Name Anxiety

Dear K.,

You have so many responses already, I almost didn't add mine - but obviously I am! First, I was disappointed to see MaryBeth's response. A name is so important, and we have emotional responses to them for many reasons, usually a connection to someone we knew somewhere in our past. The worry I have is your husband's response to the fact that you want to change her name. I would sit down and figure out exactly what your feelings are and why, and then try to have some alternatives ready - if you are serious about wanting to change her name legally. Otherwise, I like the idea of calling her by her middle name - or coming up with your own nickname. My grandmother always called my aunt Janie - and her name was Marlene DeLois. My grandfather's names were David and Dudley - no one knew which was his first and which was his middle name. Everyone called him Dudley except Granny, who called him David. My children all have their full legal names, but we decided on nicknames before they were born, and put these in quotes above their full names on their birth announcements. My son's name is William, and we call him Liam (the last four letters in Wlliam, and the Irish version of Billy). He was always Liam until kindergarten. He introduced himself to his teacher the first day of school as "William" and then was always William in school. Then when he got to high school, several of his friends started calling him Will. To this day, he has different groups of people who call any of these three names. I love my son's names. If we had had a second son, he would have been named after his father and grandfather, and we would have called him "Trey." My son periodically has said he wishes he were Trey, but he also likes Liam (and I am so glad he wasn't named after his father and grandfather, I didn't realize 20 years ago how much emotional baggage is attached to those names! - I think he is also relieved not to carry those names!). . . Also, my daughter is Margaret, but we call her Meg. I love the name Meg - but people tend to call her Megan, assuming that is her full name - it doesn't bother her, but it makes me crazy! (And again, Margaret was my mother-in-law, and there is emotional baggage there, though I love "Meg," it would've been better to give her her own name - hindsight . . . )

Names are very important! And you need to be happy with your daughter's name. But right now, you need to decide if you want to go to the trouble and expense of legally changing her name, or if her name has a nickname you can call her, or if there is another name you want to call her without legally changing it.

I can't wait to find out how you decide to handle this. You need to find your peace.
Best wishes!
Babara

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My son was named after his father and I didn't want to call him Jr or by his dads name so I just used a name I liked. You do not have to call your child by it's legal name, that is what "nick-names" are for. You can call you child anything that you would like and once they are old enough to decide they can either keep the name or use the name that is on the certificate of birth. My son is now 23 and he has told me many times that he likes having the option of using both names, he uses his legal name for business and his nick name for family and friends, this helps him to know immediatly from what spectrum of life the person is identified with.

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I never had this problem but my Mom did when i was born.
She was forced to name me Rosaria from her father in law and her doctor told her to but Rosaria on the birth certicate and then call me by my middle name.
Good luck.
C.

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If you really can't stand it...change it! My mother changed mine when I was an infant; she loved the name she came up with at first, but when I was born, it just didn't fit!

I wouldn't worry about all of your friends and family, I mean, just tell them, what else is there to explain? Its not that big a deal through the courts - just paper work! No biggie - your little one might thank you for what you have done...I certainly thank goodness my mom had the guts to do it, if she hadn't my name would have been "Candy"...and that doesnt suit me AT ALL :o)

J.

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YOu have to do what you feel. Thing seriously about it first. I didn't have this experiance but a firend of our family did. She named her child Jade but eventually switched it legally to Chyna. Ironically. She claimed depression and being out of it and changed it legally at about 4 months i think. It was a little bit of work. But everybody stuck with her and her daughter is now 8 and has a story to tell.

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Thirty four years ago our second daughter was born. I didn't have a name I absolutly loved...but my husband really liked one name and felt very strongly about it. I didn't like that name....it was the name of someone I had gone to school with and din't like. At first I really thought about changing her name. I did talk it over with my husband and he said even though we did not have money for all the legal stuff, he would try to work things out so we could pay to have it changed. I felt so much better just knowing he would do that for me that I think I kind of started liking the name because of his love and willingness to change it for me. He loved the name and I loved him, and our daughter. (And by the time we got the money to change her name we had other stuff we wanted to spend it on!!) Now all these years later I can't imagine her having any other name...it really fits her and more importantly, she likes her name. I hope this helps...it is so hard right after a baby is born. You are still hormonal and everything just makes you cry! Let it go for a while longer and make sure you and the baby are healthy and you are getting some rest and look at it again in a couple of months. Then if you decide to have it changed you can approch it more calmly.

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We had this experience with my littlest Sister. My mom hated the name her father gave her and for 8 months never called her by it. Finally it grew on her. Her name is Khayla so we called her "the baby" for those 8 months and then she became Khayla or more often than not KK. What about the middle name? More and more people are calling their children by their middle names now days and when you do sign up for school they always have that line by what name should your child be called. And if all else fails and you choose to change her name legally she will have a two page birth certificate no big deal. Hope this helps

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K.,
First off, have you mentioned to your husband that you're having doubts about your daughter's name? If so, is he supportive about changing it to something else? Have you also considered just calling her by her middle name (if you like that name better) and keeping her legal name? I think you should go with your gut instinct, but I would first consider whether or not these feelings are stemming from the experience of being a first time mom. If they're not, and your husband is supportive, then I'd go for it. I wasn't thrilled about our son's name...although I was the one that suggested the name, it was more because I couldn't think of name that I really, really loved. I wanted a strong name, but one that wasn't common yet not too unusual, either. It was much easier to name our daughter because you can be more creative, I think. Anyway, up until I delivered I was wondering if there was a better name than the name we chose, but I couldn't think of anything. So, we named him Jacob. 18 mos. later, I can't imagine his name being anything different. I love his name now. (Granted my sister said that Jacob was the number one name given in 2006 - year he was born - according to Social Security Services.) And who knows, maybe when they get older they'll realize that they don't like their name too much and will want to change it. Good luck!

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i had the same issue in a way...i thought the name i gave my now 3 month old was off and not right. i secretly thought about changing hers, i didn't tell anyone...but then about a month ago something clicked and it feels right now. i now attribut it to the baby blues. but if this is seriously bothering you, and it goes beyond post-partum hormonal things, then there is nothing wrong with changing her name, and yes it takes paperwork and some explaining, but in the end you will have made a choice that is right for you and your family. but make sure you and your husband are on the same page.

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I had a hard time getting used to our son's name. I think it took me about six months to call him by his name. Sometimes, I was worried that maybe it was the "wrong" name (my husband chose it), but now I really like it, and I think it had more to do with this unfamiliarity with this new spirit and person who just "moved into" our lives.

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My friend changed her daughter's name when she was 11 months old. She didn't appologize to anyone, just stated it matter of fact, and all of us who were used to calling the girl "Hazel" just had to switch to calling her "Emmeline." It's YOUR perrogative whether or not you want to change her name (well, you and your husband) and I DO believe there is paperwork and a fee, but I am pretty sure you don't have to go to court to change her name legally. Good luck - and don't let other people make the decision for you.

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What's her name? Names are really hard. My husband and I could not decide upon our son's name at all. We gave him one name when he was born (Carlos) and about an hour after he was born I said "no!" he is not a Carlos. Then we gave him one of our other names that I didn't love love love, but I liked it. His name is Gabriel. Now I can't imagin him with any other name.

Unless your daughter's name is really awful I wouldn't change it now. You have a 6 week old and might be depressed for other, more hormonal, reasons. However, don't let this happen to you again! Next time get some baby name books out of the library and have a lot of alternatives. Family names are nice too, and will give you a bit of ammunition for the next time around.

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I had name anxiety too. When I brought my daughter home, and she started smiling, I thought...OMG! That cant be here name... My husband had also chosen the name. I waited a few weeks, and her name grew on me. I knew how hard my husand had looked to find her name, and 3 years later...it definately fits. I chalk some of my feelings up to post partum and all the emotions you feel after child birth. (I do have a cute nickname I gave her when she was a baby and people still use that as well as her actual name. Think of your husbands feelings and find 1 special nickname. And wait until the emotional part passes.... I am so glad I did! :-)

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K., Change it! Who cares about telling everyone, send out announcements that say something cute like: My parents took me home and my personality blossomed into (insert new name) so they wanted to let you all know what an amazing baby I am with a very special new name! Just a thought. In the end you are her mother and you want to tell her when she's 20 how you gave her her name because it meant something to you. Both of my children have their own first names but family middle names. There's a story to tell them both when they want to hear it. Do what your heart tells you, don't have regrets!

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She may really love her name when she's old enough to have an opinion. My daughter is 9 and when she was born I REALLY wanted her middle name to be Dene-Jenna Dene-for sentimental reasons and there are so many Denes in our family or some variation (Dean, Loydene, Suzanne Dene, Geraldine). My husband did not want to name her that so we decided on Jenna Nicole. Till this day I wish I would've fought him more but the ironic thing is, When I told my daughter what I wanted to name her she said "Oh no, I like Nicole way better-glad you didn't choose that!!" SO my point is, your daughter may LOVE the name! You can call her whatever you like. We all have Nicknames for our children, infact I rarely call Jenna-Jenna. It's usually Jens or Jen. People ask me all the time "Now what is her real name?" Call her what you want and let her decide what she likes better.

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listen to your intuition K.. a name is important and if this one doesn't feel right to you then who cares what anyone else thinks. find a name that resonates and feels right to you, then do what you need to. yes it's a hassle to deal with the legalities, but it's better than to have her name bugging you for the rest of your/her life. and probably if it doesn't right to you, it won't feel right for your daugther as well. your family will deal with it and it will be ok.

good luck!

R.

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K....

I don't think you're crazy at all. My daughter is 13 and I STILL wish I had not given her the middle name that she has. Like you...the name is NOT horrible....it's just that my mother pushed the name on me so much until I caved. I really wish I hadn't. I didn't change the name simply because it would've been too much of a hassle. I would've had to go to the City of Records, pay a fee, re-do paper work, SS card, etc. It was just too much. Gratefully it was a middle name, and no one calls her by it.

In some time...you will probably come to love your daughter's name because her personality will begin to reflect it. My advice though would be...if you truly feel this strongly...don't wait (like I did)....it will just end up being more confusing.

Take Care!

S. V.
www.dreamplanters.com
____@____.com

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Kristi,
Actually 34 years ago my Mom went through this- although not for 6 weeks. She wanted to name me Tiffany, but my grandparents were not into it. So I was named Heather. My Father realized my Mother's dicontent and they agreed to rename me Tiffany. I still have a savings bond in Heather's name and it is a fun story. I love my name and feel my life would be different as Heather.
Names are powerful, and are the hardest gift to give to our children. I have two children now and have thought long and hard about their names. I fought for what I believed in when naming and I am happy with the outcomes. For my first we even considered going the route of Peekaboo Street, USA Skier, who named herself at age 4. A name is the first step to identifiying who one is and will be.
Go with your soul- you know deep down what you and your daughter need!

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K.,

I don't think you are crazy, however, I do think you may be experiencing some post partum or the baby blues. Your baby is only 6 weeks old. You are probably sleep deprived and may not realize that hormones may be affecting how you feel about her name. I also think as new Mom's when we don't think we are doing it "perfect" we are hard on ourselves. Maybe you thought it would be just terrific when the baby arrived and you would be an this "amazing Mommy" who could handle everything and now you are feeling overwhelmed. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, it takes awhile to feel like yourself again.
If you haven't had your post delivery check up with your doctor than you should schedule one. Mention how you feel about the babies name and any other feelings you are experiencing that just don't feel right. Wait a little while longer before deciding either way what to do about the babies name. Until then decide on a nick name you like or another name that you think might suit your daughter and try it for awhile. Maybe try using her given name in combination with one you are trying out. For example Madeline Rose, maybe or Samantha Claire. Do you like her middle name? If so try reversing them.
Most of the time we call our girls by their nick names or a host of other loving terms ( except when I use all three of their names to get them to pay attention or for some other unpleasent reason). Whatever you decide, who cares what other people think and say, just enjoy your baby. Lastly, let her worry about her name when she hits thirteen; she will probably want you to call her something exotic or quirky anyway. Good Luck!!

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my son was almost a month old before we named him. we laid him down and leaned in front of him and called out the different names to see is reaction and how it sounded while we looked at him, like was it a good "fit"? with some of the names, he didnt seem to notice we were talking to him, some he grunted or whined, but when we said his name he smiled and cooed and looked at us! no joke! and just in case it was a fluke, we kept trying others, and the back to his name again. So we just listened to hi. and to our own hearts. because hat was the first name that we originally liked. My mom's friend called her second son "the baby" for three months! and then changed his name two months later!! so dont feel bad about not being sure. its a very difficult decision indeed. afterall, you and your child are going to have to live with it for the rest of your lives. you dont want to regret later o that you never changed it because you were concerned about what other people might say. well, whats worse, the discomfort you feel with the name, or the discomfort you weill feel with what people will say? Do what feels right to you. Also, my mother's parents couldnt agree, so her father chose her first name and her mother chose her middle name and then they always called her by her middle name. in fact, its the only name she has ever used, its even written first on her driver's license and well, everything. so there is an option too. Best of luck to you!

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I had a hard time calling my son by his name for months! It just didn't feel right. I called him "baby boy" or "little guy" a lot. I think it's because I felt like I didn't really know him yet. I had read that you should call your child by his name from early on and I just couldn't do it. I finally started making more of an effort and eventually it felt right.

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The only concern that I would have is if it's a name that she could be teased over in school. I hated my given name as a child and always went by my "nick" name. I embrace it today as it is fairly unique.
We are a country that is made up so many different nationalities with so many unusal names.
If you truly believe that you made an error and have regrets I see absolutley no reason why you should worry or feel guilty about changing it legally. I believe that the decision is clearly yours and your husbands, not your family.
Good Luck......

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I had a similair experience with my oldest - now 4 yrs. My husband came up with the name shortly before my son was born. I had been using another name almost my entire pregnancy. In the hospital, we chose the name my husband had come up with. It took me some time to get used to calling my son this. I felt I had mad a mistake. I felt I did not like the name. I also thought about changing the name. And had tons of pet names for him. I think that when you name a person.... especially the first one, it's hard. When you meet someone, that is thier name. It's matter of fact. It's different when you assign the name. I was so worried that I had given my son the wrong name. It did grow on me. It is the perfect name for him, now that I know him a bit. My 2nd child, I had no doubt of his name from pregnancy til this day. I think that I would have had the same feelings toward my first child, no matter the name. You are naming a human being. Forever. Good luck!

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I was also very uncomfortable calling my daughter by her name when she was a newborn, it didn't seem to fit her but I forced myself to call her by her name at least a couple of times a day and eventually her name began to fit her personality more and more. She is now almost two and I can't imagine her with any other name. Give it a little more time.

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K.,
She's your baby and if you want to change her name you should, but I wouldn't wait much longer to do it. Friends and family might think you are crazy but ultimately it's your decision. My sister-in-law changed her daughter's name after a couple weeks-it seemed odd at the time especially for those of us who had gotten gifts with the original name on it, but everyone adjusted. Now, I can't imagine my niece using her original name and neither will any of your family if you do decide to change it. Good Luck!

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Dear K.,

We had to go back to the baby books for my second son. The name we picked out just didn't fit him. For reasons I'll save for another response, we didn't have to declare his name legally for a couple of weeks. So I tried a few names out, and we finally settled on one that fit.
Also, I thought I'd share a story about friends of ours. This Christmas, we received the annual 'newsletter' from them. I'm sure you've seen these - they describe a little about each family member and what they've been up to each year. This family has a 5 year old son and twin girls (2.5 y.o.). This Christmas, the letter announced that one of the twins changed her name. It was a pretty casual announcement. My husband and I's first thoughts were 'interesting'. Next time we talk with them, we'd love to hear the back story to the change. We didn't have any strong reactions like - are they crazy! - because it's really none of our business. They are our friends, and we support them.
Another little ancedote... A good friend of mine was named after a family member. She never liked her first name growing up, so she uses her middle name. I don't think people find this strange.
Sometimes names don't work out. In my humble opinion, you should change her name if you want to. It's certainly going to be easier now than when she's older in terms of announcing to people. I'm not sure what it entails legally, but it sounds like something you really want to do. It is only 'just a name', but it's also your daughter's name and you should be happy with it.

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Sometimes names do not seem to fit in the beginning because the baby has not formed a personality so it is hard to identify the child by name. Also, it is VERY normal to call a new baby by a nickname. We referred to our first son by "baby" for the first year. His name seemed too grown up and too harsh for a new, tiny baby. Now he is 6 and he fits his name, "Dominic", perfectly. The feelings are typical but hang in there - the name will seem more appropriate as your baby ages.

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i can't even begin to tell you how much i can relate! my son was born 6 weeks early and I wasn't ready with a name. we had some we liked but i just couldn't decide. to make a long story short, we named him Zachary Hudson. I couldn't call him the name either and wanted to change it. i couldn't sleep at night. After a month of this, and quite fed up, my husband said i couldn't change it anymore, but i could decide whether to call him Zac or Hudson. So even with this decision I was paralyzed. It was almost a year before I decided. It was this awful lingering thing. I felt horrible about it and I'd never known anyone who had gone through anything like it before. So, his first birthday cake said Happy Birthday Zac Hudson. I felt so guilty. BUT, one day I just lept. made the decision that I liked Hudson better. The H was for my grandmother and had more meaning. So he's now 3 and he's SUCH a Hudson! the irony of course is that there are 3 in his class at school and I liked it because it was original, but either way, it is now so him. I was in lots of therapy over it and I can so relate. Please, don't make yourself crazy. I wanted to change it to Jake, Jack, Ryan and a million other names I can't even remember right now. If there is another name that you think would be better, you will not be the first person to do this. When you're alone, try calling her by a name that feels more comfortable. go out to people you don't know at the grocery store and see how you feel. Once you do decide, in your heart and just go with it, it will get easier. my son's first name will always be Zachary, but he's Hudson to everyone we know and I love it now. I feel so comfortable with it and I could have never imagined this feeling 3 years ago. So just know that it will get better. Listen to your gut. you are her mother and this is your first decision as her mother, so try to see how your heart feels and don't care what anyone else in the world thinks! It's not impossible to go through the name change process and all your friends will soon forget. Mine tease me a little, but I can laugh about it now too. all the best...

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K.,

My brother didn't like the name they gave their son at birth. They changed the name and most of their friends were releived not to call his son the first name they chose. Your daughter has a long life ahead of her and names are very important. Go with your gut!

M.

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I don't have first hand experience, but a very close friend of mine named her son a name she didn't like. It was tradition in her husband family to name the first born male in the family after the grandfather (can you image). Anyway, after about 5 months she could no longer stand it and had a long talk with her husband. They ended up changing the name. I believe that it cost them about $500 to do so (state of Texas), but everybody ended up happy in the end. Her son now is 16 years old. Hope this helped.

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oh gosh! that happened to me too! the father suggested Lucy Lola as I was in labor and I said yes. So Lucy Lola it is, and I still have trouble telling people 4 years later. Is it Lucy? Is it Lola? Is it Lucy Lola? It's kind of all 3, depending on who you ask. I ended up just calling her "honey" most of the time, and referring to her as "my daughter". So I suggest you clear this up asap, before this happens to you too. Deal with it now. Whatever the paperwork may be, you certainly have a right to pick a name you like. What is the name anyway? Good Luck!

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Kristy I don't think you are crazy at all. After I had my first baby I felt the same way probably for months. I wanted to change his name and I didn't think the one his dad picked for him fit at all. I thought about having it changed as well. I have to say I am happy I didn't because I couldn't imagine him with anyother name. Chances are her name will fit her too. Give it some time!

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I know what you are going through. I had twin boys just over 4 months ago. We had chosen one boy name right after I found out I was pregnant. We didn't find out I was having twins until I was 17 weeks along. I'm still not sure of our Baby B's name...however, the more time that has passed the more I like it. I feel much better about the decision as more people comment on "what great names" we chose. We also gave them pretty good middle names so if they hate their first names when their older they can opt for going by their middle names if they wish. I hope your able to resolve the name issue what ever you decide, and once you figure it out don't feel guilty...names are really important. Good Luck K.! (:

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Hello K.,

This is a tough situation. My son Tanis just turned 11 months old today. I think it took me 6 month to get used to my son's name. I'm starting to even like hs name. But then I'm exeptionally flexible and my husband would have felt rejected. I make most of the day to day decisions with our home and our children. I'd told him he could chose the name and I'd alredy vetoed a few names.

As you decide what you will do remember that this is a choice between your spouse and yourself. You decide what the deciding factors are not your family and not those that respond. Here are some questions you may want to consider:

How strongly do you feel?
How much are your hormones affecting you emotions in this issue?
How will this affect your spouse?
Are you willing to deal with the reaction from friends/family?
Is the legal hassle worth it?
Is there another solution? (Use name other than legal one - Use middle name - Keep first name but change middle name)

You could always do what a friend's parents did. She has two first names and three middle names. She has a few troubles with legal forms and learning to spell her name was dificult. But each name is special. Each has a story.

I've been happy with my choice. In twenty years you will laugh at how much you agonized over this decision. I'm sure that you will be happy with whatever you decide.

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Congratulations! She is your baby, You are the MOM and no mom should be depressed or have regrets, do what you feel is right and do it soon. You can always add to the name. I know sooooo many people who go by middle names as well as my sister. Your daughter will benefit from a healthy and happy mother. I regret not adding my maiden name to my daughter. Good Luck!!

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I felt the same way and even did call my son by other names trying to find one that fit better. My husband named him and although it is fine it is NOT what I wanted, nor do I really like it. After deciding to change it when he was about 6 months, everyone told me I was crazy and gave me such a hard time I didn't. I wasn't crazy at all 9 yrs later I still don't like his name and it still doesn't fit him! I wish I would have changed it. It is way to common and the name still does not fit him. I have heard that before they turn one year it is easier to change. If you are truly unhappy with the name and your husband agrees, change it now. Doesn't matter what other people think. They will all forget by the time shes a few years old anyway.

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I've dealt with this with my neice. We were told her name was going to be X and her middle name Y. So we got use to that. Then the day she was born mom switched it and the family went "what?". The thing is that she is of mixed races and then given a first name of a completely different race, a very ethnic name really. It was just real confussing. (BTW I'm not racist by no means- family is a melting pot). The new "ethnic" first name was just real confussing to say and to digest. Mom said call her anything, so most of the extended family called her by her middle name (which was her original first name prior to birth). However she has 3 names she is called and at 2 knew them all. She goes by her 1st name, a shortened version of her 1st name and her middle name. She likes them all and one day when it matters to her, she'll choose one and announce to the world what it is. Whats funny is that her origianl name is growing on me. I have dropped the more common sounding middle name to the shortened version of her 1st name. Soon I might just call her what she was named.

So what I'm saying is you'll eventually feel comfortable with one. Who knows it could be the original one you didn't really like or a variation of it. You may just be able to keep what's on the BC and just choose to call her a variation of the first or her middle name.

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We had a similar experience with our second baby. I went into labor at 37wks and we had not agreed on a name. When our son was born my husband chose his name. It was ok but a week later my husband decided he didn't like it and changed it. The only good thing is my son was born at home and we had to file the paperwork ourselves. The first dr's visist shows him only as baby boy! To this day we still call him by a nickname we gave him while deciding on a name. If you aren't comfortable/happy with the name follow your instincts. Do you prefer her middle name?Unfortunately, it will cost a few hundred dollars for you to change the name legally.

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Change it!! It is my experience that these things should never be one sided. meaning you should have just as much say in the name as your husband. It could cause so much resentment later. I wanted to name our son Jasper and no one in the family would let me. They thought it sounded too much like Casper, so we all (my son and husband) settled on Miles. We had to all agree. I still like Jasper more and think it is much cooler, but at least I had a hand in the choosen name. This is your child and you will be saying that name, that word for a very long time and it is of utmost importance you LOVE the name!! Everybody around will adjust quickly because she is still so young and doesn't answer to it etc.. So do it, you are just as important to please. Go to therapy to talk about the importance of you not feeling resentment about a choice that was made for you. Say, "sorry, I did my best to live with it, I want to make you happy but not at my expense and you shouldn't either" don't be bullied by this. It will only come back to haunt you later and then it will be too late! Now what was the name?? Just joking but good luck, take care of yourself, no one else will!

I've gone through this but with a middle name which is different but I think I share some of the same feelings as you. I didn't and won't change it, but I'll be honest, I've thought about it...a lot!

Does your husband know how you feel? If so, what does he think about all of this? Do you now have a name that you wish you would have named her? Can you call her by her middle name? I know a child at my daughters school goes by his middle name.

I don't think you are crazy. But I do think it will either grow on you or you'll need to do something. Changing her name would not be the end of the world. Easier to do now then later and who cares what family and friends think - heck - don't even tell them! Just kidding. But if your husband LOVES the name and you change it then he may feel like you do now.

M.

Hi K.,
I had the same struggle with my last child, age 8. I desperately wanted to name him Tad, but my husband came up with all these jokes that everyone would call him Tadpole, etc. I said he can be my little Tadpole. I think it's a darling nickname. But hubby was opposed, so I finally settled for Todd. It was a struggle initially....kind of a grieving. But you know, I just resolved that that was his name, and everyone knew him as Todd and only close pals knew my internal struggle. Now people close to us call him Toddy (it just happened, he sort of started writing it on his classwork too) and he is a our precious Todd.

It is a heightened time emotionally for you as a new mom. I don't know if you need to do the legal changing route. Your daughter may adore her name. And I have to tell you, I chose my first daughter's name myself, so I let my hubby choose my 2nd daughters name even though I was so against it, but I knew it was only fair because he didn't say a thing about my selection. And you know what, the name he chose, that daughter is absolutely crazy about her name and she sometimes spells it with an i at the end instead of a y, as she is almost 11 now and they do stuff like that. But the name suits her so well.
So, I say, find those endearing nicknames and validate your husbands chose and move forward. Don't stress over this beautiful gift.

God Bless you, K..

K.

You must change her name. You are intuitive. So listen to your inner voice. A few days of inconvenience won't matter when you have a lifetime with a beautiful daughter and the name YOU really feel comfortable with during your life together! Do you have another choice or do you need one? I love Malina, or Tatianna!

Congrats to your bigger family! - S.

I wouldn't change her name, it was chosen then for a reason! Try using her middle name. I'm the only person that calls my son by his birth name and everyone else uses a nickname. When he got old enough he decided that he liked being called by one and not the other.

I don't want to seem like I'm minimizing your issue, but are you feeling a little bit overwhelmed by your baby? Maybe you need to talk to your OB about how you are feeling. New babies are such a joy but they are also relentless and they take your old life and throw it out the window. Sometimes you can feel so out of control that you just look for a shred of something to feel control over. I'm sure that every new mom has felt like this on some level. Please talk to your husband and you OB and see if there is some way for her/him to take off a little pressure. Everything will be OK, you'll see.

Dear K.,

I know you said to respond only if I had direct experience with this which I don't, but I think that it is really important that you feel comfortable with your baby's name and if you don't like it you should change it. Your baby is still very young and so it won't effect her at all but if you have anxiety about her name which will become an integral part of your daughter's identity as she grows I think think this anxiety could be misinterpreted.
Don't worry about what others will think or having to tell family and friends. If you don't fix it now, this will bother you forever and since it's something that can be changed, why not do it?
Sorry if my giving you my opinion is bothersome.
Best wishes,
C. C.

I had the same situation with my son. My husband named our son because I named our daughter. Part of his decision for the name came with other family members making requests (never a good idea). My son now bears a Biblical name (not saying this is wrong) but he also has two middle names. What I did was kept his legal name, but I shortened his first name to the first three letters of his name (Elijah to Eli). I will let him decide when he is older as to what he would like to do. He might prefer one of his middle names or might feel perfectly happy with his first name.

On another note......my father was named Francis......he insisted on being called Frank (he detested the name Francis).

Hope this helps!

You're not crazy. You need to love her name. A friend of mine is changing her 5 year old son's name from Tyler to Ty, since that is what they have called him most his life. The process is apparently very simple. You go to the place where you obtain birth certificates, fill out one form and that's it. As for your friends and family, you could send out cute little change of name annoucements. Don't feel badly or guilty. A name is important and so are your feelings about one.

Hi K. ~ I too had a very similar issue with my youngest daughter (Raquel). I had a name picked out for her all through my pregnancy and then the last month I decided I didn't like it and we would name her Raquel. (I don't even remember what the other name was now). However, when I saw her, she looked just like my mother-in-law and I wanted to name her after my mother-in-law (Nellie) my husband was not having any part of it. He said kids would make fun of her. My husband left the hospital after the birth of our youngest daughter to go get our oldest daughter to come see her sister and the birth certificate lady came in. I honestly thought about putting Nellie on the birth certificate. Thank goodness I did not. I love the name Raquel and so does she (now 18) and so does everyone else. It totally suits her. I thought about her name choice for a week or so and then was over it. Don't worry too much about this, there are much bigger fish to fry in your future. Give her a nick name and go with that. Good luck and I hope this works out well for you. As you can see by the many responses, you are certainly not alone on this issue. Best of luck,
L.

Hi K.:
I felt the same way after I named my daughter. The only difference is that I did change her name after she was four days old. I was able to go to the hospital and change the paperwork.

I would recommend calling the hospital and see if they can still change the paperwork without any problems.

If you don't change her name you will be stuck for the rest of your life saying something like "my husband chose her name" or "I didn't want to name her that but it happened".

How does your hubby feel about a name change? As long as he is all for it than do it. Don't keep waiting though. The longer you wait the harder it will be to announce to the world who she is.

Good luck.

I had the same issue, for over a year I didn't like the name he chose. I'm not one to obsess about names so I let him do all the research. I knew eventually it would grow on me and it did. She's 3.5 now - Marlena. I love LENA, not Marlena. She loves her name though and she came up w/ her own nick name so we call her that. I do fantasize about changing her name though and that ain't never gonna happen because she knows her own name. (BTW, when we told family members her name, some hated it at first also, but didn't say it. But it grew on everyone.)
You are not crazy. If you feel THAT strongly about it now, talk to him and go ahead and change it. If I could go back in time I'd choose Ava (I was originally opposed to "common" names) or Isabel.

We went through the same issue at the same age and I said that when I was born and adopted our parents had the opportunity to choose my name and when you grow up and have children you will have the same privilege. Lets name your dolls and get you a small pet you can name,it worked. When my older one said the same I told her that in Heaven our names will be different,even mine would change again. Good Luck!

I just wanted to write and thank you for bringing up an important issue. I will try to think of some advice for your name situation at the end of this post. Prior to that, I do think it would be wise for mamasource to consider putting up some kind of "advice giving guidelines," since some people seem to not understand the difference between the negative, counter-productive, and offensive giving of criticism and giving positive, agency-honoring, supportive advice, support, and wise counsel-which is what this website exists for. My suggestion is that they put up some guidelines along the column next to where people give their ideas, so once someone has written their comments they can go through the guidelines listed in the side column and either reword areas that are condescending or critical and make sure whether they are submitting building comments that validate and inspire.

We are a community of mothers after all who are risking our vulnerabilities and if there was such a guideline offered, it would probably help every mom who comes here also use that guideline in her relationships outside of mamasource as well. So, the good relationship building skills would get magnified all over the world.

Anyone else in favor of such an idea?

As for the name situation, if prayer is something your husband and you practice or might feel comfortable with, would you possibly consider praying together to see if keeping the name or changing the name is more edifying? Regardless of religion, I think most people agree that truth and love are spiritually good things and I think God opperates through calm, gentle edification of spirit to help give us peace about decisions. Good luck!

Six weeks doesn't sound very old to change her name if you really feel like she's supposed to be called something else. You're the mommy. This is just one of many times where you have to recognize your right to take the reigns and do what YOU think is best. And trust me, from here on out, as I'm sure you know by now, EVERYONE'S got an opinion!
Good luck...you'll make the right choice and look back and laugh at this later!

Our first daughter, I wasnt too crazy about her name, Husband chose it, but I love it now. Its unique. My second daughter, I wanted Alyssa but my Husband didnt like it because it sounded similiar to a name of my Aunt that he dislikes. So I named her Alessandra. (Victoria Secret model, I love the name.) but still I call her Alyssa or Ali. I won in the end. When she goes into school, she can choose to be called either of those names.

Legally wise, from what I hear its a hassle and time consuming.

Good luck with your decision.

I don't think your "crazy". I too was very unsure about my name choice for my daughter. I would talk to your doctor about it & rule out a mild case of baby blues. (This was my problem) One key evaluator would be to try & recall your thoughts on it when it was first suggested. If you were pretty ok w/ it then, I would give it at least a week to let your hormones settle down. Now that she's here has a name come to you- now that you can see her face and a little of her personality? I myself was named Judith at birth but was J. from day one. I changed it legally when I got married and changed my last name. I thought my Mom might be offended but she agreed w/ the decision. Infants learn their name very quickly so if you truly believe in your heart that her name doesn't fit her, I would change it. So what about everybody else- it'll make for a great story when she gets older.

Hi ,

I have 5 kids and they each have a really straight first name, Glen , Erik, Ava, Elisa and a super cool middle names Noble, Sage and Soleil and Beau,,, and they are all called by their middle names

We had a baby #5 nine months ago and named her Evita Rose, thinking we would call her Rose ( my husbands gma) but after a few days it just seemed wrong,.really wrong!

I began thinking we should change it, I really wanted Rose as the first name and Free as the second so she too would have a super cool calling name, but my husband had pre partum I think :) You know very uptight about the generational thing, bla bla, so changing it was a dumb solution.

Instead she has been called by a nick name " Gugu and Guger" and the name Evita really fits her ( pure luck), husband is also happy...the other kids are not confused why we don;t call her by her middle name...all is good.

Now if the name your daughter has is really not one that fits her sweetness or personality, even your husband would agree .I mean you are both familiar with her by now right?

It is not a big deal to change her name in her first year, just a new form to fill out, wait a while , see what comes up then brace yourself, become brave and handle the hell out of your husbands fixed viewpoint :)

I had another simuler situation regarding circumsion...Thought the man should decide this if it was a boy. He Said "off it comes" once my son was born and I had one look at this sweet little new person...and Said " Don't you touch him" if he ( my son) wants it later I will pay for it."

My husband at the time was sour for a while. and today 15 years later my son is very thankful for my protest :)

Lesson is: Consider Long term survival ( the good of all) in all of your decisions in life. Ignore the heat of the present need to survive...

You may not want to come off as a sissy to your daughter once she is a grown up with a retarded name on her name tag, nor do you want to tell a poluting story about your husband's lack of creativity.:)

Talk it out, he must have some women he has admired in his life , talk about females in movies, books , politics , human rights, childhood friends, artists, school, ect I am sure you can come up with someone you both like/ liked.

Friends and family...if they really like you, they will forgive you . If they don't say you are sorry anyway :)

Love H.

Dear K.,

I am going to respond whether you like it or not. A name is a very important thing and if you, the most important person in your baby's life right now, do not feel comfortable with it, then change it. - NOW.

It is not such a big thing to do as you think. Just go to the County Clerk's office and ask questions. You will be surprised how easy it is NOW, if you wait , then it will get harder to do.

Forget about how hard it will be to tell the relatives. It is your and your husband's business and you just need to do it and get on with your lives. My mother never did like her middle name and neither did I. I was soooo relieved when my birth certificate showed that my mother forgot to make that awful middle name legal.

Why not move the first name to the middle and give her the lovely name you want to give her and let it go at that. It isn't illegal for her to have three names plus a last name , is it?

See, that wasn't so bad, was it? C. N.

I am sorry you are having this anxiety. I was anxious, too about naming someone for their whole life. I think it comes with the territory of being a new mom and wanting everything for your new baby to be perfect. I think if you try calling her by her name, along with the nicknames, you will eventually see that her name fits her. You will grow to love the name, just as you love your beautiful baby. Also, this will avoid problems with your marriage.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are the parent, you have a right to do what you feel is right for your child. I have a friend that actually never calls her child by her given name and the baby answers to it. And lots of people don't even use their first names, instead they use middle names. Look at celebrities, they always have psudonyms. Also, it's never too late to legally change a name. I thought about doing it when I was a teenager just because no one could spell my name correctly. You are her mother, she will like whatever you call her. Go for it.