Toddler My Son Won't Eat

you know S., don't allow food and eating-time become a battlefield. if he says i don't eant/like this, say ok, and take the plate away, put an aluminumk foil over the plate and right to the fridge. if he asks for something else whether it is junk, snacks etc say no. and even if he does this a few time in a row again stick to your guns. he will eat what he is served eventually. but if you continue with timeouts due to not eating that will become a power-struggle. you don't want him tio have that kind of relationship with food. just take a deep breath and start with brand new attitude towards him.
i have heard one of my two year old twins say numerous time i don't like it, and no fuss over it i just take the plate, she will ask food food eventually and i won't make a big deal over giving her the exact same thing she said no to.
that way we're all happy.
:)
vlora

2 moms found this helpful

this is going to sound a little mean compared to the others but it did work for me and my cusions and now it is working on my friends 3 yr old. We were always told that if you didnt want what ever was on the plate take 3 bites of every thing and then you could leave however that meant NO DESERT AND that you didnot get to pick the game that night. ( we always played a game of some sort after dinner). We took turns chosing what game. Well we all took our 3 bites and then we ended up not hateing every thing on the plate ... unless it was tofu then i just went to bed "sick"! We only had to eat it when my mom would work late and grandmom would offer to babysit so dad could go work with my uncle on some car. I hope this helps.Also we could not leave the table till we took 3 bites, Mike my cusion sat at the table for 4 hours by himself b/c he didnot want mac and chesse when he finaly ate it he wanted 3rds.

Hi S. just be consistent if he doesnt want to eat what you made tell him ok let me know when you are hungry. I promise you he will not starve himself he will eat when hes hungry. It kinda sounds like he knows the routine of whats going to happen so he tries to push his limits. You just sit down and enjoy your meal tell him i sure would like if you would sit own with mommy and eat with me so im not lonely and when he does sit and eat even if its a few bites at first tell him he did a great job. good luck steph

Hello: I can totally identify with you. My son eats very little all day long and we have had lots of problems with it!!

However, punishment should never be in the mix of eating problems. Punishment can actually make eating problems worse, or even cause eating disorders.

First, I think you should discuss it with your pediatrician.

When we talked to ours, she said that generally speaking, toddlers eat one good meal a day, one "so-so" meal, and one meal where they downright refuse to eat. They will never starve themselves.

A good rule to offer is that if your child is three, they at least need to eat three bites of food for being three years old. If they refuse and won't sit at the table quietly while the rest of the family eats, they need to go do a quiet activity so the rest of the family is not distracted. When our son acts up at the dinner table, he is given ONE chance to correct himself...if he does not, he needs to go sit in his room and quietly play while we finish our dinner.

Bad manners are never accepted - and that is something we will punish for...but never refusing to eat.

Take care and God bless...Don't stress out though, your child won't starve himself....Also, if you are worried he is not getting enough vitamins - the pediatrician suggested Carnation Instant Bkfst added in w/milk in the morning: it has protein and a ton of vitamins. Also, a good multi-vitamin to make sure they are getting what they need!

Take care and hang in there!!

My daughter is the same way. She is also 3. I found punishing her makes it worse. I just let her out of her chair and then tell her that she may not have anything else to eat the rest of the night unless it's her dinner. Usually within the next hour or so, she will eat her dinner. If she really don't want to eat it, I let her trade it in for something equally healthy like a peanut butter sandwich and some carrot stix. It's a control issue and I'm told they will outgrow it. I can't wait!

I completely agree with the mom who said not to make mealtimes a battlefield. Just say, OK. You don't want to eat, and take the food away. And then don't allow the child to have snacks or desserts after that. It's a good technique. Your child will learn through a little discomfort (which is not a bad thing, by the way) that meal time is the time to eat meals. It's a good technique to use for many of the discipline issues that come up with young children. Don't fight about things. But don't let children dictate, either.

I have this same problem. What makes mine worse is I'll even let my son pick what we will have for dinner sometimes and then he doesn't want it. I'll tell him if he doesn't want to eat then he needs to go sit in his room while my husband and I eat. He usually pokes his out a few minutes later with a cheesy grin on his face and comes and sits at the table, takes a few bites, and either eats it all, or says he's done or he doesn't like it. For me that's good enough, at least he tasted it. If it's something he's had before I want to taste it and realize, "oh this is good!" If it's something he's never eaten before I want him to taste it at least once. He can then have something really simple for dinner. He can have a bowl of cereal (and I know he's not just holding out for the sweet, sugar filled cereal!!!, because we do not ever have cereal like that in our house), or any of the leftovers in our fridge. I'm not about to go out of my way to cook him an entire other meal, but I make sure he eats! This "method" works for me because my son eats many things I don't think most other children his age, or near his age would eat! So, I don't know if I helped in you anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not the only one dealing with this!

I had a similar problem with my daughter who is 3. She would do the same things your son does. We just put her plate on the table and didn't force her to eat or even tell her she had to eat. We explained she could not have snacks till she ate. When the rest of the family was done eating we would wrap up her plate and put it in the fridge. If she asked for something we would give her the plate. What I noticed is when we didn't make a big deal about her eating she would sit down and eat, but when we would make a big deal she would refuse to eat. Don't make it a power struggle ans your son will most likely stop making a power struggle out of it as well. Children will try and get attention anyway they can and even if it is negative attention they will still seek it.
Hopes this helps some.
T.

Thankfully, my daughter doesn't miss many meals.. lol She is a really good eater, but I do remember that my brother was horrible as a kid.

My parents made it a rule that whatever was on the table for dinner, that was it. We could not have snacks or something else after dinner either. If he didn't eat then, then he didn't eat.

I have also heard someone tell me that they have saved the meal for breakfast the next morning. My parents never had to take it to that, because eventually, my brother would eat.

Good luck!

We are having a similar issue with our 3 year old son...he will sit at the table, take 1-2 bites and then start with, "This makes my stomach rumble", "This makes my bones crack", "I don't feel good"...all kinds of clever quotes that he thinks will get him out of eating. I give him a small portion that I know he can eat without "getting full". When he says he doesn't feel good, I start get up and say (sympathetically) he should probably go to bed if he isn't feeling well and he automactically takes a bite. If that doesn't work, I put my serious face on and tell him he has to eat his food, maybe 3 more bites. I have never sugar-coated anything with my 2 kids. I tell it like it is and they know mom means business. There is no cutesy-talk or bribing with dessert or extra play time - if they don't eat, they don't get because eating meals is not a choice in my house. It may sound cruel but we are the parents and what we say, goes (or should). It is so easy for parents these days to give in just to "save face" but my kids are very well-rounded and respectful because I have been so even-keel with them. If all else fails, you could always try my dad's technique...he made us sit at the table until our food was gone and if we still refused, it would be waiting for us the next day! Good luck!

Hi S.,

Remember, kids will go on spurts. They might have a, sa, mac and cheese spurt. You know thatt hey like a 1000 other things, but for some reason, nothing else is good that week except one or two things. That part is something that you just have to cope with until it passes. We as adults go throughthat every once in a while, too, but we also know better. As far as the 'this is yucky' and not eating. My mother went though that with ME. It was so traumatic that I still think of it every time I eat fried chicken breast. Well, not traumatic, just memorable. My mother cured me of that by making me eat IN time out in order to get out of time out. My time out wasn't called that then, it was called 'the corner'. My dad got ticked off at me telling my mom 'no' and yuck', and one night they put me in the corner for a minute (like forever to a three year old), then, in a nicer tone, told me something along the lines of "remember when we had this last time? you ate it all up and were such a good girl and a big girl too". Then they would give me about half of what was originally on the plate and I had to eat it there. The only thing it didn't work for was asparagus. But I would do it every time my mom made chicken until I got the idea that eating by myself in the corner was no fun.
This is just one suggestion. I hope that it helps.
Good luck

My 2yr old won't want to eat sometimes too... Its a phase all kids go through at one point or another, and often more then once!

We just let our son down from the table when he has a fit and we leave his plate there. We finish our meal (usually not in peace). But he'll usually come back to the table before its time for bedtime snack!

Don't worry about it too much, I agree with the "don't have it become a battle/power struggle" thing. Just not a good way for your child to associate with food. And its really not one of the issues you want to pick to fight about.

My 32 month old is the same way. Though I have found 1 food she will eat everynight. Mash potatoes!! So no matter what I make I make them too. She tends to eat alittle of what ever I put on her plate as long as her mash potatoes are there too. You may want to try and find a food your little one likes no matter what. An serve it with what your making. I found out with my oldest that going head to head with them doesn't work. So I work with them. You could even try to find finger foods that he will eat. An keep the food at the table but give him the freedom to get up and down. My daughter went through this for about 2 weeks and now is back to sitting with us through the whole dinner. As long as they eat is all that matters. Thats how I feel though. Hope that helps some.

MY 3-yr old daughter would try that..and yes, it was so frustrating that I just make what I know she likes if I want to avoid a fight...if she sees what I'm making and says she wants some, I just don't believe her, and let her taste a bit of mine, so if she doesn't eat it, then I'm not too upset about it. I know she likes hot dogs, peaches, etc. But I notice that with chicken, she'll eat it at home IF she's hungry enough...but my mom says she never eats chicken with her. That's one of those foods that she won't eat if she's already filled up with juice or milk or cereal...I guess you could see it as "starving" your child, but I don't. I just know that when a human (of any age) is REALLY hungry, they will gratefully eat what is put in front of them...but toddlers are so finicky at this age...it just takes a little patience and a lot of trial and error...
OH, and i would also try to make eating fun...eating with a smile and saying how much i liked it, and then pretending to take the whole thing away, saying, "Ok, if you don't want it, I'M gonna eat it..mmmm...and I'll share it with penguin"...and then leave the kitchen with the food and sit in the living room with his favorite toy and pretend to be eating and having fun...he can't resist the curiosity and the longing to belong and join in on the fun...and then have his favorite stuffed animal sit with him while he eats...:-)
(Just from personal experience)

S.,

I actually went through the exact same thing with my son. My children get a bedtime snack each night, but the rule is that they only get a snack if they finish their dinner. If he didn't want to eat, he sat in his room until he was ready. But I wouldn't fight with him about it. Eventually, he got hungry and when he did, his dinner was waiting for him. But no snack unless he ate dinner. Another thing I did was cut out all distractions, such as turning the TV off. It took a while, but eventually he got the point and now he eats dinner with the rest of us with little or no problem. The main thing was the I stayed in control and stuck with my rules. I know it's hard. I'm a single working mom of 2. But you'll get there, I'm just starting to regain my sanity. Good luck to you.

N.

S.

Sounds like you have typical 3 yo battling for control. I am a dietitian and recommend a great book by Ellen Satter, "Child of Mine". I will give you a short summary to get you started on having happier mealtimes. First, remember eating is an individual thing, at 3 he can do it by himself, we can't force anyone to eat. There is a division of responsibility between parents and child:
Parent is responsible for WHAT FOODS are served (a variety of healthy foods); WHEN meals/snacks are offered (5-6 times a day at the same time each day); and WHERE meals/snacks take place (the table, hopefully).
Child is responsible for WHETHER OR NOT to eat, and HOW MUCH to eat.
So, let him help you prepare the meal so he feels part of the meal process. If he starts misbehaving at the table, tell him that it is not appropriate to behave that way and then ignore the behavior. Say nothing about eating or the food in front of him. Let him know that this is what is for dinner and if doesn't want to eat that it is ok. Maybe offer him a snack before bed (if you don't already) so he has another opportunity to eat. Engage him in talking about other things.
He won't change overnight, it may take a week or 2 of you being consistent and allowing him to make the decision to eat or not. No child has ever starved from skipping a meal. I know it is hard when they don't eat, but they will eventually.
Good luck and remember if you relax and follow the division of responsibility, mealtimes will be pleasant for both of you.

Hey S.
I use to have this same problem with my daughter. The best advice that I can give you is to do the no pressure eating approach. Basically, give them a couple of choices of what they can eat, make it, let them help and than set it in front of them at the table and if they eat, they eat, if not take it away and do not let them eat ANYTHING ELSE before the next meal. This is REALLY hard to do but trust me it will pay off in a couple of days if you do not budge. In the mean time, buy some pediasure and use these throughout the day that way even if your child eats nothing you can rest assure that they did take in everything that the needed for the day. (my doctors advice, not mine). Also, cut back on there drinks. Ofeer them only with meals and only after the meal has already begun (until they start eating normally again). Also, chooses milk as opposed to juice... The lack of sugar makes it less likely to drain the childs appetite. In the mean time, good luck and stick with it. I know from experience that it is really hard not to try and force feed them but the more you push the more they will push back.