Need Advice - Washington,DC

Hi E.,

The Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater or Kiem Centers
are an educational center to help young women who are pregnant. their number is ###-###-####.

There is the La Leche League to help women who want to breast feed.

A parent Support group at: http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Hope this helps? Good luck. D.

I had my son a month after my 19th birthday. It was very scary, but you get through it and its wonderful! My son is now 6 and I just had my second child. All births are different in small ways. My best advice to you is read lots of articles and books. As far as after the birth, I highly recommend Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Its a great book and I still refer to it. Knowledge is power...You'll do wonderful I have no doubt. If you have questions or need someone to talk to please feel free to email me!

Hi E.!

I was 19 when I had my first child. He is now 15 and I am expecting my 4th (probably my last) child in June.

Each birth is unique and different (even for the same mother in later births). Birth hurts. No doubt. But, if you do your research (like you are obviously trying to do) and if you have a good support person I have found it to be very manage-able.

I found that the pain of my first birth was exaggerated and heightened by not knowing what to expect, fear, and feeling unsupported in my first delivery. (Not at all helped by the fact that I was military and overseas and quite alone) With each birth though, I've had only one (then fiance, now husband) person to support me. It only takes one person! He lets me hold his hand and look into his eyes and that is how I center. It hurts. Don't get me wrong. But the pain is manage-able. I suggest picking a support person who communicates well with you. Have them tell you when the contraction has peaked (I always like knowing it won't get any worse) and letting you know as it's starting to come down. This can be done by watching the monitor that you'll be attached to (two belts will be velcroed around your stomach to attach 1. a monitor to watch baby's heartbeat and 2. a monitor to tell strength and length of contractions).

Don't fear the pain. Many ladies are surprised and afraid of the pain. That makes sense since usually pain is there to tell us something is wrong. That's not so in childbirth. Pain is what has to happen to create the way out of you and into the world. Try talking to your baby when you can (it's more self-talk ;-) ) saying things like "you're worth it"; "we're ok"; find something to focus on during the contraction (last time my husband helped me find a breathing that soothed me: a short inhale/long exhale that sounded like I was saying "Shhh")

If you need meds - it's ok to take them. Just research possible side effects while your pregnant and see if you're willing to chance them.

Know that the best laid plans can change. You may plan for natural and then request meds. You're NOT a failure and need not apologize. You may plan for vaginal birth and end up needing a c-section. Go through many options in your pregnancy and be flexible in birth. The goal is to just have a healthy baby and then recover.

FYI- in an effort to test a theory some nurses in my last birth had me lay on my left side. It seemed to speed the labor along. From the sounds of their conversation this has worked on a number of women in their care and experience.

Whatever your birth is like I pray that you will not panic, not fear the pain, be healthy, and be as fast as your labor can be - also that you'll have strength to face is your labor is longer than you'd like. I pray that you will find joy in your pregnancy and in the gift that is your sweet and beautiful baby!

offered in love...

Look into hiring a doula for your birth. It's good to have an advocate for yourself that isn't your partner. Whether you want a completely natural birth or medicated, it's well worth it.

Giving birth hurts, but with each of my births I was euphoric afterwards.

Attend a La Leche League meeting or two while pregnant. If you're even just thinking about breastfeeding, it's a valuable resource. They can also tell you what it's like after birth.

Understand that 40 weeks is a very rough estimate. It's completely normal to go to 42 weeks. Have patience and don't rush things.

Don't blindly follow what people tell you, even your doctor. Research things and make your own decisions.

E.,
Congratulations! You are about to embark on the most miraculous experience ever! How far along are you?
My best advice is to continue to ask LOTS of questions of other moms, but remember that your baby and your experience will be unique. Also, go to every doctor's appointment with questions. Your doctor is a professional and trained to be a partner to you during your pregnancy and early parenthood.
Giving birth: Everyone's experience is different. I would advise you to take a childbirth class at your local hospital. My class really helped me to know what to expect, so I didn't panic.
After birth: you will be excited, but tired. Try to line up people to help you in the first weeks after birth if possible: family, friends, church family, neighbors, etc.
All the best to you!

The only thing you can expect, is to have your own experience. I would recommend coming up with a birthing plan and keeping it in your bag when you pack to go to the hospital. Relax and enjoy it, you are gong to wish you could have this time back. Make sure you take care of yourself and never turn down someone offering to give you a hand. Now or after the baby comes. It is something that annoyed me but now, I wish I had let my MIL clean my house or cook me dinner. Good luck and congrats on the new life you are giving.

Every pregnancy, every labor and every child are different. My experience was that labor wasn't so bad. My experience was also that some people just LOVED to tell me their horror stories which made me unnecessarily nervous (the funny thing is -- it usually wasn't even someone who had gone through labor and delivery -- it was usually someone telling a story of a friend or a friend...)

Anyway, I'd recommend taking a labor and delivery class at the hospital that you plan on giving birth at so you know what to expect.

For me.... my water broke before I went into labor. They started me on pitosin to start the contractions which felt like very bad menstrual cramps. After about 5 hours of contractions I asked for an epidural b/c I was tired (it was 1:00am). Once I had the epidural I fell asleep and slept through most of the labor. I woke up in the morning to push. It was exhausting but b/c of the epidural, it wasn't painful.

I did have to have an episiotome and was sore for probably about 10 days, but again, the pain was not unbearable or horrible -- just a little uncomfortable and it healed very quickly.

Some people told me, "your body will never be the same" -- I certainly did not find that to be true. Aside from my little pot-belly -- I feel like my body is now exactly the same. I was afraid that sex would feel different -- it doesn't (although in full disclosure -- the first few times you do it after labor, it might be a little uncomfortable, but everything eventually goes back to normal).

As for bringing the baby home, the first 3 weeks are really tough and it is good if you can get as much help as possible from the baby's father or your parents, siblings etc. I don't know where you live, but on capitol hill in Washington DC we have a group that volunteers to cook meals for new moms in the area. Take any help you can.

Also, even if you are nursing, it is okay to skip a feeding and let someone else bottle-feed the baby. In the beginning, infants eat about every 2 hours. My husband and I worked out a deal where I went to bed at 5pm and he'd take care of the following two feedings so that I could get 5 or 6 consecutive hours sleep. That was HUGE. And while a ton of people warned me that if I wanted to nurse the baby, we wouldn't be able to give him any bottles -- AGAIN, I found that not to be true. We fed my son with bottles about two times every day in the beginning and I was still able to nurse him an entire year.

Finally, know that while it's tough in the beginning -- it gets better. In the beginning basically all they do is eat and sleep. They wake up, you change their diaper, you feed them and they fall asleep for 2 hours. Again, every child is different, but for me the first 3 weeks were the hardest, then it was still tough through 6 weeks, but at least he was sleeping for about three hours at a time and sometimes longer. When he hit 8 weeks, he slept through the night for the first time and by the time he was 10 weeks, he was sleeping through the night consistently.

A great book to read (or DVD to watch) is Happiest Baby On The Block by Harvey Karp. It teaches great soothing techniques. I also highly recommend Baby 411 -- You don't have to read it cover to cover, but it's nice to have as a reference. I still use it.

A great life-saver for me was the baby bijorn and another baby carrier wrap. My son did not like the stroller, but if I stuck him in a carrier, he'd fall asleep within a few minutes. I'd basically wear him all day long -- it was great.

Sorry this is so long. Try not to be too nervous. I'm sure you'll do fine.

The best advice is to not stress!! Although, I am older than you, I just had a baby this past September (my 1st). I was very stressed about everything the first couple of months. I will tell you this, it is NOT helpful for you or the baby! Everyone has different stories to tell about birth. I thought I was going to have a natural birth, but because my blood pressure went crazy in the 8th month they decided I needed to have a c-section. I went to the doctor for a regular appointment and ended up having a baby!! How about that! It was very scary, but just know that everything happens for a reason. Every delivery and birthing experience is different. I wouldn't change a thing about my experience. My son was delivered in all of 30 MINUTES!! I didn't feel a thing (partly do the fact that I was drugged) :-D My son was 3lbs and now he is almost 12lbs!! The best advice I can give you is to read some books...my favorite was "What to Expect When Expecting". It pretty much tells you everything. Listen to all the advice, but don't expect your experience to be the same. As long as you have a good support system for the whole process you will be okay. Hope that helps. :-D

E.~
Congratulations on a good choice, first of all. You said it's your first that you're going through with. You've made the right choice. Childbirth is difficult for some people and easy for others... either way, you will get through it with flying colors and the child you have will give you a sense of peace. Focus on the sweet baby and you'll be just fine.
My advice is to listen to everything everyone has to say, but filter it carefully. Some people will give you "horror stories" and some will tell you it's a piece of cake. I think you should hear it all, process it, and be strong. My mother had her first child at 20, and her 8th child at age 32. She had no problem with pregnancy or birth... a couple of hours and there's the baby! I thought I would have the same kind of experience, but I ended up with an epidural and a C-section. No big deal. My boys are wonderful and worth all the discomfort of pregnancy and birth. Recovery was no big deal.
More advice? Read all you can about it. The "What To Expect..." books are great, and there's another one I really liked, "Baby 411" which really helped me figure out the first year. You will have loads of questions... we all do. But the answers are out there.
More? Don't get too stressed or nervous about it all. You've made the choice to have this child (good for you!) and you need to remain committed to that decision. Once you hear that heartbeat, see that sonogram, feel the kicks, rolls, flips, ... your heart will overflow.
Oh, then, first smile, first roll over, first steps, first hugs, first "I love you, Mommy!"... man, that's the best.

Relax, enjoy, listen, read, filter all the input, and rest... rest... rest.

One thing you need to know is everybody is different, every BODY is different and pregnancy is different. I enjoyed each and every second of being pregnant, even the labor, which IS painful. All first time moms are always afraid they won't know what a contraction feels like so don't worry honey, you are not alone. The way I describe them are like menstrual cramps on steroids. When you start feeling those, you are in labor!! Labor with my first lasted 4 hours. It took about an hour and a half of pushing, half because I didn't know what I was doing and half because he was so big (9.4) and I'm so small. Once the baby comes out you will feel a huge relief to get that baby out of your belly! As for parenthood and raising a child - there are no rules, there are no books, there are no manuals. You need to do what you feel is right in your heart. If you think your child needs to sleep with you every night for the first 6 months then do it. If you think they'd be better off in their crib from the start then do it. You need to go with your gut and go with your heart. They way I try to think is - will I have any regrets when they're 25?? Best of luck to you sweetie, you will be in my prayers.

Do a little research to determine the kind of birth experience you want and from there, take a class. I do not recommend a class given through a hospital. They will do a great job covering medical procedures, checking in procedures and when they will administer the epidural but don't cover the actual labor/birth or intervention free labor very well.

I decided early on that I didn't want an invasive labor, I didn't want to be drugged up and have no control over my experience so I looked into natural childbirth. I used the Bradley method with all 4 of my kids. They call it husband coached child birth, but anyone who will be there and support you through labor can take the classes with you.

Good luck and I hope you found some of these responses helpful. One thing you'll learn with your pregnancy, don't ask other moms about their experiences! You'll get a lot of stories you don't want to hear.

E.: Pregnancy can be a very scary thing, but you should know that your body is made to do this. Your doctor should be able to help you learn about the stages you will go through and what to expect. I have a copy of the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and the sequel to it - "What To Expec the First Year". They are good books to read and discuss pretty much everything. If you would like them, let me know and I will get them to you somehow. Also, there are probably lots of support groups in the area. You may be able to find them through your doctor's office, through Planned Parenthood or on the internet. I have 3 children and had my first child when I was just 20 so I know what you're going through. If you have any specific questions, I'd be glad to help out. Just know that it will have its ups and downs, good days and bad days and you will get through it and will end up with the most amazing little person you could ever imagine! Get back to me if you want those books or some other advice. Take care.

E., if I were you I would seek the help of midwives, there are several groups, one in Alexandria, one in Bethesda, one in DC. Check your local phone book. They can help you get a healthy start and build a community of moms to help you through all the stages of pregnancy and birth.
Eat well, take some prenatal vitamins, sleep, drink lots of water and exercise. Enjoy the changes in your body, they aren't forever, just for now to help your baby grow.
Good luck!

E., I know it can be very scary thinking about laboring your child. Labor is very exhausting. Did you have what to expect when you're expecting? I also recommend watching the discovery health channel. They have a lot of show on cable and satellite that deal with giving birth. Is your child's father in the picture? You'll need support in the birthing room. My husband was with me for the birth of my first child and he was deployed when it was time to birth our second so my sister who has three kids of her own was with me. Knowledge is the best cure for fear. Ask lots of questions when you go to see your ob. Maybe you can ask for help finding support if you need it.

First CONGRADULATIONS.

I know it is scary but it is also a blessing. Going through birth can be what you make it, go in knowing you are going to have a healthy child. Some woman will tell you the pain is so unbearble and all of that, me I am going to say it feels like a strong cramp like while you are on your cycle, if you are blessed enough to have your child naturally you will feel like you have to make a bowl movement when it is time to push but your doctor should talk you through all of it.

Depending on what month you are in, you will have some cravings and some mood swings you could be hot one minute cold the next happy one minute and crying the next it is all hormones.

After the child is here there are some woman that go through a little sadness, but physically you maybe a little soar unless you have a c-section but taking care of the baby to some feels overwhelming but know that GOD would not have blessed you with the child if HE did not think you could handle it.

I do not know what state you are in but my name is Kim and if you need to talk email me at ____@____.com I am in washington, dc if you email me and you need to talk over the phone I will give you my number than.

I pray GOD will put someone in your life that will be there to help you.

Kim

Hi E.! Congrats on your pregnancy, and know that you are not alone with feeling scared about what to expect. When I found out I was pregnant late last summer I was shocked (I was on the pill) and really scared and upset.

My two cents: labor is hard work, but not nearly as horrible and traumatic as everyone makes it out to be. I had an epidural for the pain and that was REALLY REALLY helpful. You'll be sore and tired and afterward, but nothing that you can't manage.

My son was born two weeks ago and TRUST ME he was worth every bit of work. In just two short weeks, my stomach is already almost back to normal and I'm getting around just fine.

I have a copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting. I could mail it to you, or leave it for you somewhere if you'd like.

All the best, C.

E.,
Congratulations on your upcoming birth. I know it can be scary and 9 months does not seem like enough time to be ready for being a mother but you can do it. My best advise to you is to read and be as prepared as possible. Be wary asking other mothers for advise, all too often you hear horrible birth stories that won't help you as you anticipate yours. I had two great births, the second was easier than the first but I had no problems. I birthed at Special Beginnings Birth and women's center in Arnold, MD. I totally recommend them, www.specialbeginnings.com. I didn't have drugs with either and the big secret is you don't need drugs. You just have to prepare yourself by taking some appropriate classes, believe in yourself, have someone to support you (your husband, mother, a doula, a friend, etc) and you can do it. I had my husband and my mother with me and the midwife and nurse at the birth center and I am so happy with my choice. I prepared using Hypnobirth the first time and Hypnobabies the second time, it is not weird hypnosis it is just a breathing method and positive affirmations and we really went through all of the motions and several different birthing positions to use. I was instructed by Ludia Sarmast in Annapolis at www.birthwisdom.net. She is excellent.
Even if you don't decide to do things the way I did, just believe in yourself and read everything you can. Being informed will prevent you from just being a "good patient" in the hospital and perhaps ending up regretting your birth experience. I recommend just about anything by William Sears. He has a pregnancy book, baby book and several parenting books for after the baby is born.
I also attend La Leche League meetings. This is a great way to meet mothers face to face and get practical advise on birth, parenting, feeding your baby, etc. It's best to go while you are still pregnant so you can really take advantage of the advise. www.lalecheleague.com will get you information. I attend the North Arundel County meetings in the Tate Center at Baltimore-Washington Medical Center, we meet the first and third Mondays of the month at 7:00 pm.
After the birth, I know I was tired and it took longer than I expected to move around normally. I have never been that tired in all of my life. But sleep when your baby sleeps, take any help you are offered and ask for help if you need more. Also, I was surprised at how much hungrier I was after the birth. Breastfeeding takes a lot of food and water but you'll figure it all out quickly. Just trust your instincts.

The more you know the better things will go. I suggest reading as much as possible and taking some kind of childbirth education classes. "The thinking woman's guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer is a good place to start. Birth is a normal natural experience. The fewer drugs and interventions you have the better for you and the baby and the faster you will recover. Breastfeeding also will help with recovery for you and is the very best thing for the baby. Choose wisely where you have the baby. You want to feel very comfortable there. Being comfortable makes a difference in how your labor progresses. You might consider homebirth. I have had 3 babies in the hospital and 3 at home. It is possible in my opinion to have a good experience at the hospital but it is easier to do at home. There are some wonderful midwives in the area. If you do go to the hospital you can't read to much and I suggest you hire a doula or bring along someone to support you that is as informed as you are about what you want during labor. I would be happy to talk to you more about labor if you would like. Feel free to contact me. ____@____.com

First, I'd have to say everyone is scared with their first kid. They may not admit it, but they are. It seems to me, people like to tell horror stories about their births. I think people think that is what makes you a real woman... the worse you make it sound, the greater you are. So, here's some very important information... giving birth is an incredible, exciting, wonderful experience. If you want an epidural, get one. I played cards with my husband during my "intense labor". I took a nap during the mid level labor. Not everyone wants to go that route, but know it is available and you are no less of a "real woman" for having one. They don't give out medals for refusing an epidural and epidurals do not harm your baby (which some birth preparation classes try to suggest). My two girls are healthy happy and wonderful.

Also, children are a blessing. Embrace the wonder of the whole event. Think about the unbelievable changes going on and get one of those calendars that explains it all to you week by week. They are incredible and they provide comfort because you can understand what's happening. When you are getting close to having the baby, get one of those "what to expect you first year" type of books. They provide so much information and again reduce stress because you know what to expect.

Try to surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Support is so important, especially since your hormones will be going crazy.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be excited, worried and anxious. It's ok to wonder if you can do it, if you'll be a good mom. We all have these feelings (and the hormones make it more intense). You will be great. You will do great. I honestly think that if you focus on the positive, eat healthy, read what to expect, take care of yourself (get a little exercise) and go to the doctor like you are supposed to, you will do great.

Also, both of my births were wonderful and positive stories. Things don't always go smoothly, but if you trust your doctor's and trust that God only gives you what you can handle... you will do great!!! I would have a child every year if it was just about being pregnant and giving birth, but I believe 2 children is what we were meant to have.

Good luck.
Liz

Well, Congratulations!! Having a baby at any age can be scary. It is a life experience that brings nothing but joy into your life. Now you may get some feedback from people saying you are to young or why would you ruin your life. Forget that, as long as you have a plan. You will be fine. Stay in school, use all your resources wisely. There is so much help for woman like yourself. Hang in there and stick with your plan, if you don't have one now is the time to get one....

Hi E.,
I was also 19 when I had my 1st child. I did not know much of anything, just going along with whatever my caregivers told me. Which leads me to my first point, ask questions! Caregivers see A LOT of women, they don't always take the time to "anticipate" what you may NEED or even WANT to know... so ask!
2nd: I would say, seek the care of a midwife for the birth of your child & pregnancy check-ups. You will be well-informed of your options & of all kinds of things that can contribute to a healthy birth of your child.
3: Childbirth does not need be traumatic, you will hear lots of "stories"... take them with a grain of salt, meaning YOUR BIRTH will not be like theirs!! EVery woman, every birth is different.
4th: Ask for a doula to be at your birth. You can even get free assistance for this...
http://www.doulasurround.com
Doulas are women who have birthed children of their own & help in supporting a woman in pregnancy, childbirth & postpartum. They are very knowledgeable & will honor your choices.
5th: This is YOUR birth. This is YOUR baby. YOU DO HAVE CHOICES, if your caregiver is telling you different, then you should switch caregivers. Again, I cannot stress enough, FIND A MIDWIFE! They accept insurances of all types. You will not regret this choice!

Take care!
K. K.

E.,
I'm sure we could all share our stories of pregnancy, labor, and after, as well as the stories of our family and friends - there are many stories out there. I just want to give you a couple of encouragements:

1. I'm glad you're going through with the pregnancy.

2. There is a lot going on in you physically and emotionally, so it's okay to have what my 4-year-old calls "Big feelings."

3. Something you can do is find a birthing prep class (usually through a local hospital where you might consider giving birth). They are usually a few weeks long, and will give you a chance to sit (with a birth partner (the dad, your mom, whoever will be with you in the room)) and learn what will happen to you, some basic baby care techniques, and how to breathe and prepare for the labor/delivery part (often the source of much of the fear). I recommend doing this so that the class will end at least a month before your due date (but not too soon - it is very detailed and you'll want to have some of it fresh in your mind for the last couple months).

4. Most hospitals/birthing centers will give you a tour of the facility and you'll learn a lot that way too. Plus, it gives you a chance to see the rooms and start picturing the normalcy of it all. You can also ask if they have "after birth" classes (I know Riverside Regional in Newport News had a newborn bathing class and something else, I think, too). These "classes" were held every morning and you could just go down with your baby and they'd pick one as an example (before you even went home with them).

5. You will need a pediatrician before you leave the hospital (and an infant-approved carseat). These don't have to be gotten together until you leave with your kiddo, but you'll need a pediatrician to "check-out" your baby. I know people who have chosen them in the hospital, and I know those who have called doctor's offices, scheduled "pre-birth" visits, etc. If you are interested in who is good, you can check out a recent question on MamaSource about pediatricians in Newport News, or you can post for wherever you are located. Some questions to ask: what are your hours, do you have any weekend hours, is there someone on-call 24/7 (there SHOULD be), what are your theories on breast-feeding, discipline, or any other "parenting" issue you may care a lot about. You want someone that cares about your baby and their best, as well as someone you can respect and trust. A short conversation with a doctor will usually tell you something about each them and their practice. A good pediatrician is a GREAT partner for navigating those first months of a newborn.

6. You can always ask your ob/gyn (getting good medical care for you NOW is important) - they are the birthing pros.

7. Babycenter.com is a nice website for questions and for learning about development in the womb, etc.

I could go on and on, but these seemed like the most important tips for you (for now - hopefully not to overwhelm you) and I didn't see them posted already (unless I read too quickly and missed them).

Remember, women have been giving birth for millenniums with less information than we have - not that our information is bad, but it is comforting to know that this is part of the design. And, for the record, though I didn't love being pregnant, I had FANTASTIC labor/deliveries. It's true!

L.

E.,

Congratulations! Pregnancy and childbirth can be very frightening things but it can also be very beautiful and a wonderful, unforgettable experience. My advice to you is to take a Child Labor Preperation Class. They explain to you what to expect from begining to end of labor. Also, take a tour of the hospital. Be aware of where you will give birth, where they bring the baby, will you stay in the same room or be transfered...find out how the hospital operates things there. Also, make sure you are prepared for ANYTHING. Know that even though you may have a birth plan...like having a natural childbirth with no drugs...things can change and you just have to go with the flow of things...You may decide that you can't do it without drugs (epidural) and its ok to change your mind. Also know there is a chance of a C-Section. I would read that part of "what to expect when you're expecting". Know your options..ask your dr LOTS of questions. You should feel comfortable with all of this and have no concerns...your dr should be able to answer all your questions and ease your mind.
As for after birth...each child is different. If you plan on breastfeeding it is important to start trying RIGHT away. If not that is fine too...its a personal preference. If you do though just know that it is sometimes a bit harder than you think at first. Ask for help from the hospital. Don't give up too fast...give it a few weeks b/c it is going to be a learning experience for both of you =) Each child is different...your baby might be the best baby in the world and not cry much at all...and then again he/she might cry all the time...there is really no telling. Just try to remain calm b/c babies sense when mommy is tense! Also, the hospital might tell you to WAKE the baby every 2-3 hours to feed. Let me just tell you this...the baby will wake up on its own when it is hungry. I advise agains this b/c then the baby gets in the habbit of waking up that many times and its a hard habbit to break. You might be surprised that the baby might sleep 3-4 hours before waking to eat but the baby will NOT go hungry..rest assured =) However if it becomes more than like 5 hours or so, I would wake them (at least at first) to feed. But I never had that problem with my daughter. Also, Have help for at least the first night home so that you don't feel overwhelmed. The first night home can be a little scary b/c there are no more nurses and drs to help you and tell you what to do...this is normal. Its all an adjustment but you will be fine and you will get the hang of it and find that you are going to be a wonderful mother =) It is a lot to take in, I know. I just had my first child last May...and I remember having a lot of anxiety..I think its normal for any first time mother no matter what the age. Good Luck and I hope I helped a little =)

Remember that billions of women have given birth over time, some just dropping them in the field and going back to picking cotton. I read that when I was pregnant and it helped me to know when the labor starts that I could, and you will, get through it. Just don't fight the pain. Relax as much as you can and definitely relax between labor pains. Save your strength. When the head pops out, you'll forget the pain. And, that, my dear, will be the proudest moment of your life!
Oh, and another thing, talk with your baby constantly, while you are pregnant. It will help you to bond before he/she is born. The baby will sleep a lot for months after birth, so be sure and vacuum, play the stereo, etc, and get the baby used to noise while sleeping, so it won't wake them up as they get a little older. And don't get them use to going to sleep with any particular music box, unless you have a back up if that one breaks! I learned that one the hard way! I had my baby at 15. I know you can do it! Be Proud! Be Happy! God Bless!

How far along are you? If you're in the Cambridge area I'd love to be your mommy buddy! I've got a 2 year old, I'm prego with my second (18 weeks) and I sit home bored half the darn time!

Calm down, pregnancy has been happening to women for thousands of years now!

Birth is different for everyone...it's really a matter of your personal choices that makes it the experience you want...

Also, if you don't have it already, pick up or borrow a copy of "What to Expect when you're expecting" it's an easy read and makes sense of alot of things without sending you into a worry-fit over what could go wrong!

I have good reports for you!! I enjoyed each phase of my 5 pregnancy and deliveries.
At the beginning your tummy will stretch and that can be uncomfortable but it's not pain per say. Some when preg with girls you cry more, or even lots but that's normal too!!
There isn't time or room to share here.
If you be more specific we can deal with each thing!
Eat better and drink plenty of filtered water. Make sure you are getting plenty of calcium 1200 to 1500 mg per day and get some Expecta at Walmart and take it faithfully. It is for pregnant ladies nad excellent for babies and Nursing!
Let's write more!
God bless!

Are you close to your mother? One of the greatest blessings I had after giving birth was my mom there to help me out for a week. Even if you have issues with your mom, chances are things will be different now that you're about to become a mother yourself. Ask her if she'll be there for you.

There will pain during birth. The ocntractions are the hardest. But the moment when you push your child out it seems to disappear. It's a truly magical experience. Make sure to have people in the room that truly care for you and will be supportive! If you have an epidural, make sure to wait as long as you can. You don't want it wearing off during the labor. But I had my boys natural and the other with an epidural.

Hi!

E., I feel your fear; I was there, too, at one time. LOL, I remember asking my doctor about a month before due date if I could "change my mind" about this :D Just kidding, of course. Some "well-meaning" folks will tell you horror stories about what they or someone they know went thru - DON'T LISTEN!

If you'd like, you can email me privately with your fears and I will do my best to explain EVERYthing, okay? I am a 55-year-old mom to a 16 year-old. Reach me at ____@____.com

Pam
Westminster, MD

Hi E.,

I did this one! I was 19 when I gave birth to my daughter. Pregnancy is pretty darned scary no matter what your age, but its worse (according to everyone I've talked to) when you are younger, because everyone assumes that you're a dumb kid.

You aren't. You are about to be someone's mother.

My grandmotehr gave me the best advice regarding motherhood when I was pregnant, and I'm about to pass it along to you.

1. Your body is talking to you. Listen to it.

2. Read every book. Listen to the experts. Get advice from every mother you know. Then toss all that out and do what your instincts tell you. Your instincts are most likely right.

3. This is your baby. Not your doctor's, not your mother's and not your friends. You know what's best for it, even if you don't know you know it.

4. Take a deep breath. Have a cup of tea. Don't panic. Women have been giving birth and raising babies for millenia, and most of those were younger than you when they started.

As far as giving birth, every birth is different. I know this sounds a lot easier than it actually is, but try to relax about this one. Read up on it, take classes. Know that the process has a limited duration, and that most women and babies survive it, despite the horror stories that people insist on tell ing expectant mothers.

After, well, you'll have a baby. It will be unique, just like every other baby. Get to know it. And the one piece of advice that is given to new mothers, and is roundly ignored and shouldn't be is to sleep when the baby sleeps. The other stuff will keep and isn't nearly as important as you think. Your job is to take care of yourself and the baby. Everyone else can fend for themselves, and should actually be helping you take care of yourself and the baby. Let them. You aren't wonder woman, and you never will be, so don't try. You also aren't perfect. You are gonig to make mistakes. As long as you don't threaten the baby's life with them, you haven't done anything worse than anyone else, and hey, what else is therapy for?(that last was a joke) Seriously, you probably won't make any great mistakes, and even if you don't make any glaring ones, your child will still think you are a horrible parent until it gives birth/has a baby somehow itself.

Hope some fo this rambling helped.

K.

I'd like to recommend these books on giving birth:
"Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin, www.inamay.com
"The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth" by Henci Goer
"The Pregnancy Book" and "The Birth Book" both by Dr Sears

For after birth:
"The Baby Book" by Dr Sears
"Your Amazing Newborn" by Klaus and Klaus
"The Year After Childbirth" by Kitzinger

I'd also like to recommend you see the documentary "The Business of Being Born." You can rent it from NetFlix, or even watch it online if you're a member. Good for you for asking these questions, and as someone else mentioned, it is okay to question your doctor if something he/she says doesn't feel right to you. Don't be scared...enjoy this wonderful time in your life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and Good luck!!

E.:

Trust that your body can handle giving birth! I know it can be scary but it's amazing how your body knows what to do. I was scared about giving birth but after I did, I found that it was a great experience. I know it sounds cliche - but remember that women do this every day! You'll do fine. Try to take a birthing class - that will answer a lot of your questions!

I will admit that once the baby arrives, things get a little more hectic. Try to make sure you have a lot of help and support - and don't be afraid to say you need it! If you have family or friends who can be with you during the first week, ask them! A newborn is wonderful but requires a lot of energy and attention. After giving birth, you may be a little depleted of the energy!

I was lucky enough to have my mom and my husband with me to help out...it made all the difference in the world!

Best of luck to you!

Pick up a copy of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" and also "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (which is about a lot more than just breast-feeding). These are invaluable tools & aren't going to scare you, but more prepare and educate you. They cover everything under the sun and more, but really, you won't know until you're in the moment doing it. This holds true for being pregnant, giving birth, and being a first-time mommy. Being scared is not only normal, it's an essential emotion for this time in your life, and it wouldn't matter how old you were the first time going through this, it's always at least a little bit scary. Follow your doctor's orders, make sure not to miss any appointments with him or her, take your pre-natal vitamins and get plenty of water, sleep and exercise. Try to get some info on local hospitals giving lamaze classes also which will take most of the mystery out of the actual giving birth process. Like another mom said, it's different for everyone and not only that, but it's different with each pregnancy. Education is really the only way I knew to cope with the fear & I thought it really helped. Good luck!

I am a 55 year old mom of 2 sons and 1 daughter. The main thing I can tell you is to get some parenting books. Everyone's birth experience is different so I don't want to really give any specifics on what you can expect. Eat right and get plenty of exercise and fresh air. Shea Butter is excellent for prevention of stretch marks. I don't know how far long you are in your pregnancy but it would be a good idea to start using some shea butter. Hopefully you will consider breast feeding because it is the best milk you can give your baby. Just get books and read whatever information the doctor gives you. Information is power. I am listed under the Mamasource businesses. C. N
C.'s Bath and Body LLC

Dear E..
The book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" has been around for years. It's full of so much useful advice. It should be able to be easily picked up at a 2nd-hand store. We could all give you advice from our own angles, however, there's just nothing like your own personal experiences. Each child is so different. I pray you can find some comfort in websites and good sound authors that have the best interest of you and your child at heart. A book I have recommended again and again is Baby Wise. It will help you get your newborn on a decent feeding and sleeping schedule. I have used this method with both of our children, my sisters with their children, and so on. It is helpful to you because if your baby learns a good sleep pattern ... that means momma will get the rest she needs to do her best! :-)
Additionally, Focus on the Family website offers helpful advice throughout life with children.
God bless.

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my son. It is scary, no matter how old you are. I would tell you to get all the sleep you can now because you won't get much after you have the baby. I not going to lie to you about labor. IT HURTS!!! I can tell you this much though, once you see the baby and hold him or her for the first time, you will realize it was all worth it. My son is 11 now and I don't regret a single moment. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

GIving birth is painful, however, you QUICKLY forget the pain once you see your beautiful abby. Motherhood is alot of work. It is a daily proacess and it is never the same. YOu will have days when you just want to cry becasue you don't know what to do, but you will have MANY MORE days where you will look at your kids/baby and know how perfect theya re for you and what a good match the 2 of you are :). God creates every baby and each child is agift. God matched this child up just for you. I don't kow if you are married , havbe a relationship or are wiht the baby's father, so I don't know your situation. I was married when I had my girls and we are going on five years being married so ic an't really help you wiht that aspect, however, if you are wiht the baby's father and he wants to help and he is a safe person and doesn't do anything illegal then I would totally welcome his help. If you are wiht someone else and still ar ein contact wiht the father then it will be tricky. My point is this: whomever you trust to help you with your child, and it could be more than one person, then I would welcome it. Of course as mothers we must not let another totally take over unless there is a relaly good reason but get help if it is offered. As long as you love your abby and want to do all the basics; feed, dress and give a home to your baby,m, plus a lot of love and patience I think you will be okay

Childbirth is such a beautiful amazing experience. So many people say how painful and terrible it is and want to be loaded up with pain meds. Do not be influenced by those people decide for yourself and your baby. I was so glad that I decided to have a completely natural birth. I got to experience every moment. I have two beautiful healthy boys.
Good Luck To You!

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first child and the father was not in the picture so I was a single mother. First, make sure you have a good support group - family, friends, social workers, etc... Anyone you can call when you feel stressed out or can watch the baby when you need a break. As far as the birth process, my experience is that when you are young your body handles birth and recovery very well. It will be painful - like very strong menstrual cramps, but make sure you ask for an epidural if it is too painful. Just listen to the nurses and tell them what you are feeling and what you need. They were very helpful for me. As far as once the baby is born, my biggest suggestion is SLEEP WHENEVER THE BABY SLEEPS! This can be hard to do because you'll want to do a lot of other things and think you need to do other things, but for the first month you need to just worry about yourself and the baby. You will need your sleep. The baby will probably eat every 2-3 hours but sometimes it is even more frequent. Other than lack of sleep you'll be feeding and changing a lot of diapers for the first few months and the baby will hopefully sleep a lot. E-mail me if you have any more specific questions!
Good Luck!

Hi E.! I think I have some idea of how you're feeling. I delivered my first daughter when I was 17, and looking back I think the worst part of the whole thing was "fear of the unknown". Definitely enlist some experienced moms (your mom, grandmother, friends??) to help you with the details of preparing for your baby. Every store out there wants you to believe you need 5 tons of stuff for a newborn, but you don't! Any mom who's been through birth and bringing home a newborn baby can guide you through buying what you need for yourself and your baby. If you don't have any help, I'd be happy to give you a list of essentials :)
I would also take a birth class, no matter what type of birth you decide on, so you know what to expect and can make decisions ahead of time (like pain control, episiotomies, breast feeding, etc). And talk to other moms to get the real "low down" on what it feels like (it hurts!!). I had a vaginal delivery with my 1st daughter and 2 c-sections after that and I wish I had someone to give me pointers on recovery. For example, after my 1st c-section I discovered that if I'd gotten up and walked sooner I would have had less pain and when I needed to cough, sneeze or get out of bed I needed to hold a folded blanket or pillow firmly against my stitches. Little things like that can make recovery so much easier!!
And remember that in the end, every birth is different and there's no way to totally prepare for any birth and how your life will change afterward :)
If you need ANYTHING, please shoot me a personal message and I'd be more than glad to help or just talk!!! Good luck!

E.,

Are you married? Is your baby's father around? I know it's clicheed for me to ask that, so please forgive me, but I'm just wondering what kind of support you have. Are you working? Do you know anyone else who has children?

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, I was 22, and literally no one I knew had kids or was even married! It was like a kind of culture shock because my social circle completely disappeared. It was weird and kind of sucked. It took me a while to recreate things for myself, finding similar-lifestyle peers - most of whom ended up being a lot older than me.

Do you live near your family? I know you must be scared and don't know what to expect. You've probably already done this, but if you haven't gotten your hands on it, grab a copy of the book A Child Is Born by Lennart Nilsson. It has the most beautiful, inspiring, amazing photographs of babies in utero. You won't believe how they make you feel. It's a great book because it has all the good stuff without any of the scary stuff that a lot of those pregnancy books have.

How far along are you? Have you heard the baby's heart beat yet? Keep in touch and feel free to email me privately if you want to. I'd love to hear how you're doing.

Jenny

Wow Honey. You are young and you are right to be scared. It's a tough thing and I was almost double your age and married when I had my first.

Your question could generate hours worth of advice, but what I will say is this: (1) the birth may be painful but it also may not be if you decide to use drugs. I had a horrible emergency c-section then a natural vaginal birth and, in terms of recovery, I would take the highly painful vaginal birth all over again because the recovery was almost immediate whereas the c-section recovery took months.

As far as after birth, you MUST have help. Take ALL the offers of help you will get. If someone offers to watch the baby while you sleep or just get out of the house for 2 hours, take it!! If you can, find someone who is not working so that person can help you during the day.
Also, if you begin crying a lot AFTER the first 10 days, see your dr. and tell her what is going on. You may have post partum depression, and may need some meds.

Other than those things, you are about to enter into a stage of life where your heart will be bursting with more love than you ever thought possible.

Unfortunately no one can tell you what it will be like because every person is different. Everyone has their horror stories and you will hear them all. I have one myself.
Yes there will be pain but in the end, none of it will matter because you forget it all when you hold that beautiful baby in your arms.

Hello E., I am a 32yr old mother of 3 boys and I had my first when I was 18. I went full term and had no complications.But I was in labor from 12am that nite to about 5pm the next day. The first baby can take a while,also I never fully dilated I got to about 9cm and the doctor had me start pushing instead of c-section. Which had came up because my baby's heartbeat was starting to drop with each contraction.Anyways I pushed for about an hour and finally he was born 8pds 10oz. As health as it gets, which made the 9 months of carring him and everything I had just went through soooo worth it!! It's something thats hard to explain but it's the greatest joy you'll ever know, I'm tearing up now, just thinking about it! So don't worry, being scared is apart of the whole experience, the doctors will take care of you. Also get the drugs, it doesn't make you less of a woman. Take advantage of the fact that you live in the 21st century!!!

Tons, and Tons of advice. Your body was made to have children. Are you willing to check out what you are afraid of? and... do NOT listen to others horror stories. Surround yourself with happy, easy, EMPOWERING birth stories. Check out local childbirth educators, doulas etc. I believe that once you start putting out into the world what you want, ie. wanting information, it will come to you. I could talk, and talk about this. feel free to email at ____@____.com

I completely agree with what other mothers have said. I went through two 20-24 hour labors one regular and one back labor, in the end you won't remember it acutely. It will almost be like it happened to someone else. The moment this happens is the moment you realize that the baby is out and you are now a mother and have a precious life dependent on you for love and nurturing. I agree you should pick up "What to expect when you're expecting" you should also get "what to expect the first year" this will give you a lot of info on baby care.

It always helped me to think about this when I was scared: women have been giving birth for millenia without much medical intervention, we are lucky to live in a day and age when we have superior knowledge and medical teams at our disposal. Do what feels right, don't let anyone bully you. You are the star during birth and it should happen the way you want it to, barring any complications of course. Good luck!

View birth as a natural extension of womanhood. Call on God, through Jesus, to give you the strength and the focus to have as quick and comfortable birth possible.

Go into with joy and keep your eyes on Him. The joy afterwards is enough and the prize is that beautiful child in your arms. I know!!!

G.F.

I too got pregnant at 19, so I know how you feel and what your going through. My first piece of advice is: Try not to be scared. It will stress you out and you just don't need that. I do understand that giving birth is a scaring thought. Truth be told, when it comes down to it, your fears will ulitmately take a back seat to what you have to do. I was induced due to a horrible rash I had in my third trimester. I was terrified on the way to the hospital. I was also terrified that I was going to have to have a c-section due to my tiny frame. I do remember that labor hurt. I don't remember how bad. I had an epideral and I didn't feel a thing when the needle was injected in my back. A few minutes later, the only way I knew that I was having a contraction was by looking at the monitor. I didn't even have a whole lot of pain while pushing. I do remember feeling every single bit when my doctor was sewing me up. I held my little boy for the first time and honestly... I had already forgotten about the pain. After birth was interesting. I woke up in the recovery room and I was soooo cold. They let me go to the bathroom and then wheeled me into my room where my family was. I was sore, I won't lie. Ice becomes your best friend after birth. Your doctor can even give you some pain meds to take the edge off. I could go on and on forever, but I won't. Here is my email if you want to ask more questions. Just remember that your doing a wonderful thing. ____@____.com

I gave birth to my first child at 21. I had heard some scary stories about child birth. I was so scared of it. the Lord bless me and i had an easy child birht with only the amount of pain I could handle. I have had 4 children. All the way to the last one I was waiting for my scary story. Happy to say I don't have one. all 4 were diffrent, but scary never came. In that i have learned that we can listen to all of the childbirthing stories we want, but don't let them freak you out. Enjoy your pregnancy. the scaryest things come years later ( teen years )

I just gave birth for the first time 4 months ago and I was so scared. It wasn't that bad though! I guess that's why we keep having more and more kids.
Each birth/pregnancy is different. Just go with the flow, I know it seems hard now, but this is something you cannot plan. That was very hard for me!
There are a TON of books and material online to read about to help you. My friends found different books helpful, check out some of these here: http://www.amazon.com/Girlfriends-Guide-Pregnancy-everyth...
Don't be shy and/or scared to ask specific questions either. It's a scary thing, but it's so worth it. For me, I had a great pregnancy, but had complications at the end (preclampsia). I was in labor a total of 15 hours, including pushing for 3.
If you have any specific questions, let me know, I will give you honest answers. But again, they will be based on my pregnancy and delivery.
Good luck!