Need Advice on Handling Temper Tantrums

I know temoer tantrums can be hard. The best thing you can do when she starts to throw her tantrums is ignore her. If you try to ignore her a few times and that does not work I'd reverse rolls with her. When she starts throwing her tantrum stop what you are doing throw yourself on the floor, scream about not getting what you want, and throw your own little tantrum. I did this with my son and he stopped throwing his tantrum and told me to stop. We did this a few more times before he realized if he started throwing a tantrum I would too and I could get louder and throw a bigger one. To this day I don't have a problem with him throwing tantrums, though he does pout when he does not get his way. If that idea does not work I think 123 Magic is the best book I have read on child discipline.
M.

1 mom found this helpful

HI, the best thing to do for temper tantrems is to ignore them. Tell her the behavior is not acceptable. It's hard when the behavior you want to stop drives you nuts. She's old enough to have a time out. If she is worse in her bedroom, use a different place for time out. She probably knows the screaming gets on your nerves. At that age they love to push our buttons. I read 123 magic. It worked for my little one.

She is NOT throwing a tantrum. She is NOT trying to get her way, I promise. What she IS doing is trying to express the three emotions she knows, in the least appropriate ways. Right now your daughter knows three basic emotions, happiness, sadness, and anger. Her newest one is anger. Although she may EXPRESS other emotions, she only KNOWS these three. She is not doing it intentionaly, she is trying to show you she needs something.

Now is the time to show her how to EXPRESS her feelings. DO NOT repress them, she will only have issues from this later in life. What I suggest is simply taking her into a room and showing her that hitting the pillow, a drub set, stomping on the floor, whatever, is so much more effective towards expressing her angery feelings. And label these feelingsto, put aname with the issue. Then, in a few weeks, you will notice her scream, think, go into her room and beat on her pillow and say "I AM ANGRY" It makes everyone feel better. She does not comprehend things well, and disipline at this age is obsolite, they dont have the ability to understand cause and effect quite yet.

Good luck!!!

okay this is going to sound really strange and it actually infuriated me the first time my husband did but it worked. My son who is 3.5 was doing the same thing screaming throwing fits i was out of my mind with it. My husband started cheering him on, clapping for him saying things like" is that it? Thats the best fit you can throw? You can do better than that". Whenever he would start screeching he would tell him to go into the other room until he do better. Seriously it sounds strange but it worked he stopped throwing fits because we stopped reacting. I tried ignoring I tried begging pleading time out. I tried it all this is the only thing that worked.

My daughter did more of a roller coaster whiney noise that went from loud to quiet over and over and over for a long time. The thing that was most irritating about it is that she'd do a few dragged out quiet moans and then kick it into high gear for shock effect. Very grating on the nerves; it made me jump every time. On her first day of daycare they brought her to me and said..."You need to eliminate the roller coaster cry."

If you feel punished by the screetch...she is probably doing it on purpose to punish you. My daughter was an only child until she was 11, and thing with the whining, crying, moaning, and high pitch screaming didn't really effect anyone around her. Like, she wasn't told, "You can't do that right now... baby sister is sleeping." She had no reason to have consideration for other people.

I ignored it a lot so she'd drag it out, on and on, on and on. We spent a lot of our days with her crying through everything. I learned to not let the punishment effect me, but I did get concerned when she was hurting other peoples ears. It was just mean. And she had to learn consideration for others and just to put a stop to her selfish fits.

There came a time to address it directly and show some sort of response to it. She needed to learn how to "stuff it" and just get on with the day moving on to happier times. She needed to learn the self control to not unleash the noise. She needed to learn respect for other peoples ears and the pain they experienced. I had to respond. But, it became a habit.

Each time she did it, as a baby, I would close my eyes, turn her body away from me, and put her on the floor belly down. She'd continue. As she got older, I would tell her to go in her room and scream it into a pillow. In public, I would actually hold my hand over her mouth, head up against my chest, and speak sturnly into her ear, "You are not going to hurt these people's ears with your scream." She could breathe. We'd do that till she was done. Consider it a body hold to calm the child down. As a pre-teen, she would walk herself to her room, slam the door, and moan (like a cow) so loud as if to try and tell me how upset she was. Again, I'd say..."You stay in there. I will not allow you to hurt my ears." It's not about emotions, it's about control...and the pain hurts just as much as them slapping you. It's on purpose.

So, throughout the years, I've kept the focus on that purpose so as to not feed into it, ask questions, and drag it out any further. I just hold her accountable for what she's trying to do. Hurt me because she's hurting.

Now, as a more mature teen (sophmore and a very good girl)those episodes are few and far between. She's learned to just be grouchy, snippy, and crabby most of the time -expressing herself more consistantly and in more of a "normal" way. It's much more tolerable to live with a little venom leaking out all the time, than getting the big bites.

So, I don't know: ignoring vs. responding to it in an intense way... you never know what works. But, as long as you are a mom who is trying, she'll grow up & out of it just fine.

I have a daughter who will be 4 in November. When she was 2yo her favorite thing to do was when she was upset was she would scream and cry to the point of eyes rolling up in her head and all but passing out. After talking to her doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong other than temper, I decided to take action. When she would start to cry( scream) I would very calmly take her to the couch and tell her she was not being nice and she needed to sit on couch ( or someplace that was in a different room than i was in) till she could calm down. If she got off the couch I would put her back sometimes putting her back over and over. When she stoped screaming ( maybe still crying a bit) I would go to her and then talk to her and always give her lots of hugs and loves and explain to her why she had to sit on couch. IT took a few weeks but she finally understood that screaming and pitching a fit would get her couch time, even now if she starts to act up all i have to do is ask her is she wants to go sit on the couch till she can be nice and sometimes she even says YES!LOL

Don't give her any attention when she does it. Mine has had a loud scream since the day she was born. I know it's hard but just don't let her know it bother's you. I just started with that and she is calming down a bit.

This may sound a bit odd, but it always worked for me... Get a misting bottle, fill it with water, and spray her in the face when she throws a tantrum. If that doesn't do the trick, I have taught children that they have five seconds to stop throwing the fit, or ... (an age appropriate punishment) will happen. It really has to be something they don't like. Most of the time, the tantrums stop when the children learn that a tantrum is no way to get what they want.
When she's older (and possibly now if you think she'd understand it) offer her a choice. Stop crying/screaming/... and throwing tantrums and get one suitable choice or continue and chose a less desirable outcome.

J., I would try a short time out (ignore) and then hugs and quiet time together until you can get her to learn to express what she is upset over. As adults we have to learn that fits will not get us anywhere so we have to learn to express our selves. I think small children just don't know how to express their feelings so they scream.

contact Laura Dorflinger at ParentEducation Group. She is awesome, and helps children manage emotions.

Sounds like my life! I have four boy's that have never been to daycare, currently my husband works 4am to 4pm and I work 1pm to 1am we get two hours in bed together 6 nights a week! The youngest is now 17 when they were littler we would trade the car in the driveway now my husband gets home just as our son gets off the school bus, its hard but you CAN do this!
The best I can offer... be consistant and patient, no yelling or arguing with her.
Make sure you and your husband are on a "united front" the same things have to be done no matter who the person is at home!
First let your neighbors know that your child is going through "a phase" tell them your sorry but please be patient with us so they will be more understanding.
Second as soon as the tantrum starts pick her up and take her to her room (dont send her to her room, that gives her the opportunity to further defy) say nothing on the way... set her on her bed and tell her calmly "Im sorry we dont behave like this, when you are ready to be polite you can come out" go out and close the door, stand there SAY NOTHING and the second she starts to calm down open the door and calmly ask her if she is ready to be polite and come out of her room. HOPEFULLY she will get the picture sooner than later! NEVER GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTED THAT TRIGGERED THE TANTRUM, YOU SAID NO!
ALSO make sure you are taking time for your husband, this is a tough schedule and he will start to feel neglected, men are like our children some times... Just be sure to maintain his needs and some extras, be sure he knows you appreciate him, he will see what you are doing for him and hopefully do the same for you.

I agree with Ronnie J. I tried it with my nephew at the store. I said "Can you scream louder?" and he got quiet. I learned this trick at a conference for childcare workers.