A.B. asks from Independence, MO on November 20, 2006
Need Advice on Situation at Daycare
I have a very smart, easily understandable three year old. She speaks very plainly, and people are surprised when I tell them she just turned three in October. Friday night after dinner she told me that her teacher at daycare 'told me to go to the baby room and get a bottle and a diaper because I'm a baby'. I was instantly mad. When I asked her why the teacher would say something like this, she told me 'Because I don't want to chew up that orange.' Then she told me that the teacher put the orange in her mouth and held her nose while she swallowed it.
My gut reaction is to yank her out of there, but I don't have alternate care for her. I'm planning on meeting with the director when she gets there this morning at nine, but should I pull her anyway? Or should I see what their response is and let them know this is unacceptable?
Then there's situation two. The's potty trained, but still has a hard time wiping her bottom after she poops. About three times a week I have to put diaper rash cream on her bottom because her teacher refuses to wipe her, and doesn't even go into the bathroom with the children. Am I wrong to repeatedly tell them that they have to help her? Yes, she needs to learn how to do it on her own, but at the same time, the adult is there to make sure it's done properly, correct?
So What Happened?™
I talked to the director and the teacher last night. Evidentially there are a few mom's out there that read this that their children also go to my daughter's school. So, by the time I got to talk to her, she already knew what the problem was, so they were prepared for me. I guess I should have known better.
The rest of the story is that my daughter didn't want to eat the orange, which was a first time thing for them (they say she always eats them, but she never eats them at home?) and they thought a little coaxing would make her eat it. I guess snack time was a piece of apple and a piece of orange. She ate the apple, but didn't want to eat the orange. The teacher told her to take a small bite, she popped the enitre piece into her mouth instead. So, then the teacher told her to chew it up. Instead, at this point my child decided to be stubborn and hold it in her mouth. The rest of the class went outside and had recess, but my daughter sat inside with an orange in her mouth. The class came back inside and went to the bathroom. It was while they were in the bathroom that the teacher noticed she still hadn't chewed it up. So that was when she held her nose. Neither the teacher or the director seemed to think that this was a problem. I disagree.
In regards to the comment about the baby room, the teacher vehemently denies saying that. I believe my child, and I know she's never lied to me, so it seems as though the teacher and the director are making excuses for poor choices and behavior.
My daughter won't be going back to that daycare, she's starting at a Montessori School in a couple of weeks, so my family has agreed to help us out until she's able to start there.
I learned that this particular teacher has been at the school for over 20 years, since the day it opened. There would be no way that this director would reprimand this employee over something that she deems insignificant.
Until my daughter 'graduated' to the older class we were extremely happy with the care and love that she received there. It's unfortunate that when the children get a little older, that same care, love and attention isn't there for them.
When we discussed the bottom wiping, the response was that my daughter should tell the teacher when she has a bowel movement and at that time the teacher can then assist. My response to that is, even though she's very well spoken for a three year old, she is still three, and you have to ask her, you can't always expect that she will remember to vocalize the need for help. Again, they did not agree.
Thank you everyone for confirming my feelings, I was afraid that I was overreacting and into super-protective mom mode. The affirmation was nice.
Again, thank you all for your comments, they really were a help.
Featured Answers
L.V. answers from Kansas City on November 20, 2006
I would def. talk to teh director and also see it through that the woman gets some form on reprimanding!
IS there another 3 yo class she can go to in the meantime?
If you do leave, you should file a report with the BBB so other Mom's looking for care, like myself, can be forwarned!
If it is a corporate daycare, call their headquarters as well!
1 mom found this helpful
P.B. answers from Peoria on November 20, 2006
Mom, I didn't even read past the first paragraph. I'm mad myself. Number one I'd complain the the head of the daycare and let them know how unhappy you are with this teacher and threaten to call children and family. Mind you, some of those daycare teachers just have jobs, not dedication to the children. To me, holding her nose and talking to her like that is abusive and she shouldn't be there
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More Answers
T.B. answers from Oklahoma City on November 20, 2006
Hi A.
I can understand the feeling you must be having, your poor little girl. I know that is not how I would want my child to spent their day at preschool. That does not sound like a positive learning enviroment. It sounds as if your daughter is a very smart little girl and has probably told you pretty close to what the teacher said and did. That to me sounds like way to much for a 3yr old to make up. I have to say though I have so much respect for you in that you are willing to go in a talk to the director. I think I would have that gut feeling of kicking the teachers rear and yanking my child out. You seem to be handeling very well.
I myself am in child care and I always ask parents to please talk to me as I will them about things their children say. Now in a case like yours I think that is a lot for a child to makeup and if a child said something like that about me I would close my doors. But you must be happy w/ the preschool, just not the teacher. I think it is wise talk to the school, the school may be very good, they just hired a very bad teacher. It will save your daughter a lot of adjustment if the school has a chance to correct the problem and put a new teacher in her class. I think there is nothing wrong w/ looking arround for another school in the event the school does not correct the problem, or correct it quick enough it is always good to have a plan b.
I really do respect the fact you are taking the time to think this through to do what is in the best interest of everyone. I know as parents we want to jump so quick to be our childs hero and fix things and some thimes we make things worse or harder on the child, like switching her school. I hate what that teacher did to her w/ the orange, not only did it embaress her but she could have chocked. I think if you and your daughter are happy w/ the school except for her teacher, why should the teacher get to stay and your daughter have to make all the changes and it be even harder for her. She is the innocent one, I say make it harder for the teacher, remove her!
As far as the wiping thing, from a parent point of view I would rather help my child wipe so they are cleaned well. From a child care provider point of view I always let my children know that use the potty to let me know if they need help. I do not go in the bathroom w/ them or watch them. I will check on them if several minutes have passed, I even ask if they need help. If a child does not ask for help or says no when I offer I do not push the issue. Once a child is trained (for a while) the issue of helping can't be pushed by child care providers, I feel once a child has been trained for a long while and successful in all areas except the wiping after pooping, the child can say yes or no to help in that area of their body and it needs to be respected. I don't know how the providers are at her school, they may not even offer any help. I have to say there are times I have to go above the childs request and help them if I notice by smell it may not all be cleaned up, or if I notice it happens to be a messy one I just go in and shut the door and explain that I need to help them so thy don't get a sore bottom. I have never had a child freak out and say no, I guess if I did I would not touch them. I would probably call mom or dad to come take care of it. I just feel as child care providers we have to be careful and respect the childs body and rights. And again things can be said at home that could raise a parents eyebrows. If your daughter came home and said miss so and so touched my bottem today and you asked if it was because she pooped and she said no, then what? Maybe miss so and so just wanted to do a double check before the child went home, or maybe she thought she pooped, or maybe the child did poop and the child does not remeber what happend 6hrs ago. It can just lead to lots of qustions, raised eyebrows and so its best for providers to offer help and give it when asked for. Since we are not the childs parent we can't risk crossing that line.
I did not mean to go into so much about the wiping thing. That is a tough issue on both sides of the coin. Talk to the school maybe about her bringing her own flushable wipes. If she does not want to ask for help or can't get help maybe she can bring the wipes in w/ her and she will not have as many rash problems. I wish I had a better answer on that one.
I do wish you all the best and please keep us posted on how it all works out.
T.
1 mom found this helpful
S.O. answers from Kansas City on November 20, 2006
Find new childcare! That adult does not sound capable of handling children that NEED help. Plus its sounds to me that a situation could easily turn badly. Jsut my 2 cents!
Good luck
S.
1 mom found this helpful
N.B. answers from Oklahoma City on November 20, 2006
Well I'm kinda with other people on this, feel free to talk to the director but if your uncomfortable with it, seek alternate care. I worked in childcare and our director always promised to fix situations with a certain teacher and never did. It eventually escalated into the teacher making racial comments and yelling at children, I called the owners and she was immediately fired. As a child, I had a daycare teacher do the baby room thing with me, it escalated into one day her grabbing me by my hair and pulling me into the babyroom. My point is, you never know where small things can lead . People need to be patient and understanding with children, and when they aren't there is no telling what position that child will be in.
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A.B. answers from St. Louis on November 20, 2006
You need to find a new childcare center. Before you do, though, you DEFINITELY need to speak to the director and to the teacher about what's been happening. Even if she says she didn't do that, I would address the fact that she doesn't help the children wipe. Kindergarten I can understand, but not at age 3! If the bathroom is outside of the room, and someone has to walk her there, then there shouldn't be any problem with them helping her.
Daycare teachers are not paid much money; sometimes just minimum wage. If you go with a center, look for the most expensive daycare center that you can afford, because they generally pay their teachers more, so they get better teachers (more competition)> My sister in law owns a daycare center, and that was her advice to me.
Sorry, one more thing: I was having a similar problem with my son attending preschool at a daycare center. I ended up finding a parachoial school with preschool that was 5 mornings a week, and the church had a list of moms who babysit for them and pick up the kids from school. It ended up being the same cost as daycare, but he's in a much smaller and more supervised setting (and the preschool is better quality~more like "school"). Might work for you if you can't find another daycare.
1 mom found this helpful
B.S. answers from Rockford on November 20, 2006
I had a similar thing happen when my son was in preschool. They had snacktime every day and this particular day they had chicken and rice soup...my son didn't like it so he said no thank you and wouldn't take a bite (he told her that Mommy said if I don't like something to say no thank you)and when he refused to taste it the preschool teacher made him sit in a chair out in the middle of the room in front of the others for 30 seconds...he was punished for saying no thank you!! The next day he didn't want to go back so I took him anyway and told him to go on in the room and I asked the teacher to step out of the room and I told her that there was no reason for her to punish him in front of the class when he said no thank you and didn't ask for a replacement snack and that he didn't want to come back to her class anymore! If I was you I would really be upset, that teacher physically made your daughter eat that orange! That is abusive and you need to call her out on it asap! If she wants to keep her job, she will stop doing that type of thing if you also bring it to someone elses attention like her boss. I didn't change preschools but others were made aware that it was going on.
part 2.....my grandson has the same problem, he doesn't know how to wipe good yet and he will go and then just pull up his pants so I have been working with him when he is here as much as I can but he wont tell us or his parents when he poops so I don't always know either until it has almost dried on him or I smell it. :( The preschool teachers are not responsible for wiping them and can't leave the class and go tend to each one that goes potty. I don't like it either, but that is the way it is and I guess I can understand that. Just keep working with her and praising her and she will catch on...maybe tell her you don't want her to have a sore bottom so she has to wipe herself because that's what big girls do. Good luck to you and I hope the preschool teacher gets repremanded bigtime for the orange incident!!!!
1 mom found this helpful
C.O. answers from Rockford on November 20, 2006
Poor lil pumpkin.......: ( Iam w/ all the other moms. I say if the teacher isnt fired move your little one to a new location. I know this is easier said then done I have 3 that go to daycare and me and my husband work all day. Keep your name under the table at the center she may target her more. Making her swallow un-wanted food is down right discusting!!! Start looking now for a new place. And as for the wiping, my 3 year old is the same. The center really cant keep up to much on this prob. I try to wipe her right as you get home w/ a baby wipe and change her panties if there is any leftovers. Gross I know. It will help w/ the rash. And use a lil corn starch too. I promise it will work. : ) Good luck!! Let us know what happens.
Cris
working mom of 2,3, and 5 yr. old girls : )
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S.L. answers from Kansas City on November 20, 2006
I'm speaking as both a mother and a childcare provider.
I would pull my child if the provider forced my daughter to swallow something. However.. I have a 5 year old in the daycare that lied and said my husband did this when I know for a fact he did not. There were several school age kids and my mother and I in the room. None of us saw anything even close. That child was angry with my husband for telling him not to spit his food out on his plate. He told him that he had to swallow his food, but he did not have to eat anymore of anything he doesn't like. This same child has been known to lie about many things and even his mother believed he was lying when I told her that we were all there that day. Only you know if your daughter would make it up and I don't think she would because the diaper and bottle thing is not something a 3 year old would make up.
Now about the wiping.. Sadly, I know that I can not get into the bathroom to help these kids wipe. First of all, there's only one of me and 5 of them. I'm pulled in many directions daily and they don't always tell me when they go to the bathroom. If I tell them to yell for me, they don't. They just get up and finish without yelling for me.
My own kids went through times where they would become a little sore. I just increased the bathing frequency and they did fine. I also explained to all my girls over and over that they needed to work on wiping or ask for help.
Because this is a center, they can punish the woman with unpaid time off or they can let her go. So I'll be interested to hear what they say about the situation.
S.
1 mom found this helpful
J.S. answers from Kansas City on November 20, 2006
A. if you are not comfortable with the situation then you are not going to be. You should be able to find someone who can work with your daughter until she learns how to wipe on her own. You also need a place you can trust. They lost your trust and nothing the director can say will change that. They will just sugar-coat the situation. I watch a few children in my house and I know that I put them first. I would be willing to go in and wipe for one that hasn't yet got the hang out of it. That is just part of the job. I don't know if you ever thought of a smaller daycare facility in someones house but I know that I give the children I watch 100 percent attention. I also only take a few in because I am in school for teaching and have a 1 year old of my own. I obviously don't it for the money, just the experience. But yeah, find someone or someplace else that you can trust.
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