Need Advice - Dothan, AL

First and foremost, your concern is not him.... NO MATTER WHAT ($$ or anything else). The first main point is to keep in your mind that you will not allow anything that you cannot control to upset you. Try your best to stay calm.. you can cry, sometimes that helps, but put up the fight in your mind to stay strong and not to stress too much.. not to over think.. not to worry. I like to think that destiny is already written by GOD, and everything works out as he plan. He knew the choices you were going to make before you made them....Number one rule to try your very best from being upset, or allowing anyone the benefit to get you upset. Good practice in being mom now, when its "more or less easy".. due to she/he is in the womb.. is to Recognize that she/he feels everything that you feel. They are getting to know YOU at the beginning before ANYONE!

It is time to get down to the nitty gritty and get it out of the way so you can know what to deal with ahead. Its the care of your child that you want to protect, and not allow mischevious (spelling) harm being done. You can't control but you can try to play your cards smart for them. I sure hope you have family and friend support, for I didn't lean on anyone.. and it seems it wasn't smart. But if you don't.. you can lean on me anytime!!!

2nd. I would go to him infront of another family member of his and maybe even your own, and ask if you need to take the necessary steps now to out rule his parental rights.

3rd. Once that decision is made....then act accordingly.

I undoubtly know you are scared... and if it is your first its even more scary. I will be honest from experience 2 times around... it does hurt the heart a bit to see a child go through life without the fathers love or attention or respect..It doesn't begin to hurt until later.. when they are in daycare or school and other kids speak of stories of their dad. However you can never MAKE a person be a dad or mom. And it looks like he is recognizing or idealizing the responsiblity it is going to take from him and it is his own COP OUT way of saying "he's not quite in for it". However on the hindsite.. there are many mothers out there, that has had fathers that died in war, or illness.. and still raised fine Children.

And in the long run you are better off ... leaving him out of the pictures, if on the spot, he decides to COP OUT. If he doesn't then make sure right now you know the steps to take in order to place child support and child visition right when child is born.. I would say depends on your own descretion if you want to include him in your plans ahead.. or not. He's already somewhat trying to claim the baby is not his.. and your not married to him, so you can decide with righteousness on your side.. since you are sacraficing now.. and his is not until later...

Or.. if you really really feel you can give up a child and still stay strong with life.. there is adoption.. Knowing that what kind of life the child will have.

It is a rough road.. depending what kind of support you have, how rough the road actually is. And you are quite the baby yourself.. I feel for you. its tough.

Maybe just make an appoint with Adoption clinic just to discuss.. and see what feelings it brings on.. I bet it doesn't take long for you to know in your gut.. what is right for you and the baby!!!

God already knows what you will do.. you just don't, yet! But he loves you and he loves that baby and he does still love that father and me... But don't think he loves you ANY less!!

Your a smart girl.. you found this site, for help, and I just found this site within this week.. and I am a mother of two and 32!

Sooo much to think about, soo much responsiblity, soo much love and many emotions right now.. but focus and pray for all of you and you will be guided.

Much appreciation to see you here and inquiring is great!

C.

1 mom found this helpful

ooooooooo sweetie dont cry it will be ok. if you keep stressing your self out you are going to make your baby girl nervous. i was 17 when i had my first baby and 18 with my second and i had my times. but i remembered that i had to stand up and be a mom now so forget the dad he is the one missing out. if he doubts you then what do you need him around for all he will do is add problems. you will be fine and you need alot of support and you can get through this. i will be praying for you and you be relaxing you are hardly pregers and you have a while to go so maybe he will come around but if he doesnt you can still do this. God does not give us things we can not handle you can do it.

1 mom found this helpful

K.:

Baby girl you are going to get soooo much advice. We all mean well. Some of us are just full of it and don't know it.

I offer this advice and will honestly admit I was not able to practice what I am about to preach.

First question: How are your folks handeling this?
Are they supportive? Are you still at home? Can you expect their help?

If the answer to any of these is no then you need stop and think. There are a lot of good agencies out there that offer birth mother involvement and financial help during the pregnancy. It would be a way to still be a part of your childs life and to be involved in the choice of parents. It can make all your lives better.

I kid you not. It is a hard choice. I as a woman in my late thirties at the time chickened out. I couldn't bare to part with my baby. The last thing I needed was a seventh child. I got VERY VERY lucky. We got back together and are still together all these years later.

The woman in my oldest son's life went ahead and had her baby. Within a year she was with my son and he has called Sophia his. They now have Alexander and I count Sophia as one of my four grandchildren.

I have a 19 year old who says he doesn't want any children of his own, but thinks he would like to marry a lady with some kids.

My 21 year old says he wants to adopt a whole house full after he gets his masters.

Your "baby-daddy" is not an example of every man on the planet.

Further more my own grand mother raised my mother alone in the 1930's and our family is very glad she did.

Now that said this is what I would tell my sixteen year old. Follow your heart.
What does it tell you? Follow your heart. You are getting a lot of advice right now. Just remember you and you alone will be the one in mirror each morning.

Follow your heart. Trust you.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi K.,

I know you are going through a rough spot just now but my advice to you is:

Stop crying and asking why.

Unfortunately, most men don't respond well to these kinds of outbursts and you are more likely to push him away. It's hard, especially when pregnant, to keep hold on one's emotions but try to...at least in front of him.

The first thing some guys try to do in these situations is find an easy way out. Usually that is by trying to convince themselves the baby isn't theirs. If you know for a fact that it's his, then stand strong. Get a paternity test if you need too.

Do you have a support base other than him? It's really important that you find friends and family that are willing to support you so that you don't have to rely on the baby's father.

It's a big change and I can tell you daddy's feeling over-whelmed. He's wondering if he's ready to be a daddy or if he's good enough. Pick him up! Make him feel good about himself and his abilities in subtle ways.

The more emotionally out-of-control you are, the more likely he is to slip away. Make sure you rest, eat good food, and meditate to clear your head.

Just remember, he's afraid. Keep this in mind when you talk to him. Be open and undemanding. If he truly loves you, he'll come around. If he ends up out-of-the-picture, then there isn't much you can do about it.

You need to do what's right for you and that baby. You aren't responsible for anyone else or their actions.

Good luck!

M. :)
www.enidmg.com

1 mom found this helpful

K., children are a blessing from God all Mighty,it will be hard but He is faithful, you'll see. It sounds like you need to evaluate your choices in relationships and next time look to the one that you allow to guide you into your "something amazing in life!"

There's nothing you can do about the baby's father! He will eventually figure it out and regret it for the rest of his life. Sometimes our plans are not Gods plans! Jeremiah 29:11 but what he has in store for you will be great as long as you abide in him. Look to him to help you and pray about it. God will send you someone wonderful in your life when you least expect it and need it most. You will get back on track hang in there. If the father does not want to be part of your life or the baby's then you don't need him. You will find a way I did! I went back to school, got envolved in a wonderful church called Grace Temple in Hattiesburg. God sent me a good christian man that loves my children as much as he loves his. His kids are great with mine and the ages range between 17 and 4. I was 23 when my x-husband left and pregnant with our third child. We already had 2 babies. My childrens ages are 4,5,and 6. They were doorsteps. Crying is also a cleansing method to deal with what you are going through. It is better to cry and release some of that frustration and angry than to keep it bottled up! Hang in there you will get through this. This is just a milestone in your life to make you stronger and even a better person than you are. When you don't know what else to do or where to go read your Bible and pray, God will carry you! I promise you he did me!!! He will never leave you nor forsake you Hebrews 13:5, I'm living proove! Hope this helped. I will be praying for you and yours. God Bless and peace be with you, A.

Dear K. T
You've already done the most important thing in thanking the Lord for this experience! The heavenly Father is the creator of the universe and this little life that He's entrusted to you. You don't mention your own family. If they are not supportive of your situation, how about your church family? There are agencies who can give you emotional, and sometimes financial & medical help. Often they have spiritual help as well. Look for a Sav-A-Life organization in your area. If your young man truly loves YOU, he can weather this storm. If he does not, God has a special warning for those who harm orphans & widows. Harm does not have to be physical. I'll pray for you and your situation.
D.

I don't know about your home life with your parents, but it is IMPARATIVE that you have support. I urge you find a crisis pregnancy center in your area. Many are listed in the yellow pages under "abortion alternatives" and allow them to help you. Also, try looking at MOPS.org, it's an international organization for mothers of preschoolers and they have several chapters of Teen MOPS throughout the country. You can search your zip code to see if there is a chapter near you. I was 25 and married when I had my first child, I can't know what you're facing, but I KNOW that you want to be the best mom you can be, just like all of us. I'm so proud of you and your attitude that this is an amazing thing, and your choice to give your baby a life! You've been couragous and I know that your life will be blessed if you can depend on the Lord and brace yourself for the hardest, most challenging, and most rewarding time of your life (the rest of your life)! PS: My mom was a teenage mother and my sister is now 38, we've had a very successful family, all due to faith in Jesus! I'll be praying for you K.!!! Much LOVE!

Does the father want to be involved in the baby's life? From growing up with a half in, half out father the only advice I can give is pick one or the other & stick with it. It broke my heart as a kid to be expecting my father to show up & get us, just for him to never arrive. On Retrospect I wish my mom just laid her foot down & excluded him from our lives. If he doubts you the only thing you can do is get a dna test which they will require for a child support hearing anyway. Yes, it is hard that this manboy is letting you down but you have the greatest thing that will ever happen to you on the way:) The best thing to do is to lean on GOD, your family & closest friends. If he doesn't want to be with than you are better without him anyway, even if you can't see that now.

Stay as strong as you can for you and your baby! I was in a similar situation and it wasn't hard letting his dad go b/c I thought I was "in love" with him. But I thought of my unborn son and didn't want him to suffer in any way. That is what got me through the hardest time. I thought only of my son. You will make it. My son is 6 yrs. old now and I am married to a wonderful man who loves and treats my son as his own. Things are going to work out, just hang in there:) Hope this helps out some. Good Luck!

K., I know you must be frightened and upset that the baby's father is having different feelings. What I'd like to tell you is that you can be a strong, supportive, wonderful mother to your child without marrying his/her father. Don't marry someone if they are not 110% committed to you. You need to go to college or get your real estate licence or do something so that you (and you alone) can provide for your child. My best friend got her real estate licence and she had a baby at 19 and made about 3 times more $$ than I did last year and I have a college degree! What is important for you to do right now is focus on taking care of your child, make a game plan for after your baby is born. Set goals for yourself. There are SO many wonderful role-models out there that have had children young. You have to tell yourself that YOU are strong, smart, and beautiful, therefore, you will be that for your child. Don't let the Daddy stress you out. Tell him you'd like him to be a part of the baby's life (as long as he is a good person) and if you'd like a relationship with him tell him that too, BUT this is the important part.....don't let your boyfriend define you. You can be whatever you want to be and be a great mother too!!!

you will soon find out that you are stronger than you ever thought possible, because you are now a mother. Never give up! Because you are under 19 you are eligible for medicaid and they pay for everything! Also wic is available, food stamps and talk to your medicaid/beststart people. tell them your situation and you may be able to receive child support. If he is doubting the paternity it is up to him to prove it isn't his. You know in your heart you are the mother and he is the father don't let it upset you so much, just worry about you and your child. Your ex may come around, but it doesn't matter because you don't want your baby around someone that doesn't seem to care. You are strong and can make it through anything!!!

You need to go to a crisis pregancy center. They will have help for you. They can put you with a counselor, a support group, help you deal with practical things like baby clothes and childcare classes, if you want to keep your baby. The Southern Baptists have a home in Owasso, OK, for girls in your shoes, where they will help you and your baby while you get on your feet and get started on the road ahead. Call a Southern Baptist Church and ask about it. They can help you find a good home for your baby if this is too much for you. This is a special time. I'm sorry you have to deal with so much heartache at the same time. I know several young ladies that have built a happy life after being in your situation.

First thing to do is quit crying it is not good for you or the baby . If he is acting like this now thank your lucky stars you found out now. When the baby is born have a paternity test done so there will be no doubt he is the father and even if he wants nothing to do with it he will still have to support the baby and he just want know what a wonderful experince he will be missing out on . You will go on with your life and find you someone worthy of you and that wonderful baby.

You can do it!!! Keep your head up. Having a child is the most amazing thing you will ever experience. I will be praying for you. Do you have church to attend around here? Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I have three girls under five myself. Do you know what you are having?
Seek God and everything else will fall into place.

That's typical for guys this age. Most men will use that excuse to try to get out of it but its an easy thing to check. He needs to be responsible.

You have a hard road ahead and I hope you have a strong family support system to fall back on.

Good luck.

First and foremost...... you have to think about that lil baby! I know it seems like it is all falling apart. let me tell you my story. I am 23 now, I am single mom to Kalub 2 1/2 years old. Me and his "dad" were marries till he was 5 months then he decided I dont want to be a dad and left. I have not EVER goten and support from him. I had to pick myself up and work my a$$ off to make a good life for us. But it has all paid off. I dont have to share, Im working full time, part time on weekends 2 jobs and just got in to college. My advice for you is to check into what help you can get from the state.... like insurance for you and the baby, wic, and more. You can make it! its hard but you can. if you want message me on here and I can help with anything you need. Good luck and dont stress. the lil one can tell.

E.

Hello K.,
You can suggest he have a paternity test, that's if he really wants the truth. In his own stupid head he wants to believe it's not his. He never loved you and isn't ready for this.

It's his loss and you have better things to do than be concerned with his daddyship. Don't 'force' it on him. That could have serious implications, but if he learns that it is legally his, that may change things on the financial end.

If not, as the child matures, make sure you are honest in explaining 'dad's' mental deficiency. It won't traumatize her; she will still grow to be a healthy productive member of society, I promise. He's a thoughtless idiot. Don't make dumb excuses to save his cowardly and irresponsible no good a**.

You say you cry and ask why. K. dear, you and he acted irresponsibly and these are the consequences of that. There is no mystery to it. Though I doubt the Lord had a hand in you experiencing 'something amazing' outside the holy sacrament of Matrimony, He will answer your prayers and be there to help you along the way.

You will do fine. I'm sure your family is disappointed, but they will not abandon you; they should help pick up the pieces and assist in any way they can. We all make mistakes. That's how we learn not to do them again ;-) Good luck and all His blessings to you.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Let me tell you though that this baby is the greatest gift you will ever have in your entire life! You have no idea the amount of love you are about to feel. I know you are having a really hard time right now, but I'm telling you that once this baby is born, you are going to feel so differently. People kept telling me this and I just could not imagine feeling more love than what I had when I was pregnant. It is so amazing though when they are born and can look into your eyes. So, after all that jabber, let me encourage you to stop the crying and asking why and focus on you and your baby. He is probably freaked completely out (as most guys do) and is in denial. But you have a greater responsibility now than dealing with him. You have to take care of yourself so that your baby will be healthy and strong and not stressed. One of my best friends went through what you are going through at an even younger age. She married the baby's father after the baby was born. She had five years of hell and finally divorced him. She did not have the confidence that she needed because she was so young and she loved him. She felt like she could not make it on her own. But now she is making it just fine, and you will too. There is strength inside a woman that is increased 100 times when they have a child. You can do this! PS- Please keep writing on here for advice or to vent. It always helps me!

Dear K.:

I am 45 now but when I was 17 I had my first daughter. I was married but 3 years later and with another baby girl in my arms, my girls'father announced he needed time "to think". We got separated, he already had a girlfriend. I, like you, cried lots and asked why. It took me years to discover why. At times we think we know someone but we don't, I was never going to be happy with my first husband because our values, our dreams, likes and dislikes were way too different. I turned over my burden to Jesus and found support with my parents. It was hard but we made it! I went to college while I was separated and later got divorce. I was able with God's strength and my family support to finish my studies and became a teacher. I had no husband and I lost my house but I found myself.
Trust the Lord, dear, to guide you and show you what is best! If the baby's dad doesn't love you that's his lost! Value yourself, try to spend time with people that will do you good, visit a good church that will support you and if you are near us (Tulsa) I offer you our support! I go to a great church! If you need something for the baby or you, let me know! In the midle of our sadest times we can experience God's love in so many ways!
Trust Him!
Big hugs and blessings!
R.

men are like pond scum they eventualy float to the top...don't even think about him. he's not worth it. one of these days he'll regret what he has done. when you have that beautiful baby in your arms that will be the only thing you care about. love her and protect her and she well love you no matter how many men come and go. i hope you find a nice man but you worry about your baby and whats best for her.

Oh K., my heart goes out to you. I've been in your shoes. I was pregnant at 18 and the father was pretty much worthless. He left when she was 2 and has never seen her since. He also never paid child support. She's now almost 23, works and goes to college. I am very proud of her and me. I know right now your whole world seems turned upside down and you're overwhelmed with the inevitable responsibility of motherhood. I know you don't feel this now, but everything will be ok and it will all work out, with or without him. If he doesn't want to be in your life or your childs, it might be a blessing in disguise. Someday you will meet someone who will love your and your baby and as his own. Hang in there sweetheart. Keep your chin up. Do you have a family that is supportive of you?

K.,

Raising a child if hard, very very hard when your single but even worse when you are with someone who is unsupportive. Your young and have a very long life to live...let this guy go and build a new life for yourself and your baby. If you have support from your family and friends you have nothing to worry about and if you don't well...you need to find new friends.
I wish you the best!

I can't imagine not having they guy there by your side. I myself am pregnant with my first child, and it has been hard some days. It is a lot easier saying this right now, but I have people tell me this all the time... you have to be strong for your baby. You can't let yourself get upset/cry all the time because the baby knows when mommy is stressed. I'll pray for you, but in the meantime try to focus on you and your baby!!! I hope you have a great day! :)

Oh boy, sweet darlin'! Life can throw you a curveball! Cool thing is, out of everything that may seem "bad", comes something WONDERFUL! When hurricane Katrina came, my boyfriend and I evacuated to Tallahassee and I found out, in that hotel room, with no belongings, no job, no nothing! that I was pregnant. Granted, I married the father, but I was 33 at the time...I had never planned on being a mom...I had held babies for all of, maybe, 15 minutes my whole life. And I made it....

So, I have a beautiful daughter out of all of that stress. The other moms are right, try and find strength, through family, good friends, groups like this! That little life in you feels every emotion that you do; but he/she will be just fine as long as they feel your love for them! If your boyfriend cannot handle it, that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Just try and be strong and reach out to people if you need to! Please do! I have many employees at work that are female and deal with, pardon the expression, bonehead baby-daddies. All of them are smart, they all have babies around mine's age (2 yrs) and they ALL SUPPORT THEIR LOSER MEN! Do not get stuck in that trap, sweetheart. There are strong, beautiful, smart women all over this planet that have made it to hell and back and you are part of the CLUB. Welcome to life, heartache, love and motherhood...

K.,
You are young and looks like made a mistake getting pregnant by a jerk. None of us can change our past but you can change your future. I hope you have some family support (emotional not just financial) but my advice is to work on you. Work on finishing your education, learn about parenting. Be excited about this wonderful baby. If you think this is something your could do, you could consider adoption. I think this is the most selfless thing any Mom could do. I think you are one step up with your faith. Look to your church support as well. I know you will do well. Asking for some advice is a big step. Good luck and God Bless.

At this point in the pregnancy, you need to concentrate on you and the baby. Having a baby is definitely an amazing experience but one that can be overwhelming also. I hope you have a good relationship with your parents. If he is young also, that is the reason he doesn't feel the same anymore. Many things in your relationship have changed now and he may still be the same. You are instantly a mother upon finding out your pregnant and have to change your lifestyle. You will need to be strong for your baby. Check with local pregnancy counseling agencies to keep up your dr. visits and care along with reviewing your options.

It will all be ok, I promise. I just turned 20 in April and my daughter just turned a year old. I know exactly how you feel because her father is nowhere in OR near the picture. I went through the same exact thing asking myself all the questions and crying all the time, and you know I never found an answer, but realized it has NOTHING to do with me, but everything to do with him. It was nothing I did, or didn't do...it was him being scared, it happens. It will be hard, I wont lie to you, but you make it through! You ARE getting to experience the most AMAZING thing in LIFE and you will NEVER regret one second of it!

Dear K.,

Sometimes the only choice that we have is to pick up the pieces and not look back. You have a beautiful gift growing inside you. Let the father go...You don't want someone who doesn't want to take responsibility. It's not good for you or the baby. I pray that you have a suppport system (Mom, Dad, brother or sister) That can help you through. You are in my prayers.

Hopefully you have someone who will help you...your parents? If not there are seveal churches that offer places for you to live & help in your decisions & some agencies that will be helpful. There are several questions you need to think about...keeping the child or adoption...they have "open" adoptions which will allow you to be a part of the child's life & the adoptive parents...you choose the couple who you'll allow to raise your child. I know it's hard for you being young and with all the emotions that go with being pregnant but the most important issue is the well being of the child. Loving your child enough to give him or her the very best life they can have is the "key" ! Wish I could help more...! Your'e in my prayers...good luck.

He is just not ready for what is ahead and I think by him doing this now is better than waiting til you have the baby. But there is also someone out there who will love both of you as his own, just have to sit back and wait. I know for a fact this has happen, I keep telling my daughter the same thing but she had 2 babies (3rd on the way) the day she had her tubes tied she meet a guy who since then married them (yes all them) and adoptive the teo babies as his own. Just keep faith with your life, you don't need this guy to drag you down.

Right now you need to worry about you and the baby. The father doesn't know what he's going to miss out on and if you are too focused on him, you will miss out on a lot too. Being pregnant is a new experience that changes every month and you don't want to miss that. I've missed a lot of my kids childhood and I can never get that back. You don't want to do that to your child. Take a picture of your stomach every month to show her how much you grew with her. When she get's older she will enjoy that. Just thank GOD for her every day and let the father go. He may change his mind one day.

Hi K.,

Believe me I know how you feel. I got pregnant when I was 22 and my son's father was being supportive at first when I decided that I didn't want to go through with it, but when I told him that I changed my mind and I wanted my baby he showed his true colors. Are you sure it's mine? Have you been messing with anyone else? You lied and took yourself off the pill? WHATEVER is what was going through my head..... I couldn't believe that he would turn his back on me at a time like that. But let me tell you, you're feeling down and that's okay but don't stay in that state. This is a perfect opportunity to show him and yourself that you can do this with or without him. God was right with me through it all and he will be there for you. Keep praying and asking God to guide you through this. Whatever you do don't let anybody tell you that your life is over because it isn't it's just beginning. You can still finish High School, you can still go to College and have the life you always wanted, but you will have to make sacrifices along the way. When you have a baby it's no longer about you it's all about the baby and his/her needs. Believe me when I tell you you aren't the first and you won't be the last woman that happens too. I don't know if you've seen Meet the Browns, the movie by Tyler Perry, but there's a single mother on there with 3 kids and she's struggling trying to keep food on the table and lights on in the house....to make a long story short she says that the one thing a woman knows how to do is make it and she is so right. Be strong and be encouraged no matter what. Don't allow yourself to become a statistic you're more than a conqueror and the Bible says so. Much love!! Love yourself and your baby and don't worry about the father he may eventually come to his senses.

L. H

K.~
I don't usually respond, but you really touched my heart today. Do you have a strong support around you? Are your parents supporting you, supporting your decision to keep you baby? You have made a very brave choice to give your baby life.
I would gentle encourage you to explore the possibility of adoption. I know this is not an easy option, but you are so young. You have so much of your life and youth ahead of you. It is difficult enough to raise a child in a stable 2 parent relationship.
Regardless, surround yourself with people who will love you and your baby. And remember, God has promised that He will be the father to the fatherless. Allow Him to have a major place in your life, and He will give you all the help and healing your heart needs.
much love and prayres to you.

When particularly young and/or immature guys are involved in adult activities, this is usually the case--this type of behavior. So now both of you will need to be adults for the child. If he wants nothing to do with you now that you're expecting, he's going to have to do the manly thing now as a consequence for assuming adult activities. If he is not to be with you he should step up and help in the support of his child. Go to your county DA and ask for the section of Child Support Enforcement.

Now it is best for a child to be raised by two parents but if one parent prefers to still be a child then you should make sure that other male role models are around your child. Hopefully you are with your parents and your father will be a supportive role model. If you have a brother or an uncle around who are good male models,it is very good to keep family close.

For most of my daughter's life I have been her custodial parent. My first husband and I separated when she was two. I made sure to stay around family so she knew her uncle and her grandpa. I never denied her dad the right to see her, nor did I ever speak ill of him around her. When it was time to take care of business I did what I had to do to make sure she was taken care of. That included having his check garnished and letting go of angry feelings that took energy away from raising her

K., been there done that and I want to tell you a few things that I can see now that I couldn't see then. My situation was a little bit different in that I was 20 and the father decided immediately he wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. This was heartbreaking and I felt so alone and scared. Yet I knew that God had given me this child for a purpose and I was meant to give her physically life so He could give her spiritual life. She is now almost 13 (agh!!! does that make me old?!?!?!) and the most beautiful person. I cannot imagine a single moment of my life since that time without her - she was truly a gift of grace to me in a dark time.

I am now married (almost 8 years) with three other children. My husband is the only father Mikayla has ever known and he loves her and treats her as he does his own. We have never tried to go through the actual process for him to adopt her because it would require finding her biological father and asking him to sign away his parental rights. I am scared to death that he would decide he wants to be involved in her life (I suppose I believe he has surely matured over the last 13 years) and I'd be putting my daughter on a plane to spend time with a virtual stranger. So, we are just enjoying life the way it is and thanking God that He sent my daughter the best daddy (my husband).

So, here comes my advice. Hang in there. Cry and be sad, but more often rejoice in the new life you are carrying. Depend on your family for any help they are willing to offer (I moved back in with my parents to finish college and they helped raise my daughter those first several years). Strive to make a good life for you and your child - try to get a good education and make good choices in your friends, as your relationships now affect more than just yourself! Also, decide if you want the father to be completely uninvolved and if so, ask him NOW to sign away his parental rights (or petition for child support, if that is your decision). But it is worth noting that child support would allow him visitation and partial custody of your baby.

It is not an easy path, for sure, but you can do it and someday you will look back and wonder why you worried! The first time you hold that little baby in your arms your heart will melt and no longer be yours. So, congratulations! You are a mommy now!

Although it may be hard you can do it. This is not the time to focus on the guy but you your baby and your future.
My neice was 12 at that age your not ready to grow up, so she cheated herself out of a child hood. She continued to goto school. When her daughter cried in the mid of the night, I would get up to make the bottle because I wanted to her where I could with this young life, but I didn't need to. I always say its weird to say a 12yr. old was a good mom, but she was she took care of her child herself. Her daughter is now 14, she is an horor student, love to read and has been in ballet since she was 3. The 12 yr. old mom has a master degree and they have now moved to Texas to accept a job that makes ALOT of money. She would say it was hard but it can be done and done with out that man. It's a pity that it seems the guy has a choice to stay and step up to the plate, and the female has to suffer by themselves. I wish parents of the guys would make them step up to the plate and do whats right. A real man would.

My young mom to be. You will be just fine. Stop crying because your baby can feel your pain. Instead of focusing on the father focus on the blessing you are about to bring into the world. I know that is easier said than done but, I promise the day will come when you don't even think of him. When we feel we have nothing left and we begin to depend on God. We soon find out that God is all we need. Everyday you wake up is a new day and a new beginning.

Worrying about that man is not good for you or for that baby. You know in your heart what the truth is and don't let him put those kind of doubts in your head. Right now you need to focus on you and what is best for the two of you, K. and that beautiful baby. I was a single mom right from the start with my little girl too. Her dad was into drugs and a rebellious lifestyle and I knew that this just wasn't healthy for me and my newfound hope in life. I left him when the baby was 3 months old. I was worried about finances and such but there are many programs for you and your family. Go to your department of Human Services and enroll in prenatal health care program. They will help you and the baby afford adequate care. They will also pay for your daycare expenses and give you a small amount of money if the father choses not to support his child. Food stamps and Housing are also available for you. I lived this way until I graduated college and I'm now a teacher and able to support myself and my child. You can do this~you don't have to depend on the father to get you through. Find that strong inner goddess/wonderwoman within you You can do this!

I know this will sound harsh, but I chaulk that up to a dissappointing childhood and a lot of therapy. As an adult whose father wanted nothing to do with me when I was a child, I say move on. You will be fine and so will your baby. You will find someone one day who is right for the both of you and you will all live happily ever after. He sounds like a scared child.
I will pray for you.