Name Change After Divorce

I know you have very strong feelings about this, but perhaps you should wait untill after the divorce is final to really consider it. Who you are and who you are becoming are internal, though the name thing feels symbolic, it's not a physical reality. It may be that the divorce itself will help you to feel that "break" from who you were, and then it won't be an issue. Give it some time, let the dust settle from the experience, and then go from there. Take care!

I kept my married name after the divorce because I wanted it to be the same as the kids as well as I own a business and all my business info is under that name. I have since remarried and at least for the next few years, plan on keeping my name the same as my kids. When they are older I will change it to be hypened with my kids name and my new husbands. Hope you find something that will work for you...good luck!!!

Yes, take back your maiden name. I know how it feels to want your own name back, and I'm so happy that I took back my maiden name. It is a simple line in the divorce settlement, wherein the judge "restores" your maiden name. If you don't do it in the divorce, you'll have to file a separate petition in the court after the divorce, and that will simply cost you more money and time!

And I don't think it will cause you problems. Sarah is correct in saying that lots of parents and children have different last names and there are TONS of reasons for that, so no big deal.

I am still married but I never took my husband's name. My son has my husband's last name. Thus far it has never been an issue. In this day and age, it is not uncommon for women to keep their names regardless of marital status.

Kudos to you. It takes courage to leave a bad relationship.

It sounds to me like you want your maiden name back and being the situation I would probably feel the same . You sound like a very strong woman who makes wise decisions. Go ahead take your maiden name back just as your son will make his own decisions about his dad he will also understand why you took your name back ....God Bless you.

If you want to take back your maiden name, then you should! I have always had a different last name than my daughter, and it works out just fine. People figure it out, and schools are very used to children having a different last name than their parents. Hang in there.

i can understand your feelings. you have every right to change it if that's the way you want to go. it is very simple - mom isn't daddys wife anymore, therefore they don't have the same name anymore. your son, however is still, and will always be, his father's son, and that's why he has his name. it will be awhile before he even realizes the difference, let alone asks. so don't sweat it. i was also going to say, most divorced women i know just keep their married name, it's not a big deal. but since you have strong feelings about it and very definite reasons for doing so, i don't blame you for wanting to change back. it is completely up to you.

I personally went thru a situation like this, I chose to keep the married name so my son would never feel like he didn't belong in my family. When I remarried I hyphened my son's last name to my new husbands name assuring him that he was included in our family. I my state you need both parents permission to change a child's name and my x was not allowing a change so that is what I did. This also made it easier for the school with the hypen name for the new siblings to be combined with the older child.

It's really hard to have a child with a different last name. It's h*** o* the kid. I've done it with my older girls. I hate it, they hate it. We are in the process of having their names changed to my husband and my last name. Their dad never sees them.

Unless you're planning on changing your sons name along with yours, you should keep it the same as his.

Hi,

You don't have to decide when you file, but you WILL have to decide before it can be finalized because if you want to change your name you need "name restoration rights" in your divorce decree. (Gone are the days that you can just walk into the Social Security Office and change your name at will).

I'm in a similar situation (but a year and a half into the process... ugh) and have decided to hyphenate my maiden and married names (probably what I should have done when I got married in the first place). Socially, I'll probably go back to using just my maiden name, but having my son's last name still in there will keep things less complicated for school registration, insurance etc.

Another option, but it would require a lot of cooperation on your ex's part (not an option for me) would be to petition to have your SON's last name changed to a hyphenated version of yours and his dad's last names, then change your name back to your maiden name. That kind of name arrangement is very common for children who's parents were never married and is standard in many Latin cultures (mom's maiden name as middle name).

Good luck with this,

T.

I will continue to pray for you, your son and the situation. I agree with the statement that your son will form his own opinion about the father. As far as taking your maiden name back will probably not make it any more difficult for your son. If you remarry you will have a different last name as well. I am not sure about TN but in MO if you do the name change at the same time as the divorce then your cost is less. If you wait until later you will then have to pay court cost again. Check with your attorney about this.

I don't think it will bother your son at all to have your maiden name back. My daughter divorsed with 2 children age 5, remarried and took her new husbands name and they didn't pay any attention to it.

I would not change it back to your maiden name. If you never plan to remarry, then go ahead but if there is any doubt that someday, however far in the future, you may remarry, you will then have another name. I know you want to rid yourself of the ex completely but you are right as far as the future for your son. He is young and won't be confused now and probably never would be but for you, you change it now and then remarry and then change it again? I would just go with it so you don't have to change too many times, that might get confusing to him. I have a friend who did change back to her maiden name but they were only married 3 months and she decided that no matter who she marries in the future she will just keep her maiden name b/c she is the last of her family and wants to keep the name going. Good for you for getting out of an abusive relationship!!!

After divorce ofcourse we want to disassociate our last names from them. The problem is it does the same for your son.I would suggest simply adding your maiden name after your married name.

I have a friend who did something different when she got a divorce. She dropped her husbands name and used her daughters middle name as her last name.
Maybe it won't work with your son's name, but I think her daughter really liked that although she still had her dads last name, she now also shares a name with her mommy. :)
If you can't do that, what about giving yourself a completely different last name and then hyphenating your sons name- giving him your new last name and his dads? Then you won't have to "go back" to your old name, and your son will have both parent's last name and will feel more connected to you. :)
Good luck, and I wanted to tell you I'm so happy and proud of you for getting out of an abusive relationship. Many women don't have the courage or support. You've done a GREAT thing for you and your son. :)

I am going through a similar situation. I will say a prayer for you and your son. I can not afford a divorce, at this point, but when I do, I am going to keep my married name, only for the kids' sake. It's hard enough now to even take them to the hospital or pick them up from day cares or schools without having an i.d. I can imagine how difficult it will be if I change my name back.
If it is helpful for you to change your name back, then I am behind you. It is also good of you to continue to allow your kids to see their father.
There are times when I am less than happy to let mine go with their dad. It is a struggle, but I know in my heart that they need him in their life also.

I am sorry for the situation you are in but you are not alone. I divorced and kept my exes last name for the kids sake---MISTAKE! If I had to do it all over again I would change back to my maiden name. I have since remarried. We are in the adoption process and will be adding my husbands last name to their name. Good luck in the next chapter of your life. Sending out prayers that it will all transition smoothly

Hi C., When I divorced many years ago I kept my married name for my children. I knew it would be easier on them when people could know us with the same last name. We had a very tough situation too. I thought that when they become adults I will go back to my maiden name. He should definitely be able to know his father, it may take a few years, and hurt very much, but they will see how that person is....... You can't make his father spend time with him and be in his life but always let it be known that it is open for them to have a relationship. GOD BLESS YOU. You r in my thoughts and prayers.

I had friends who thought I should take back my maiden name after my divorce so without any real reason like yours I just did it. This was very difficult for my daughter, she just didn't understand why I didn't want her name, I was basically rejecting part of her. She had the hardest time with it clear up to when she begged me to go live with him. I didn't remarry until much later and it would have been a non-issue then but she just really felt slighted.

My name is M. c and after many years i went and change my married name to my maiden name. your son will always be your son nomatter what name he has. I am sorry for all that u are going through. your son will make up his own mind.