My Special Needs 5 Year Old Son Is Attacking My 7 Year Old Special Needs Girl

Updated on April 30, 2007
M.P. asks from Cotati, CA
5 answers

My 5 year old son whom was deaf until he was 3 Isiah is attacking my 7 year old diabetic daughter Jocelyn so bad he is pulling out her insulin pump canula. He can now hear and I'm frustrated at what to do. I have taken away his cars, Trains, his movies. I have even torn up his treasure box card... We got the idea from my daughter's class. Because of significant trauma with getting diabetes at 2 1/2 years old it was away for her to feel safe at home. I tried time out. He can hear now but has a delay in talking and communicates mostly through sign language. We have had to send my daughter next door to her paternal grandmother so she can get a break from him. I have had to replace her canula more times and replace her pump more time this year than last year.
She has been on the pump since January 21, 2006. My daughter could easily take him out if she got mad enough at him. Isiah is only 5 and weighs 60 pounds and is 47 inches tall. My daughter Jocelyn is 5ft tall and weighs 120 pounds. We have had a behaviorist come out to see what we could do to change his behavior but so far nothing has worked. We do know he does not have type 1 diabetes. He gets tested every 6 months for his safety. If anyone has had close to the same problem what did you do to change the behavior?Please help?????

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your advice. The behavior specialist cannot ocme out again until Wednesday. We did determine the reason for part of his behavior. It was lack of sleep and since Thursday of last week he has been given a sleeping pill a hour before bedtime and falls asleep without thrashing around and not waking up every 2 hours. He has been more easy going about getting dressed eating at breakfast getting up for his pre-school. Less violent with Jocelyn. Doesn't seem to be so tired anymore. Thanks for everyone's advice. When he starts to act up we catch him before he gets to Jocelyn. Jocelyn gets to play safely around him and doesn't feel so scared of him anymore. Her night terrors are better since his sleep is better. I think part of his sleep problems were affected by her night terrors. She has had them since she was 2 1/2 years old. Since the day she got diabetes. Both kids are much happier and he enjoys doing his own reward system like punching his own punch card and 40 punches gets him a 1 hour at Chuckie Cheese on Saturday. I printed good behavior from Chuckie Cheese website and he loves it. Jocelyn gets one for homework. So I will keep you updated on Isiah's progress. M. Petersen

More Answers

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A.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi M.,

I agree with Kristin L - this is a serious situation that is way too big for you to handle on your own. It sounds like you've already tried a behavior therapist once, but know that different therapists will try different things. If you have services through the Regional Center, talk to your case worker and demand support - they should be able to help in some way. If not, get those referrals to a child psychologist and psychiatrist as soon as you can. There are more intensive family services out there and you deserve them! Punishment often has the opposite effect, particularly when a child is acting out of hurt and anger, so as much as you can, be consistent with your boundaries and show as much love and compassion as possible. One intervention that I've heard works (sometimes) is to put a marker in your son's hand when he's angry and acting out and say something like "I know right now you're so angry with your sister and maybe even with me. Can you show me on this paper what that feels like?" It might help redirect his feelings and help him express them in a new way - at least until you can see a professional. It sounds like you're doing a great job - I hope you get the support you need.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't have advice on what to do, but I do have a question.... you stated your son was born deaf and at 3 was able to hear. He had severe hearing loss. What did they do at 3 to make him hear? My daughter (now 2) was born with severe hearing loss in one ear, the other is fine. I am just curious. No one can tell us why she was born that way, so she signs and is getting to talk a lot more.

Thanks.
Tammy/B. Family daycare
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C.N.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

Dear M.,

You have such a huge problem there that I suggest that you get that behaviorist back and make notes, and talk this situation over until you two get the right method of teaching your boy to control himself. It will take a while, but if you give him skills that he feels proud of having, then he will , with help and support, practice them. He needs support, as I said and reminding and praise. Your daughter needs some peace, good idea about her visiting her grandmother for a part of the day.

Be really sure that 'Mr' gets rest - even if it is just sitting on his bed and playing quietly. I really do not think that punishment will help, but making guidelines will help, and enforcing them will take time, but not as much time and pain as it would be for you if he doesn't get civilized. Good Luck, C. N.

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V.G.

answers from San Diego on

I have been on that boat, but at a younger age! My son was 2 at the time and my twins were about 6 months. My son was a very angry person. He got mad at me because I could not understand what he wanted, so he threw his toy car towards my twin daughter hit her on the head. I had to take her to the ER. I was so upset! He knew what he had done the moment he saw the blood. It was that time and the most recent time I had to show him the consequence to their angry actions. How it can hurt someone, or worse, make the condition worse! It takes great amount of patience, and great control of yourself to no react to him. Talk calmly to him, show him what he had done to your daughter. Ask him how he would feel if someone did the same to him. In the meantime, keep your eyes on him all the time, do not let him out of your sight! So the moment you see the look in his eyes to strike, you interfere! It is a pain, but it has to be done to get it to stop!

Also, make sure you constantly reassure him that you love him! He may be feeling a bit insecure for some reason.

Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from San Diego on

I dont know what your going through but i feel for you. The only thing i can say is how would you feel if all of a sudden the world became different to you. I'm sure it confused him and also scared him to death the first time he was able to hear. For 2 years now everything is new so its like he's starting all over. So if you think about it you actualy have a 2 year old going through the terrible 2's agian. This is just my opinion but i think we would get upset and act out also if everything we knew suddenly changed. I'm sure it will get better that is if you can last long enough without pulling out your hair.

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