December 29, 2008,
J.S. asks from Valrico, FL on December 14, 2008
Need Advice on Backtalking 9 Year Old!
My 9 year old is out of control. He at times can be so sweet and wonderful and at other times I just dont know what to do with him! His mouth is so bad! He always talks back and argues with everything I ask him to do. Seems like ever since we had our daughter this started. He was so excited to have her around and now that she is here his attitude is so not what i exspected. He cant just go with the flow. He is a great kid but the back talking is horriable. Any advice??
R.S. answers from Tampa on December 15, 2008
I found with my own children (11 and 8), that when they begin this (or any other bad bahavior), I stop them before it gets bad (r when I recognize it) and punish them. But finding the punishment that works is the harder part. Right now for my children, whenever they choose to whine or complain or argue, they receive 15 minutes of chores to do around the house. Something that is easy, but no desireable to do especially when they want to play. Things like vacuuming, dusting, putting videos away neatly, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning windows, raking leaves, etc. Sometimes it is more than one job, but they have to work continuously for 15 minutes to have it taken off the board. They hate doing these menial tasks, so they avoid them when I give them one warning. If they don't stop, I write it on a white board I have in the hall. Sometimes they do the chore right away, other times, it is a day or two later, whenever I need them, and they have to stop everything (especially playing) to help me. I hope this helps. Good Luck
1 mom found this helpful
A.G. answers from Punta Gorda on December 15, 2008
My girls are 11 & 13 and we struggle with this a lot. My big solution is be consistant. As soon as they learn you won't get up from feeding the baby to discipline me, that is when they push the limits. My daughters give me the most attitude when I am in the kitchen trying to cook dinner. They know I am focused and do not want to walk away. Try even if you ignore the attitude because you are in the grocery store, to make sure that he knows the consequences will be more severe later. Good Luck and be patient, a new baby is a huge blessing that your family will adjust to.
J.D. answers from Orlando on December 29, 2008
My son and daughter have both been through this phase. You must sit with him when you have time to talk. Pick a time when you are doing something together. Explain how disappointed you are when he feels he must have the last word and be honest with him. In the future, this was brought up several times as "remember when we talked about..."
I told my kids if they had to have the last word, it better be "yes, ma'am" or "yes, sir". We set goals to deter inappropriate behavior and stepped up on both sides to resolve this issue.
Yes, my 13 year old still must have the last word, and it's a never ending issue between us. She knows where I stand and she accepts the discipline dealt to her knowing there are consequences for your behavior.
Good luck, keep it light and let it shine!! You the MOM!!
R.W. answers from Tampa on December 15, 2008
Maybe your daugther is getting to much attention and your son isn't getting enough. My Mom always said the baby doesn't need much attention but the older child needs extra when the baby comes home. Try to get him involved with helping do things for his sister. If possible let him feed her or play with her. Also find time for him. Play board games, video games, card games, watch a favorite show with him. Take him out shopping just the two of you to Christmas shop. Give him extra attention and you will be surprised how quickly he changes. Jealousy is a terrible thing but older siblings do get jealous of the new baby because they now have to share you. I think at this point to punish him would just make matters worse. Tell him if he is good that you are going to bake cookies together just the two of you, or one of the other fun things I listed earlier. He needs his Mommys undivided attention right now.....