Need Advice on Potty Training 4 Year Old - UGH!

Our daughter had similar issues around the same age, but her's was just attributed to playing and not wanting to stop to go potty. Our Pediatrician suggested that we sit her down in the morning and tell her she will only have 1 set of clothes to wear for the day. If she pottied in them, she would have to sit in a chair in front of the washer and dryer until the clothes were clean. We only had to do this one time to make an impression on her.
Good luck!
Jen D.- Frisco

One thing I learned the hard way, when my 4 year old was still not trained, was a parent can't make a child use the potty if they don't want to. My son is finally trained and it was rather easy when I let him decide when he wanted to use the potty. I would just put her in panties during the day and let her use the potty or not. It's messy, but if you get angry it will only make things worse. I wouldn't worry about night training. She can get to that later, just put her in a diaper or pull-up and get as much rest as you can. You're going to need it. As hard as things are for you right now, you're little girl has been dealing with some big changes, too. I remember when my now 9 month old was in the NICU and we had to constantly leave my 3 year old to go to the hospital. He didn't understand and it was impossible to fully explain the situation to him. We got through it and you will too now that you have all your little ones home with you. Congratulations!!!

My oldest was 2 1/2 when I had my 25 weeker. They would have been almost 3 years apart if she had waited until her due date. My daughter was potty trained and then just got to the point she would pee in the floor right in front of the toilet instead of in it. She had to go back to wearing pullups because like you, I just couldn't handle it. I honestly think it is a power struggle. Once our preemie daughter came home she started doing much better. When she was in the NICU my oldest couldn't go in to see her so I don't think she understood why we were there all the time. So I would say give it some time and it will work itself out. If she will allow her to go back to pullups then just do that until everything else calms back down...once your boys are home and a schedule is set things should fall back into place for her...

This is definately attention getting. I am not sure what to do but take her on a schedule every 30 min or 15. Set a timer and stick to it. Do not allow her to go all that time in between. She knows and girls are easier then boys. I would really push it. They say not to reward with bribes but that show on tv Jon and Kate plus eight trained all theres with one candy each time they went. A m&m There just has to be some way to get her trained before the kids come home. I took my two camping once and we had a van with a potty in there. I took them every 15 min or so and one was in the potty and the other one was sitting on the seat and my hubby slammed on the brakes and just as I was getting one up the other one fell in it. We came home without any kids trained. Good Luck and happy new babies. I had one little girl that the doctor said she had an over active bladder so make sure that is not the problem. G. W

K.,

This must be very stressful for you. You have my symphathies. Hang in there.

She's still a young 4, right? Just turned 4? My daughter didn't day train until 3 years and 2 months, without any outside pressures of new babies. It drove me crazy that it took so long. The more I pressured, the worse it got. Treats didn't work for us - it seemed my daughter was too smart for that and the power struggle reigned supreme. When I finally let it go and moved in another direction, she trained. Interesting the accidents don't happen at school - hmmmm. Her regression doesn't sound like a physical problem, but an emotional one -involving home - and you.

You describe yourself as self employed, "running on empty most of the time and completely stressed out." Did you know that your negative energy and stress bleeds off onto everyone that you come into contact with? Energy is a real, albeit invisible, force that affects humans health and behavior. This is very true. I know it's hard to believe. You think, what? You mean people around me are stressed out because I make them that way? But actually, this is the case.

Rather than focus on her, you might want to focus on you. Spend more time with yourself, nurturing you, so that you have more time to nurture your daughter. Get the massage, now. Learn breathing techniques. Solicit help with the new babies if possible. Read your daughter books - other than about potty. Go for a walk in nature. Play pretend tea party with her dollies. Throw a blanket on the lawn in the warm sunshine and have a "picnic" of easy snack foods and water. Give her a little tray to carry something out. Make her feel loved, useful, respected, appreciated, wanted, special and important. She'll train. She'll want to help with the babies. She'll want to please you. And she will!

My daughter didn't night train until she turned 5. I wouldn't worry about that now.

Congrats on the new babies! Good luck!

She probley has regressed this is one thing that she has control over and it gets your attention good or bad its attention. What you should do is start over it should only take a few days to get back on track. Start with taking her potty every 15 min, make it a constant thing so she doesnt have a chance to have an accident. If she has an accident make no coomment about it get her changed and cleaned up and just go on about the day and continue to take her potty every 15 min. Good news by going back to the basics it should take her no time to get back with it.

I have 4 1/2 year old twins that are just now completely potty trained. Yes, they still wear pull-ups at night and I would imagine will be for a while. They were not ready until after they turned 3. Even still, they do occasionally have accidents. I would recommend being extremely consistent. Have her go sit on the potty every 30 minutes if necessary. If my boys pee or poop in their pants these days, I know that it is because they couldn't be 'bothered' to go sit on the potty. They were too busy playing or watching a Thomas the Tank Engine movie! Be consistent and it will happen!

My daughter was about 3 yrs when we moved from TX to TN. She began having accidents too. I think it will take time for your daughter to adjust to the new babies AFTER they are home before she will continue to the potty as "normal". It took my daughter like 3 months to get back to "normal".

My daughter is almost 5 and we are still working on the night potty training. I actually submitted the question to the group and got ALOT of responses which it looks like you have too. I decided to wait until her 5 year checkup and discuss it with the doctor who I believe will say that she is just not ready. Good luck!

Do not make her wear anything while at home. If she feels "stuff" running down her leg, she might take the iniative to run to the potty. I know you've got your plate full but you never know till you try.

Hello
My name is M. and I would like to say try explaining to your little girl it is her big sister job to help with the new baby boys and that also means that she will have to show them how to be a good big sister(including but not limited to going to the potty in her terms of course). let her know that the babys will love her just as much as you and her daddy do.
it seems that she is doing what most children do when they are not mommys only concern. if she has been seeing a lot or sometimes it only takes a little attention given to the unborn children she might be thinking her place is threatened . I know that seems a little deep but sometimes we adults forget that children are alot smarter than we give them credit for. Your daughter is already trained so she really just needs to feel extra special which from reading about your concern she is ,very loved and cared for I hope this helps. good luck

I"ve heard of people making their child clean up their own accidents when they're having them at this age. She may stop if she's the one who has to clean up and change herself???? Good luck.

I know 4 seems old to not be potty trained, but please don't worry about it. I had a couple of late trainers too. I stressed about it endlessly at the time, but they just needed to do it on their own time.

It sounds like you all have alot going on right now. Even though she's young, she probably feels the stress that comes with all the change. Just take a step back, put her in pull ups and forget about it for a while. She's going through a big change from having you to herself to sharing you with new babies. Especially during your first couple weeks with them at home, let the time you spend with her be about something other than potty training.

If it doesn't resolve in a few months, talk to your pediatrician.

I hope all goes well.

Lots of great responses. My son regressed about potty training after getting his tonsils out. He did fine at pre-school, but had trouble at home. I was frustrated b/c I thought he was "saving it for me". I later realized that the preschool took the kids all at the same time. It took me encouraging him to go at regular intervals for a while. "Let's go to the potty so we can get a treat!"

I also think the idea about teaching her to clean it is a great idea too.

Also, be patient (horrible timing for being patient with baby twins on the way home!) it took 3 months to "normalize" after baby came home.

Best wishes!

My 1st impulse is to say back off. Don't let yourself stress out over it, tell yourself, "This too shall pass." eventually :) If she wets during the day, I agree with the moms who say let her at least help clean it up. You might even say something (very calmly and matter of factly) while you're both cleaning like "I know this was an accident, but it's too bad this happened because we have to take time out from playing to clean up."
At night time, I'd either put a plastic cover on the bed or have her wear pull-ups til it stops.
With the twins coming home and all the busy things with that, plus the stress, don't stress over the potty business as well. Since you've already tried everything else you can think of, just let it go for now and focus on the adjustments you will ALL have to be making for the next few months.
GOD BLESS!

Set a timer for about when you think she may need to go, and then cheerfully say oops potty time, and have her go. Sometimes kids do get so involved in what they are doing they don't want to stop. Have her help clean up when she has an accident, but just clamly have her do it, don't make a big deal out of it, as you sure don't want that to be an attention getter, you want fun things for her to hve for attention. I don't blame you for having pull ups at night. But if accidents are far apart, I'd say this is normal. Sounds like a first priority for you is to let something go ( even if you think at the moment it is important) and get more rest , as being stressesd doesn't help with mothering. Something on your list maybe could be done at a later date or even NEXT year. Take care of you, and you will be better shape to take care of kids.

I feel your pain, take a lot of deep breaths, you are going to need to muster every ounce of patience you can get. I have 4 yr old twin girls and 21 mo old boy twins. My girls had trouble with potty training, too, and one was just like you describe. I think part of her issue was just being nervous about her world changing and she did not want to change over to going to the potty. This is what I did and it worked for me; I got the idea partly from posts on this list. I took my girls to Wal-Mart and had them pick out a special toy - whatever would be very special to them; they picked out Care Bears. I explained that these were the "Poopy Bears." When the girls went poopy in the potty, they got to play with their bears, but when they did not, the bears went into the closet until they pooped in the potty again. I remained calm. Taking the bear away was never treated like it was discipline or anything negative - it was just the nature of the bear. They would cry, and I would encourage them that I was just sure they would be able to go potty the next time and get the bear back. For my girls that really made them concentrate and get it. One of them continued to have those accidents like you described for some time, but it did eventually end. She grew more confident and would think about it more because of the bear contest. Good luck. Oh, and with twins on their way home, forget about the manicure and start planning the days that you may be able to either brush your teeth or take a shower; or perhaps get one or two hours of sleep.