Need Advice - Brooklyn,NY

What I did when I was pregnant is that when I would see their approaching about to touch my belly, I would just reach out and grab their hand and hold it away from me, but in a friendly way. I would make that pass as if I was shaking their hand. This worked about 95% of the time and it spared me having to explain and also spared me having to be rude to people and hurting their feelings. I realized that people do it almost automatically and do not mean any harm so I found that it was useless to explain that I didn't like them doing it. They just don't realize it so, why bother having an awkward moment that will take away from the whole experience. It is just not worth explaining it if you can just avoid it discretely.

You can tell them the same thing I did. "If you didn't rub my stomach before I got pregnant, then there's no reason to do it now." It stopped right after that.

I think the best way is to say it in plain english, "Please do not touch" When I was preggers with my son people came out of the wood work to touch me and I didnt know any of them!! It freaked me out and ticked me off to the point where I forgot how to be nice(i also have anxiety so it was a double threat to dare to touch me!!) and one day I just said DONT! and from that day on, life was much easier!! Just be blunt about it, they will get the message. Believe me, every mother has felt your pain!! It will get easier every time you say no. just remember who's body it is! Good luck.

Hi E.
People do some mighty strange things when they see you pregnant or when they see a baby that they would know were rude without baby.
You have to be fast but if you see that had coming toward you, say please don't touch. I am extremely sensative. Let them think what they like.
When I was pregnant with the twins people always assumed I was further along than I was so they would say-- the baby will be here soon, momma, trying to pat my belly. I hated it, not so much the touching but the words. I wasn't due for 6 months when that started. I know I was huge but at the time, I just wasn't vocal about twins.
Then when I had them in the stroller and I was trying to push them through the door of the local store. It was not an automatic door so I had to use two hands to push open the doors, and my belly to push the stroller. Wouldn't you have thought that people would help. Nope the "gentleman" outside stood there as I walked through and said"next time have triplets and you will be stuck in there forever"
I went to mothers of multiples that night and told my story. One of the women said, "you don't have to tell everyone everything you know. See what you could say that would make them think. When I came across rude people we began saying"I'm having triplets next"
People would run like it was contagious.
Our son then 14 years often got "aren't you too young to have children, he would then say "yes that why my mom loved me just like she loves my sisters when I was that age" My favorite was oh grandma has the kids for the day, & I'd say"don't your kids call you mom" They would stare. I would keep walking.
Were you on fertility drugs got I have a son in college too.
Were they an accident got love is never an accident and always I kept walking
Some people were kind asking if they were boys, or girls, or how big they were, and I would answer and talk to them. Not that it was there business but if they were interested I was thrilled to talk about my great girls.
Back away if you think it is a touching situation and come up with something to say.
Our son kept track of how many people on any given trip would think he was the father. One day after a trip to the mall, he told his dad that 14 people had asked if he was too young to be a dad. I simply needed some pants and he was baby sitting so I could try some on.
God bless you and the new baby too.
K. SAHM married 38 years -- adult children 37,32, and twins are 18 and after years of homeschooling they are in college this year.

People forget that it is still your skin their touching and it's rude of them - it can get really annoying! My SIL got so fed up one time, she actually reached out and touched the other person's belly (some stranger in the grocery store who came up to her and just started rubbing) and said this is all you're doing, the baby doesn't start for miles under here. So, if you're game, go rub their belly back! Chances are, they really have no clue. It seemed to work for her. Good luck.

You really do not owe anyone a long explanation of why you do not like being touched. Just say "no, I do not like that." If someone tries without asking first, touch their hand softly and say Please don't, I do not like that.
If anyone asks why, "sorry you didn't hear me, I don't like it".

Hi E.~
I had the same thing when I was pregnant and I hated it, but tolerated it. I was raised not to yell at strangers so. My niece also had the same thing and she would touch their stomach in return. When they looked at her oddly, she'd say "Oh, don't you like strangers touching your stomach? Well neither do I." Funny but it's your stomach, your pregnancy and if you don't feel the need to share your expanding body with others, then I would just do as my niece did and touch them in return. Or simply say something along the lines of "Do you mind not touching me?" To be perfectly honest with you, I could NEVER, EVER touch a womans belly WITHOUT ASKING first. It is just plain rude.
Good luck to you...and your new baby.
J.~

Touch their belly and see if they like it.

E., I assume you're pregnant & people aren't touching you for the hell of it. LOL Congratulations! I made the mistake of allowing one stranger to touch my tummy when I was pregnant. That weirdo kept stalking me around the grocery store. I never felt safe after that going out alone while pregnant & never let anyone else touch me again. My best advice is to just say you don't feel comfortable having people touching you. If you want to try humor, touch them back. LOL I tell ya, when I had six pack abs, nobody touched those. So, why would they touch my belly when I'm pregnant? The babies weren't kicking constantly. That's my mind set.

that was the worst part of being pregnant for me! I hated hated when people were always touching my belly- especially strangers! I would literally just wave their hand away or step back whenever someone lunged at it with their grubby hands. It's extremely rude, and I didn't realize HOW rude until I became pregnant. It totally freaked me out. Don't be afraid to just say "Hands off the belly please!" It's your body, hands off!
Hope this helps!
L.

Hi E.,
You already got some great advice. I just want to add that if you decide to get some funny t-shirts, they have good ones at www.cafepress.com
I got some there when I was pregnant. They have shirts that are right to the point: "If you didn't put the baby in my belly, then please don't touch it" or "It's a boy, I'm due in March, I feel fine"
I really love the idea of touching someone else's belly when they touch yours. I had a lot of anxiety at the start of my pregnancy, thinking that everyone I met would try to touch me, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I noticed that most of the other moms here referred to the offenders as strangers... but I can't help but wonder - are you concerned about strangers, or is it friends and family that are doing all the unwanted touching? It's harder to be rude to someone that you love, so you have to find a nice way to go about it. Occasionally, someone would ask if they could touch my belly and I would always make a big deal out of it. I would very loudly say, "Thank you so much for asking first - I really appreciate it! You wouldn't believe how many people just touch my belly without asking. Yes you can touch it." That way, anyone in earshot would know the rules! I found the worst situation for me was when someone at work did it. After that I always made sure to hold something in front of my belly in order to deter her from getting too close again.
Just think - soon it will be over and then you'll have people reaching out to touch your newborn! :) That's even worse; you'll be ready to break someone's fingers if they get too close. It helps if you tell people, "The baby was just fed and (s)he tends to projectile vomit - you better back up!"
Best of luck to you and Congratulations!!

tell them that you don't want to offend them, but you are really not comfortable with people touching your belly...

There is nothing to have to explain. Just politely ask them to "not touch my belly, please". Pregnant women are not public property. It always freaked me out when strangers would feel the need to touch my belly. After awhile I realized that I do not need to give an explanation each and every time someone reached out to touch me. A polite but firm (and sweet) "Please don't", says it all.

You shouldn't have too!!! For some reason people, even strangers, seem to feel it is ok to touch a pregnant belly. If someone tries to touch you I would simply put my arms around my belly and say, "PLease don't touch." If they say anything ask them if you should rub their belly without asking. If someone asks say, "Only if I can rub yours!" That is usually enough to stop most people. I would be firm but kind and tell people to don't touch. A.

just tell them. I can be hard if you are not assertive enough, but what would you tell them if they were trying to touch you anywhere else? Just look at them and say, i really don't like people touching me without asking. If they don't like it, oh well. It is your body. If they ask you why, say because I don't like it, i don't need a reason. I bet you are pregnant. do you want them to touch the baby with out asking? that is in essence what they are doing. hmmm. practice while you are still pregnant so you won't have a problem telling them no once the child is born. T.

just politely grab there hand when they go to touch your belly and say please don't and if that does not work turn away from them good luck

R.

I found that sometimes people asked and then I would either feel more comfortable, or say, "Yes, it does bother me. I don't mean to offend you" or "Please don't." Often it was someone I didn't know, so I figured I wasn't going to see them again. It is amazing that as soon as you get pregnant your body becomes public property. Get prepared for when these same people reach into the stroller to touch your baby. Then you'll see how protective you can be!!
Good luck and congratulations!
www.nomiebaby.com

I agree--if someone touches your belly without permission, I'd rub theirs. If they ask if they can touch your belly, just say no, no explanation needed! If they do push you, you can always say that your belly button is really sensitive and you don't feel comfortable having people touch you. When I was pregnant, I must have just put out that vibe that I didn't want my belly touched, because no one ever did! (excpet those who were invited to first, of course)

This has happened to me so many times that I feel like an expert on avoiding it by now. The strange thing is that it is always total strangers who want to touch my belly. What I do is when I see their hand coming towards me I stretch out my hand and shake theirs--yes, a handshake. Then I sweetly mention to them that "if I let you rub it then everyone will want to rub it and I don't want that to happen." Most women understand this and laugh as they then give me a hug instead. One lady I tried this with however reached out her other hand to rub with, so I gave her a double hand shake. Good luck.

I really don't understand why strangers think it's okay to touch pregnant women - they certainly wouldn't touch a stranger otherwise.
You should be able to say "I'd prefer if you didn't" when a stranger asks if it's okay to touch your belly. The problem is, most don't even ask first.

Get a couple of these modern attitude t-shirts. They are usually really funny and to the point about not touching. You can even get them to say all the info people ask you all the time ("Do you know what you're having, When are you due, is it your first, etc).

I know it'll cost a few bucks to get some but really it sounds like it might be worth it in your case since it bothers you as much as it does. Good luck!

I so hear that. It drove me crazy when strangers or friends felt they could touch my belly when I was pregnant. I'd try to explain I was very protective of my space, as I was creating life, but it was hard and sometimes came off as rude. Just tell them you're personal space has been invaded enough as it is. Make a special t-shirt you wear when you're out, 'you can look but you better not touch'. Kind of a joke, but maybe an option. Or, 'I'd rather you didn't at this time, I'm feeling a little vulnerable.' Good luck

get one of those shirts that say, "hands off!"

Just tell people it makes you uncomfortable, you can buy a shirt that says don't touch this, and you can also swat people's hand away. That should get your message across, it worked for me.

E.,
Get a nice T-shirt that says "HANDS OFF UNLESS YOU ARE MY HUSBAND!"

I do believe you can get custom T-shirts made, too.

You might have to buy your own T-shirt though, but sometimes, it is worth it.

I actually had a woman ask if she could touch my belly, and me, thinking it was just to pat and say hello, (which I didn't mind) was rather ASTOUNDED when she ran her hands all over my belly. I wasn't carrying small, either.

Good luck!
M.

I have different advice than anyone else - something you may not want to hear but it's my honest opinion - lighten up! People love to see pregnant women. It gives them hope. Makes them think about the good moments they've had in life. It makes women think back about when they were pregnant - when they held their own babies for the first time. So don't let it bother you. It's done with love and good wishes for you and your baby. Kinda like rubbing Buddah's belly for good luck - expect the good luck wishes are for you!

Congratulations and best of luck to you and your little blessing!

put a sign up on your belly stating DO NOT TOUCH!!!