Need Advice on Night Weaning

Hi,

Becoming a doula is really cool. I had one for the birth of my daughter and it was the best decision! Nursing to to sleep is certainly not a big mistake. (I admit to being slightly biased since I am still nursing my 2 year old to sleep.) That's what breasts are meant for. Well, besides the obvious of feeding and comfort. My advice for nightweaning is to wait if you can until she's a year and then try Dr. Jay Gordan's nightweaning plan. He is a pediatrician and not a CIO advocate. Here is a link to his plan:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

The only other advice I can suggest if you can't wait another 2 months is to involve your husband. When she wakes the first time at night, have your husband go in and do whatever he can to get her back to sleep whether it's a bottle, rocking, singing, whatever as long as he is holding and comforting her. It probably won't be tear free, but there is a big distinction in my mind between controlled crying alone and crying in a familar loving parent's arms. You could start by having him handle the first waking and then the next one go get her and finish cosleeping through the night. The goal being to get her used to your husband doing some nighttime parenting so if you are not available at night, it won't be the end of the world if she gets daddy instead. I know if your husband works, this will probably be tough on him. But, I would look at the situation as having her be comfortable with your husband attending to her at night because even if you nightwean, she may still wake at night (from teething, developmental milestones, illness, etc) and if you are the one who always takes care of her, if may be hard if you are suddenly not there. I guess another route you could go is to make your husband the one who always puts her to bed at night (after you nurse her) so she has an association with him and sleeping. HTH! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

We had to do the cry it out method too. We tried others with no luck. Its bad at first and then it just stops one day and you get a lot of sleep and so does your little one. Please make sure that you get a crib tent though, my daughter climbed out of the crib on the lowest setting when we did the cry it out method and she was only 11 months old. We got a crib tent and we knew she would be safe. What ever you do to get her in her own bed, stick to it once you start. Its too hard on both you and the child if you keep giving in, it makes the process longer than it needs to be.
Good luck.

I think there is no such thing as mistakes when it comes to perenting. Every child and family is unique and they know what works best. I nursed my girl to sleep every night until she weaned herself at 5 years. Since I work full time, this was a valuable sharing for both of us (even at times when I was exhausted or stressed out). On the other hand, since all three of us (husband, child & me) sleep together, I never had to get up for nothing. There were times when I had to work late (up to 2-3am) and was not there to put her to sleep, and at than time my husband would do the job (not always tearless, but compassionate for sure!). Take life one day at a time. And whatever you decide, talk it over in a loving way with your girl (even though you think she does not understand, she will pick up on the love and concern from your part).

L.,
I went through the exact same thing with my daughter Hailey who is now 16 months old. She would start out sleeping in her crib but after about 4-6 hours she would want to nurse and would not stop crying unless I did so. At this point she should have been sleeping through the night but I could not bring myself to deny her. I also loved the closeness but she would, like your daughter, nurse throughout the night and ended up just staying in the bed with my husband and I. It was easier at first because it seemed to keep her happy but eventually it began to wear on me and I wasn't getting much sleep. I did NOT want to try the "cry it out" method either even though everyone I knew said it was the only thing that worked. So, I tried everything else first (even the things I said I would never do)....pacifier, switching to a bottle, bottle in the crib, cereal in the bottle, leaving a peice of clothing with my scent on it in her crib, ect. Finally when she was eight months old I was forced to stop breast feeding because of a medication I had to begin taking and after discussing it with my doctor I did try the "cry it out" method. IT WORKED!! Just as my doctor had described it would take a few days maybe a week or so but it did work. She cried the first night for about 3 hours straight but then slept through the rest of the night. The next night she cried a little less and again slept through the entire night afterwords. Each night got a little better and after a week she went to bed willingly everynight and slept through the entire night with no nursing and/or crying. It was wonderful! It was hard at first to see her cry so hard for so long, but I knew I could not put her health at risk by nursing her with the medication I had been taking. So, do what you need to do but in the end it will all work out if you make a plan and stick to it. Hang in there and good luck!!
A. D.

L.,
It's not a mistake to nurse your baby to sleep. I did that with all 3 three of my babies and I never saw it as a mistake and neither should you. You've established a beautiful breastfeeding relationship with your baby girl and that is nothing to feel guilty about. I would, however, discourage you from allowing your daughter to sleep with you. I know how much easier it is to pull the baby into bed with you, latch her on and fall asleep while she does her nursing. Of course, this always means that she will fall asleep too. What's important to establish is where she is supposed to sleep for the night. And, that is in her own bed.
First of all, where is her crib? Is she sleeping in a crib in your room or does she have her own room? I found with my first daughter, that once I moved her crib out of my room (she was about 10 months old), she began sleeping through the night. With my second daughter, I moved her crib out of my room and into her own room when she was about 6 months and she too, began sleeping through the night on her own. You need to establish a night time routine where she sleeps in her own bed...from start to finish. At 10 months, most babies are capable of sleeping through the night. Now, what I would suggest, because I would never let my baby cry it out either...do you have a rocking chair or a comfy place to sit with her in your living room? Then begin establishing a routine where you sit with her there. Are you planning to give her a bottle in place of your breast at night time? If yes, then give her a bottle. When she's done, hold her, kiss her, cradle her..whatever you love doing...then put her into her crib and her crib should be in her own room. Get yourself a baby monitor if you don't have one. If she fusses after you lay her down, rub her back or belly, turn on a musical toy and walk out of her room. If she cries, wait a moment before going back in but DO go back in. Again, rub her back, tell her quietly it's night night time and it's time to sleep. Honestly, I was never able to put my first two daughters to sleep while they were awake. They had to fall asleep in my arms. Frustrating yes, but I didn't have any obligations to keep me from doing it. With my baby, who is 19 months old, he will flip and flop and moan for a bit before falling asleep on his own but he does it. Your daughter is attached to you, and with good reason. You provide her something that only YOU can provide. Weaning takes time and if you have the time and patience, it can be done. She finds comfort from you but you have to teach her other ways to be comforted if you truly do not want to breastfeed her at bedtime. Try getting her into her own room and see if she begins sleeping on her own all night. Once she is sleeping all night, there is no reason at all to nurse her at night. Also, by all means, start having your husband put the baby to sleep. Go take a shower and leave the baby with her daddy for him to put her to bed. You won't know how she'll react until you try it. Good luck and take your time with this. Always wean with LOVE and if you have a Le Leche League in your area, DO get in touch with a leader in your area. They are there to help us mothers with any breastfeeding issue.

My best advice is to get the book "12 hours in 12 weeks"...it is a quick and easy read (unlike so many others) and is quite helpful. I followed it but not to the day amount....I often gave my son extra days to adjust. Order it online.

not a big mistake!
I believe in doing what works until it doesn't work anymore!
In your case, you're thinking ahead to when it won't work anymore.

I agree that you'll have to involve your husband. What I would do (& did do) is for you to put baby to bed as usual, in the crib. when she wakes up, get your husband to be 'on duty.' Have him go in w/ some milk (or water) to see if she's hungry. what I found (well, 'we' found) is that baby isn't hungry- just waking out of habit...

good luck! & congrats about becoming a doula!

At 10 months, your daughter does not physiologically NEED to be fed at night ~ it's probably more a habit or a comfort thing. If there is another way to soothe her, ie pacifier, you could try that. It would be best if your DH deals with night wakings initially because then your DD won't "smell your scent." Otherwise you could substitute a bottle of water for the breast. (Substituting milk will only encourage night wakings -- something I think you're trying to end?) Eventually your daughter will figure out that she will not get fed if she wakes and will stop waking. It may involve a bit of crying, but this is not a cry it out method.
Of course, a familiar bedtime routine with a relaxing bath and story, etc... is always a good idea before bedtime.
You should be able to get your daughter on a new sleep schedule within a week or so. (My DD was nursed/soothed to sleep and in the middle of the night until 8 months).
Good luck, be strong, and then enjoy a full night of sleep!

T.

It is not a mistake for you to be nursing your precious daughter to sleep since she was born!!!
It is the greatest gift you could ever give her.
it is the most natural thing ever and the way we were meant to raise the children.
Don't beat yourself up! Be grateful and blessed.
It must be very difficult work fulll time and nurse at night.
I have a 2 year old who I still nurse and am working on weaning her at night,she was born 3 pounds and 3 oz and had open heart surgery at 6 months.She is VERY attached to ne as we have always slept together for obvious reasons.
I am way more ready than she is though!
I had originally planned ot stop at 8 months ( before I had her) but we never really got started until she was about 8 months as she was in and out of the hospital,initially in for 2 months.
I have been reading alot of other mothers responses from Yancy B,who is going through the same thing we are.
I am going to try this bottle that was designed for the transition from breast to bottle.
check out this link
http://store.zoebonline.com/adiri-natural-nurser-polycarb... ( you will probably need a stage two)
I just ordered it ,so we will see if we can make it work.
if you can find yancy b on mamasource and look at her requests and responses,you may find some great ideas.
best of luck !!
let me know if you find something that especially works!
enjoy it for now,it definately will not last forever.
much love,
S.

HI L. excuse but I dont now english
Casi no pude entender lo que me escribiste, me gustaria ayudarte y orientarte con mas seguridad si te es posible escribeme en español, para no confundir y estar mas clara de lo que me cuentas, es un placer para mi ayudar.

J.

I suggest that you put your milk in a bottle add some
baby fruit or baby cereal to it and she should sleep
all night.Also before you give her a last bottle give
her a warm bath. I bet she will sleep all night long.

my oldest son was still getting up for a bottle evey night at that age too, his doctor said his body was used to having the milk every night out of habit, his advice was to switch to water, it actually worked like a charm

Hi Lilian,
I myself do not believe in the cry it out method, I solved the problem by putting the crib beside my bed so when my baby woke up at night I would give him a bottle instead of breastfeeding him, and hold him long enough to burp, put him in his crib, just put my hand on his back and give him a few strokes. The first night he was just a little restless but I think that the strokes did the job because after a while he just fell asleep. When your baby has the sleeping pattern that works for you, just move the crib back to her room.
Good luck!

I have never responded to a question before but when I read this question it seem to be calling my name. I too do not believe in the cry it out method. I have a little girl named Gianna who is 21 months old who still sleeps in our bed but is no longer breastfeeding. I weaned her at 14 months. It was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. When we weaned we stopped cold turkey. I let her know they were "broken,: She cried a little the first nap time and then put her head down and I rocked her to sleep. That night at bedtime she asked again and I told her the same thing. She responded by putting her head down. The first night she woke up and I told her they were "broken" and I rocked her back to sleep and put her in our bed, She did it one more night and then has never woke up again to eat. My husband now can rock her asleep. The more he does it the more she enjoys it. if he hasn't done it in awhile she will ask for mom but he tells that he is putting her to sleep and she understands. But like your daughter she always wakes and we bring her in our bed. Good luck with weaning! We are still working on getting her to sleep through the night in her crib!

I had the same problem. Does she drink anything from a sippy cup/bottle? You can put the milk in there if you want. That is what I did. It took about a month or 2, but eventually it worked.

K.

I would recomend trying "Baby Wise". I didn't use this method with my son but wish I would have, for everyone I know who's used this method, their child was sleeping through the night by 3 months! They are put on a regimented schedule by eating every three hours, then four hours etc...

Good Luck,

Jen