Need a Advise About Slow Twin

Twins run in the family and after years of teaching and having a brother and sister who are twins one thing I know we have a tendency to do is to treat them like they are one person--whteher they are identical or fraternal they become "THE TWINS" rather than individuals. WE will call all the other kids by name and get to them and say, "THE TWINS." They are different entities with different learning styles and personalities. I would not dress them alike unless they feel like dressing alike. I would respect that they like different things sometimes and that they can participate in separate activities. My identical cousin twins are now in their 50's and one still goes out of her way to look and behave differently from her sister so that others will realize they are individuals.

The place to go for educational evaluations through the school system is to the pupil appraisal department. Look under special education or CHILD SEARCH. You can also call information at the school board office and they will refer you to the right place. If it's just the emotionality of being a twin they will be able to tell you that also, through this free evaluation process.

There is a wonderful children's book entitled "Leo the Late Bloomer." Perhaps you could find it at the library. It talks about the fact that it simply takes some chidren longer to bloom. If she were my daughter, I would give her extra attention, ask that the girls be put in different classes at school and see what happens. I am a 57 year old grandmother who has worked with children 3-5 for over 30 years. This is not abnormal behavior. Again, give her a little time before you are really concerned.
D. B.

Hi.. just another opinion for you to consider here. I have a sister in law who has 6 kids.. 3 sets of twins to be exact.

And I have to say, as much time as I have spent over at the house.. I noticed that one of her youngest twins is very shy and reserved and "baby-like". The older 2 sets of twins were pretty much on the same level with each other, mostly displaying different tastes and ideas, but mentally on the same level.

When I asked my sister-in-law about her youngest set, she made it sound so simple. Just because they are twins doesn't mean they have to be alike. Every one of them is an individual. Every one of them is going to develop at their own rate.

If your child had been a single birth child, would you be excessively worried about it? Or would you simply hold her out of kindergarten for another year till she was ready?

Just because you have one child to compare her to... please don't. You wouldn't compare her to someone else's child that was the same age like this would you?

Remember that every child is an individual. Treat her as such, and you will notice a world of change in her. Let her decide where she wants to be, not her sister.

People overreact so much now days, taking kids to the doctor for every little personality flaw.. medicating kids because they won't behave or pay attention.. It makes me sad. If this behavior persists, definatly seek some help.. but if this is just a new-ish thing, I would try talking to her ALONE and see if maybe it's something as simple as SHE isn't ready for school.. or maybe she doesn't want to live the same life as her sister and needs to be in another classroom. Ever try talking to her?

Hope fully that didn't come off as rude.. that is not my intent.

I wish you all the best, and hope that you post a follow-up on here. I know everyone here is so caring, and everyone means their best :)

D.

Good Mornng, S..

Have you considered an alternative therapist such as one who is educated in past life regressions, hypnotherapy, or other methods of healing? I highly recommend finding someone who is able to respect your own spiritual beliefs while assisting your daughter in finding the source of her desires to be a baby once again. It is possible she is holding onto memories of the last lifetime. OR it is possible that she is simply taking the opposite road of the more aggressive sister. Sounds like things a bit out of balance within the two girls. Not being a physician, but a firm user and believer in the spirit playing a very important role in each person's development, I'd seek to find the balance of body, mind, and spirit for both of these twins. Just because one is more aggressive, advanced and eager to be like mom does not mean she is balanced in her spiritual energies.

Just my thoughts and recommendations for you to do with these whatever you wish. If I can be of any further assistance along these lines I've discussed, do not hesitate to contact me.

God Bless You and your family,

d.maria

For one, I wouldn't put her in Kindergarten just because of her birthday - it doesn't sound like she is ready...and that's okay. Your girls may look alike, but it's obvious that already their personalities are world's apart...they ARE individuals. Your 'younger' one may need more attention than the 'older' one.

What about their diet? Could be the 'younger' one is getting too much or maybe not enough of what her little body needs. Though I'm not sure where to have it done, I have heard of testing for vitamin/mineral deficiencies which can definitely cause different behaviors.

My grandson is one of four children and he is the only one who exhibits different behavior and has asthma/allergies associated with different cleaning products. What are you using?

S., In today's world, it is difficult to raise healthy children unless you know what to look for and/or stay away from.

I hope I have helped at least a little. If you have any other questions, please feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com

God Bless,
~V~

I suspect that the twin wanting to act like a baby, is telling you in her own way that she just needs some one on one time with mommy.

Talk to her teacher, and talk to her doctor if you are concerned. If it is a maturity issue hold her back, if she is acting this way for another reason then they can help.

It sounds like she may not be ready for K - what does her teacher think? Generally twins are in the same grade, but not always. The stress of K could be causing some of her regressing. The school should have testing available, but the wait list might be long.

She may not have any delays, lots of kids aren't ready for the structure of K exactly when they turn five.

You could hold her back, but that might be too traumatic to be in a different grade than her twin. But her maturity level may not be ready yet. Just a thought.
Good luck!

She is ready and mature enough. She is just not adjusting well to the new environment. My son has been going through something very similar. After several bad days at school and a lot of talking with the teacher, we have determined that he is actually so smart that he gets bored too easily in school. The reaction your daughter is giving is very common in gifted children. Often times we think they are slow, when in actuality, they aren't being stimulated enough so they retaliate. I highly suggest doing what I am doing and get her tested to see if she is gifted and needs an education program geared toward that.

When your twins were born, they probably came early and had to stay in the hospital for a while. There may have been some trauma associated with their birth.

Has your immature twin always been unable to keep up with her sibling? It sounds like it may be time to go to the doctor and ask to see a pediatic neurologist. Eliminate the physical "causes" first.

Also, although your twins are twins, that doesn't make them equal. And if there was ever any advice I'd give to a parent, it would be to wait before utting your child into Kindergarten. I've never heard a parent say, "Gee Johnny is doing so well. I'm glad I rushed him into school." I have heard many, many parents tell me, "I wish I had waited an extra year. Johnny matured so much more in that year at home." There's nothing wrong with being the oldest in the class-- it's the youngest in the class that may not be ready.

And on that note, perhaps your child is only reacting to being the "youngest" in her class. By aksng to go back to being a baby, babies don't go to school and maybe this is her way of telling you, she's not ready.

Good luck!

first of all take her to baby doctor cause it sounds like she has a learning disable and second with twins one is always out going and the second one is shy and quite. but back to the other the lack of not being to concentrate that comes to a learning disable so check with her baby doctor good luck

Yes, there are places to have an assessment done to help you know and understand your daughter's degree of intellectual development. I would suggest you ask your pediatrician to refer you to a Developmental/Behavorial pediatrician. I live in Arkansas and Arkansas Children's Hospital has a wonderful developmental center on campus. I would think all states would offer the same services. Good luck as your attempt to help your child learn and become comfortable in the school situation.

I would find help with a gestalt theraphist who has a specialty in children.
It may be just a phase,... but it may not. In which case it would be best to seek help as soon as possible.
I believe as mothers, we have a more information on our kids than strangers. If this is making YOU uneasy, I would definitely seek help, if it turns out you were wrong, you will be happy, if not, you will be happy you found help for your little one.

H.

I hate to give advise on this one since I don't know your child but this is just from what i read...Since the other twin is outgoing maybe she gets alot of comments, not just at home but when you are out, from teachers, people at the store etc. When i see two children in a store, I make sure that i comment on BOTH children, if there is a toddler and an infant I acknowledge the toddler first and then ask the toddler Oh, is this your baby? Sometimes, when there are two children the "shy" one will not get attention so maybe she is reaching out for attention, I'm NOT saying you ignore her but maybe the other one gets "noticed" more and she feels if she were a baby she would get attention.
As far as school --MY THEORY-- Maybe, putting a puzzle together is so simple to her that she feels it is a stupid waste of time, this can and will cause bad grades. Since it is not challenging to her mind then she has no interest. I would find activities that are designed for an older child maybe 1 to 2 years older and I have a feeling that she will surprise a lot of people. When I was in school I made straight F's, I don't know how i ever passed. But when i was in the 10th grade i switched to a private school. My family held their breath, well they did testing and found that i was functioning on a grade level that was 2 grades higher, so they adjusted my schedule accordingly and I went from straight F's to straight A's, I became a cheerleader, got involved in after school activities and gained self confidence that is still with me today. I have graduated college, currently own my own business, at one time I owned my own newspaper. If people had given up on me and said i had a learning disability, then I would have continued through life, thinking i was dumb and not capable of learning. When I was tested and found to be way above average, everyone begin telling me i was smart, and it changed my life. I feel that a lot of kids today that are getting wrote off as ADD etc. It's actually that they are of above average intelligence, they can't pay attention because they already know it so why go over it and over it and over it. If you went to work and your boss was trying to teach you what you learned your first day of work, how frustrating would that be.

Check with your pediatrician for a referral to have her evaluated for kindergarten readiness and to rule out having an anxiety disorder. There are cases where one twin needs to be in one grade and the other twin another grade. It is not ideal, but the other choice may be to have one twin in a grade that is not entirely appropriate. You could even try moving the suffering twin back to a pre-K class and see how that goes.

It sounds like to me she wants attention. I have a 6 yr old and a 3 1/2 yr old and they both have done this. It seems like the more attention I gave them and just being like your too big for a crib. I also have said okay you can be a baby but you have to take naps, go to bed early and no T.V.......they would snap out of it. They really don't want to be babies they just want more mommy time. She may not be ready for school...my 6 yr old has a birthday in July, so we didn't start him until later...that's what the school recommended. It has worked out great for him, he is very bright but the concern was more of a social and leadership issue. Good Luck!

It may be an attention thing. It's good that she is getting one-on-one attention from the teen you told us about. It may be wise to ask her teacher if she is exhibiting the same behavior at school, or if it is just at home. If it is at home only, you can assume it is behavior, not a physical or mental problem. If it is also occuring at school, you can talk to "pupil appraisal" at her school. They will hold a meeting and do some testing to determine her specific needs. Good luck, sounds like you have two wonderful girls!

S.,
As a mother of twins I would suggest just let her mature at her own pace. Do not compare her to the more active twin but encourage her to step up and do the things you know she is able to do. I have one that still lags behind and both have struggled in school because of reading problems.
The other thing I can tell you with twins is the lagger might try to convince the older one to start behaving like her. It is a twin thing. I can't explain it.
You might also encourage the more active one to encourage the other to join in the more exciting activities. This might get her more involved.
You also need to remember even if they are twins they will have many similar traits and MANY different ones as well.
I have a set of 17 yeear old twin boys and it has been a long row to hoe with them, but so very worth it. They are as different as night and day. One is very involved in atheletics and the other one is just doing what he has to do to get by. This year he is involed in the vo-tech training program and is enjoying school more than ever.
Good luck and may the Lord bless you and your twins as He has me and mine.
M.

I have twins that are ADHD and their attention is like your daughter that your talking about. But only one acks like a baby. My youngest twin would act out thing,(she still wants to set on me, sucks her fingers, and talks like a baby). I took my twins to the child developement clinic in Jackson Ms. You have to be sent by your doctor. So you may want to ask your doctor about somewhere you can take your daughter. You may not know this but if she is ADD/ADHD, she will not develop as fast as other children. If she is ADD/ADHD then look into ways to help her attention. I'm now looking for a way to help my daughters without the ph.drugs.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Hope this helps.

now, my baby is 2, but it seems like when she regresses, the sooner i give her the extra attention she needs, the sooner she is back to her old self. i let her sleep in our bed all night, hold her more, rock her more, keep her with me instead of going to the gym or getting a sitter, and she seems to "snap out of it" sooner than if i fight her about it. now, don't go out and buy a crib, but maybe hold her, rock her to sleep at night for a little bit. maybe she just needs a little extra snuggle time. maybe your pediatrician has ideas about the evalutation place. that would be a good place to start.

Yes, there are places you can have your child tested. I'm not familiar with Kumon but I have worked with 2 organizations that you should have similar names around you> They are Tri-County Special Education and Four-County Mental Heath Center. These places are geared to help moms like you. If you can't find something like this, look at head start or other help agents.

I am presently working with one twin that is at 2 grades lower than the other. Her development just isn't the same as the other one - I'm assuming because of the development in the womb.

I also have a Grand daughter that was born 8/31 and was in 1/2 day kingergarten last year. She was the youngest in her class. Her social skills are great but her attention span wasn't where it needed to be. Her parents choice to put her in a different school this year that has all day kindergarten - big difference. They made a smart move.

I'm not a professional but sharing out of my job experience as a speech para and grand mother. One last thing, my gut feeling is don't let her revert back to a 2 year old but don't have your expectations with her sibling. - Blessings

Dear S.: My heart goes out to you. It's so hard to have one child thriving and another struggling so much. When I first read your story, it sounded a bit similar to my own. I have a child that struggled at that age. I would immediately have her evaluated for learning disabilities and ADD or ADHD. (my daughter was severly ADD -- couldn't sit still for even 5 minutes to read a book.) Either your primary care doctor can do this or recommend someone who can. If you have no insurance, talk directly to the teacher or school counselor and see what resources they can provide. It sounds like she's trying to avoid being grown up because it's so hard to be grown up. She may just be having a hard time living up to some expectation at home or school that is haunting her.

On a more serious note, has this been a life long issue, or recent. Has she been alone in recent months with someone who might have abused her? It's a scary question, but with knowledge and truth comes the wonderful ability to get the help you need to solve the problem.

I'd encourage you to just enjoy her and possibly "play baby" for 30 minutes and then tell her it's time to play big girl the rest of the day. HANG in there. This is a phase and you WILL overcome. It just takes time.

Hi.

I am in Louisiana, but I am certain that the "no child left behind" act is national. Contact your local county school board (the special ed department...it's for slow and gifted). They will evaluate your children and it should not cost anything. There is a pamphlet about your and your children's rights in your state about education. There are evaluations available to identify learning exceptionalities, this includes both ends of the bell shaped curve (slow and gifted). My 9yr old is in a gifted program and has been since kindergarten. I intend to have my 2yr old evaluated as soon as she's 3. There should be state provided education for exceptionalities as young as 3. I have told everyone I can about this, so please let me know if anything comes of it. Good luck!