Navigating the Playground

He needs some pushy toy or a ride-on toy that you can also push. And that is the only toy he needs to bring. And nobody else plays with it, and he only plays with his stuff. He'll get it. just be persistant. and when he gets difficult, change the subject. Just pick him up and go to another part of the playground, ride the swing, go down the slide, something else. Just change the subject. you are doing great, he will learn to socialize...

The only toy we ever bring to the playground is bubbles, and I blow them. All the kids can chase them if they want, and it doesn't create tension. When it comes to other people's things, I just tell her "Honey, that's not yours. Let's go do XXXX." and then I move her to somewhere else. With repetition, they eventually get it. (Mine now tells me "Mommy, that's not mine" when we see other people's things...)

As for the tantrums, that is normal. My daughter is 2 and we still occasionally get them when it is time to go. I warn her several times in advance, and when it is time to go, we go. I put her over my shoulder or in the stroller or the carseat, and we leave. The tantrum NEVER gets more time. Over the last year, the amount of tantrums and the length of them have shortened considerably. Don't completely avoid the park for them! It gets better, and they can't learn if they don't experience the situation.

It can be so tough to teach sharing to a 14 month-old. If he isn't regularly around other children so he can learn from them, you will have to start teaching him at home. Use lots of encouragement and reinforcement when he lets you play with one of his toys for awhile. As for the park, I avoid bringing toys from home. That will eliminate your little guy from having to share (something he has not yet learned to do) in an otherwise overstimulating environment. Unless you're going for a crash course in sharing, I'd say that's just too much to ask of him for now.

Practice makes perfect, and once you start going to the park more consistently, he will start to learn how to play and have fun with the playground equipment instead of trying to escape from the park. You might consider for awhile going to a park that has an enclosed gate where he isn't tempted to crawl away. As far as the other strollers and wagons, try to find steering wheels on the playground equipment and try to gently redirect him when he is focused on those instead of the playground. Also I have found that going to a park that has a water feature makes for great fun too.

Fellner, Humboldt, and Wilson parks all offer water features in the summer.

Dear G.,

Your son sounds just like ours at that age! We knew we were in for trouble when Alex started walking at 9.5 months... I can SO relate! Let me offer you some playground tips that helped us out a lot: go to the park very early in the morning (like 7:45am-9am) before it gets crowded and before your son gets crabby and ready for a nap. I think the younger toddlers tend to be there around that time anyway, so it works out well. Don't take any toys with you. That's a huge issue that is such a pain to deal with... other kids wanting your toys, your kid wanting everyone else's toys... Let him run around and play at the park. He can have his toys at home. And third... not sure what neighborhood you live in, but try to go to a park that's completely fenced in... it will give you piece of mind. The one at Damen & Belmont is fantastic (has a cool water thing) if you go very early... There's also a nice park at Lakewood & Wolfram that's completely fenced in. I'm sure there are lots of others too...
You're going to have your hands full this entire summer... he won't be old enough to really start using much discipline... If he gets crabby and throws a tantrum... time to leave. Put him in the stroller and head home. We went through all the same stuff... but it does get better : ) The "terrible twos" were easy compared to that age!

If it is not enjoyable, then I might not do it just yet. You are right, he has no capacity at his age to share. Bringing toys to the playground may be a recipe for disaster at his age. Do you have a back garden? Or is there a part of the park that isn't the playground in which he can play. My little one is 13 months old and I remember thinking that I must get her playdates etc. Now that I have read up on child development, I realize that I was and probably still am sometimes clueless about her developmental stage. She does okay with other children but she doesn't exactly "play" with them. We go to the playground but don't take toys with us. She uses the swing and climbs up the slide and down and runs in the sprinklers etc.

Dear G.,

I remember this stage very well and I struggled with the same questions about whether to just "stay home." I agree with the others' advice not to bring the toys, since they cause friction and he will understand that you are there to do playground things, not play in ways you could at home. My personal opinion is that by all means you should go out and let him experience all the things you are describing. Your steering him toward appropriate activities and helping him learn to play/share with other children--those are EXACTLY the lessons you and he are supposed to be sharing at this age. If you stay home, he will learn so much less and be less prepared to play on the playground when you do re-emerge. Try to *enjoy* teaching him to respect the boundaries of the park and try to *enjoy* showing him why a swing or slide can be so much more fun than pushing around someone else's stroller. Enjoying the process will help you get through this SHORT phase. Which gets me to my real point, which is that you will be AMAZED at how quickly all this will change. I know it feels like it will be this way forever, but it won't. Our little ones change so quickly, so keep that in mind when trying to keep your and his sense of humor about the lessons you are sharing together. Chin up!

If he's going to demonstrate such drama (and don't worry, I'd think what you are describing is completely normal) with his toys at the playground then simply leave them at home. There should be enough there already to hold his attention and you really probably don't need them. As far as him playing with strollers and bikes, just constantly be on your feet and redirect, distract, and refocus. If he starts pushing another stroller, take a few steps away and call him over or point to a piece of playground equipment to explore while saying something like "let's climb on the turtle instead - look how fun this is!" Don't worry about the temper tantrums - I'm pretty sure that every mother at the park has experienced their darling angel turn into a howling, kicking, screaming, tantrummer and it is likely they are sympathizing with you rather than judging. Unless he is doing something that will hurt himself, let him have his tantrum and pay little attention to it. He's either looking for a reaction from you (so if you ignore it he learns he needs to find another, more appropriate way to 'voice' his dissatisfaction) or he's having difficulty expressing himself. Let the tantrum occur and when he's calmed down speak to him in a pleasant, reassuring voice.

We absolutely bring no toys to the park. The only thing we bring is his 3 wheel bike. All the other kids in the neighborhood seem to bring wheels, and as long as he knows his is there, he doesn't seem to bother anyone else's.