you to be happy

I was alwqays heavy, as a kid my mom would give me cake when I got hurt or was sad. It made me feel better, but gave me a life time of problems..comfort eating. Recently I cut out ALL gluten from my diet. I eat as much as I want, which surprisingly is not much any more, and have lost 40 pounds so far. When I do eat a pice of cake or some garlic bread my feet swell up and I am very hungry for a few days. I researched gluten allergy and it seems a lot of people have reactions to gluten. Try not eating any grains products for a month and see how you feel. Its hard at first, but now I really dont miss it.

Several things:

1) I saw a registered dietitian and found her very helpful, more so than something like Weight Watchers because it's very personal and my insurance covered it.

2) I used to be very active and when I started working from home, I came to almost a complete standstill. If there are unhealthy aspects of your life that are contributing to a lack of exercise, you will have to address those first.

3) For me, I am trying to find someone who is serious about exercise and weight loss to come and join me on a regular basis to help get me out from behind the computer and into some regular exercise. I find that I cannot exercise alone because I find it really boring. Connecting with other people who are serious about fitness and about making it really fun can make a world of difference.

4) I have the same problem of feeling like a cow and wanting my husband to love me anyway and feeling disappointed that he doesn't and eating myself into oblivion because of the grief, which only makes the cycle of self-loathing worse. To that end, I am seeing a therapist on a weekly basis because I have to work on those things that are within my power to change and learn to let go or confront the things that aren't within my power.

If you want a buddy to get serious about healthy, mindful eating fitness with, drop me a line. I am so ready and I know right now I am not fit to go it alone!

Hey N.,
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone! There are many women in your situation, including me. When I was younger, I weighed around 120 pounds too and I am also 5' 2". After my 5 kids and years of marrriage, stress, and all that goes with it, I have never been so heavy. I am the "fattest" in my family. My sisters are are all as thin as rails (LOL). My husband tries to support me but it is not the same as another women who is actually going through this too. Food seems to be my best supportor. You need to find someone like you so you can support each other. I am not sure where you are located, but I would love to be apart of this support and maybe help each other in a fun and motivating way. I know there has got to be ladies out there who feel the same. We have to care for ourselves so we can care for our families. Are you or anyone interested? Good Luck and remember you are not alone. Believe in yourself because you are beautiful not matter what!

I am so sorry you feel this way and I wish I could just melt the pounds away for you. I have been doing an amazing diet called bistromd.com. It is the diet they use on the show The Biggest Loser. The food comes delivered once a week frozen. You get breakfast, lunch, dinner, a hot chocolate and two snacks. I have to say that the food is actually really good. The portions are pretty large (for diet food) and it's the one time I've done something like this where I actually feel good all day. There is lots of protein and fiber to fill you up. I don't even feel like I'm dieting! I used to have these periods where I'd be starving and totally crash. Then I'd eat a snack at work, but it was mostly carbs and that would make me hungrier and even worse. This seems to balance out the blood sugar so you don't get those highs and lows.

I have lost some weight on it (about 7 pounds) but I started off pretty thin (I am just doing the "diet" to have some healthy food and to get rid of those peaks and valleys in the blood sugar and so I don't have to prepare my meals when I get home at end of day).

My husband does a similar diet called freshology where the food is delivered refrigerated, but not frozen. His meals are pretty tasty too!

It's relatively expensive, but just a little more than the cost of 3 meals a day assuming you go out for dinner sometimes...

Good luck!

It sounds like it's your thought patten that needs the help.

You know what you want but there's that moment of doubt that prohibits you from executing your plans to loose weight.

Depression is a terrible thing to have controlling your life. I don't care what the "experts" say, depression is a thought not an illness. Change your thinking.

Go to the BBQ..you might run into someone with the same problem that has OVERCOME it and can help you. Every situation holds an opportunity to better your life and the lives around you.

Nanc

N.-
I must say that my heart goes out to you. To be honest, I cant say I know how you feel. I am lucky in that I have never had a weight issue, although as a teenager, I was actually too thin and had to take medication to GAIN weight- I know you are saying, what a problem. But, as I have aged, I can gain if I over do. So, although I cant say I know your specific problem, I still felt compelled to reply to you. No matter what weight, height, hair type or any other physical characteristic, everyone wishes they could change something. Somethings we can and some we cant. I think its crucial that you accept yourself first. Then make a goal that you want to reach for yourself. Have the confidence in yourself as a person first, and I think the rest will follow.
Take one day at a time. Make changes each day so that at the end of a week, you can be proud of the changes you DID make. You can't change the past, but every day you have the opportunity to do it different. Just decide to do it a little different each day. You don't have to lose all the weight in a day or even 2. But, with slow and steady course, you will lose it. Give yourself credit where it is warranted and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Its ok. But, you have right now and you can make different choices. There is a great website called www.cookyourselfthin.com that takes basic foods and redoes them with a lot less calories. It looks great and I am eager to try myself. I wish you luck and perseverance....you can do it !
R.

HI,

I hear you about the weight gain. I hit the same wall recently after gaining a bit of weight after having my little girl. There is a site that can help you with your food : www.fitday.com and I have also joined a gym that is SO UNCONVENTIONAL that the weight literally melted off. It looks intimidating, but it isn't. It is called Hybrid Athletics (www.crossfit-strongman.com). It is in Stamford, CT and the community is 100% supportive and aware of sensitivity of weight gain. The support in that place is what has gotten me back to what i like to think is back into "pre-pregnancy" and "i love myself and life" fitness/wellness levels.

BUT REMEMBER---nevermind what people think. I am sure that you are a fabulous person heavy or not. YOU TREAT PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU, and after having three children...all that you should be treated with is love and respect.

I think you received some great advice! Old fashioned exercise and eating right is the only way to go but it's not so easy to do! Finding the exercise that is right for you is important. Walking is a great way to begin. You can do small things like parking far from the door, etc.

I will also suggest trying a yoga class. You won't loose tons of weight right away but you will learn a lot about how your body works, it is a great stress reliever and it can help build self esteem. Once you get into a regular routine, you can try beginner aerobics classes that include some weight bearing exercises. This will require a major shift in your self image and your lifestyle but if you really want it you can do it one small step at a time!!!! Good luck.

Hi N.,

It sounds like you are in a really icky place right now and you just want to hide out at home where no one can see you. I can totally relate, as can much of the women in America. The challenge is, you know what you need to do to lose the weight; afterall, you have done it before, but on some level you are just not able to do it in your own strength. I too have struggled with my weight, especially after kids, and the ironic thing for me was I was in the Health/Fitness field. I obviously knew what to do, however, I just could not seem to control my eating. It wasn't until I realized that my body wasn't my own, but belonged to God that I started to experience true freedom. I had been bought at a price and my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit which is holy, set apart and consecrated by God. I had not been a very good steward of the body God has blessed me with, of His temple. Once I understood that, it put everything else in a new light. I realized I didn't have to lose the weight, exercise and control my eating in my own strength; but that God would give me the strength to persevere and while I couldn't break free of my bondage to food, He could and would break the chains of bondage that keep me enslaved to food. While there are an endless number of diets and exercise plans that can help you reach your weight loss goal, I have found that most individuals end up just regaining the weight at some point down the road. But God is faithful and unchanging; as long as you put your faith and trust in Him, He will free you from the bondage you are in and you will be victorious in battle. If this is of any interest to you and you would like to talk further on it, let me know...I would be happy to chat 1-on-1 sometime.

God Bless,
C.

It sounds to me like you are depressed. Have you considered seeing a counselor for a little while? Sometimes having a professional to talk to is a big help. Also, you are beautiful, smart and a worthy person no matter what size pants you wear. Look in the mirror once a day and tell yourself that you are just fine the way you are. If you want to lose weight you are capable of doing so. But, you are taking an awful lot on yourself every time you tell yourself you need to lose 90 lbs. Tell yourself you will lose 1 lb, maybe 2 lbs. Take a walk, some time for yourself. You can do this, really! But you'll alway be able to fine something about yourself (we women are good at that) isn't quite "perfect". No one is perfect, not even the airbrushed models in the magazines. Love yourself and the rest will be easier.