Need Advice on Toddler's Temper Tantrums!

First, what worked for me may not for you. However, when my daughter pulled those "stunts" I simply put her in her room on her bed and spoke to her calmly and explained that I was not going to listen to her screaming and crying and when she was ready to be a "big girl" I would talk to her. I simply walked out and pulled the door almost shut. this usually caused her to scream a little louder, but when she realized I wouldn't give in, she stopped. When she stopped for even a matter of seconds i went in to speak to her about her behavior, but if she started screaming and crying again, i simply turned around and walked out. It took a little while, but she eventually learned screaming and crying wasn't the way to get what she wanted. hope this helps. good luck.

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Good Morning C.,

God Bless you! I had a daughter that did the same thing and my pediatrician told me to try three different things to make her stop!

First, he suggested blowing in her face to make her catch her breath. He told me to calmly pick her up from the floor, blow directly into her face and tell her to STOP!

Secondly, he told me to put about a tablespoon or two of cool tap water into a glass and splash her in the face with it. He said the element of surprise would hush her.

Thirdly, and finally helped with my daughter was to set her in her room, close the door and tell her that when she was DONE screaming, she could come out. My child soon learned that she was not getting attention and gave up the fight.

I hope you find something that helps with your little girl.
P. W.

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One of my cousin's had this problem when I used to babysit her. My mom suggested to me to throw a fit right along with her the next time she did. I was about two seconds into throwing my own tantrum when she stopped and looked at me like I was posessed! She never threw one again.

I have tried this on several children and it has always worked. Most recently my young niece. She still throws fits with her parents but if I'm around she will look at me and immediately stop. Obviously you don't want to do this in public but try it at home and see what happens.

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Is this related to wanting to get a toy? I would tell my boys before going into the store that this was not a trip to get toys and keep it up until they agreed - or telling them if they got through two trips to the store, they would be able to pick something little (stick to your guns for just one toy) at the dollar store if they behaved - and only if they behaved. I had to constantly remind them that this was a trip ONLY for food or whatever I needed. I would tell them my rationale, such as we can't afford it until payday, but NEXT time . . .
If it just a fit in general, tell her that is not how to behave and give a warning that you both will have to leave the store and get nothing, which would mean she couldn't earn a toy, so tell her she has to make a choice - behave and get rewarded NEXT time, or to go to the dollar store later; or you will have to leave the store NOW. I sucks, because you may have to forgo something, or carry a crying child out the door. But everywhere you go - there are usually sympathetic moms who will just commiserate with you. I don't agree with the giving in more than 35% or the time, because the realize that they have control, not you, if they kick up a mess. For that age, though, it would be a gradual weaning off. But when it works, tell her what a big girl she is, and that it helped you soo much that she behaved, and reinforce that she can pick out a small toy on such and such a day (or later that day). Just be firm and let her know you are willing to walk out without whatever you came to get - but you are in charge. It will take a few times until you are taken seriously, but over time this will get easier.

Hang tough - just be patient and firm.

There is a great video that shows on America's Funniest Home Videos from time to time. It is of a toddler(probably less than 2 years old) who is pitching a fit. When his mom leaves the room, he stops crying, gets up and calmly walks to where she is. He then proceeds to throw himself on the floor and resume the tantrum. She continues to go back and forth between rooms and he does this over and over. His dad must have been filming. It is great. It is a good reminder that they are smarter than we think and very often are pulling our heart strings. Let her cry. It will end soon! (and then she will be a teenager and you will wish for the days of tantrums!)

My sister had the same problem with her toddler. She spoke to someone who gave her really good advice. This person told my sister to take the first 30 minutes when she gets home from work and focus solely on him. Forget the cooking, the cleaning and everything and everyone else. Focus on him. Play with him. Talk to him. Let it be his time only. It worked. The problem was that my nephew was at the sitters all day, then my sister would get home and focus on other things like the cooking. He was just trying to get attention but in the wrong manner. I hope this helps.

I think it is good to try and console her, but do not give into her. Maybe that will ease his concience and it's what I try to do with my girl.

In my experience, I have found the best way to deal with those are to just ignore them.

S.

Welcome to life with a toddler, these little one are a source of great joy and great fustration. It sounds like your doing ok, I would stay consistent with ignoring her tantrums, if she begins acting out with bad behavior I would start time-outs (for her or a favorite toy)

Your fiance though needs to get with the game plan, no one likes to ignore crying, punish normally sweet babies, but its part of the deal. She will continue to manipulate him and it will get worse. When my son was that age he would stop his tantrum that I ignored to walk to a better physical position where I would have to see and hear him. That was something else! Kids are smart, you have to be consitent.

Good luck and best wishes!

K.

you're doing the right thing by ignoring the behavior, unfortunately it only works if there's a united front. have you tried putting her in her room for her tantrums and closing the door. then you could physically bar your husband's access to her. extreme times call for extreme measures.

It sounds to me that you know exactly what needs to be done.... this situation is all to common for babies her age. Welcome to the "terrible 2's"!!! The BEST way to deal with tantrums is to completely ignore them... now, of course if she is about to throw herself down onto concrete or hard floor you need to catch her (a trip to the emergancy room is hardly worth the lesson) but you need to let her scream, cry, thrash, whatever it is she feels like doing and you need to pretend that you don't even hear her. My daughter did this for a few months; probably starting at about your daughters age and it lasted until she was right about 2. It's a pain and it's really hard for both mommy AND daddy to watch her "suffer" but keep in mind that she is not nearly as heart broken as she lets on. You need to tell your fiance that if he can't bare to watch her cry than he needs to leave the room, the house, whatever it takes. Giving in will only teach her that this is how she needs to get anything and it will last into her school age years. (my step daughter is 8 and still screams and cries when she doesn't get her way because her parents gave into her every whim as a toddler) You need to also to remember to reward her when she asks for something politely or without whining or crying... even if it's not what she's really asking for. Good luck!!!

My daughter still does this and you can see from my other responses about this. She is getting much better now and will be 5 next month. If I knew then what I know now, I doubt she would still get into such a turmoil. Yes, ignoring works for the overt attention-seeking. But my daughter would also many times, be truly frustrated, upset and/or heart=broken over something that was obviously very important to her (that may have seemed trivial to me). So after reading Parenting with Love and Logic, it has helped me to focus my energy on having empathy with her first and foremost. This doesn't mean I have given in. Usually, she will let me hug her and if I know why she is upset I will tell her that. But just being calm and hugging her has done alot more for her to help herself calm down. I used to let her cry it out or put her in her room but that wasn't working. I have seen a definite difference with my new approach. Your daughter is only 14 mos. so you won't be able to have much conversation but she will understand what you are saying and will know you are still there for her. I think when this need is genuine it is another way to communicate.
I think you will be able to tell when she is just blowing off steam or if she is truly in need. Best wishes.

A friend gave me this tip, "Little battle now, or huge war later." We all go through this. Buy/rent the video Happiest Toddler on the Block... or read the book (if you have the time). The video gives you a fresh prospective of communicating with your little one. I have learned to avoid situations that I know will cause a melt down. Sometimes kids need some alone time like we do... when my son is really upset I tell him that I love him and give him space! When he has calmed down we do something fun like: tickle monster, watch a cartoon, play dough, or read a favorite book; then I talk to him about what upset him when he is able to listen to me.

You have exactly the right idea. Ignore it and it will end. My daughter started her terrible 2s at about that age. You will end the tantrums pretty fast by ignoring them (I remember stepping over my daughter several times as she screamed.) Good luck getting your fiance on the same page.

i worked at a day care and what i did in those cases was just talk to the child and tell them that everything was ok, that it was normal to be upset, that me "teacher" in your case "mommy" isn't mad because you are upset mommies get upset too. give her a chair, a matt, or something you call and associate with happieness mine was the happy chair. and ask her to stay there until she's feeling better, when she feels better then you can talk about it and come to an agreement. dont ever tell her it's wrong or bad or that she's being bad when she's throwing a tantrum. mostly tantrums are because children can't express their feelings, thoughts, wants or needs correctly. soon she'll realize there's no need to throw a tantrum and she'll simply talk to you about it.

That's my approach HTH

i'm sorry to be opinionated but ignoring will really not help much you should always teach your daughter that you are there for her no matter what, just like when she was a newborn and needed to be held, she cried, and you held her. you should never ignore the cries of a child just like you wouldn't ingnore the cires of your 18, 25, or 50 yr old daughter or son

To be a mom its hard already and then to have a kid that throws tantrums is even harder. i'm not sure how you raised yur child before hand like giving into everything and then you just began to put your foot down. but in my case when my child was small i would yell at them and make them go their room and they could throw a fit in there because i didn't have time to hear it I had house chores to do and when they wanted to do something i would let them know if we do this and i take them that they were to act right and i'm not to have any problems because if i do i will not do it again. I was tested once and we never did it again and now when i say no they understand and no that no matter what they do my mind is not changing. And as for your fiance you need to tell him exactly how you feel and you need to set your boundaries with him

This is a hard one! Both my girls have had their day with fits. and the only thing that I have found that works for me is to calmly tell them "mommy can't hear you, or understand what you need when your screaming" I make sure that I tell her to "Calm yourself, take a deep breath and tell me what you need" Make very sure that they are calm no more tears...tell her to wipe her eyes and when she is calm you can talk to her. I agree with the teacher that she needs to know and understand feeling upset is ok and being mad is ok, and sometimes it take a little while to feel better.
Biggest thing is she needs to learn to calm herself with your help.
hope this helps. Jenn:0)

If your intrested in what becky said about throwing tantrums when they do there is a book about it that many people said works called the happiest toddler on the block. I thought it would cause way too much chaos and didn't want that in my family but you just need to find what fits your child and family best. If your intrested in this book I actually have it and would have no problem passing along to you.

My daughter was the same. Lately she's been better. I just get down on her level and tell her that she needs to stop the way she's acting or mommy won't help her. I ask her what's wrong and she babbles something and I tell her it's okay. Then I distract her.
If I know she's just frustrated, I try to see if she can work it out for herself. Sometimes it can be rewarding to them if they can figure it out on their own.
Also, if your fiance isn't with you on the discipline, I would have to see that as a HUGE RED FLAG. You should both be a team.
Imagine if you have kids together!?!?!