I need some advice on what my husband and I can do to help our 19 month old daughter stop whining. I would describe her as a happy and active toddler, but if our attention is not directly with her, she will whine. We really have not done any sort of discipline because we just think she is too young. We try to redirect and a handful of times we have resorted to a short time-out. We know she is trying so hard to just talk and we do think this is part of the reason why she whines. She will point to things and whine and we know she just wants to be able to tell us what she wants, but she is not exactly there yet. She can say probably about 50 words and really the only two words she has said together is "thank you". However, she does understand what we say ~ I can ask her to put her clothes in the hamper, get me a diaper or her baby doll, etc and she will do as we say. We both feel that once she can actually articulate what she wants, the whining will stop or it won't be as much of it. But, does anyone have any advice on what we can do in the meanwhile to help her learn not to whine when we cannot give her the exact attention she needs at that exact moment - it just really wears on my patience sometimes (I feel bad for saying that because I know this too shall pass and I try to remember that in the moment). She is starting a mom's morning out program next week three mornings a week and we are looking forward to her being with other kids her age and maybe this help. Thank you for any advice you can share.
really M. if she can't say what it is she wants and you don't want to displine her as yet patients is all you can do. the time out, playing with other kids so she can pick up more words and also make her wait don't run to her when she whines and find things to keep her busy those things should help. i also believe that too shell pass she will grow out of it.
Hi M.,
We have encountered the same issues with our 16 month old son. We have taught him sign language to take place of the whining. If he does not sign what he wants, then he will not get it. For example, if we wants more food, he will sign more. If he wants something, he will sign please. When he starts to whine, I simply redirect him by saying, "please?" or "more?" And then he will respond with a sign telling me what he wants. Recently, he has learned to say "help." This has taken the place of A LOT of whining - particularly when he was frustrated with something and wanted our help. There is a sign for "help" but he can say that, so we just prompt him by saying, "do you want help?" He will respond with, "help." Anywho, these strategies have saved us a lot of headaches and it has increased his happiness by acknowledging that we understand his needs. Good luck!
J.
I would definitely try to start teaching her some signs- we started at around 9-10 months and by 14-15 months our twin girls could sign quite a bit. They picked up language fast during that time, so the signing never really took the place of words for them, but they had a great time with it. We started using time-outs around 15 months, particularly for one who started hitting when she got frustrated and wanted her way. It helped a lot! My other daughter has been more of the "whiner" and I agree, it can really get on your nerves! They are 2 now, and I have used time-outs occasionally for excessive whining. It seems to work for her (I didn't start this until around 20-22 months - I just didn't think she would understand the concept of time-outs for whining before that). I would also ask her to use her words, or signs (if she knows them), to express herself and really praise her when she does. Ask her "no crying please or no need to cry" "tell mommy what you need". Sounds like you are already doing this, but when she is whining, give her a task (some kids thrive on this) and then if it stops the whining, praise her and try to give her another task. Best of luck, and yes, it will pass (our daughter has gotton much better w/ the whining)! F.
My daughter was doing the same thing last year(when she was 18 months old). I purchased The Discipline Book, by William Sears.
I have 2 daughters- 3 yrs old and 23 months old. Whining will continue off and on. I think you can't nip it in the bud. I understand the frustrations and lack of patience all too well. I would suggest-- SAYING-- don't whine. Use your words. We say that a lot. My younger daughter might "ask" or whine for something or whatever-- her expressions-- then I say-- don't whine. Use your words. Say it nicely. If she doesn't understand, be her teacher- show her what you mean. Say it nicely.
I will say if they are hungry or tired, you may not get the result right away. This is where you need your patience. They say-- if we are upset when they are upset-- this won't really solve or help things. If only we could remain calm all the time right?
Sounds like she understands. Try this and BE CONSISTENT. Try using this prior to time out. Give her a chance.
Good Luck.
I had a child that was developmental delayed meaning he was limited and behind for his age on words, his level of maturity, actions etc. He's now 9 and it took a while to get him where he should be. I'm not a doctor or therapist but hit sounds like she may be also. I went through the county to have my son evaluated "babies can't wait" program. A speech and occupational therapist sat down with him and basically played with him. That's how they do their evaluations. Please don't be offended by the word developmental delay it just means they are a bit behind, it doesn't mean they are that was forever. My son had many ear infections and it took changing doctors a few times to get someone to listen to me to refer me to a Ent back then and I had to have a referral for no ins would pay.
My son had therapy (speech) at home and then at age 3 we enrolled as he was accepted in to a special ed program for pre schooler's at our local school (public). He did very well by kindergarten he was in a regular class and had speech once a week by 1st grade he had no reason to have speech therapy. He now corrects me if I say a word incorrectly.
My son did the same as your child he would point, he would whine it was all because he didn't know how to express himself. Please don't be upset with her, I kept in mind I had years on my son he was new to the world and didn't have a good start.
Oh, I forgot he had ear tubes, he wouldn't hear it all sounded like listening under water per the ENT.
Even if she can do things you ask I'd still have her evaluated you can also consider a Developmental Ped Doctor we had that done as well just to make she we crossed are t's and dotted our i's. It will be good for her to go to the mom's morn out but I have had as a prek teacher (sub) that she may cry alot when you leave her (sometimes more then other children) she may not warm up to the other kids right away and if she does she may only warm up to one maybe two.
You may also want to start learning and teaching her sign lang..yes sign lang. That's part of communications in special ed (we teach our babies that in our prek) kids can actually sign and understand at an early age before they can say the word. Part of therapy is signing the word and saying it at the same time. I learned this when my son was in special ed. In fact I feel pretty good about it now because if for any reason he wouldn't be able to talk to me he could sign to me.
All of this is food for thought, my experience in my life. I hope it helps in some manner, give ideas etc.. Many blessings to you I know this can all be worked out just finding the avenue that works for you and your family.
Hi M.,
My opinion is that children whine because they need something they cannot figure out. As a parent, that is the hard part. I believe that whining at this early age indicated irritation / physical irritation. It may be pain, but it is pain that is dull such as digestive problems or constipation, bowel irritaiton, etc. I would try removing all milk products for two weeks, then remove gluten (wheat, barley, oats, rye) and casien (milk products) for one additional month. At her age, you should see a response. You can also add cod liver oil (great for immune support through the flu season as well as bowel support) and proibotics (not milk based) from your local health store.
Look past the behavior to the root of it. Notice the similarities and instead of trying to apply discipline, try to apply empathy and questions as well as reflection on what came before it (several hours before it sometimes).
Best of luck, I know that can be brain knumbing...... J.
This is probably half bad habit and half not being able to express herself. Expressive language comes considerably later than receptive with most children...unless you use
Sign Language. Sign Language will not only give her a means for expressing herself, but it will most likely get her using oral language sooner than without it. You can probably figure out some of the things she really wants to express but can't and find the signs for them. Teach her those signs (especially nouns) that will alleviate her frustration the most.
As far as whining as a bad habit: when my son gets in a whiny mood (happens a lot in the car), I totally ignore his whining until something comes out of his mouth that's not a whine, then I respond immediately in a positive voice (Him: "I want my boppy! I want my milk! I not like that! Lookit the cow!!!!" Me: "Oh wow! I see the cow, too!").
It's definitely NOT too early to start disciplining. The sooner you start, the easier it will be later (A behavior that takes 2-3 repititions for a 1-year-old to learn, will take 6 months for a 3-year-old!), but I think this behavior is just going to take some serious ignoring.
Good luck!
Whining as a means of communication will not stop just because your daughter has a better vocabulary. It has an emotional attachment to it that evokes a reaction which may not be positive. Not responding to her when she whines is a possibility and you can explain this to her. Once she is around other kids she will probably try it on them and they may not accept it. One thing is for sure...she understands more than she can even communicate. Give her accolades for "acting like a big girl" instead of "whining like a baby" positive reinforcement is a good start. I know it sounds hard but it just takes patience and consistency. Good Luck!!!
www.mybabycantalk.com/content/dictionary/dictionaryofsign...
From what you're describing, I would highly recommend a little sign language. (I found the above-mentioned link by googling "baby sign language dictionary.") She will probably only need it for a few months, but it can be immensely helpful while they are trying to get their words. It's also helpful in teaching them some manners at this stage. When my little one was whining for help, I would say, "Say help, please" and do the signs even if I already knew what he wanted. It helped them learn what the appropriate way to ask was.
We're not talking about formal ASL sign language: It doesn't matter what signs you use, anything they can learn to do, but a site like this one was helpful to give me ideas on signs. The most helpful ones for us were All done, Eat/Hungry and More (for mealtimes), Please and Thank-you, Help and Sleep. I did not start signing to my twins until they were about 14 mos. old. They seemed utterly uninterested and then suddenly about a month later they started repeating the signs I had shown them.
For my experience, she sounds right on target for speech. I always thought the dr's were crazy when they asked me how many words my 18-mo olds were saying, but all three of my children were talking like crazy by 2. I wouldn't worry about it until then, if I were you. My husband's opinion was that I was looking for actual full words when maybe the doctors would count "buh, buh, buh" for bottle. Who knows? Best of luck with this fun age, V.
