Need Advice About Rules for 20 Year Old College Student

Well, first: what are 2 20 year olds going to do in Vegas while the parents are in the shows and casinos? And are they going to pay for him to have a separate room? If the family was going to go camping or hiking or on a whale-watching trip to Califrnia or just about ANYTHING ELSE, I might say OK, (after meeting with the parents for a couple of hours without the kids to experience if they are responsible parents who set limits with their own child and get respect). Vegas would not be the place I would OK an underage young man to travel with a young woman. Unless there's a different destination in Vegas they're going to travel for, like a Gem & Mineral Show, and they both like rocks alot. They can stay in Houston or go to Tucson for that, and avoid Vegas.

I think you should let him go. This looks to be a family vacation that will have some degree of supervision. Since he has been to some family events, her parents may feel comfortable inviting him along on this vacation. It might seem strange because you do not have the same relationship with her that her parents seem to have with your son.

I would ask for the parent contact information and maybe call and introduce yourself to them. You could thank them for inviting your son along and just ask for the name and number of the place they will be staying - in case you need to get in touch with him. I am sure they will start talking and ease your mind about the trip.

As for the college expenses - do they come with more strings than completing college with decent grades? Are you worried about how it will look if he goes on this trip or what might happen? Would you feel the same if he was going with a male friend that you didn't know well?

I would discuss your worries with your son and be honest, but in the end the most you can do is say no and pull the funding for college. Both seems harsh for tagging along on a family vacation.

Your son is a MAN now, not a boy. He needs to start making his own decisions. You've given him what tools you could, including supporting him in his education, now it's time for him to prove to you and himself that he can be on his own. It's great that he has the family as a safety net, but it's important that you take steps back to allow him to feel like he's in charge of his own life at this time. He's leaving the nest and needs to feel your confidence in his ability to fly.

Nothing you can really do about it if he decides to go. Tell him your concerns and express your opinions, but he will do what he wants anyway. And if you pull the "you live under my roof you abide by my rules" card, I think you will just create resentment and he might move out and quit school. Then where will y'all be? All the money you spent on his education might be all for nothing. I wouldn't throw that all away just because he went to Vegas. At least he told you about it...........

Let him go and have confidence that you raised well. He is 20. He doesn't actually need to ask your "permission" to do anything since he isn't a minor. The fact that he does ask, and he respects what you say, speaks volumes about his character. Trust me, he is encountering far more temptations on any given night in his dorm than he would ever encounter in Las Vegas.

Marie,
I think you've gotten plenty of good advice from the other moms. I agree, I think it's great that he still came to you for permission and that you should definitely make contact with the parents. Discuss your concerns with them and exchange contact information.
Good Luck

Mom I am 45 years old and I have been through that. My 21 year old son got married while in college at 19 I was horrified. Guess what though he promised to keep his grades up and he did. He graduated summa-cum-lade from Xavier University in New Orleans in Biology-Pre-Med alone with three other honors. Let go and let God have his way. I now have a wonderful daughter-in=law, and beautiful grandson and the in-laws are wonderful people.

Ask you sone to let yoyu meet her family, tell him you love him very much and that you want the best for him. Even if he makes some mistakes love him back the more.

Children learn through trial and error. Hold on mom and dad, but don't smother the young man, believe God that all the years of training that you all gave him will shine forth.

You can only give your opinions no matter what you are paying for in his life, he is grown now and must be allowed to make some decisions on his own. We have to be there for them until they can be on their own. Love ya and God bless. Hold on and do a lot of praying.

OH MY GOD, MY PARENTS DID THE SAME THING TO ME! I was 23 and my boyfriend and his dad both coached high school basketball and their whole family would go to Austin every year to the state tournament...my mom would not let me go. Her rational was that I was still driving the car they bought me for college and lived in their house...blah, blah, blah... Let him go. Talk to him about respecting the girl and her family. Ask him for her parents contact information. Tell him that if he wants to go, you need to talk to her parents before you make a decision. Remind him of all of the crime in Vegas, and how people slip pills in their drinks, and get caught up in gambling and get married when they're drunk. Let him know that you know the dangers of Vegas and that you are going to trust that he is smart enough to not fall a victim to them. He might decide on his own not to go, but he's a man now and he needs to be put in the situation where he can make good choices. Good luck.

Dear Marie,
I have raised four daughters, the youngest is 27 years old. I have been through the college years with all of them. Many times I worried about them and if they were making good choices. They all went on spring break trips with large groups of friends from the time they were 18 years old. The younger ones go to Las Vegas almost every time one of their friends are getting married for a girls weekend fling. All four of my daughters, got their degrees, are professionals in their fields, married to wonderful men and turned out to be responsible adults. One started dating her now husband when she was only 16 and they married when she was 23, after she received her degree from UT. Another met her now husband in college and they dated for six years before getting married. Together my duaghters have given me five wonderful grandchildren.

I suggest since your son is 20 years old and will be legally an adult one more year (or less), that you really need to show your son that you not only trust him but that you are willing to let him grow up.

You might feel better if you, your son, and the girl's parents get together for dinner before the trip.

I think it would be mortified to tell the girl and her parents "Thank you for the invitation, but my mom won't allow me to go with you."

Good luck with your decision!

If you are worried about what he might want to do, he's probably already done it. I was a resident of the moody tower dorms not too long ago, and for super shelterd kids like myself it was a great place to drink and have sex. That being said; you sound like a wonderful mom! He asked permission at the age of 20 to go out of town. Kudos to you on that! Let him go. There are a lot of fun things to do and great resturants to go to. Also, they can visit the Grand Canyon via helecoptor from there, and go to mandalay bay and see the sharks. My parents and my bestfriend Matt's family went together when I was 17. It was susch fun. Yes, Vegas can seem like a dirty place, but during the day it has lots of fun and exciting things to do, and at night it has some of the best arcades,shows, and sidewalk shows. Meet the parents let them know if you have some rules you would like upehld by them and let him go and a good mini-vacation.

I was going to shake you and say HE IS AN ADULT, however, seeing that he is still being treated as a "kid" by having things paid for him, he must still abide by your rules. If he doesn't want to live by your rules, then he can also do without your money :) Just my 2 cents!

Wow - I would love to help. I have a 20 year old that goes to St Edwards - I pay for everything - car, insurance, food, clothes..... you name it, I pay for it. The only thing I try and have a say on now is school, like grades and time management. As much as I have had many instances where my son has taken trips, had girlfriends (some I liked and some I didn't), had crazy friends - there is a time where I had to let go and let him find out some things by himself. It doesn't matter if you have met the parents - he is 20. If you raised him well he can go to anywhere in the world and he will make the right decisions. Beleive me - since he lives on campus - he could get in just as much trouble in town without your permission. You are giving permission for him to go on a trip - you are not approving what you think he might be doing. Now he will stumble - but that is what we do as parents - we dust them off and help them through it.

A Little about me:

I have a son 20 and a daughter 17 going on 30.

Yes! Let him go. You have done your best raising him and now it's time to let him make his own decisions. Beware of saying "Do what I tell you to do or we'll cut off the cash flow. We own you as long as you are accepting our money." That could certainly lead to resentment and a breakdown in family relationships when he starts to support himself in 2 short years (hopefully!).

My first question would be, if you are funding his college and still taking care of him...who will fund this trip. My second question would be, how old is this girl, and are her parents okay with him rooming with her. Someone has to teach values to these kids. So I personally don't think you are being old fashion, I am only 35 and my son swears everything I do is "overboard" but whatever! they have to be taught, even at 20. First of all, he shouldn't take any trips that he cannot fund, especially with a female. Young men should be taught that they are the head and have to do certain things for young ladies..More than likely they will sleep in the same room, so I would not condone that at all! True you cannot stop him from doing everything but you don't have to say AMEN to it either! You have to give him space to grow as a man but we as parents have the wisdom that our children do not have and he'll understand your opinions later (as we all know from our parents) You tell him what's right and he'll choose from there. We are all God's children and we just have to have faith that our children will make the best choices!