57 answers

Nanny Kissed Our Child....

Hi Mommas,
We are in a process of hiring a new nanny as our current nanny will be getting married and will be moving. After many interviews with very non-exciting applicants we finaly got a lady who came to our house for an interview and she apeared very positive and sincere, she instantly had a bond with our 4 y/o and he started showing her all his toys, his room, her room, the house... so they ended up alone for a while. When they came back, she said to us that she kissed our son. Later our toddler confirmed that she kissed him on a cheek and was very matter of fact about it, pointed to his cheek, smiled, asked when she will be back. My DH thought it was strange.... We really liked this lady except my DH now is feeling weird about the kiss. I do not. I actualy want somebody who likes my child and the kiss was a sign that she is not grossed out by him so I will not need to worry about her wiping his boogers or his butt.
My DH cannot explain why he feels weird about it.... but I do want to call her and tell her she is hired ... and at the same time make him feel comfortable because she will be there with our child if we hire her.....
Any thoughts on this kiss thing?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

OMG! Thank you all for the answers! I never thought of so many different reasons and scenarios! Well, I talked it over with my DH and we agreed to ask this lady to come for a second interview and observe her again and ask some more questions. We had a few candidates coming over after her and no one left us impressed - all looked like our son will be just a job for them. After meeting with some of them my H joked that Rosie looked like a God sent compared to them. Our son says: "I want Rosie to come back" so that is an argument hard to win.
Thank you all for the great answers!

Featured Answers

If DH feels weird about it I would keep looking. After all if he loved the applicant and you felt creepy what would you want to do?

4 moms found this helpful

I agree with Steph C in that telling you about it seems weird. I was molested so I tend to think in terms of that,but I would like to think more like Riley and the gender differences. Can you contact all her former employers and ask if they had any issues?

2 moms found this helpful

I think a kiss on the cheek is sweet but to do it on the first day of meeting a child is a little strange to me.Im not saying that the woman is weird or anything just not the right time to be doing it.Maybe when she gets to know the family better it would be more appropirate.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

OMG.
I did daycare and had little babies. I kissed my own kid and kissed the other ones too. On the cheek, on the forehead, on their fingers.
Thank God I didn't have parents who were weird about it.
My older kids wanted hugs and usually kissed ME on the cheek when it was time for them to go home.
To me, it's just a sign of affection.
She didn't try to hide the fact that she kissed your son on the cheek. She readily said so. Your son confirmed what she did.
I know parents have to be careful, but in this case, I think you should be open with her. If I were her, I wouldn't want to be your nanny knowing that your husband wasn't comfortable with the kiss on the cheek. If she has to clean his rear end and everything else, she should be comfortable and your son should be comfortable.
I'd be nervous about parents who didn't like me showing affection. Maybe your husband is just being too precautious. But really, I don't think the kiss is a deal breaker. What would it hurt if your son really adores her?

Best wishes.

7 moms found this helpful

She most likely told you because she is honest and upfront. How would you feel if, after she left, your son told you that she kissed him?

7 moms found this helpful

I think the reason she told you was to show you that your son felt comfortable enough with her to let her get close.

In my opinion, she wanted to show you that he accepted her.

6 moms found this helpful

I'm a kisser, I tend to kiss the cheek of every little one I know. Some people are huggers, some people are kissers, some people are hands off. Its definitely nothing to be weird or uncomfortable about. She sounds like a great lady who loves kids. Your hubby may have a few unresolved issues sounds like.

6 moms found this helpful

I'm with you.

One of the things I've noticed about fathers (in general) hiring nannies is that many of them want a "professional" kind of demeanor. Serious. No nonsense. And *definitely* no overstepping bounds in a way that might make their wives feel less than, OR their children overly familiar. Actually, nearly whenever I'm around a group of fathers talking about their nannies or au pairs the song from Mary Poppins pops straight into my head. It's over the top, but it highlights a lot of the differences between men and women (in general) when looking for a nanny. The father wants

A British nanny must be a gen'ral!
The future empire lies within her hands
And so the person that we need to mold the breed
Is a nanny who can give commands!

A British bank is run with precision
A British home requires nothing less!
Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools
Without them - disorder!
Catastrophe! Anarchy! -
In short, we have a ghastly mess!

Meanwhile, in the other corner of the room the mother are talking about their nannies and au pairs and it's very much about bonding, caring, creativity, honesty.

If it's that simple... structure & discipline v affection & caring, it's a pretty easy thing to deal with. Talk with him about a trial period. Ditto if he's concerned that you would be jealous, reassure him you'd be *thrilled* with the person caring for your son to be cared for by him.

BUT...ever notice (most) men need to justify their intuition? They can't just say that they've got a bad feeling, or are jealous, or are scared, or _______, INSTEAD they find whatever spurious reason is close at hand to "justify" their feelings. If the kiss is just that, an excuse for a deeper feeling, you've got trouble. Because he either noticed something subconsciously that you didn't OR he's having some kind of 2nd thoughts or strong emotions about god knows what and it's coming out sideways.

So I would find out if it's honestly the kiss, or if the kiss is cover for something else.

5 moms found this helpful

i think you and many others are way over-thinking this. people come in various flavors, and many are tactile and kissing a 4 year old on the cheek, especially a child you might be working with daily, seems completely unremarkable to me. ditto her mentioning it. she was probably doing nothing more sinister than making sure you were aware of everything that happened when she was out of your view, and that's a pattern she will follow if she works for you.
but if your dh has a feeling, that's enough. you can't hire someone you're both not comfortable with.
pity. she sounds great. i suggest you tell other applicants up front about your preference in this regard, though. they really can't be expected to know intuitively that you prefer a hands-off policy.
khairete
S.

5 moms found this helpful

Sounds harmless enough to me. My only thought is that as moms we sometimes have to go with our gut (I expect my hubby to support me when this happens) so although this seems innocent to me do you really want to go against your husband's gut?

Can you meet w/ her again (second interview)? Check references (both personal and professional) and allow your husband a chance to reconsider?

5 moms found this helpful

I wonder if it is a southern thing, but we are a baby kissing, hugging group of people down here..

We meet someone and many times of the end of the conversation we feel like we have a new best friend..

You automatically hand over your baby to be held by others that are going to be watching your child to see how they act with your child and your child reacts to that person..

We see a new baby and just want to love on them.. It has been hard to get the older folks to understand the whole, disinfectant gel idea before touching a baby.. they think it is ridiculous, sine many of the older folks grew up without plumbing..

If your husband had a strange feeling, I would follow his lead or get him to tell you why it bothered him.. There has to be a reason. May take him a few days, but he will figure it out..

5 moms found this helpful

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