My Staggeringly Stupid Idiotic sister...vent...long

Wow, what a mess.

Really as has been said below.. There is nothing you can do about his.

You can sit her down and tell her your concerns, but this does not mean she has to listen to you or do what you suggest.

She obviously has low self esteem. The only way to get past that is through therapy so she can figure out why she feels like she has to pay for a guy to like her.

Really sad that her daughter is going to learn from her mother, to not stand up for herself.

That is what I would mention.. "Why do you think you are ok, with the treatment he gives you? Would you want your daughter to EVER be treated this way? What would you suggest she do if she ever ended up in this situation?"

then tell h er, "she is just as deserving of being respected an appreciated as her daughter does." Hope she wakes up and kicks him out of her life.

The only person that I really feel bad for is the 2 year old who is caught up in this mess. Everyone else seems to be an adult who has a choice about their role in this situation. I'd do whatever was necessary to protect my niece and otherwise quit entertaining discussion of my sister's choices.

I have a sibling who makes stupid choices on a regular basis, and it is exceedingly frustrating. As much as possible, you just have to let them live with the results of their decisions while minimizing the damage to the children.

Sounds like she has no love for herself. Without that, well, you see what happens. As you know, there's nothing you can really do. Some people have to hit rock bottom to realize how low they've gotten. All you need to do is support her when she needs it. Other than that, it's probably best for your sanity, to put some space between you & her.

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Grin, bear it, and when your sister gets used again, be there to help her pick up the pieces again. She will need it. She should do something about making the gf get out of the house,but it sounds like she is nonconfrontational, so she isn't going to. If the house is going to be foreclosed, then the bank will kick out the gf so she doesn't actually have to. But, I am concerned that her making good money where she is will hurt her in the short sale.

There is NOTHING that YOU can do and it doesn't matter what we would do if we were your sister because she isn't the one asking for help, and I seriously doubt that she will do it anyway. I have a feeling that she has been abused and controlled by LB for too long to stand up to him too much. Sorry.

Blecccch.
Seems like you & the family are going to be stuck with LB for a long time, since he IS your nieces father.

Pretty sure I wouldn't be in your sis's shoes and if she was my sister I would be frustrated, but I would try to be there for my niece. I'm sorry but odds are your sis is going to keep making choices that make her the victim.

Do you think she'd listen to a life coach or counselor maybe?

I feel so sad for the little one. I would offer to take her in and tell your sister to get her $*&$ together and then come back for her kid when she has her life straightened out. GL

This makes me want to throw up. What the heck is wrong with your sister? And I thought communicating with somebody who has sex with his cousin just because there is no dating on the horizon was ridiculous.

What is wrong with people? (It's just a rhetorical question...) What would I do if it were my sister? Try this on for size... call the bank anonymously at a phone number away from your house and ask for the banker who is handling the short sale. Tell him that there are squatters in the house and that he or she better call the sheriff. That'll show 'em!

Dawn

If your sister tries to get the girlfriend out of the house, she may have put herself in the position where she will have to go through eviction procedures. I don't know the laws in the state where the house is, but I would suggest she get a free consultation from an attorney to determine if there is a tenant at will situation. Sounds crazy, but it sometimes happens. The girlfriend living there could create a problem if another short sale deal happens. I would encourage her to try and get the girlfriend out immediately!

I can't answer what I would do if I were her. If I were me I would feel like you. Oh, I am me. Anyway, apparently she has a high pain threshold. This is incredible. I don't even know if I can say she is insecure as she seems to get good jobs, so she has some strange concept of what love is that most of us don't. YIKES>Not only do I feel the same as you but I do think 'dirtbag' has a nice ring to it. And seriously, I echo you-what is WRONG with your sister? I always wonder why women (or men) hold so little value for themselves that they do these things.

Stay out of it. Don't let her problems be your problems. Don't let her stress be your stress. The best way to help her is to be a great auntie for her daughter.

When your sister vents and whines about her husband, just listen and nod. If she asks for advice, give it but otherwise I'd say nothing. Chances are really high that she's going to go back to him if he decides he wants her back. Therefore, it's better if you remain someone she feels she can trust.

I totally understand. My sister is a train wreck! I've tried helping--it doesn't work. I've tried nodding and smiling without really getting involved--it doesn't work. I've tried telling her the truth about how I feel--it doesn't work!

I would say don't let her problems be your problems, but that hasn't worked for me either.

Just be honest--with how you feel, with what you think she should do, etc.

Good Luck!

I know how it feels, mama! The sooner you're able to realize you can't do anything, the better. You can't do anything that would be of real help. I have been where you are with 2 sisters, mind you. Love her because she's your sister. Love her like crazy, but stay out of her stupid messes. Listen when she needs to talk, but shake it all off when you get home. You can't carry her poor decisions with you, letting it stress you out. From time to time I let go, ranting about my sisters to my husband, but then I always take a breath and cease all judgement and let it go again. I understand. There is nothing else you can do.

You can't come down on your sister TOO hard, because if you do, she will shut you out, and then you wont be able to help her at all.

I had those same dating patterns when I was in my twenties - I dated people whom I could "help" and who "needed me." Really, I think I just didnt want to get dumped... :( I dated someone REALLY TERRIBLE and knew he was awful, but never got help from my family, which I desperately needed, because I didnt dare tell them what was going on.

You CAN encourage your sister to not let him stay with her and help her to set some boundaries. You can also offer to help her get the ex-girlfriend out of her house.

I'm sorry that she is in this situation and you have to watch.

Going out on a limb here with nothing else to go on but my gut. Any chance your sister didn't have a good relationship with her father? She seems to have a tendency to want to please a man who doesn't deserve her. She is an over-achiever in the workplace (thus, the good pay that has kept LB in fine things all this time). Sometimes, children of alcoholics fall into all of this stuff. Just taking a stab in the dark for no good reason.

The only thing I could say would be for you to suggest to your sister that she get some counseling to figure out why she thinks she deserves all this. She has to be looking for some kind of approval. She's never going to get it from this loser and she needs to find out why she needs it in the first place. This whole thing is a royal mess. I'm so sorry for all of you (except for LB, of course). Best of luck.