Need Advice - Pittsburgh,PA

Hugs. Congratulations

First You need to calm down. Relax.
Secondly you need to try to either quit-I know that is hard or at the very least cut back as much as you can.
Start going for walks-besides good exercise it does good for the stress level.
My aunt had her first baby at 39 couple of years later she had her second one. She was fine and the babies are fine.
They are now like ten and seven (i think-I can't even remember how old they are now lol)
My email is ____@____.com Please email me if you ever need to vent or just want to talk okay.

Hi L.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so anxious right now. It does sound like you've got a lot on your plate right now. Hormones in those early months can make you feel pretty wacky about all sorts of things too.

I realize changing habits is a difficult challenge, but perhaps you can use your anxiety to your advantage. Certainly being overweight, not active and snoking are not good for you or your baby. It's always ideal if you can get yourself in the best possible shape before becoming pregnant, but getting back on track at any point makes a big difference too. So I guess my advice is to try to make a plan to make even small improvements toward a healthier lifestyle. Try to reduce your smoking and see if you can cut back to even 1 pack. As added motovation, put the money you would have spend on cigarettes into a special place each day and treat yourself to a prenatal massage or new maternity outfit or whatever you'd like after you save that money for a few weeks. Then start all over again and build another fund for another special reward just for you. Another idea is limiting where you smoke - don't let yourself smoke inside or in the car with your other children. Second-hand smoke isn't good for them either. If it's less convenient, you'll be less likely to do it as often and that money can go to your "pamper fund" and help it grow faster.

You never want to diet while pregnant, but trying to focus on eating healthy foods is great for you and baby and will help you to gain a minimal amount of weight during the pregnancy so that you don't dig yourself in deeper. Try having lots of fresh fruits or cut up veggies ready so that you can grab them easily when you feel hungry for snacks. Low-fat yogurt and cottage cheese are simple snack items too and have lots of great nutrition for you and baby without a lot of extra calories. Whole grain baked crackers or air-popped popcorn are nice and crunchy, but help you to get healthy fiber. You don't have to give up your favorite treats, but having these other healthy alternatives within easy reach may make them more appealing - both for you and your other children. Modeling healthy eating is a great way to help them to learn to do the same before they are in a position that they need to diet to reach a healthy weight.

Finding time to exercise when taking care of a family and getting motovated is hard to do. Again, try some baby steps. Every little bit you do helps. When you are out, try taking the steps instead of elevator. In these colder months, head to the mall and do some window shopping while you walk a lap around. Also, just making things less convenient for yourself can add some exercise opportunities. When going shopping, park far from the door so you have to walk a little farther. Use an upstairs bathroom instead of the first floor one during the day so you walk up and down a few extra times. While you are cooking or cleaning, try doing some squats as you work. You don't need to be at the gym and lifting weights to increase your activity level.

Perhaps making a few steps towards a healthier lifestyle will help you to feel physically better and more energetic which helps to reduce anxiety and help motovate you to keep on track. Getting started is the hardest part so don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself and don't get angry with yourself if you aren't perfect...just try again with the next opportunity. Good luck and feel free to vent whenever.

H.

Hi L.:

My children are 30, 28, 19 and 10. You can do it! The more experience you have with parenting the better you get. Having years of spacing between children keeps me feeling young. I love it and I am sure you will to. Consider this surpise baby as a gift from God. Try to join groups for smoking cessation and mild exercise.

Have fun and enjoy this pregnancy. Go shopping for baby things. If your mood does not pick up after a few weeks, consider getting some professional counseling. Sometimes talking to someone who is not personally connected to you helps. Congradulations and God bless.

G. T

hi my name is G. im 22 almost 23 and i have a 4yr old.im also new to the group. ur the first request i read and my heart went out to u. i also have anxiety and also gained 60 lbs during my pregnancy and i cant lose it.id like to have more kids but im also worried bout health issues becuz i had eclampsia and had a seizure after i gave birth. but as far as u...i do believe its the anxiety but i think ur nervous just becuz u r a lil older now and mayb u feel so unhealthy becuz u r 40 lbs over weight, plus i can imagine all the stress u must b dealing with ur other children and having a new baby coming can b scary. but just remember giving birth is the greatest thing to experience regardless of how many time u experience it lol. maybe what u can do is just try to get a lil alone time to urself ya kno...light some candles and mayb get out the baby photo albums and just go thru all the memories of ur other children. i kno when i look thru them it always makes me want more children lol just remembering everything i experienced. also what i find very relaxing is scrapbooking its very fun and a stress reliever. i dont really have the answers but i figured i would just write u and try to make u feel better and give some tips. everything will b okay. i kno with my excessive anxiety and worrying things always seem like they will never get better but its all in our heads! instead of worryin try to think of all the good things that will come ur way. hope i cud help...good luck! also about ur health mayb u can just try to drink alot of water and try to eat more healthy just to b on the safe side ya know.

Wow it was almost like I was reading about me, less the 3 kids. I am thirty and have a three year old and am new to the group today. I gained weight during that pregnancy (45 lbs) and have never been able to lose it. I also started having anxiety problems after i had him. Now I am prescribed xanax, but still get the racing heart and dizziness as well. But you need to remember all you have to fear is fear itself. If your iron problem has been solved then maybe those symptoms wont reoccur in this pregnancy. I know it must suck to think it was all over (i.e. diapers, etc.) and have to start again, but hang in there. Everything happens for a reason.

Hi there L.!

I am H., mom of 2 (3 & 5) I am 32 on my way to 33.

While I am not in the same boat as you I can just imagine the panic that I would have if I were to find out I was having another!

I too am not in the best of shape and have very little desire to really become super active exercise mom!

I will add you to my prayers for sure. I have had issues with anxiety in the past and have recently been diagnosed with ADHD. So I know how your head can get over jumbled and the worries creep in.

If you ever want to email me you can at ____@____.com. I am happy to chat with you at anytime!

hang in there! (maybe not smoke so much!:-) ) I too know how hard that it!

Hugs

H.

You can do this. I had my second child when I was 36. It can be done.

As far as health, can I recommend walking? I would start out with 15 minutes a day, because you can do anything for 15 minutes (see www.flylady.com). And talk to your doctor about nicotine gum or the patch. You owe it to the baby.

You will have less stamina this time around, but what you lose in stamina, you will make up for in knowledge and patience. Stuff with the baby won't freak you out so much, because you'll either have seen it before, or you'll know what to do if you haven't.

Also, your older kids can do stuff like run and get a clean diaper for you, and make faces at the baby.

The age difference, as you know, is awesome, because it's not like you're kicking a toddler out of his crib in order to fill it with the baby.

I envy you. I'd keep popping 'em out if my husband were on board (hee), but any such talk has him running screaming out the door. Most natural form of birth control in the world, but I digress.

Enjoy this God-given surprise!!

Now go for a walk.

L., sounds to me like you are overwhelmed...lol:) Take a deep breath and RELAX!! God obviously thinks that you need another baby right now, and hey...he sees things much clearer than us!! I say, switch all that anxiety into happiness, because it will be much better for you and the baby! Don't stress so much about your health, although you need to stop smoking for the baby and your other children. I have severe anxiety as well, and I had to be put on medication as a result of this problem. So, I know exactly what you are going through. Who cares if you are overweight? Your hubby obviously still finds you attractive, otherwise you wouldn't be pregnant right now;) Everything will be fine, you'll see! I know that you feel like having a child at 35 is not good, but a friend of mine, who is 42 now, had a baby at 40 and she swears it was the greatest thing to happen to her! She says she has more energy, feels more "alive" and it has given her a new reason to go on every day! Maybe the same will be true for you. (Yes, I am only 24, so I don't know about feeling "older" yet. However, my mom is 48 and having just my son around her has made her years younger!!!!!!!) I know that God has given you a baby for a reason! Since you already have three other children, this wasn't a mistake on his part! He obviously thinks you make a darn good mother, otherwise he wouldn't bless you w/ so many children. So, count your blessings and start decorating the new baby room...because God has a "new" plan for you my friend!! Good luck:)

Hi there L..
Take a breath! You're working yourself into a frenzy over this!!! I understand where you're coming from about smoking & being over-weight & knowing it's awful but not really being able to stop yourself. I'm still smoking, but I have cut way back. The one thing that has helped me over the past couple of years is to start excercising. I'm not talking about crazy exercising, just like 1/2 hour on the treadmill or elliptical. I find it actually really relaxing, it's some time just for me without my kids screaming & running around & I ALWAYS feel better when I'm finished. I started with 15 minutes every other day & am up to almost an hour every day pretty much. Because of that, it's made me cut way back on my smoking because it's so much easier to complete a work-out if you can actually breathe. Along with that, I've given up soda & juice entirely for water & that was about the hardest thing I've ever done, but my goodness what a difference! If you start small, & build on that, you can accomplish anything. You'll be amazed how much better you feel & it's proven that excercise does help alleviate stress & anxiety. Trust me, if I could sit like a bump on a log watching tv & eating ice cream, I certainly would, but it's not in my best interests or my family & I want to be around for them for as long as humanly possible. YOU CAN DO IT!!! More than anything, it's mind over matter & if you listen to your doctors, take your vitamins & eat reasonably well, you'll be just fine. I wish you the best of luck!

Hi I don't think you have much to worry about. The only thing I would suggest is to try to curb your smoking. Try to think positive about this 1. Stop being worried. Have your check ups and try to do as your doctor tells you. You have your family to help you. When you are sitting or lying down try not to get up quickly. Take your time getting up so you won't get dizzy. But most of all try to just relax. I think you being worried about it is getting you upset. Take it 1 day at a time. I hope this helps you a little. Tc, P.

wow, sounds like you need to take it easy. take this tiem to stop smoking, eat good and take care of yourself preg or not. As for the anxiety have you seen a dr for that? Maybe you don't need meds but a way to work through your anxiety.

What Heather said... Go with that!!

You can do this and everything will be fine. With a little help and some good friends you can get everything on track and not feel so bad. I am not sure where you are located but I am here to help.

You are not alone. This new baby will be wonderful.

First off congratulations! I just wanted to let you know that about three of my close friends all in their late thirties and early forties just had perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies. You will do fine, maybe you got prego to stop smoking two packs a day. LOL!! Good luck to you!!