Need Advice on Leaving 8 Month Old for 4 Nights

I am SAHM of 3. I truly believe it is one of the best things you can do for him. Like some of the other moms said he will not remember it. He will most likely be doted on the entire time. It is good for kids to see that even though mom and dad left they came back. I also believe that one of the best things you can do for your kids is have a strong marriage. Which means taking the time you need with your spouse, alone. I heard a saying once: Your kids will wait for your marriage but your marriage won't wait for your kids. Your son and future children will be fine for a weekend here or there, a date here or there, etc., but if you don't take that time starting now. It will get harder to make the time. Kids feel the most secure and loved when their parents have a strong relationship. Your son will be very well taken care of, so don't feel guilty and let it ruin your time. Go on that trip, enjoy yourself and the time with your husband.

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Hi T.,
My husband surprised me with a trip away from home for 6 nights . My baby was 9 mo old at the time. I had 1 month to wean her. I did it and it was fine. I wouldnt worry to much about your baby....Its you who will probably be a wreck. My baby had both sets of Granparents watching her too. She did great. I on the otherhand I coulnt relax for the first 2 days we were there. And flying on the plane which i had done many times got me thinking about bad things. All in all I had a great time and so did my baby. Good luck and be sure to have fun.

S.

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Hello T., This is the first time I've responded to a question here, and I'm going to offer my strong opinion. I don't know how much you know about attachment parenting and the new research on child brain development. If you don't, I suggest that you do some reading. My advice is simple: Please don't leave your baby for four days and four nights! Babies this age have no sense of time, in terms of knowing you will come back. Four days would feel to him like being abandoned forever (especially at this point in his life, with the separation anxiety stage), and this would affect him for the rest of his life, in terms of his ability to trust, form relationships, explore the world, enjoy life, etc. Babies this age need to be in the safety of their mothers' arms and, as I imagine he is crawling (or about to crawl), to be able to go out into the world and explore, knowing that mom is always there for him to come back to (I assume you and he are well attached). Even if he is used to being away from you for several hours at a time, four days would still be way too much for him. Also, he needs you even more than some babies, because of the challenges he has been through (I am glad you are getting help for him. I would recommend that you see a good cranioosacral therapist if you haven't already).
As far as the resort trip - I would suggest that you either request a trip to a different resort, negotiate with the resort about bringing your child, ask for a raincheck and go on the trip in 2 or 3 years, give the trip to someone else, let your husband go and take a friend, or get some other equivalent bonus that would work for your family.
If, in spite of this advice, you really insist on going on the trip without your baby, I think (as you suggest) that it would be better for the baby to stay with one set of grandparents for the entire time, and for you to choose the grandparents with whom he has the closest connection and who are the most able to be really empathetic and nurturing with him, so that they could help him through this hard time, talking with him about the feelings he may be having and empathizing with him, in addition of course to telling him repeatedly that you are indeed coming back.
I imagine lots of people are telling you to go on the trip. I'm sure it could be a fun trip, but would you even really enjoy it, thinking about your baby at home?
PS I wrote this before reading the other responses, but now I have read them and will add a little more to my response. I agree that it is important to have time with your husband, but I think at this age that is best done by having an evening out, leaving your child with someone he knows well. People say babies are "resilient," and they are, but some of their resiliency involves developing strategies of dealing with trauma. You might not notice these strategies until later, for example they might show up when he leaves for school. It is NOT TRUE that babies need to be left when they are young so they can get used to being left later. Not at all, if you want him to feel safe and secure. Children who feel secure in their families can then go out into the world feeling secure. Your baby can't express himself in words, so he can't object to your leaving the way an older child would. The effect on him might not be obvious while you are gone or even when you return, but would show up later. The idea that it would be harder for you than for him is simply not true. It may feel harder for you, but you brain is already developed and wired - but his brain and nervous system are in the process of developing, along with his social skills and consciousness, and what happens to him now will affect him for life. The fact that you work at home so that you can be with him shows me that you are a committed mom.
Of course there is a continuum of how traumatic an experience can be, involving many factors, such as the relationships your child has with you, your husband, and the grandparents; his temperament; your feelings, etc. The negative effects of you leaving him could be softened somewhat by all the other good things you give him. I do wish you well. My intention is not to add to your guilt. I know these decisions can be very hard to make, and I appreciate that you are reaching out for advice.
I would recommend that you check out www.naturalchild.org. Jan Hunt offers telephone counseling, which I think would be well worth the cost, and there are many good articles online there as well.

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T., My husband and I had a similar opportunity come along when our son was 11 months. We went away to the Bahamas for 5 nights. It was a great time for my husband and I to relax and sleep in and just bond again as a couple. I think if your son could talk, he would tell you to go. As far as splitting up the time between grandmas, it will work great. We did the same when we went away. Our son spent 3 nights with my aunt and 3 nights with his grandparents and wasn't affected negatively at all. It gave him time to bond with people who loved him other than his parents. Go have a great time with your husband!! Letting the grandma's split the time is just fine and lets them really get to spoil your son. Take care and have a great trip!!!
S.

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Hi T.,

I didn't do things the old fashion way. I had my baby and then we got married. I left my daughter with her grandparents for 1 week while we went on our honeymoon. It was hard the first night, but I ended up having a wonderful time and didn't realize how much a break away from everything was what I needed. I don't see a problem leaving your baby with both grandparents. This way you don't cause a bigger problem... hurting one grandparent's feelings! It is only 4 nights. Try and enjoy yourself! You nay not have another getaway alone for a very long time! :)

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I had a job that from time to time required some travel. I really did not expect to have to leave my children. Then there was a chance to attend a wonderful conference in Las Vegas. So I did it I left my children for 5 days. What my aunt told me was my baby would fall asleep with my night shirt. She thought that my baby could smell me in my night shirt. My baby slept with it all the time I was gone. I am sure that your baby will be just fine. Now I look back the trip was harder on me then it was on my baby. If you can go and enjoy yourself it will be great for you and your family. Every mom deserves some time for herself. Good Luck

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Being a mom of 5 and a gramma of 4,I have found that if you have the grammas do the sitting in your house it is easier on baby. The surroundings are familiar, the smells are comforting, and it is important to spend time with your husband as well. You are lucky that you have the support of 2 loving grammas.

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Hi my name is A.
I went to hawaii when my daughter was 8 months old and she did really good. I think it is harder on the mom than the baby. My mom stayed with her at our house. Maybe have the grandparents come and stay at your house for the two nights they will be watching the baby. That way he will be in his comfort zone. We are planning to go to Las Veagas in a month and are doing the same thing. You and your husband will have a blast and when you get back you will feel refreshed and relaxed. Hope this helps.

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Babies, even little ones are very reisilient. Your little boy will probably have a wonderful time with his grandmas and you will be paying them a wonderful compliment by allowing them the privilege of taking care of the little guy. I think the 2 nights each would be just fine as even though grandparents love the opportunity, caring for a precious baby overnight can be a little stressful and that would be 'sharing the load' (It also means both would have the same pleasure).
Have your son take a few of his familiar toys and his own blanket and let him know that he is going to have a wonderful time.
Go, have a wondeful time in Cancun with your husband...you have earned it too. Your son will be just a phone call away.

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Dear T.,
I went away from my son for 5 days when he was also 8 months. He's now 1 yr old. I felt sooo guilty but at that age he was fine w/ gramma and dad. I don't think he realized he missed me until I was back, and I had some really needed some mom time.
You're worried about him split between both grammas, I say spread the love!
Good Luck
J.

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Hi T., I left my first son for a business trip when he was 9 months old. He stayed with his grandma at her house - I was really nervous about it thinking that he would refuse to take the bottle and wouldn't sleep a wink! Luckily, my fears did not materialize - my son took the bottle when he got hungry and actually slept ok. My mom had a great time bonding with the little guy and I got a full night sleep for the first time in a long, long time :)

I recommend that you send along a favorite blanket, toy or other object that you son can have during your trip. Also, be sure to let your grandmas know your bed time and nap time routines and also favorite foods. That may help your son stay on the same schedule for when you return and also may help him feel more comfortable away from mom.

It's really hard to leave your baby, but this sounds like a great opportunity to have a nice trip and some time alone with your husband! Have a great time!

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I am a mother of three girls now ages 24, 21 and 17 (with first grandbaby on the way). When my oldest was 11 months old, my husband and I went on a vacation for a week and left her with my husbands parents. All went fine. Baby's are very adaptive and, though I am sure he will miss you, he will do just fine. I think it is harder on the mom's than on the babies. He will be doted on by both grandma's and will probably be spoiled when you get back. it will be good for you to get out and enjoy. My one thing that I would put in to check before you leave, the nipples on the bottles (though I can't see this happening again). We went out of town one night, just for one night thank goodness, and dropped our daughter off at a friends to watch. We bought brand new nipples for the bottles thinking this would be a good thing. One of the nipples was not pierced, had no hole in it. We got back the next day and found that our daughter did not drink any milk. How strange. Our friend just said she must not have been hungry though she did suck on the bottle. I checked it over and found that it was a defect, no hole, nothing was coming out. Poor baby.
Just make sure the mom's know the routine, any special songs to sing etc. If you wanted, you could leave a tshirt or something that smells like you. Enjoy!

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T.,
This is a huge decision for any mom! But, let me tell you my story....my husband and I were stationed in the Army in Germany several years ago when our second child was born. At that point my oldest who was 3 yrs old, had never stayed the night anywhere but with me! I was scheduled for PLDC for the month of Oct. so my husband and I made the decision to send out two children to our parents in Texas for two months until I finished school. I cried the entire trip home and after not going to school, 1 month later, I sent my husband home to get the girls. I told him he would just have to tough it out for that month once I did start. So yes, it's still a big deal but I do want to add that you and your husband deserve some time alone. Don't do like we did and take your first vacation alone 11 years after having children! The grandparents need that special time with the baby too. And you certainly need a vacation. You can still call every night and check on him but you really deserve to enjoy your time "off." Trust me you have many many more years to enjoy him and four days will be ok. I know you probably feel like you are being selfish, but think how selfish it would be to keep him from his grandparents for those few days? When we took our week vacation, my son was 2 after having 3 open heart surgeries and a pacemaker, so the health matters but you still have to breathe. I hope this helps, and I hope you enjoy your vacation! Remember, Dad needs you too....take care!

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Hi T.,

My husband and I went on a cruise without our then 9 month old daughter and left her with Grandma and Grandpa for seven nights (she's 11 now...and doesn't remember a thing about us being gone, which is one of my points!)

Being away from our children is always harder on mom and dad because of whatever guilt we hold on to. LET IT GO! Have some wonderful, quality time with your husband, especially since so much of your focus has been on your new son. He won't be bothered by you being gone. He might look at you a bit funny when you return...like "hey, where you been?" But he will have a wonderful bonding experience with other special people in his young life.

These grandparents will dote on him and they know what they're doing, they raised you and your husband, did they not? And don't leave a BOOK of instructions behind, it's too overwelming and they'll do what is most natural for them anyway! Leave a special blanket or stuffy, a schedule, important contact numbers, medical release note, any special medicines, and call it good!

So, I say go-for-it. Yes, you will call and check in, and yes, you will think of your son everyday, but I think new parents need a break to focus on the relationship that brought this new life into their world; each other!
Enjoy! L.

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I know it is hard to leave a child no matter what their age is. As long as you are ok with both grandparents and he has had some time with them he will probably do ok. I have found it is always harder on moms and especially the first time. I would write out his routine for both sets of grandparents and make sure if he has a favorite blanket or toy that it is there for him. He may have a hard time for awhile but he will probably settle into his routine with them. It will be harder for you as it always is when we leave them. But it is important for you and your husband to go and have a good time with each other too. This is one of those once in a life time oppertunitys for you guys.
Just make sure you have everything that he will need and then a few extras just in case. you might take a calling card that can be used from there so you can check in with them each night so it gives you peace of mind. I don't think it will be bad for him in anyway as he will be with people he is familiar with and that love him. They will have fun being with him and he will get spoiled. I have friends who just love having their grandbabies overnight.Their son and Daughter-n-law just went to Mexico for a week and left their two small ones with them and it was a first for that long. The youngest was about 8 months and the oldest was almost 2 and they had a blast all of them. Grandma and Grandpa were tired but it was a good tired. So hope this helps ease your mind and maybe help with your decision.

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I am not a first time mom, It's been many, MANY years since either of my sons were babies and in May I will be a first time Grandma. Let me share some advice, If you child is comfortable being with either of his grandparents, then leaving him for a couple of days with each should not be a problem. The most important thing is for YOU to be relaxed and comfortable with it. Children (including babies) pick up on your tension and fear.
If he feels you are relaxed about his being with his grandparents and he is relaxed with them then he will be fine. But if he feels tension and fear then evenif he is comfortable with either grandparent he will be stressed and frightened because what he feels from you. He will process it to "there is something here to be afraid of". If you go and then come home with feelings of guilt, again he will feel that something is wrong. A couple of days here or there should be fine. Besides that Babies don't have the same sense of time that we do. That will be a learned thing as he gets much older. There sense of time passing relates only back to what they need and if it is being fulfilled. When my first child was a 2 months old I was in a car accident and he had to be away from me for an entire week while I was in the hospital. At that stage it was an eternity for me and I was afraid he would feel abandoned or even forget who I was. Not a chance, he did fine and he wasn't even with a person he knew well. My son and I have always been extremely close and connected, now he is grown and in May he will be having his first child. Be encouraged, relax, take some much needed time with your husband and let your child know he is loved and it's ok to spend time with grandparents for a few days. Then when you come home refreshed, happy and relaxed he will feel happy and very glad to see you.

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OMG T....pack that suitcase and don't look back girlfriend!!!! Your son will be FINE. This will be an amazing get away for you and your husband and think of the tan you'll have! Okay, so I'm a little jealous...can you tell? LOL

Seriously, try to remember that that your mom and your husband's mom raised all of you kids w/out half the "necessities" we have these days and you all turned out fine.

Also, try to really focus on telling your husband how proud of him you are, etc. This trip means more to him than a getaway and spending in the whole time worrying about your little guy (who will be living like a king w/grandma)takes away from his success a little. You BOTH work hard and you BOTH deserve this trip!

Have fun!

L.

P.S. I'm a sahm to 8 and 5 year old girls. And yes, we took little trips like this when our girls were babies and they survived unscathed.

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Hey there T....it is so normal for a mom especially a new mom to be so hyper vigilant...but think about the life they need to be able to cope with in 18 years. I've decided to give you my opinion and I feel it might be bigger than you thought possible...I'm older and wiser and wish I had it to do all over again...at least I can try to pass on what I've learned...

It is your duty as a parent to get your baby ready for independence and coping successfully in this crazy world.

It is your duty as a parent to take care of and work at your marriage for your baby's well-being.

4 days with grandmas...even both of them for 2 days each is NOT a big deal for your baby...it is a very small introduction and incredibly healthy task for your baby. The longer you wait the harder the transition will be on your baby. Does that make sense? A great parent will introduce their baby to change as soon as possible. Small amounts at first of course and this is small. Plus, time with your spouse is critical to your marriage. I don't want to get into the horrors of divorce. Horror. Nightmare. Make no mistake and the children ALWAYS SUFFER, IRREPARABLY.

There are only 2 parents per child. We are not 'buddies' or 'best friends'...our job is a tough one...of course we think because we love them so much...it is hard to let them go, to be taken care of by someone else. This is but ego talking. It is our PRIMARY job as a parent to let go! The longer a parent waits, the harder LIFE will be for their child. You'll never see a bird momma baby their chicks. They know without thinking what and why their job is what it is...get them out of the nest when they are physically able to do so and not one moment longer. We humans have such a hard time with this concept.

Is there a difference between mammal animal parents and us? Physically only with varying degrees between the species. We think too much and we are becoming more and more self-centered with the centuries...The point of parenthood to get a relatively immature organism ready to survive in the present, real world. Human babies especially require a very long time relative to most species. But how can a parent rationalize 'babying' their baby is for their baby's best interest? After getting their feathers I have watched with fascination the 2-3 day flight lessons. Never is a baby chick allowed to stay in the nest for one moment more...they are literally pushed out. To delay adulthood/flight for the chicks means they would have deal with a heavier body,more insecurity as they watch their brothers and sisters practice flying skills, finding food skills, finding shelter skills and learning what to keep an eye out for so they don't get eaten and to think of failing is to fail. If they miss the window of time, Mama bird knows she's responsible for her chick/s' not surviving. Of all the nests of baby birds I've watched never once did a mama bird whimp out...they always pushed the reluctant ones out the first day of training and not one ever crashed fatally. Mama birds have guts. They know their job. Why should we feel that as humans we are any different?

Well, there is a difference! Our babies have a vastly more complicated and dangerous world than do other mammal babies. A world that changes so quickly it will be a totally different world than even the world we learned as a child. I think our job is far more difficult than a bird's.

The sooner you can take advantage of small amounts of exposure to the real world...to let your baby get small tastes of independence, consistently the better/easier less stressful it will be for your baby to adapt and grow...be successful in this life. The parents who 'baby' their kids are self- centered and weak. To make strong individuals we as parents need to be strong. If our parents didn't do the job hopefully we manage to raise ourselves to the point where we are able to do a better job than our parents. How cruel and self-centered to hold onto our baby, keeping him a cripple and dependent upon us. Then when we feel our 'baby' has become 'inconvenient' in our lives we toss him out of the nest to surely fall and become injured.

Just like those that commit to pets...fun for awhile but when they require work, money they get dumped. Same attitude only we are talking about our kids, who will eventually be the ones making the decisions about how life will look like after we are gone.

To allow your baby to be taken care of by the two grandmothers, who, by the way... are even more genetically inclined than YOU to make sure their offspring survive... is a great situation to begin. For you to bravely (this first time it will seem) allow this interaction to happen for your baby shows that you are learning to be a strong parent. A strong parent thinks about the welfare of their child and getting them prepared to be INDEPENDENT without thinking about themselves and immediate gratification... and the sooner you can make this distinction the more you have demonstrated you are learning, maturing and growing into a better person everyday...which of course makes you a better parent and a better spouse.

Your baby knows when you are nervous about the condition of their environment, they know that if you are totally freaked when they are out of your control...they will feel as if their world is collapsing around them. You need to fully accept your job as a parent to let go so that you are able to act as if this was the best and only solution for your baby. You'll be amazed if you can be in that space. If you are calm, confident of what you are doing and why (and of course your spouse is in the same place) your baby will feel calm, interested and if he does squeal a bit, he'll get over it and life goes on. He'll squeal less and less...when he goes to daycare or kindergarten he'll already be socialized and excited about a new adventure. You deny him this and normal trials will become nightmares for the three of you.

You need breaks to work on your relationship with your husband... It is your duty to your baby. Anything else is just selfish. You are only worried about your feelings, not the growth of your baby...little by little where you actually cause situations to allow him to grow accustomed being cared for by others...you've only got 18 years to prepare a self-sufficient man (or woman) and ...it goes so quickly. If you and your husband are not on the same page, do not take the time to WORK on your relationship...you will more than likely get divorced. Sounds too harsh? It's not.
It is truly not a far-fetched scenario. And you think it is a huge problem decided whether or not the grandmas should take part in care taking their grandchild? Putting off time with hubby so you won't feel nervous the first time you relinquish hands-on care? You've got a rude awakening ahead of you about this world. I hope this helps you to start thinking outside your very simple, safe box. Please don't take this negatively. I am just trying to 'gently' put motherhood/wifehood in another perspective for you. It shouldn't bother you if all of this has crossed your mind. This is life altering-forever stuff if you make the wrong choices, now. As simple as your question sounds now, I hear someone who needs to read this...I want to help, that is all.

It makes me sick to see Mama and/or Daddy make life too easy where there are no challenges, no one tells their kids NO, parents don't seem to have the guts to draw the line and make sure that that line is defended. Mama and Daddy just want 'out' of responsibility, they are just lazy and want to go on with what ever they were doing...they poke pacifiers in their babies mouths, feed them sugary stuff to watch them blissfully gorge and later hand their kids lolly pops whenever they cry...and even later ipods, the latest in computer games, whatever is the 'going' thing that now MEANS LOVE FROM , purchased and handed over...and they don't even realize they are just doing this to get the kids out of their hair...they don't understand that they themselves have work to do where their parents left off. No work ethic yet, no empathy, they make decisions based on an immature being's view, they've no idea what it takes to make a marriage work much less raise a child. And then when it comes time to undo what they have done, such as take away the pacifier, do they see it as something THEY caused? I doubt it...

It takes guts, stamina and a mature person's perspective of 'a larger picture' to be a great parent...to be a successful partner in a marriage.

Life is staggeringly tough and it is YOUR job to get your children prepared for it. Any parent that claims they are 'best friends' to their kids is not being a PARENT. The kid's have lots of buddies...but only 2 maybe 1 parent in their life. It is a tough job and parenting is not inherently a popular position to hold right now. Heavens to have to confront someone you love and get 'disapproval'...few of us have parents that were able to do just that and do it because of love. Who has parents that are truly good role models for the parents of today? Is ANYONE at all curious what makes a good parent, today? I bet that there are more people who take classes on dog obedience that there are those who actively seek information on how to become a good parent. It amazes me to no end.

This is just the beginning of parenting for you. By enjoying yourself without your baby is to be a POWERFUL PARENT. As long as you have passed the baton to capable caretakers you are doing a better job than playing some martyr or worse taking the easy road so that you don't have to worry about your baby (tough at the beginning for sure...gets easier later) and more importantly taking time for our marriage. If we don't, divorce is imminent. Divorce is a disaster for at least one in the couple...for life...and surely creates dysfunctional children. So few even understand the downside of choosing incorrectly a partner much less getting prepared for becoming a partner in parenting.

Parents more than ever have the most important TWO jobs in the whole frickin' world. Our parents had no idea even for their own generation...forget this generation. So where did we get out parenting skills? Where did we get our marriage skills? I am sorry. Our parents IF they were good role models they CAN'T POSSIBLY help us much for the next generation as our society is changing more quickly than we could ever imagine. It's a whole new world every generation and only changing faster. The majority of kids out there are getting raised by immature, uninformed and lazy parents. It is a way to cope with over-stressed parents of our own, over-stressed teachers, mass input of change and information from our media; drilling us and our kids with huge monetary expectations and unrealistic body expectations. Our kids, your baby, will most certainly be playing with dysfunctional kids in a dangerous world, very soon. The faster you get your baby to be strong, independent, with high self-esteem and confidence as his shield of safety against changes in his environment or society the better he will be at being able to be DIFFERENT when being different is more healthy that joining the crowd, comfortable with his own thoughts, comfortable being able to change when necessary, being able to make mistakes and learning from them, enjoying learning...reading...knowing the difference between truth and popular opinion...not needing other's approval, he'll survive and be able to find that elusive state of happiness...he'll have healthy children that will continue to have healthy children...and maybe make a difference in our future.

Otherwise, what is going to happen to our species? Maybe you feel I am going overboard here...and I am sorry. I hope that I am overboard...I really do.

Be strong, be a parent. Think of what is best for your baby so that he can start learning now, little by little how to adapt, be serene within the chaos and be able to play the game without becoming part of the game.

I am passionate on this subject...I think my thoughts are sound even though this is just an opinion from a non-professional. Have you ever looked into getting a course in 'parenting' from professionals? Behavioral Scientists? Just to get a proper perspective from one generation moving at 50mph to raise your child that has to fly at MachII???

Enjoy your time with your husband. It is also your job to take care of your marriage. You don't want me going into a divorce scenario...which is more probable than staying married these days. And incredibly devastating for at least one of the couple and no matter what totally detrimental for sure your child(ren).

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As long as you are not nursing, and you trust his grandparents, there is really no reason why you can't leave him for 4 days. He will be just fine. You will probably have more trouble separating than he will.

It would make it a lot harder on him bouncing to two different homes than it would be to just stay with one set of grandparents the whole time, but you have to respect the grandparents' limits if they feel they can only handle two days.

Babies are creatures of habit, so if someone can stay with him at your house, that would be the best way to help him feel comfortable with you leaving. Also, and I know this sounds gross, keep something (a blanket, a shirt, etc) close to your bare chest while you sleep for a few nights. This can be placed in him crib while you are gone, and the familiar scent will work wonders for calming him. It can also help when he is upset. You and your husband can also video tape yourselves talking to him (through the camera) and reading a book to the camera so that he can watch it while you are gone.

These are all tips that I used while watching my 9 month old nephew for a week when his parents went to Europe, and it went very well!

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T., its ok to leave him w/both sets of grandparents. What you can do, is visit alot w/both sets before you leave. This way your son is comfortable with both. Just remember to take his favorite toys, blankets, clothes w/him so he feels more comfortable. Also if you have a routine, make sure both sets of grandparents are willing and able to stay with that schedule. If you brake the routine, it will upset him and when you get home from a relaxing vacation you will have to start over with your routine. I hope that helps -- A.

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Dear T., I think this is a bigger thing for you than it will be for your little one. You didn't say whether the generous grandmothers were coming to your house or whether your son would be at their houses. It would be best for him to have them come to your house so he doesn't have to adjust to two different environments. If he is being moved around, they should try to imitate your routine as much as possible. It would also be helpful if he has some familiar things with him like a stuffed animal and a "blankie" from his own bed. Go, relax and have fun. N.

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I left my daughter with grandma for 3 days when she was 3 months old, it was hard, but she was just fine, I called about 3 times a day to check on her, but she was just fine. Babies are resilient, and adjust better than adults. Especially if you have someone you trust watching him, he will be just fine. We feel bad as mothers that we shouldn't leave our children when they are so young, but he will not forget you. He knows who his mommy is.

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Have a wonderful trip! Your baby is going to have fun being spoiled by grandmas. You will miss him for than he misses you. Enjoy yourself. You and your hubby need time alone together.

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Hi T.

I had to leave my daughter for 4 days back in December to travel for work, she was 6 mnths old. It was the first time I had ever been away from her overnight. I was really scared she would miss me and I would miss her. The time ended up going really fast and I didn't miss her as much as I thought I would. And I hate to admit it but it was actually nice to be able to sleep through the night and get my batteries re-charged. I would say go and have fun. You and your husband deserve some time alone. And anything that brings us together with our spouses is always good for our children. Have fun :-)

1 mom found this helpful

To have grandmas around and willing to watch him is a blessing! We were lucky enough to be able to have a similar situation with my husband's work when our first daughter was 4 months old. It worked out great. She was sleeping through the night and I left a huge letter with her schedule and every little tip I could think of for the grandmas (we split the time 2 days each as well). Just write down everything from songs you sing, to the way you lay him down to sleep. Our daughter did great and the grandmas loved it. It was a nice rebonding for me and my husband. It was a little cumbersome having to pump while away and traveling, but it worked out fine. I had enough milk pumped in advanced that she continued to heave breast milk exclusively while we were gone and I kept my supply up so we were right back in the groove when I got home. We barely missed a beat! If you want to, you can do it, and it can work out to be a nice experience for everyone. It just takes a little planning and coordination. Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Go, go, go.....you'll be a better Mom for it. Even Mom's deserve a little vacation here and there. If your baby is at all familiar with his/her loving grandparents, it shouldn't be a problem. Remember: they were good enough parents to raise you and your husband:)

congratulations and enjoy your vacation. I have a 3 1/2 yo son (born 7/11/04) and a nearly 10 mo daughter. Previously I was working full-time and had to leave my son for 4 days to travel for business when he was 9 months old. It was difficult, but we both survived and I found that the anticipation of leaving him was worse than the actual leaving. A little separation can give some perspective and this vacation might be very timely for you and your husband. Individual personality really determines a lot, but speaking from my own experience I'm sure your son would do great with Gma's as long as they are familiar to him and people he is already comfortable with. I agree that 2 nights one place and 2 nights another might add more transition for him and could make his first separation from you harder than it needs to be - have you considered keeping him at home and having Gma stay there with him so he is in familiar surroundings? when I left my husband remained at home and his sister came to visit and stay with my son while my husband was at work. Also, whether or not he is nursing full-time or not is another consideration. If he's accustomed to a bottle at least part-time then that helps. On a related note - my best friend's daughter suffered from torticollis and she just turned 2 and is in great shape and fully recovered. Remember that our children take their cue from us, even at your son's age, and if you decide to take this trip I'm sure he'll do great. It's just one of the first steps to raising a confident child. In the end, if you're not comfortable, consider that there will be other trips and your son won't always be this young. No matter how great a deal the trip is, it won't be worth it if you can't relax or feel that your son is not ready. Good luck to you. Let us know what you decide.

well just remember you say "grandmother" which in terms means an experienced mom. That would try her hardest to please and make sure baby is OK...Go have fun. YOU NEED IT!!

Happy valentines day btw =)

Hi There!
When my son was 3 months old, we had a similar decision to make but our trip was for a full 7 days! My son spent 4 of the days with my mom, 3 of the days with my MIL. To make it easier for him, we made sure to bring things from our house that we had not washed so he could "smell" familiar surroundings. He did very well and had no trouble.

An 8 month old will know the difference more. My son spent a long weekend way from us around that age, but again, we made sure to bring his favorite toys, stuffed animal, foods, etc to make him comfortable. Does your son know his grandmas well? Mine has always spent time here and there wtih the grandmas, so that is why it might have been easier.

Best of luck!

Hi T.,
I left my 7 month old just over a year ago for just over a week because of I went in to have brain surgery and my husband wanted to stay by my side while he could and basically went from the hospital back to work with a little break at grandma and grandpa's in between. He did have an older sister to be with him but I was told that if he just had a favorite blanket, stuffed animal or some kind of little friend with him that he would do just fine, and he did. My parents did also stay at our home while they could as a way to keep the kids more comfortable, but they did do just fine with their daddy's parents at their home for the weekend. If I remember correctly they also went to two other family member's homes too, but just during the day. I will say that my son was a bit clingy when I was finally able to hold him again, but that was because it took me almost 3 weeks to just walk and another 2 weeks to lift light things and another 2 weeks to lift things his size, so I did put him through a bit more. So I say go enjoy yourself and don't worry he'll probably have lots of fun with his grandparents, he can hear your voice on the phone, that may be enough for him.
~A.

I SO know what you're feeling. I left my 1st born for 3 days when he was 3 months old (with Grandma and Grandpa) and it was really hard (for me...he did fine!). I also left my 2nd born for 5 days when he was 1 year. That was more difficult for him. He is much more clingy and didn't know my friend, who watched him, very well. So, here is my advice. Only have one set of grandparents watch him. And to help choose, decide which ones he is most familiar with. Then, if possible, have him start spending time with them prior to your vacation. This will help him feel more comfortable around them. And try and have that pre-vacation time be at their place, or where ever they will be watching him.

And to help you, talk to him on the phone while you're gone and take advantage of cell phones and send photos to him and vice versa. He's at a good age for this...I think it will be harder on you since this is your first child and your first vacation. But in hind sight...this little vacation will be nothing compared to your life with him. Have fun!!! You deserve it Mama.

T.:
It sounds like you are already having a terrible time and you haven't even arrived in Mexico yet. It is not easy leaving your little ones. Even if it's just to go out to dinner & a movie. I strongly believe because of your sons age, he will do just fine with the grandma's. It will be more stressful when he gets older and he's able to verbalize his feelings. Take advantage of this opportunity and TRY to have some fun.....
Bon voyage..

My son was breech as well, and also suffered from torticollis. He's almost three now, but went to physical therapy at Children's Hospital for almost a year, and is perfectly healthy.

As for leaving your baby. I'm sure it's hard to leave him, but know that his grandparents will take excellent care of him. My only advice is that if possible, can he stay at your home and the grandparents come stay with him? That way he's at least in his own environment with only the people being different. We find that really helps with our little boy. Have a fun trip!

I have 2 boys 3 and 1. I never left my 19 month old over night. I wish I had gotten him used to it earlier. Now he has extreme seperation anxiety and I can't leave him anywhere.
This sounds like a wonderful mommy break and much needed time with your husband. You are going to find that you need to take this time when you can get it.
Before I had kids I was a full time Nanny. I stayed with the 6 month old several long weekends. The mom just left the baby with me for long periods of time before her trips so she knew she was safe with me. The baby was fine....the mommy called like 50 times in 4 days!
I say go for it!!!! Your baby will be fine and for some reason your baby is not okay spend the fee to change your ticket and fly home early! :o)

Keep in mind... both grandparents have taken care of babies beofore! You must be farely close to both of them in order to even consider leaving him with them, which tells me that you owe it to them as much as you owe it to yourself. The most important thing to keep in mind is that it's not going to be NEARLY as hard on him as it will be on you... he doesn't have the experiences in life that you do which give you the emotions you have... the fear, the sadness, etc. Yes, he will miss you because you are mom and he is bonded with you and yes, in his own way he will be sad. But babies don't think like we do... they don't go into depression because they miss someone. Let him go have fun with his grandparents who I'm sure, are exctied to have him.

I'm so glad you will get some time with your husband! That is a good thing for your little boy in the long run!

Is there any way that your moms could stay at your house with your son? That way his routine and environment are the same/consistent. We left our son when he was 8 months for a 5day/4night trip, and it was harder on me than him! (I was physically sick for him by the time we got home.) When we walked through the door, I was so excited to see him and expected him to be excited to see me. He acted like I'd been gone to the grocery store! He was happy to see me, but I expected tears and squeals.

Chances are he won't remember that you left him for this trip, but he will see the love between his mom and dad, which provides him with a great deal of security.

Have a good time.

My advice is to go if YOU want to. If you're uncomfortable with it, tell your husband you have to pass or he should take someone else. Don't feel pressured to go by other people who think you need a break (including your husband). My daughter is almost 8 months and people are always assuming I need time away from her, which I'm not ready for.

Hope you find a way to make it work for each of you.

Hi T.,
I think it's harder on us parents, than our kids. Have him spend as much time as possible with the grandparents with you there so he feels safe, then try leaving him with each grandparent for one night each before you leave and see how it goes. If you breastfeed, make sure you get a head start on pumping, and leave formula to supplement. I think this will be a great bonding time for him and his grandparents.
Just relax and have fun with your hubby, your parents made it through with you and your honey, they will be just fine with your little guy.

T.,

Your baby hasn't developed "object permanence" yet. When things or people disappear from his line of sight, he doesn't know that they they will ever return. (That's why peek-a-boo is so exciting!)

If you leave him with a loving caregiver he knows well, he'll most likely weather the separation just fine, but he is developmentally incapable of knowing for certain that you will come back to him.

If it were me, and one of the grandmas were not a person that cares for him, for at least half a day, at least several times a week, I wouldn't leave for this period of time just yet.

Having said that, I'm not privy to your entire life story. As with any decision, you must weigh the benefits against the risks. Will the trip benefit your marriage, thus your entire family enough to outweigh the risk of the separation from your son?

Only you can answer that question. My best advice is always to trust your gut.

Good Luck Mama,
D. T

Ps. Let the grandma's duke it out, but keep him in only one household for the time you're gone, if you decide to go.

Hi T.! I went on a small trip when my kids were 2 years old and 5 months. I did the same as you and wondered if I was doing the right thing. My kids were fine and I actually enjoyed myself. You are fortunate to have family that can help you out and you are leaving him in very good hands. You sound like a great mom and I am sure you deserve this time for you and your hubby. Take advantage of this great opportunity, especially if it is free!! If you have him on a decent schedule and if he is already comfortable around his grandparents, he will be fine and so will you. Just try to relax, enjoy yourself and not worry. I hope that you decide to go and that you have a great time!

GO! RUN as fast as you can and take the vacation! I have been waiting for 6 years and still have not had an offer from any grand parent to take my kids so my husband and I can go anywhere. Lord even over night would be great! Enjoy the help.
Good luck and have fun!
J.

I would have had a very hard time leaving my baby at that age and would not have had any fun, just thinking about him the whole time and wondering how he was.

I know I am late with this, but after reading a couple of the judgmental responses you got I wanted to write and say, How dare they judge you, or any of us, for wanting some special time with our spouse. I left my boys with a friend while my husband and I went to Paris for 3 days. The boys were fine, and my husband and I had a chance to reconnect as lovers rather then just as co-parents, which in the end makes us happier people and better parents!

Blessed Be.

GO!! Every mother needs some time away, especially with her husband. To take the time to reconnect is SO important and often overlooked or put to low on the list of priorities. Also, it sounds like you are lucky to have willing grandmothers to help out. GO, relax and come back refreshed, having done something for yourself. Your child will benefit in the long run by having a mother who honors her own needs.

You are the only one who can make that call. If baby knows his grandma(s) all the better and if not this would be a great opportunity for him to get to know family. If he has not stayed with them before then perhaps a practice run before the trip? You can make a list of do's and don'ts, medications etc.

Wonderful opportunity for you to have fun with your husband. You are very blessed to have 2 grandma's ready and willing to share some love. As a grandma myself I think this is a great opportunity for grandma(s) and baby to some quailty time with each other. Children are very adaptable if they are taught to be so. I am sure baby will have a great time and be well cared for. Have a great time!

Have fun on your trip! It might help you relax if you have him spend the night with each grandma before you go. Just find a night that is convient for them and see how well he does!

As long as your son's grandmothers are a big part of his life it shouldn't be hard on him. My oldest grandson started staying over night with me at 2 months old and he was breast feed and it wasn't a problem for him. When my daughter and son in law got back he was very happy to see them, but he was always glad to spend the nights with me when needed. I would go and have fun. Just make sure that if your breast feeding make sure you are able to pump enough or start giving him a little bit of formula so he can get use to it.
Have an awsome 4 nights with your husband.
Anna~

Hi T.,

Honestly, it will probably be harder on you then it will be on your son! I left my son for the first time, also for 4 nights, to have some alone time with my Hubby in Las Vegas when he returned home from a year away in Iraq. Our son was just 5 months old at the time! I also left him with my mother, for the whole 4 nights. And he didn't even "know" her as well, since she lives in another state. We drove to her house and flew to LV from there. So, if your son know's his grandma's well, I'm quite sure he will be fine. If you are nursing, just pump extra and bring that for the G-ma's to give. And continue to pump and dump while you are gone to keep your milk up. Bring familiar items for him, like any favorite blankets, toys or stuffed animals.

But it will be hard on you, so be ready. I had my fun while gone and re-connected with my husband, but my mind was always on my son and how he was. I talked to my mom several times a day. And by the time we were ready to fly back, the plane just could not get there fast enough for me. And it turned out he was just fine. Got spoiled by G-ma the whole time! Try and enjoy your time. Cancun is beautiful and these trips come far and few between, now that you have a little one! ;-)

A. V

Take full advantage please!! For me at least :) My three wonderful children have four sets of grandparents(both my husband and mine parents are divorced and remarried). And it is like pulling teeth to get them to watch the kids! When my oldest was a baby(6mo.) we went on a late honeymoon for a week and did the same thing, left him half the time with one grandma and then they switched. It worked great! Especially if you plan to have more children, you NEED to take advantage of the time you get alone, with your hubby, in a warm sunny place. Have the grandmas come to your house if that helps!

Don't go, she's so young! You have to give up a lot of things being a mother and fun trips are one of them. Go on trips when she is older and you can take her or she understands what is going on.
Good Luck
Katie

T.,

I agree with the other posts, he'll be fine. I have 2 kids, ages 4 1/2 and 11 months. The few times my hubby and I have gone out on dates I've worried terribly. We've always left my kids with a family member to babysit. I knew they were in good hands, but I still worried.

Have fun on your trip and keep telling yourself that he's in capable hands, and that he'll be fine; it's only a few days.

Hope this helps,
M.

Hi T.,

I have someone for you to call. I don't know if you have heard of her but she is fabulous and deals with these kinds of situations, and I respect her opinion so much! Her name is Dr. Laura Schlessinger (#1-800-Dr Laura) listening to her for years every morning I'm pretty sure she would not be for this situation.
Now for my experience. Last year when my son was 5 months old we had grandma watch him for one night. It was my husbands b-day, and we were only 30 minutes away. My husband could relax with no problem, but me on the other hand had problems. I just felt he was too young. We did end up having a good time but I couldn't wait to get home. I couldn't imagine doing it for yet another night.
It's tough being a mommy.
Good luck,
~J

Do you think the grandparents would be willing to come and stay at your house? That way his surroundings wouldn't change and that might make it easier on him. Maybe the 1st set could even come stay the night before so they can see 1st hand how you do things.

Good luck and have a wonderful time on your trip!!!

Dear T.,

I just discovered this website and am reading your article. This is a painful dilema. I have three children and can honestly say that short of an emergency, I would not leave my babies with even the most loving grandparent at this fragile age. Developmentally at eight and nine months, a child needs Mama and will experience extreme separation anxiety. I grew up with my own Mom babysitting other children and I distinctly remember the sad look on one mother's face when she returned from a 5 day trip and her 8 month baby no longer knew here.

Like all parenting decisions, you must decide what your priorities are, what is most important for you and your baby. I am a Christian and pray for God's peace as my guide in many situations.

Blessings to you and your family,

J.

When my little girl was around 8 months old I was working out of town and had to leave her with family members during the week. The easiest way I can suggest is to pick one grandma for him to stay with the entire time so there is no confusion and less uprooting. The more constant the surroundings the better he will take it. He will be fine as long as he is in familiar surroundings throughout your absence.
Have fun on your trip.

S.

I did go on a buisness trip after I had my first baby, (and took me husband with) when my daughter was 9 months old - for 4 days! We left her with his mom and I totally cried when I left her BUT it is important to be able to have alone time with husband too. You'll have fun and you can call everyday - 10x a day if you want. I am sure they will understand - as your child gets older the opportunity to be alone may not be as easy. Think of it this way - he wont even remember and our moms (especially if they have offered to take him) know how to handle it. GOOD LUCK in making your desicion and Have Fun on your Trip!

I left my daughter with my mil for 4 nights when my daughter was 8 months, so I could to my best friends wedding, out of state. Honestly it was harder on me then her. She didn't seem to be phased by it all. When I would call, my mil would put the phone to her ear so I could talk to her and she would look confused for a moment and then giggle. I was soooo happy to be home, so I could see her. She was happy to see me as well, but no harm was done by being away from her for such a short while. Honestly, she would be more upset now at 5, then she was at 8 months.

I am also a first time stay @ home mom and had to leave my son for 4 nights as well when he was 8 months old. My mom came and stayed at our house with him. That may make you feel better about leaving him. But I cried and it was very hard to leave and walk out the door. I just had to do it like ripping a band aid off. And my mom was right, it was harder on me than him. He is also a breastfed baby so that concerned me and he would NOT take a bottle. (I had started him with a regular cup @ 5 months) So when we were gone he ate and drank breast milk from a cup. I just pumped before we left to make sure he had enough. My mom sent lots of pics and videos via are cell phone so I knew he was doing better than me. I don't know if I have any words of wisdom, but sooner or later the day will come when he won't stay the night with you. So go for it and have FUN! It's CANCUN!

I left my son with my parents at 9 months. I honestly think it was much harder for me than my son. I think one house would be better for baby. (How about Grandma comes and stays at your house?) Also, I called and had them put the phone up to my son'e ear so I could talk to him. My Mom said he would be visibly upset after that. Did much better next time without the phone calls.

GO on the trip and enjoy yourselves. Both sets of grandparents raised you and your husband and you are fine- it is only for 4 nights after all. My mom looked after our son when he was ten months old for four nights when we went away to celebrate our anniversary. I wrote her out my son's schedule and what his favorite things were to eat and left it at that. Don't worry about going between the two homes- both sets of grand parents will spoil him rotten, which may make it harder on you when you get home, but he will enjoy the love they lavish on him.

Have fun, relax and make the most of your vacation- you need it!!!

Dont go, your baby is too young.

I agree with a lot of the other responses...it will be harder on you! But, I think it's so important that you and your husband get away. I have always heard that the best gift you can give your children is for them to see a happy marriage!
We left our 1st daughter when she was about 1 for 2 nights. I found that I missed her so much! But, if I called once a day to check in on her, it relieved my anxiety and then I could enjoy my time with my husband.
I think your question about 2 homes or 1 while you are gone, really depends on your child. Our daughter's would be so excited about the opportunity to see both sets of grandparents. But, if your son does better with a routine, then maybe just staying with one grandma would be better.
Most importantly...Go and have fun! Who knows when you will get this opportunity again. :)