My Son Was Hurt While Sleeping at a Friends....

It sounds like the other mother has a physically rough style in dealing with her own kids, and it would be a favor to her to give her the message that it's not OK with other parents for her to treat their kids the same way. You don't have to be mean about it - you can say something like, "I know how hard it can be to have boys getting loud and crazy, but we don't use physical discipline in our house, and it's not OK with me for another parent to use any kind of force with him. If you have a discipline problem with a guest, you should tell the parent about it so they can talk to him."

Also, I have a son who has had several "best friends" move away, or change schools, and it is a heartbreak for him every time he loses one of them. (the kid has the worst luck with friends - his current best friend's parents are thinking about moving to another suburb - of course.) It is heartbreaking for me to watch. And it's heartbreaking to think of your son's poor friend, who already has to live with a mom who sounds like she has a temper, losing friends over it also. It's like double punishment for the poor child. Please don't do that to him! Don't break up the friendship if you can help it, but have the playdates at your house.

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Hi C.,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I agree with taking a picture of your son's arm. This way if anything more should come from this, you have proof. Also, take him to the dr. so that you can be sure there is no further damage. If I were in your situation, I would absolutely call the mom and ask her some questions. I also want to add this: this did not happen because of your age, as was implied earlier. Every mother, regardless of age, has made a decision at some point that, looking back, may not have been the best. Young mothers can be just as wonderful mothers as older moms. You are concerned with your son's welfare, and now you just need to take some more steps to protect him. Good luck to you and your family. Message me if you ever want to talk.
E.

1 mom found this helpful

C. - um, leaving nail marks on a child is simply intolerable!! If my son came home with such marks I would have been on the phone with the other mother in a split second demanding to know "how dare you???"

I too am quite concerned that you would take such an easygoing approach to this.

Your son will make other friends that will replace the sleepover child - I would never put a friendship (especially when the other mom is psycho) over my son's unconditional safety.

To add to other posted, I'd take a picture of your son's arm and also take him to the doctor. If it still hurts, she may have also hurt his elbow or shoulder socket (easy to do i little ones). They often don't complain to the level of the injury. I would trust your son's answer more than the other mothers. I would definitely contact the mother and ask her how the night went. Then say your ds wanted to come home....

A good book that might have some helpful info is Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift. It's all about how to *really* keep your kids safe, how to trust your intincts and theirs and how to stand up for and protect them. It might not have the exact scenario in it, but i'm sure it will give you much strength in this and many other situations. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED to every parent. Also, reinforce to your son that he did nothing wrong and he should always tell you everything and that you won't be mad. Thank him for telling you and tell him how proud of him you are. It might be a great teaching tool for you to inform him that no adult or child has the right to harm him or make him uncomfortable in any way.

TRUST TRUST TRUST yourself!! If you don't think your son should even be friends with this other boy, regardless of where they play, stick with it. He may be confused if you say they can't go to the other's house, but the boy can be at your house. Maybe he has issues with the boy too. I wonder in situations like these, if the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The boy may have learned and is acting out abusive behaviors too.

Regardless of what the mom says, someone - some adult - has done something to him they shouldnt' have.

Good luck! Hugs to your son and you.

don't let your son at this other home at all. Keep any interatction in public places and remember your son is only five finding new friends wont be that hard. You can enroll in park district activities or meet some parents at school.

First I have to say that in this day and age I shocked that you would let a 5 year old spend the night at anyone ones house other than family. I think you really need to stop and think about leaving your child with others that you don't know very well. I hope you use better judgement for your sons sake. God Bless you and your family.

I would also have a doctor look at it. That way you have it documented in case it it is more severe then a scratch. If it were me I would confront the mom, not let my son go there again, but I would allow the other child in my home. Good luck with this I know it has to be very unnerving and scary to be going through this.

Hi C. - I have come to realize that as a mother we are given certain "instincts" that help us to protect our kids. From your comments it seems you already know what to do, and that is to make sure your child is not over at this woman's home unsupervised. I think it would be a good time now that your son is 5 years old to discuss what is appropriate for people touching/disciplining him, and to make sure he understands that he can come to you when an adult crosses the line. I had this discussion with my son around age 4 (he is now 7) and it helped him to understand that adults have limits on how they can touch him.

I hope this helps! I am mother of a 3 year old and a 7 year old.

T.

I would just ask the mother what happened. Let her tell you her side of the story. But, I would also not let my child spend any more unsupervised visits. Always listen to your instincts and your child. Better to play it safe when your children are concerned.

Dear C.:

First of all, I would like to point out that your children's safety is more important that possibly offending a child's friend's parent. Sometimes, children exaggerate the truth and making a phone call to this parent shoul;d be able to give you a little more insight to what migth have truly aspired. What I would suggest doing is calling the parent and telling her your son was complaining of his arm hurting. After looking at his arm, you noticed nail marks on his arm. He said it happened at his friends house. You were calling to see if there was a situation that you need to be aware of. If the mother states no, then my next question would be that your son mentioned he wanted to go home that night and was not allowed to call you at home. This is where the situaiton could go really bad. Be prepared. If the mother knows she did wrong and feels bad for it, she will fess up and apologize to not just you, but most importantly, your son. If she lies about the situation, then I would not allow your child over at thier home anymore. It could have been a complete accident, however, if the mother does not mention the situation (perhaps she planned on dealing with it when she got off the phone and by then, your child was fine and wanted to stay), then it seems like she is trying to hide something. I allow my children to have friends sleepover all the time and allow them to sleep at friends homes. I let my child know that they can call me at anytime if they want to come home and if a child is sleeping at my home and they want to call their parent(s), I never turn them down. The last thing you want is to have your child uncomfortable at someone else's home and same with you havign children at your house. Your children come first--plain and simple. I once picked up my daughter at 11:30 at night 25 minutes scross town because her friend kept kicking her off the bed. I did not allow another sleepover at that friends house for 6 months and the next time my daughter went over there, I spoke to the little girl and said, "Now we are not going to be kicking anyone out of the bed this time, are we?" Things went fine. Sometimes, you have to be the parent that makes the rules and you might feel mean, but you have to do what needs to be done. Good luck!

C., being a parent does not come with a rule book. Not sure what your age has to do with it or who said it did. One suggestion I would like to share with you that I recall my mom doing when we were kids was that we weren't allowed to go inside anyone's home if my mom didn't know them very well. It didn't matter how close the friend was to us and how much we played together on a daily basis. To this day, our 4 year old may play with 4 kids on the block daily. But there's only 1 parent that we trust when outide of our parents. The others, we'll need to get them a little better or we've already concluded that no... she cannot go inside their home w/o one or both of us. Another tip I learned with our first child is to watch for people who say "I'll treat her like one of my own." I found out that I didn't care how this individual treated her own kids and definitely didn't want her to treat mine like "one of her own."

One final tip...pay attention to your instincts. They are there for a reason. Evne if you think others will say you're over reacting...don't matter! You are raising C.'s kids, not everyone elese!

M.

I would tell her that your son said he wanted to go home, and that there was some kind of confrentation... see what she says. Regardless of her response, I would ditch the relationship.... if there is any question of your son's saftey... would you ever be comfortable around her again?

Hugs!
Jen~

C.,
I am so sorry for this experience. Though you already have told us how you handled the situation, I still want to repond. As a caring, protective mother, you are absolutely being "fair," and you were wise to address this situation immediately. Sometimes, people just cannot be friends. As you said, the safety and well-being of our children come first.
Also, FWIW, if this had been an accident, I'm sure this mother would have apologized to your son and also to you before she returned your son to you. Besides, if this had been an accident, why would your son be afraid to tell you about it? It sounds to me like this woman was extremely angry. She has no business being around children, if she is going to act like that. No wonder he wanted to come home early!
Amy

Oh my...this will be tough, but you will need to confront the mother. She probably did not intend to harm your son, but she did. Please do this for the sake of your son - he needs to know you are his advocate and will stand up for him. Just be straight-forward about it and let her know in know how upsetting it is to both you and your son. If his friend is a good kid, I see no reason to end the playdates, but I would definitely insist upon them being supervised by you.

Hi Coutney,
C. my take on this situation is if you know the mother well enough to allow your 5 year old son to stay the night than approaching her should not be a question. 5 years is a really young age to allow a sleep over with someone you don't consider a close friend. C. I See that you are only 22 and you will learn a lot as you mature as a nother and woman but please don't let the lesson be at the expence of your children. Please make more wiser decisions. This is not a tear down please don't take it that way. I'm just really concerned about the whole situation.

warm nregards,
L.

I have a 9,7 and 5 year old and although my children have not been in an identical situation to this they have been in similar. My advise would be not to confront the mother but question her. It has always been my belief that as a parent God gave me the responsibility of protecting my children to the best of my ability and at such young ages they deserve nothing less. If I were in either situation...the parent asking the question or the parent being asked I would respect the others role because as a parent you are obligated to know answers such as these that deal with physical conforontation even if it is a minor case. If she doesnt understand your position on this and you do your best to remain as collected as possible then I fear that your problems may not end here. Until then I would continue to let the children play but only under your supervision and if asked why simply explain that you and your child are more comfortable with these arrangements for now, that he prefers to remain home but the child is more than welcome to play there if hed like. As for fair, she shouldnt have layed her hands on your child to begin with so it is your right as your childs mother to decide those things ... if she doesnt like it, oh well.