11 answers

Need Advice from Ladies That Can See the Light at the End of the Tunnel

Ladies....going through stress right now as husbands work is really bugging him and he is grouchy and downright not happy. He insists I don't understand (I do, but I think it's best to leave pressures at work at work....or at least for the most part...unload and then get on with life). So he's grumpy around home, isolates himself, is short with me and the kids. He has some health issues, but not life threatening. All in all our life could be wonderful, but he falls into a funk and stays there for what seems like weeks (sometimes is). Yes, I think he suffers from depression. We've been to marriage counseling and he even mentioned he would like to see someone on the side but has yet to do it. What I would love, is for the women out there that can share how they keep a positive attitude when situations like this arise. We are Christians, however, he doesn't attend worship much (I go regularly with the kids). He is not a drug or alcohol abuser. Thanks for listening.

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So What Happened?™

The responses were all read and I thank you all. I don't give him the respect he craves as I have hurt feelings by the way he talks to me. I feel like he doesn't even love me at times because of either the way he says something to me or by what he says (or doesn't say). It seems like I have to separate my own feelings out so I can think of what he needs at this time...putting the others needs before my own....

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Some background: I have a job that sucks, and at times I have gotten very beat up mentally at work. My husband's world is pretty consistent and he doesn't go up and down the way I do. I get into funks, I get down, I feel defeated and without hope for change. It effects me at home- my husband asks me to leave it behind but mentally I can't shut it of.

What I need from my husband is to give me the space and comfort to get through this. When he doesn't respect those "desires" it is easy to get frustrated with him. I have never wanted to see other people or anything of that sort but it is definately an issue where I question why he can't understand/respect my wishes. Depression/Anxiety do run in my family and he sounds like he deals with issues as I do- so getting him to try to go to a doctor for treatment would be good.

Have you been to marriage counseling for this or other issues? Do you have date nights? Does he have a hobby or something that could take his mind off of the issues? Could you go for family bike rides or walks after dinner? I would much rather have him get me engaged in some sort of other activity than to tell me to let stuf go because I know that isn't how I should be. It is just way too hard to shut some things off.

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I think your husband sounds like a normal guy that doesn't like his job. I think he needs you, not a counselor, to talk to him about what is bothering him at work, and then give him some sympathy. My husband likes it a lot when I make a lot of eye contact and stop what I am doing when he is talking to me. Otherwise, even if I am listening to him, he assumes I am not. He talks to me a lot more when I do this. He also likes to have some quiet time when he gets home to unwind and hide in his cave. Maybe he needs to start thinking about another line of work or a change in his job. Try and think how you would talk to a girlfriend that was stressed and hated her job. This a good way to make sure you are not being too momish or naggy when he talks to you.

Some background: I have a job that sucks, and at times I have gotten very beat up mentally at work. My husband's world is pretty consistent and he doesn't go up and down the way I do. I get into funks, I get down, I feel defeated and without hope for change. It effects me at home- my husband asks me to leave it behind but mentally I can't shut it of.

What I need from my husband is to give me the space and comfort to get through this. When he doesn't respect those "desires" it is easy to get frustrated with him. I have never wanted to see other people or anything of that sort but it is definately an issue where I question why he can't understand/respect my wishes. Depression/Anxiety do run in my family and he sounds like he deals with issues as I do- so getting him to try to go to a doctor for treatment would be good.

Have you been to marriage counseling for this or other issues? Do you have date nights? Does he have a hobby or something that could take his mind off of the issues? Could you go for family bike rides or walks after dinner? I would much rather have him get me engaged in some sort of other activity than to tell me to let stuf go because I know that isn't how I should be. It is just way too hard to shut some things off.

He's unhappy with work and probably recents the fact that you don't seem to care. Yes I know you do as you mentioned but if you don't give him encouragment he might not see it that way. What you want is your husbands happiness and if he's not happy @ work he will not be ____@____.com should always make him feel that he comes before anything other than your chilren of course. Maybe you should sit and talk to him and ask if there's anything you can do to help him. Show him you care that's all it takes. Love!

Help him get into an exercise or de-stress routine. When hubby is stressed he either mows the lawn ALL DAY or goes ATV riding.

Hi K.,
I was in your EXACT situation years ago! We are also Chrtistians and my husband was always grumpy and tired and stressed about work and felt depressed and isolated himself. I tried getting him on antidepressants but he wouldn't. One day my friend recommended NANO-GREENS, it changed our life! Within a few days my husbands demeaner changed- he wasn't depressed- he was nutrient deprived! Nano-greens is a concentrated formula of 10 times the daily serving of fruits and vegetables. My entire family and I are on it (including my 2 & 3 yr olds) it is amazing and saved my marriage, I would definetly get it.

Sounds like my hubby! I don't have much advice, but you're not alone! As a SAHM I'm sometimes the same way to him that he is because he just doesn't understand what its like to be with 2 children 18 hours a day =) I hope things smooth over for you. I don't think you need counseling as much as you need a vacation! Just my opinion. Good luck!

You are not alone. Many men seem to go down this road at some point and they commonly shut down when they feel helpless. It is wonderful that you are reaching out for help. My husband and I received the "Power of Praying" books from Stormie O'Martian from a friend. She discusses a lot about these situations and gives you prayer ideas and scriptures for each area. I trully enjoyed "Power of a Praying Wife" and would recommend it for any marraige. The other book I would recommend is "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerich, or the seminar DVDs. Sometimes, as wives of struggling men, we must go the extra mile to help them find their way and know that they are respected and appreciated. And many times we have to go about it secretly so we don't crush their spirit further. With God there is always light at the end of the tunnel. :) I believe, wholeheartedly, that your family will be delivered from this and find tremendous blessing in the near future. Godspeed.

Good morning!
I am glad to hear you are Christians as believe it or not it will make getting through this alot easier then not. My husband and I are Christians as well and although we do not attend worship as we should will still give our lives to Christ everyday. A little over a year ago my husband worked for a company that put a horrible strain on our marriage and at first he did not even see what it was doing. I gotta tell you my faith in God was sooooo tested at that time and you know it probably would have been super easy to take that commonly followed road, but instead I stood on my faith and relied on God to work through my husband and myself and get us through that extremely hard time.
I am not sure what exactly he is having to deal with at work, but everyones walk is different. God will show him, bless him and help him. Believe that! However it is our jobs as God has chosen us for them to help lift them up not force or nag or point out things that they are doing...not saying you do that but I know I did for quite a bit of time without realizing that when you are pointing you have 3 fingers pointing back at you. I did ALOT of prayer and not only for him but for me too. Stay focused on God, love your husband and family the only way you know how and trust this too shall pass.
Hope that helped and you will be in my prayers!

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