My Two Year Old "Runner"

I have a runner, too. As he got older, he got sneakier about it, and it finally got to the point where I had to call a Code Adam on him 3 times in about 2 weeks. He really doesn't sense any danger. He told me that "if I can't find you, a police man will take me back to you," so what's the big deal, mom?
But that was when he was three. Back when he was 19 months old, my sister got me a little backpack leash thingy for Christmas. While I was there in Missouri for Christmas, I got a LOT of dirty looks when we went out shopping with my son on "a leash." But he screamed his head off if I put him in the cart, and he ran amok when I got him out of the cart, so what was I to do?
I remember one dirty look in particular. This couple witht a giant Costco cart full of food walked past me and shot me a "how could you treat your child like an animal?" look. Just minutes later, my son shot out of the end of the aisle, hit the end of his leash, and stopped inches from being run over by that same couple and their heavy cart. The look on their faces was no longer scornful, but "oooooh, that's why he's on a leash." Minutes later, it saved him again from dashing into the street.
Back here in the West, we mostly get compliments on how cute the backpack is and about him having "a monkey on his back." We misplaced it when we moved, so I'm still looking for it in boxes. That's why we had all those Code Adams!

The most important thing about using it, I think, is to make sure your son is happy about it. My son loves his "monkey backpack" and I chose my words carefully when I showed him the "monkey tail." I said it hooks onto his backpack, and look! Mommy has the other end, so you always know where Mommy is. I didn't ever say it was to keep him under control, or keep him from running off, or getting lost. It was so HE could always find ME. And he really was okay with it most of the time. Often he would go one way, hit the end of the leash, and start to throw a fit, but then I would just say, "This way!" and point the other direction, and he'd happily dart off that way.

As for the library, it's children's story time. They're used to kids getting up and walking around. It's a time for children to learn how to behave in public. So try not to feel so mortified. He's still learning. I'd just get up, walk around the side of the crowd (not through it) and pick him up calmly, then take him back to your seats. Or take him out of the room (or to the back) for a moment and explain that he can't do that. Then try again.

BTW, only my second son is runner. My first didn't need a leash, and he has never gotten lost. It's just a personality thing!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,
When my daughter was in this stage----Repetition. "It's mommy's job to keep you safe, and when you run away it scares me. It's really important that you hold my hand and stay close to me," over and over again. When mine ran I wouldn't move (if we were somewhere benign), I'd watch her and wait, then might also say, "that's too far, you need to come back or we'll have to leave."
In the library, "If you can't sit still & pay attention (or stay close) then we have to leave." and stick too it. If you're not sure that you can leave, don't make a threat you're not willing to follow through with 'cause it only confuses a child, then setting precedent that what you say doesn't matter...he/she can still do what ever they want.

Sometimes it's really hard to drag a caterwauling child from a public place, but I've only had to do it a couple of times before mine understood that I mean what I say, if she doesn't follow instructions we will leave & no more fun outings that day.
Good job mommin'!

I read your responses with geat interest since I have a 2 year old runner as well. I've noticed that other little guys seem to know how to run around, but stay fairly close to mom in certain situations- whereas my boy just takes off.
One thing that has helped somewhat is for me to give him exact instructions/physical markers of what I think is too far away. e.g., "you can run around here, but you can't go past that tree" or "if you don't stay on the sidewalk, you'll have to sit on my lap (for 5 minutes or so)" or "stay where you can see me." I found that this helped because he didn't seem to understand what I meant by general statements like "stay close" or "don't wander." He does better with very specific rules and visual markers.

good luck!

It sounds like one of my children! Here are some things that worked for us:
* Use a baby sling (over the shoulder baby holder or maya wrap) that works with a side hip carry; this way when you're in the parking lot or a specific spot, running isn't an issue
* Teach him the stop game, and then have lots of practice; we mainly play this in the grocery store aisles when they are empty--practice how to stop (or freeze), then you can begin the running part by saying "ready, go!" and he MUST stop when you say. When he understands the game, anytime you see him ready to run, make sure it begins with you saying "ready go" so he will listen and stop
* Give the option "You may hold the cart or ride inside" or "You may hold my hand (or purse) or be carried" and then follow through. I'm guessing you'll have to pick him up a lot at first, but that's when you say "Oh, you chose not to obey, so you can't walk." In a minute or so, ask "Would you like to try again?" and chances are it'll work!
Good luck!

I had a daughter like that. fortunately she is now 34 and the problem is solved : )
We lived in the northern-most part of North Dakota. One day I went to the bathroom, and even before I got out a neighbor was calling saying, "she's out again!". I ran outside (this was the middle of winter, below zero)and she was naked riding a tricycle up and down the sidewalk. Ok, just a story to say how head-strong she was (and is!). If I let go of her hand for a second, she was racing off. She walked at 6 months, and never stopped. I found a halter with a leash on it and it saved her life and mine with a relief of stress. That little wonder saved her from getting hit by numerous cars when she darted off the sidewalk.
I was at Disneyland last week, and saw many new styles with little backpacks. try one, it will change your life!

I have prevented discipline issues in public mostly, I mean sometimes kids have their moments, but I demand that my 2 y/o twins hold my hands. As soon as they get out of the car they have to hold my hands. If we go into the store they either have to sit in the cart or hold onto the cart. If they are holding onto the cart and let go I give them a warning to hold the cart or they will be put inside the cart. If they continue to not hold the cart then they are put in the cart. This will cause crying because it is not something that they want to do, but I tell them that they did not listen and if they want to stay out of the cart they must hold onto the cart.

For the library, since he "ran" away from where you placed him, I would give him a silent warning (like putting your finger in the air) and if he doesn't come back to you and sit down, then leave. He will get the message really fast. If you don't leave then he learns that it is okay to do what he wants and there are no consequences.

We got a "leash" for my son when he was 2. I know it might sound cruel to some people but I would rather use that than have him dissapear. We got one that just velcros to his wrist, and I don't think he ever got it off by himself. He actualy didn't mind it because he wasn't contained in a stroller and he was still walking by himself, it just kept him close to us. It's worth a try for safety's sake!

I found that setting ground rules BEFORE an event/activity made a huge difference. Warning that if they run off, you will take them home immediately, and they will not get to participate in the activity.

first of all, try not to be so embarrassed by his behavior because it can cloud your judgment at the moment. his behavior is not at all abnormal. 2 yr olds love to run and be chased and don't understand dangers. for my son's safety i put him on a leash. i got a little backpack at Babies R Us that has a buckle around the waist and the leash attaches to the backpack. i put that on him any time he wasn't buckled into a carseat or stroller-- shopping, museums, the library, walking to church. our mailbox is down the street so i used the walk to the mailbox as my test for him because it's a fairly quiet street for traffic. when he finally could go to the mailbox without slipping out of my hand and running away, i left the backpack and leash off him a little more often. we really didn't use it very long, maybe 6 months. but who knows how many dangers it saved him from. i also made the punishment more extreme than normal if he went in the street without permission, while explaining to him that i was increasing the punishment because the street can be very dangerous and i want him to understand that it is absolutely not ok for him to cross the street alone until he is older. good luck!

Hi S.,
Two year old little boys are so active!! It sounds like he has figured out your button, too, which doesn't help. I am just picturing a delighted little boy playing chase with Mommy, with glee in his eyes. My first thoughts about this is that you need to be very consistent at home with him, so that he knows you mean what you say always. Even if he isn't in danger or causing embarrassment, he needs to obey you at your first word to him. This is HARD work to achieve. It requires tireless consistency in everything you do/say to him. And, follow-through on whatever discipline methods you use. Don't make baseless threats (I have no idea if you do or not, but most of us do at some point.). The 2-3 year range is a huge training time for our little ones. They learn so much during these years about obedience and honoring their parents (or not). It will take time for him to learn, but hang in there and keep teaching him. I'm so glad for you that you can be at home with your children. It gives you so much more of an opportunity to train them! You are a blessed mommy!!
T.--Mom to 3 boys (and 3 girls!)

Sounds to me like a totally normal 2-year-old! However, this behavior isn't acceptable. Have you read the book "Love and Logic for the Early Childhood Years" by Jim Fay? what a lifesaver for us! We have 31 month old and 13 month old boys and this book has really helped my older child's behavior. When your son does these kind of things, I would scoop him up and remove him. ""Uh oh! No running away allowed. I'm so sorry you made that choice. Now we need to leave." Believe me, he will get the message in very short order. Good luck and I really recommend that book!

At 2 the best discipline is prevention. I know I'm going to get a lot of protest for this, but I recommend a harness and "leash". All 3 of my kids wore it when they were at the age of wanting to run away. They make some super cute ones; ours had Elmo on it, but I've also seen hugging animals that are a lot like backpacks. The key is having one that he can't undo, usually with the closures in the back.

Of course, a leash doesn't replace you vigilance or holding his hand, etc. It's just another layer to help prevent him from getting lost or running into a dangerous situation.

The running is fun, natural, a game of course and VERY dangerous. A little girl at our daycare had a close call running from her mama out in to the parking lot and right in front of a car. Nip it in the bud. My older son was the exact same way. Set very clear boundries. Do it with clear consequences and the prices paid now will be much smaller than prices paid later in life. For instance. Set rules BEFORE even entering the library, the moment a rule is breached be prepared to leave immediately with child in tow. Set up specific dates at such places as department store, library etc. Go not for the need of shopping and such but make it a learning date for your child with clear rules and options for reprimand. When I am in the store and my boys want to walk, they know ahead of time there is one rule, you run around and you go in the cart, even the 7 yr old. You fuss about your choice/ consequence (crying perhaps)= we leave. Put the food back or leave it and go. Also teach vocabulary like chase time and hand time. Chasing is at home in the yard or playing at the park. For us "hand" means its time for you to hold someones hand and stay close. It also helps to take that little hand and start exploring everything and asking questions while teaching "no touching if it is not yours." Ask your child questions to keep them engaged i.e. What is that? what is it doing? Where is it going? Who put that there? Try the books on Love and Logic Parenting. they have some great tips too. Best of luck and have fun playing chase in appropriate places!

2 and 3 year olds can be so tough. The first thing I would do is remove him from the situation where he runs from you. In other words, when he runs, go get him and LEAVE! It is a huge pain because normally you have something to do and get accomplished but you have to stick with it and never waver. When you get to the car and start the drive home explain the safety issues (especially that someone could take him), that running is for the park, and that when you get home, it is time to go to your version of time out (ours is the couch in the living room). If you do this EVERY time he runs then you will win with in a week or two.

As far as him moving up to the librarian, don't get too worked up. They are used to kids, this is not unusual, he is just interested. You can talk with him after, let him know that he needs to stay seated so the other kids can enjoy but don't get too freaked. Maybe get there super early next time so you get front row.

Good luck and remember, he is only 2 and this is a passing moment in time. = )