Need Advice for Child with Learning Disability

What you describe is what my 3(almost4) year old daughter does. i have no idea about her learning disability but what you are tell us is normal. Also I would get a second opinion. After a diagnosis is made it is hard change it. Good Luck!!!

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Hi T.!
Wow, it's like I was reading about my own son! I ALWAYS knew he was behind, since he was a baby. He always hit his milestones late...still within "normal" ranges, but at the tail of of those ranges. He didn't even sit up until he was close to 10 month, didn't stand until over a year old, no walking until almost 14 monhts, not stringing more then 2 words together by 2, etc. His almost 4 1/2 now, and his speech is FINALLY starting to get better, though the CLARITY of his speech is still not the best. My Ped has never labeld him as "leaning disbaled" and has never really been that alarmed. Everyone told me he was fine and to just let him learn on his own. FINALLY, about 6 months ago, the teachers at his new daycare/preschool said something to me, that he was a bit delayed and not keeping up with the rest of his peers. FINALLY, someone validated what I had been feeling all along! At their recommendation, I had him evaulated with our school district's Assessment team for pre-school. After many meetings and them oberserving him, he finally qualified for the special pre-school you mentioned you daughter is going to. He JUST started about a month ago, and I'm already seeing improvemnt.
I think you are doing everything right, and are maybe just being a bit too hard on yourself. I know I was. Just go with what her teachers are recommending, and give her some time, she's still pretty young. I know it's frustrating, I've been there too, but it will come in time. I was actually pretty comforted to see that my son is pretty "light" compared to some of the other kids in his class. He also has some sensory issues, (bad at haircuts, no tags in his shirts, etc) but even those are starting to get easier. Some of the other kids in his class are way more severe. My heart goes out to them, but it also make me feel better that my son is closer to "normal" then the other boys in his class. Your daughter sounds very much like my son, and I think just given a bit more time and her pre-schooling, she wil be on par with her peers sooner then you think.
Be easy on yourselves, don't stress about it becuase I firmly believe they pick up on our stress on these types of issues, and it could have a negative effect. Let her be 3, and just ask her teachers for more guidance on what you can do at home. ;-)
Best wishes!
A.

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hi T., i am a mother of five children all grown up. they are now making me a grandmother and greatgrandmother. ilove all my children.just a suggestion for you.when i was very young my mother would put me to bed and then read me a storyor sing to me untill i went to sleep. she also gave me my favorite doll or teddybear to sleep with.i always fell asleep that way. it takes a lot of patience to raise children but if you take time to play with them or color pictures with them then they are happy.to help her learn get a simple book and let her rad with you and point out what the objects are and have her say them to you. she will learn faster. i hopes this helps.maybe i said too much.anyway good luck .a loving mom and grandma.

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I am going to answer as a teacher of young children.

If she hurts herself, for example, go back to the place that she hurt, tell her that she hurt herself because she ...... Have her say I hurt myself because.....

Do this again and again for any of the things that she does not remember and you can find comprehension for.

About getting out of bed. I would remove all but one toy. Give her a choice of one soft bear (or such) toy to take to bed. Tell her the rule (to stay in bed) and shut the door. If she falls a sleep of the floor so be it. That is a part of her age at this point. She might throw a temper tantrum, so be prepared.

I don't think discipline will be very effective for her because she can't remember it.

As she gets older (5) rewards of stars or such will work much better.

The thing to do is to plan with your husband the rules you want to keep her safe, and your house quiet. Then decide how you are going to do it. Stick to this plan for at least a month, even if it seems she is going to go ballistic and you just can't stand it. Stay calm through out the entire thing.

I once locked myself in the bathroom to get away from my temper tantrum throwing daughter because she was following from room to room.

This is hard, but it can be done. Fine support groups nearby. Volunteer in your daughter's class.

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T., dear heart--- I PROMISE you are more than a good Mom- you are exceptional- AND you need to be kinder to yourself. It is NEVER possible to teach a 3 year old ( or a 4, 5 - 10 --- any age) to always do what is right. Do you have any good, kind friends who make errors in judgement? Eat too much? Exersize too little?? Spend too much???? Make bad choices of any kind??? Right- we all do - we are human. What you will do is what you HAVE done--- ''' staying in bed and not playing is the right thing''' She KNOWS that - and year by year she will develope better self-discipline skills. Now, a question -- is it really wrong for her to quietly get a toy or book and sit on her bed with it???????? Really??? Don't many of us have a book by our bed in case we have trouble sleeping?? She is quietly, and calmly working through some of the issues of the day. Sounds absolutely perfect to me.

Is her school a public school? You do know, right --- that all public elementary schools ( or rather the district you live in) provide free programs for children with a diagnosed disability. I am a retired, special ed, preschool teacher ( OH MY GOD I miss my little guys!!!!). I worked for Northshore Schools program ( called Sorenson Early Childhood Center) for 20 years - and so many of my guys are exactly like you describe your treasure -- and because of the work that we did with them at SECC- they were able to go on to regular Kindergarden programs and soar like the Eagles they were. Is it possible that between the birth of a baby and the diagnosis you have- that she feels ''''not quite it'''??? -- Be sure she knows that YOU know she is just perfect --- she has to work harder to learn some things--- we all do --- if I had to master book-keeping -- I would never have graduated from HIGH SCHOOL much less received a Masters' degree--

Blessings,
J.

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Hi T.,

I am a reading tutor who works with children with processing issues, and I am a special ed preschool teacher, so it sounds like your daughter now attends a preschool like the one I teach in, and in order to do this, she has been evaluated by a team of specialists who work for your county special education district (to reply to one of the responders). This is great, because special education at the preschool level is a very proactive way to work on delays in development before they become big issues later on during the school years. In my classroom, we rely on visual schedules for kids who have processing issues - hearing audio information but having a glitch when turning that audio info into an action. Use a visual schedule, such as pictures velcroed to a strip of poster board, to show her what her day, or even her bedtime routine, looks like. Real or stick-figure pictures will both work and can be set up to show, for example, that first comes brushing teeth, then putting on pj's, then a story, etc. Pair her visual schedule with verbal prompts ("First we brush our teeth, and next we put on our pj's) so that she can practice processing the info on her own. Visual schedules work wonders for anything, to what we do in the grocery store, to getting out the door in the morning, so you might use them all around the house. Be prepared to teach your daughter to use some sort of multisensory strategy throughout her childhood, be it making To Do lists or using maps or notes when doing upper level English assignments, and also be prepared to be her advocate to use multiple learning tools in school. Teachers may have to provide her with written instructions as well as those they give verbally during class. In my opinion, ALL kids need these! All of us need to mix multisensory strategies to get through our day, and very few people I know can remember phone numbers or directions to a new cafe without writing them down or using visualizations to remember important pieces of info. If you need anything else, please let me know! I would be happy to be your sounding board and information resource.

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My first question would be "who did the screening and placed the label?" and did they give you any practical information on how to handle different situatuons with her.
My son is 17 and has Asperger's syndrome (high-functioning autism). He was screened at the age of 4 during a school district Childfind program and had many of the same issues as your daughter (imoaried language development, poor comprehension, impaired socialization).
Our next step was to see a clinical psychologist. He has been very helpful because he gave of the clinical diagnosis (which many times is different than what the school's perception is). We did go to a pediatric MD who specializes in assessment of children to see if there are any physical problems causing the behaviors. None were found.
The psychologist has been the most helpful. While he would see Michael intermittently, most of his sessions were with me to help me navigate through the school system, make recommendations for services, etc...
The hardest thing I have ever had to do is advocate for services for my son. It is a constant battle as many school systems want to put all children in a box and treat them the same. My son is doing well. He is a Junior in High School, participates in the Concert Choir and is in a Sports Med program offered through the school. His goal is to be a certified sports trainer when he graduates. It is still questionable as to whether he will ever be completely independent but he is doing better than I ever thought he would (my first thought when he was diagnosed was "I'm way too tired to deal with this for the rest of my life!"-I had a new baby at home as well).
Good luck. This will be an amazing journey for you.
Kerry

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Wow T....I feel like you were writing MY story! HAHAHA

My son did is actually 7 and still does these same things. Personally, it sounds to me like she is pretty close to her age with some possible need for speech and occupational therapy to help move her forward a little. One thing I have learned with my son is not to be to anxious about the diagnosis'. First and foremost...deal with the issue at hand. There are a TON of resources that you can use to get the services you need. She is obviously too young to be in the "school system" but every county has a Early Childhood Development program...I belive here in Oregon it is "Early Intervention and Early Childhood Special Education". This program is run by the counties and is typically free. It will get her up to age 5 at which point, if deemed necessary she will get an IEP through the school system. If you go to google and search for your county plus "Early Childhood Special Education" you ought to find the contact information.

Also, don't be so hard on yourself. I just had my first parent-teacher conference for my son...and I went in holding my breath hoping it wasn't "TOO" terrible...and much to mine and my husband's surprise...he is doing great acedemically. They are smarter than they give off...and I am sure she is understanding things better than she presents to you.

With the toys at night...you might try what we did...every toy he took out at night to play with was taken away for a couple of days and put in a place where he could see it, but not play with it. He definitely started to understand the idea that if I play with a toy at night...it gets taken away. At one point he had absolutely no toys in his room at all (that was a fun time). It is difficult and exhausting sometimes...but when isn't parenting, right!? We have to draw a VERY hard line with my son because he simply doesn't get the standard slight nuances that typical parenting can use. He is stubborn and bullheaded...not unintelligent...we just have to be more stubborn than him in most cases and then we see the full scale of his intelligence.

Don't give up...she will get there. In the meantime...use all resources available to you to give her the support she needs...and ultimately, the support you need.

*HUGS* If you want some more info, just drop me a line...happy to send any info I have your way!

Hi T.,
I worked with preschool children who experienced learning differences for 12 years. One technique that I had was to make a schedule of the day; using velcro and picture cue cards; for her to follow and when she has done a task to take down the card. Also having picture cue cards that represent the night time routine. She may understand or may not about the no toys; some children have issues making the connection. They can repeat what you say, but not always understand the complete meaning. That is why it is good, for any three year old, to have a visual reminder to go along with the spoken words.

The abstract concepts of how and why are hard for three year olds to grasp. One thing you could try is that the example of her hurting herself playing; you could ask her to show you where she got hurt, and walk her over to the area she got hurt. You could also talk to the teacher about how they are addressing these at school and for some techniques to use in the home.

Hope some of this is helpful!

I can't advise much on the LD issue, but some of this is just being 3. My daughter is 3.5 and I think she does comprehend a lot of what we are telling her is right and wrong, but she's flexing her independence by making other choices from time to time. I know from personal experience that it's extremely frustrating. As for the toys in bed thing....my daughter sometimes has more toys and books in her bed than room! giving her a book or two or a doll to take to bed will probably keep her in bed a lot easier.

I'm not sure which school district you are in, but as said in the previous post, Northshore has a great program. Bethel also has a "head start" preschool program for kids that might need the extra help. I believe in preschool for two years, I think it gives the kiddos a real leg up going into kindergarten, but obiviously, that is a family choice - Good Luck!!

I think its' what I call a "You, Me, and I" problem.

She has a hard time relating to the difference. "For example you can say to her: "I need you to go to bed". Shorten up the steps of things and I think it will help. Instead of why did YOU do that say "Did you do this?" Associate with her and the thing she did..not the other way around..kids will always disassociate if they are uncomfortable or unsure..and end up confusing themselves. So..
Don't ask why..it doesn't matter. If she's not supposed to be out of bed..then it's because mommy said she's not supposed to be out of bed and her not being in bed is not excusable..unless she has a need like potty, or something.

Kids don't get why for a long time...my kids are in the top of their classes and both of them have a hard time with why. They are six and nine years old. No answer she gives for why she does something naughty is going to be good enough to excuse it...so don't. Deal with the behavior..not the why. It's not a learning disability..its a normal developmental stage. Not many kids can articulate why very well, and if they can, very cool, but if they can't..they get it eventually usually. Just be concrete. Why is not a concept that a three year old normally understands..and imagine if they did..we'd never hear the end of it...and it's part of the innocence of childhood. Why is she playing with her toys at night? Because she likes playing with her toys..and it's her that doesn't understand why you won't let her right now..she's not sleepy. Does she have a "lovey" toy for night time? Maybe get lovey toy a friend..that's what we did with our youngest..she adopted a tiny toy puppy that is leased to her toy elephant that she sleeps with. Good Luck!

T.,

If you children are identified with diabilities, look in to the Little Red School House for ages 0-3 and your school district to additional help. My son was in the same spot, but since he is 3, I decided to wait. He has at least 2 schools years before offically becoming a kindergarden. If you child qualifies for the preschool therapy session, it will be free to you. From what I understand speech therapy is expensive.

G.

Hi T.,
I don't have time at this second to read all your post, but he is what helps my daughter, who has autism. Visual's for anything you can help. Social stories are a huge help too. I will add more later, but my little one is grabbing at the pc like crazy!!

A LOT of this is age appropriate. Therefore, my big guess is that one of your real frustrations is trying to figure out what's age appropriate and what's LD. I could be totally off base and you've got that aspect down but that was the first thing that struck me.

I'm going to be brief (haha! no truth in advertising), or as brief as I can be. As someone who is ADHD, I pretty much split my time growing up between being with kids who are profoundly gifted/Advanced Placement & with groups of kids who are LD in one area or another (from Dyslexia to Downs). My parents struggled with me enormously, & I strongly recommend not to. I've noticed that parents of children who are classified in one way or another (From ADHD - Xenophobia) tend to be in one of two groups: Those who struggle & those who roll with. The parents and children who "roll with" have always generally seemed to be MUCH happier and more productive. Probably the best way to learn how to roll with it, is to be as educated (and therefore relaxed) as possible.

Therefore, my very next very strong piece of advice is to buy or to check out these two books:

Developing Person through the lifespan, Berger
http://www.amazon.com/Developing-Person-Through-Life-Span...

Exploring Lifespan Development
http://www.amazon.com/Exploring-Lifespan-Development-MyDe...

Yes, they're books on the same topic. But they come at things from a slightly different perspective. It's worth it. If you get them from the local college you can even sell them back. Or you can hang onto them for reference later. :) AKA what I'm notorious for. That and using textbooks as boosterseats/doorstops/& insulation.

And lastly: :) :***

Young children can tend to be very literal. You've probably noticed this. For example; It's usually a bad idea to ask them "what" they're doing. Invariably the response tends to be a bit of a shocked-saucer-eyed look, with the reply "I don't know." following it. Which makes sense. It had seemed OBVIOUS to the child "that I was drawing with lipstick on the couch. But if MUM doesn't know what I'm doing, maybe I'm NOT. I mean, she's asking me what I'm doing...that means she doesn't know...and she not only knows everything...she can SEE me. So what AM I doing? If it's not drawing with lipstick, what is it? WHAT IS IT???"

A friend of my sister's was babysitting a four year old while her mum had a doctors appointment. She went upstairs and stopped dead. There was the little girl, in the bathroom, with the electric shaver...and a now half bald cocker spaniel. She took a few deep breaths and came in and sat down on the floor next to the girl and the now nearly hairless dog, and plunged in;

"Honey, why are you shaving the dog?"

The little girl looked up very seriously and said,"Doggie has chemo."

Come to find, she felt that the "dog" felt guilty because doggie didn't want mummy to be lonely, being the only one without hair in the house.

The mum, on returning from her chemotherapy appointment, broke down in tears...but dad hadn't heard the story...and upon seeing the "punker" spaniel confronted his daughter wanting to know, the obvious...and she couldn't tell him. He asked her gently, & kindly, and she had no answer for him. Later when he heard the story, he prompted her with the phrase "So you didn't want mummy to be the only one without hair, huh, sweetheart?"...and he got the whole story.

While children can drive us up the wall with not having an answer or being able to recall something that just happened, sometimes the memory is just filed in a place they don't quite know how to retrieve without help. Breathe. You're doing great.

Hi T.
I'm short on time so here's the best quick answer now. One of the major discipline rules I ask parents to use is; tell or show your child what you want them to do/what they can do instead of the opposite. this programs children and parents on positive empowerment, responsibility, control, etc instead of the opposite. Use the childs learning styles to communicate. There are 4 major learning styles visual, hands on, reading/writing, verbal. Assess which ones are dominant in your child and when she uses each of them when engaged in an activity. If she is visual, draw or cut out a picture of what you want her to do, hands on, let her practice what she needs to do, reading/writing draft a set of rules with her, say them together, write them and post them in a highly visible place, then you can just point when she needs reminding or redirection. role model the behavior, show her a peer who can behaves appropriately. I'm not implying your not just suggesting. When she can't explain to you why or how ask her if she can SHOW you. there's more I'd like to share but I have to go. you can respond with any questions. A little about me, divorced mom of 2 adult children male and female, 2 degrees one in Early childhood development BA interdisciplinary Child development/family studies, extensive experience Day Care owner/ educator k-12 for public schools, and more. take care
T.

Wow. This sounds just like my 3.5 yr old son. Although, I personally don't think he has a learning disability. I think he just willfully chooses to disobey. We have also had to deal with the same issue of playing with toys in the middle of the night. Because he often will not appropriately count his numbers or say his alphabet with me, I sometimes wonder if he could have a learning disability, but then I'll overhear him spout them off when no one is watching. We are always in a power struggle, as he seeks full control of his life. It is incredibly exhausting, but I have found great ideas from books like Taming the Spirited Child. I'm have a couple of other books I'm getting ready to read about parenting explosive children. I also feel like preschool has helped as well. Good luck! I can certainly sympathize with what you're going through, and it's no fun when you have another little one to look after.

I don't have much time to write. But I want to say we enrolled our daughter in state preschool after having her evaluated for (basically after our 1.5 year old son started counting higher and saying more colors we decided to have her get tested). She has been in preschool now since January (she is 4 in May) and she is amazingly better! Turns out she knew most of what I taught her just wouldn't share the info! Her teachers really helped her to open up and now she is great! Totally worth the time. It has nothing to do with how I parent it is just her learning style! The school has a list of goals for her we meet frequently to go over the goals and how she is doing.

My son couldn't tell the different between how/what until he was well over 4. I don't think he has a learning disability at all. He's 5 now and knows all or more information of kids his own age. He did start to talk a little bit late (first word at 2), so I always assumed that language just wasn't his strong suit (he's very spacial)..

If you put your child in a program for kids with learning disabilities she will be tracked that way her whole life. They've done studies to show that whatever a child is labeled in kindergarten is over how they perform until college. It sounds like your daughter is within a normal relm to me, so I would strongly consider this track.

Good luck!

Hi T.,

You have some really good advice and information already. The only thing I would add to look into is to have your daughter tested for any deficiencies that might be causing any learning disability that might be there. For example, if she's low in iron, that can cause learning disabilities. Since it's her speech that seems to be the part that she's having a hard time with, you may want to have her hearing checked (if you haven't done so already).

I highly recommend taking her to a Naturopath doctor (if you don’t' already), if even just to get some input that you would likely not get at her normal pediatrician.

When I started taking my family to a Naturopath about 3 years ago, I finally started getting the care and information that I'd been hoping to get from a doctor my whole life. I still see western medicine (allopathic) doctors for specialized care, but I wouldn't trade my Naturopath doctor as my general practitioner for any allopathic doctor.

I know a lot of people are weary of Naturopath's because they're unknown to most people, and people don't think they can do all the same things (like vaccinations, etc.) and labeled as tree hugger doctors or something ridiculous, but it's all so not the case.

Your profile says you live in Redmond, OR. I'm not sure if that's a mistake or not, but in case it's really Redmond, WA instead, I would highly recommend my Naturopath (though I know many people that recommend there as well if you want to put up another posting to find one a little closer to you.) Here's my Naturopath's info:

Kathleen Allen ND
Mother & Child Natural Medicine
Woodinville Wellness Center
16818 140th Avenue NE
Woodinville, WA 98072
###-###-####
www.motherchildmedicine.com

To note additionally, I too have many of the same issues you describe with your daughter as far as comprehension and any kind of abstract thoughts. I realize that it can be hard to grasp the idea that they can't understand certain things as you do (I struggle with this myself sometimes too); though their brains are still so new and inexperienced in life and social understanding. Discipline and consistency are definitely key to helping any child this age, but our expectation level should still be in line with their age.

I wish you the best of luck with your daughter whatever you decide to do!