47 answers

My Son's Teacher. What Would You Do?

My 4 year old son is going to school for the first time (no preschool). He is enrolled in the
Jr. Kindergarten program at our church. We absolutely love the school and my DS LOVES & ADORES his teacher. He settled in like a pro since the first day.

Anyway, last week during recess my son slipped on some sand running, fell on his knees and elbows. Both his knees were bleeding as well as his elbows. Apparently he was crying pretty bad and he asked the teacher to please call his Mommy. She told him she would and after 5 minutes told him he called me and I was on my way.

Well she never called me. She just told him that to calm him down. This is how the teacher explained it to me when I got there. When I arrived at the school my son was sitting on a chair away from the other kids who were sitting on the floor listening to story time, looking so sad and I could see his eyes were red from crying.

Maybe it’s just me, and this is my first experience with having a child in school, but is it odd that she lied to my son about calling me? Should she have called me to go pick him up?

Not to mention that she did lie to him. Is that odd or is that how teachers typically handle a situation like this?

This happened Friday and didn’t know if I should say anything today. He fell about 10:30 and I arrived at the school by 11:15 for pick up at 11:30. Should I ask that they call me for real next time?

I should mention that when I arrived in the classroom my son saw me, but stayed in his seat to continue listening to the story so I sat next to him with my arm around him for the last 10 minutes of class.

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I talked to the teacher. She told me in better detail what happened. After my Son fell she walked him to the nurse’s office trying to sooth him. When he asked her to call me while crying she just instinctively said “O.K.” After he was all cleaned up she walked him back to class. He asked if she called me and when she saw on the clock that I would be there in ½ hour she said to him “yes, your Mommy is on her way so don’t worry sweetie”. The teacher was so apologetic that she wasn’t meaning it as a lie. Her heart was breaking seeing him cry so hard that all she wanted to do was help him feel better. She said after she told him that, he wanted to sit on her lap during story time. After about 10 min. she got up from the chair and had him sit which she said he was totally fine at that point and she started cleaning up. That is what was going on when I walked in.

Thank you all for giving me such great advice. I’m so happy to those you said to talk to her. Now I feel better and so does she. She thanked me profusely for coming to her about my concerns and we discussed how I want it handled next time! We couldn’t ask for a more wonderful teacher for my son. He absolutely adores her and his experience with school has been phenomenal because of her!!

Featured Answers

That's awful! There was no need to lie to the child. I question her line of thinking -did she not think he would eventually realize you WEREN'T coming? I have to say, I would be pretty steamed. If you're really happy about everything there, just say something like, "Next time, please either DO call me or just tell him everything will be fine and soothe him -even tell him I'll be there soon because it's getting close to pick up time, but please don't tell him I'm coming if I'm not." That can completely undermine his trust in YOU!

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She shouldn't have said she called you when she didn't, but she was probably just trying to calm him down and telling him what he wanted to hear. Some kids that age will cry at the drop of a hat, and if they have parents coming in over everything, it gets to be disruptive.
It was only 45 min till release time. When I worked at the office, even if I dropped everything, it could take me a half hr to get there.
Next time you speak with the teacher, just tell them you'd really like to be called if anything happens and you'll be right over.

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2 things. 1) The teacher should not have lied to your son. This is wrong, and I think you should tell her that if this, or something similar, happens again, she is not to say this unless it is true. The teacher, frankly, should know not to do this. 2) I think the teacher attempted to console or distract your son, & was right to since it was relatively minor & you were going to pick him up within an hour anyway; however, she made a poor choice about how to go about it. It may be awkward, but I would bring it up to the teacher, maybe say "I appreciate you trying to calm my son down when he got hurt, but he was confused when you said you called me but really didn't. Maybe next time you can distract him another way if it is a minor incident." I would be subtle b/c you still want to have a good repoire with her. Say you don't want your son thinking you're on your way when you're not...or that it will take you 45 min. to get to him in an "emergency."

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Sometimes we would say the same thing to children in my kindergarten. But, the difference is, we would actually call the parent. I don't think you should ever lie to a child about something like this, so I agree with you it is strange. Reassurance is another thing. Yes, you need to reassure the child that mommy or daddy will be back soon. And if they cry so much, then it is time to call the parent, and give him or her the choice of whether they will come right away or wait until pickup time.

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I don't know that the lie was necessary, but no, she should not have called you, and no, you should not have come any earlier. Again, I don't like the lying, but people who work with young children have to have strict rules about the parents' presence and involvement in their "classroom".

Understandably, you are hurt because that's your baby, and you want to run to his aid. 45 minutes did not make a difference. In that relatively short period of time, it did not look like you were not keeping your word. A better way for her to have handled it--"Mommy's on her way." She didn't have to use the lie, but she probably didn't have the heart, once he asked for you, to tell him that she was NOT going to call you.

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I don't think she should have called you just because he skinned his knees and elbows and was crying. Kids get hurt at school. We cannot be there to save them each time. Something more serious though (ie hit head, broken bone), that is a different story.

What is odd is that she "lied" about calling you and that you were "on your way". First, find out exactly how it was said ie "mommy should be here soon" because she knew you would OR" mommy is on her way in 5 minutes - I just called her". I would consider asking her not to lie next time because it broke your son's little heart. Most teachers will respond to that!

PS - this traumatizes you more than your son - so smile about that at least!

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well... school was going to end shortly anyway...
but she should not have 'lied' to your son about calling you since she didn't.
She probably... said she called you, because she knew you would be there shortly anyway, per the 11:30 end of school time, anyway.
So she figured the 'timing' of it was fine...

for a skinned knee... that is not usually something to pick up a child for from school... they would usually have a health kit/health aide at the school... to clean it up.
IF the injury were serious... then they'd call you, and/or an ambulance etc. and to pick him up right away... kind of thing.

ASK them what their protocols are, for injuries/sickness at school?
AND... IF they have "injury reports" to fill-out... etc.

And no, I do not think the Teacher was right.... about the way she handled it....

And, was your son's scrapes cleaned up or a band-aid on it??? Or did the Teacher just leave him bleeding and not cleaned-up?
Schools.... since they are licensed as well, have to have a health kit/protocols for how to handle injuries...

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Lying is NEVER EVER appropriate - his teacher should have known better. They should have bandaged his knees and if he continued to be inconsolable after 20 minutes they should have called you to notify you what was happening. If the teacher promised to call you, then she should have. It only creates mistrust and confusion to say one thing to a child and do another. Your son was probably really feeling abandonned, poor guy!

I would definitely suggest talking with the teacher about your concerns about what happened, to discuss their policy in these situations and to come up with a plan for better ways to handle it in the future.

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I find this odd. It's strange that the teacher didn't give any thought to what this kind of lie would do to the parent-child trust relationship. Think about it. The teacher says she called you to come and you don't show up..... what does that tell your son? It tells him that he can't trust you to come when he needs you. Maybe you could bring this to the teacher's attention. Gently of course, because if she's a good teacher she just may not have thought about it this way. Just tell her that you feel that this lie may have damaged your son's opinion of you and that you'd really appreciate it if she were honest with your son in the future. You should also ask that she apologize to your son for lying to him. She should set this good example for him without any qualms. It's part of her job after all.

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I don't think she should of led your son to assume you were "on your way". Maybe she was thinking it's under an hour before you would be there anyway for a pick up and felt like he would be OK? Does the school have a nurse? Did someone take care of his bleeding knees and elbows? I don't see why you would need to go pick him up if he wasn't hurt beyond some skinned knees and elbows.

What I would be most concerned with is whether or not your son was treated for his injuries. The school my daughter attends has a school nurse to treat the bumps and scrapes...which happen quite a bit! The only time I would get a call is if she hit her head or there was something more serious than scraped knees and elbows.

I agree with you though that she shouldn't have lied to him to calm him down. She should be able to calm him down...that is part of their job! I don't think parents should be called to the school for scraped knees and elbows....it's going to happen more than once or twice! But I would also expect that he was cared for, like I mentioned above. If he was sitting there still bleeding, that's a different story.

As far as him asking to call you, that's a tough one. On one hand, of course our children want to comforted by mom/dad when they are hurt, but I also believe that a student can't call mom/dad every time they get hurt. That is a distraction to the class and can make the situation harder when the child actually hears mom's voice. I don't mean that to sound harsh, I just think that's the way it is.

I would certainly talk to the teacher though and find out what their protocol is for when the kids get hurt. And I would ask her to be honest with your son about when you are going to be there. It's not fair to your son.

I hope you and he both have a great year of school!

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L.,
I think you are right that they were wrong to lie to your son. You said that this is a school at your church? Why on earth would they ever condone lying? That is breaking one of the 10 commandments! Just because he is a child, doesn't give her the right to lie to him. Would she be okay if he lied about why his homework isn't done? (I'm not sure that he actually has homework at this age, but that is just an illustration.) My guess is that she doesn't have any children, and just thinks this is normal to do. I would tell her that you have thought about the incedent over the weekend and that you are disappointed that she would think it is okay to tell lies to the children. She may minimize it, but that is only a protection for herself. Tell her that you expect her to speak truthfully to the children. Her testimony before the children will hold a LOT of weight with them. Also, your son probably assumed that you didn't care enough to get there quickly. It makes you look bad in his eyes. This is a huge breach in your relationship. I would tell him that she never called you. I would tell him that you would have come very quickly had you known he needed you. Your relationship with him is a thousand times more important than what he thinks of his teacher. Your relationship is lifelong. Hers is but a wisp of time.

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While I am not a big fan of lying to kids at any age, there are instances when it may become necessary. The fact that she was open and honest about it with you sends a good signal.

Assuming that she had been able to call you, at say 10:35 or so...would you have been able to make it there that much earlier?

I wouldn't assume that they should call me for something that doesn't need medical treatment...assuming they administered first aid and cleaned him up. I get irritated when I get my child from daycare/preschool and NO ONE can tell me where a big ol' bump or scratch came from.

You can request that they call you, but you may find that you are called more often than you like because your son gets hurt or upset and is asking for you.

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L., Skinned knees and elbows are very tippicle at this age, and probably no need to call you, uless he was so upset he could not be calmed, howere lying to your son, NO I have posted many times how I do not believe in lying to our children, I would address that. I grareentee you if he lied at school about something there would be some type of punishment. No here's another aspect, I am a daycare provider, we are not allowed to have children play on gravel/harsh sand, sand would not not have skinned his knees and elbows like you discribed unless it was outside a sand box, at that point sand becomes dangerous, I would address that as well. Hope this helps. J.

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If they treated it - cleaned it, bandage, etc - they they didn't need to call you. Only serious injuries require phone calls - and I've had two - you don't want those.

It is there job to deal with all situations as they occur. If it was at 10:30 and she knew you were coming within the hour, maybe she figured it wasn't a big deal to say you were on your way, because technically you were. I agree, lying isn't the best though. Perhaps you should just tell her that you'd rather she not lie. That to tell him you were on your way and for it to be another hour made it seem that you didn't care about his problem.

Also, ask the director at the school what the policy is. And explain your concern.

Goodluck.

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I don't think she should have called you for that - BUT I don't think she should have lied to your son either! Like the poster below said, she should have just gave him some tender care and reassured him that mommy would be there shortly. I would talk to her about not lying to him - that would make him think why didn't mommy come when my teacher called her?

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That's awful! There was no need to lie to the child. I question her line of thinking -did she not think he would eventually realize you WEREN'T coming? I have to say, I would be pretty steamed. If you're really happy about everything there, just say something like, "Next time, please either DO call me or just tell him everything will be fine and soothe him -even tell him I'll be there soon because it's getting close to pick up time, but please don't tell him I'm coming if I'm not." That can completely undermine his trust in YOU!

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I think she should have handled it differently...she should have cleaned yours son up, comforted him and when he asked for her to call you, she could have honestly told him that school would be over very soon and that you would be there in just a little bit. A teacher should never ever lie to a child...and I feel you would be doing this teacher a favor if you were to address it in a KIND way with her!!! Maybe she didn't see it as lieing but simply as pacifying your son.

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Did you ask your son how he felt about it? I'm thinking that from a kid's point of view--he's waiting for you to show up and you don't (for a long time in his mind), and that might have been more upsetting than the actual fall. Don't lead him on--just find out why he was crying. And then I would talk to the teacher and tell her that you would have appreciated her calling you and letting you decide what to do. I DO think it was wrong that she lied to him. She should be careful because he might not trust what she says if he finds out she lied. Follow your instincts on this one. Be kind--I'm not sure if she's new or not--but also keep your antennae up. Good luck.

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My child is not yet in school, so I don't have real-life experience, but I think that what she did was WRONG. I would be furious.

Lying is always wrong, and doing it do try to "comfort" a child is even worse. He's not stupid, and he does have a memory, so of course he thinks they called you .... and you didn't come when he needed you.

Is this a new/young teacher? What are her credentials to teach? Even if it's a church school, they should have requirements....and I'm pretty sure that pretty much an early childhood learning classes for preK teachers will teach that kids shouldn't be lied to.....

I would confront her and tell her never to do that again. And tell her that now, her son thinks his mommy didn't come when he needed her. Depending on what she answers, you might even take this up the ladder....

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Hello Mommy! Welcome to the the wonderful world of teachers! I don't know why people put teachers on pedestals. They are just human beings just like the rest of us and they make tons of mistakes and then get all self-righteous about it. I wonder if this particular teacher is a mom herself? I find teachers who are not parents to be the worse. Anyway, why a teacher would lie to a small child about his mom coming is probably the worse thing I ever heard. What about your child's trust in you? I am so sorry this happened. It may take a while for your son to trust that you will be there so just try as hard as you can to be there for him. As for the teacher, don't let this go by without talking to her. She could have ruined the trust between you and your son and that is monumental. I hope he knows that you were not informed of his accident. Good luck mom.

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I know that as moms, we want to be there to console our little ones and make sure that they know that we're there for them. Also, I can understand why you would feel weird about lying to your son. She could have reassured him you would be on the way, but saw maybe that that wasn't enough.

I've been fortunate enough to work where my children attended school. I've worked with kinder kids for the last 4 years, rotating in the classrooms, doing playground duty and sitting at my office (in the nurses section) the rest of time. But scraped knees, blisters (monkey bars), paper cuts, head bumps, etc. are something that happen everyday. Especially with the little ones. Unless it is a serious injury, most parents are not called. We do the best to clean the wound and offer a cute bandaid and a hug. Then we try to encourage them to return and participate in the activities at hand, while reassurring them that mommy or daddy will be there soon. And if it's a head bump or a sprain (think pinky in a basketball game) we'll call as an f.y.i. or as an advice to have it checked.

It can also be that she knew that you would be there in about an hour.
If his wounds were serious, though, you could mention that you would prefer to be notified and then you could make the decision if it warrants for you to get him earlier.

My advice to parents and friends is to let your child learn to cope- keeping in mind that i'm referring to minor injuries. There are caring people at the school and it's one the first lessons they learn away from you.

I've seen students miss an acrued month of school due to coming into the office asking for their parents due to plugged noses, sneezing, or other minor discomforts. And parents who don't hesitate to come. In the long run, they're taking away their chid's developement in adjusting and coping with discomforts.

I hope your little was ok and reassure him that when he gets hurt, his teachers and staff care about him and will take care of him just like mommy and that you will be there as soon as possible.

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I would be asking the same things you are. For one there should a trusting relationship between your son, his teacher and you. The only reason that I can come up with is that she knew that you would be there soon and did not feel the need to call you. I am suprised that if he was hurt to where he was bleeding he did not go to see a nurse. Then he could have asked the nurse to call you and he could have talked to you. After all if the teacher told him that you were on your way and he knows how long it takes you to get to school then he was most likly wondering what took you so long to get there. It puts you in a bad spot because really the only thing that you could have said is that she never got a hold of you so she must have thought that you were already on your way to the school to get him.
No you should not have picked him up early like he was asking for the teacher to tell you to do only because then he will want that when ever something does not go his way.
I feel bad that you had to think about this all weekend.
I think that I would either talk to his teacher or to the person in charge of the school and let them know that you do not want to be put into this position again as well as you do not want your son lied to.

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That is not a good experience. I completely understand how you feel. I have 2 sons in school (My youngest also just started kindergarten). Teachers, of all people, should never tell a child a lie to get the child to calm down. She should have called you to let you know what happened irregardless of the fact that she knew you would be there soon to pick him up anyway. Maybe she is young and was afraid you might freak out, but normally, any kid in this situation in most schools go to see the school nurse or health aid. Any and all accidents should be followed up by a call to a parent. Yes, you should ask that not only that they call you next time, but you should have a meeting with the principal or whoever is the director at the school, so that it becomes policy. If they don't understand or try to shun you away, just politely tell them, that it's not only for the parent's peace of mind but to protect the integrity (and liabilty) of the school. They should be pretty good about it, but you never know these days. If you still feel uncomfortable with leaving your son there.. I would consider changing schools. It was nice of you to sit there with him to finish his story. I'm sure it made all the difference in the world to your boy.

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A scrape on the knee is something that can happen at home and I don't really think deserves a call home to be picked up or anything.
Although, I agree the teacher shouldn't have lied. To a child that young 5 minutes and an hour doesn't really mean much as they really don't have that great sense of time. In those five minutes he probably felt better and as you stated was ok with finishing out his school day.
I would just let it go...and if your son ever brings up the fact that you weren't there, I would tell him the truth in a soft way. The teacher decided that you didn't have much school left, so she decided to let you finish the day. However, if at some other point you get hurt, you can always ask her to let you talk to me on the phone.

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He was probably sitting in a chair away from from the other kids because it was uncomfortable for him to sit on the floor with his peers -- his knees were scraped. The fact that he wanted to stay for the rest of the story also says that he was enjoying the moment even though he got hurt. You did the best thing by sitting next to him and finishing the story. Why the teacher said she called you I can't comment on, and no that is not how all teachers handle situations. When you arrived to school he was no longer crying -- right? I would mention to the teacher that you were uncomfortable with what she said to him because she didn't follow through with it. I really don't think that there will be any long term effects with trust etc. You did show up for him and that is what he will remember. Good communication with his teacher is the most important thing you can work on right now.

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I am as upset by this as you, but I do think the teacher thought he was doing what was best. Be clear that it's never okay with you to tell white lies like this to your son. That should be all it takes...

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Having run a before and after school program for six years, I have plenty of experience with similar situations. There are times where a teacher means to call and does forget, sometimes when it is close to the end I would inform a child that their parent will be arriving shortly but reasure them that everything is okay. Other times depending on the situation I would give parents a phone call as a heads up but not tell them that they need to pick them up, they are more than welcome to come pick up their child if they wish however it is not necessary...the decision is theirs.
My suggestion for clarification on your end is to check out any policies the program may have in regards to these situations. If not, just let the teacher or director of the facility know that (1) the teacher lied to the child which does not set a good example for the children. In this case she should have just let him know that his time their for the day was coming to an end and you would be there soon and not say anything about having spoken to you; this sets a precedent . (2) For future reference you would like to be informed of any similar incidents that take place. Not that every time your child falls you need a phone call but if your child is in hysterics and maybe even letting you talk to him on the phone would calm him down and keep him at peace until your arrival.

I hope this is helpful. Remember that as a parent you are looking out for your childs safety and you need to be informed of what is taking place during the day. Don't hesitate to know you rights, your childs rights, as well as the teachers rights. The more informed we are as parents the better we can take care of our children!

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Poor little guy! As a mom, your first instinct is to come running any time your kids need you, but you have to remember that he was just fine and that if you had come to school for a scraped knee, he would be calling you for every little thing just because he knew he could. I don't know about the teacher telling him she called you, but it was probably a last resort to help your son deal with the emotions he felt after falling. Probably not the best strategy, but if he was able to go on with the rest of class then maybe not the worst either. In any case, you have every right to feel sad and stressed that your son had a hard time at school when he fell, but maybe letting him deal with it on his own, with his teacher, is the best way to help him. Next time he'll know he can trust his teacher to make him feel better, and he won't be stressed during the day when you're not there. Give him lots of kisses and make sure he feels comfortable at school and doesn't feel like he has to rely on you when you're not there.

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She shouldn't have said she called you when she didn't, but she was probably just trying to calm him down and telling him what he wanted to hear. Some kids that age will cry at the drop of a hat, and if they have parents coming in over everything, it gets to be disruptive.
It was only 45 min till release time. When I worked at the office, even if I dropped everything, it could take me a half hr to get there.
Next time you speak with the teacher, just tell them you'd really like to be called if anything happens and you'll be right over.

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I think it is odd that she said that. I would hope that she would have just said, we only have 1 more hour, and your mommy will be here. Instead she makes it sound like you didn't come when you promised. You should talk to her about how that was handled and know how you want it handled next time. Can he call you and just talk to you? Maybe just hearing your voice and knowing that school is almost over might help. Teachers should have other ways of handling an upset kid, blaming it on mom, shouldn't happen.

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No, she shouldn't of lied. and she shouldn't call you about skinned knees. She should have given him a hug, and sent him to the nurses office so they could clean him up. If at that pointn he was still upset, then the should call you.

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Hello, I would politely, and clearly make sure that the teacher knows that you want to be called if he is that upset again. I think she is probably trying to help him to adjust. Some children just need to be able to work through their independence. However, you know your child and should be able to decide how this should be handled.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

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Yeah, I would have a HUGE problem with that. I don't think she should have called you, but she shouldn't have lied about it either. They should have found another way to comfort your son. It's not fair to you or him to have him thinking that you didn't show up...they are messing with the trust your son has in you. NOT ok.
-M

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I think they handled the situation the correct way. They don't want to teach the children to overact. We want our boys especially to be strong and not wimpy. That being said my husband and I snuggle and hug all our three kids including the two boys.
If they called a parent every time some child scrapped there knees how would they look like they are in control of the situation? Now if it is more serious..then they should call you.

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Hi, L....

Full disclosure of your son's time away from you is your RIGHT as a parent. The teacher was in the wrong for lying to your son and not calling you. It is your decision how to handle the situation after she calls you. If your son asked specifically to call you or to go home, it is the duty of the teacher to call you. Of course, she cannot call each and every parent every time a child gets a bit scared, nervous, etc... She should attempt to defuse the situation first. For example, "I know you got hurt. I'm going to clean it up and make you feel better. If you still need to talk to your mommy after, we will call her, okay?"... or something like that. Generally, the child will calm down enough to get distracted after the injury gets cleansed, bandaged, etc...

I would set up a meeting with her and let her know that from this point on, if he gets injured and insists on calling you, to please do so. It's important that he builds a trust with his teachers (and you) and by her outright lying to him, shows he cannot trust her words. After all, she is building the foundation on which every teacher he will ever have must stand upon.

I had the same sort of situation with my daughter's teacher last year. She was ill with a developing fever and a headache and the teacher refused to call, even after she asked several times. She ended up having strep throat and felt betrayed by her teacher. To this day, she speaks of her with dislike, unfortunately. Luckily, after our meeting, nothing like that happened again.

Good luck!!

L.

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She might have thought it was to late as you were on your way. If she has an assistant then she should have called. Did you fill out a report from the accident? I don't like the lying part that she told your child she called you and didn't follow through. Yes, kids fall and get hurt every day and this wasn't life threatening. Sometimes the teacher has to make a decision on the spot and can't leave her kids/class to make a phone call. Talk about it to the director and teacher on separate occasions.

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Hmmm, no i don't think she handled it right, because if you tell a kid you are going to do something you need to do it. I'm sure he didn't forget that you were to come, plus he has no sense of time and probably expected you immediately.
What should have happened is when he resquested that, she should have said mommy will be her at 11:30 we'll put some bandaids on and clean you up and you can hear story with us, then mom will come.
I'm not sure how well it would benifit you to say anything, Maybe another momma here can suggest how to word it so it doesn't come out as critical as i would l mean it.

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If it were my little one, I would absolutely bring it up with the one in charge for a few reasons. First, you may get into a tiff with the teacher who did this if you bring it up to her and then have a strained relationship going forward. Second, under no circumstance should the teachers be lying to the kids. Third, your DS was really needing you emotionally, and you turned your back on your DS. I know you didn't, but think about it from his perspective. The teacher should have called you and at least given your DS a chance to hear your gentle voice soothe him over the phone if they thought the situation was under control and let him hear that you be there to hold him in x minutes.

These people are charged with caring for the kids' learning but also taking care of them emotionally, especially at such a young age. Maybe the teacher had an off day, but lying to the kids is unacceptable. I wonder if your DS will think the teacher is lying anytime he asks for something going forward. Be prepared for him to test this for a little while with excessive calls to you. Not saying it will happen, but he may if your not showing up devastated him.

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I would take it up with the teacher... She caused your son to lose faith in your ability to 'be-there-for-him". You would like to be informed if he asks for you (make it a written statement). However, your behavior with him must be supportive only. You ARE sorry he is hurt but that's life. Tell him it would be good to continue his day (now that he knows YOUR ARE AVAILABLE) and you will be back when school is out (unless he is very injured -- broken bones -- or truly sick and unable to participate in class)...

1 mom found this helpful

Sometimes we just have to help our kids through and I am so glad you sat with him and was there to offer comfort regardless of how the preschool treated him and the situation. Work with them to be reasonably accountable to you and your child's wellbeing as this is his first school setting but I don't agree in them lying to him one bit. That could have been handled differently, trust me there were different choices possible. Our children need to trust what adults say and I wouldn't be afraid of voicing that at all to the school with an expectation that they meet your comfort level in the future as they are entrusted with your beautiful child for a time and he really needs this to be a great first experience. I would hope that is what they desire also. :)
D.

1 mom found this helpful

Okay, it was a lie, but it was a little lie. The lie was about calling you, not about your being on your way. Because if he fell at 10.30, by the time he was all cleaned up it was probably 10.40, and by the time she said "you were on your way" it was probably 10.45 and you were on your way to be there at 11.15. My guess is that your son was crying, saying, please call my mom and tell her to get me, and the teacher figured that since you were on your way anyway, there was no point in calling. Honestly, I probably would have made the same judgement call.

That said, I understand that you were upset, and if you can approach the teacher in a non-confrontational way about it, I would ask her to be truthful with your son in the future. Although being truthful in this case probably would have led to more tears (pick your poison, right?). Otherwise, I'd let it go. What are the odds that this is going to happen again? Slim to none. And I'm willing to bet that the next time he falls at preschool he doesn't even ask you to call because he'll be more used to being there.

good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Since you asked - honestly, I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about. I would just let her know how you'd like the situation to be handled in the future. Clearly, you are a very caring mother, and most teachers will be appreciative of that! She was probably just doing her best to help him get a grip in the midst of having to also run her class. She probably could have handled it slightly differently, but a simple discussion with her to clarify how you'd like her to handle this in the future should set things straight. Good luck with your sweet boy.

1 mom found this helpful

hi, i wouldn't be upset she probably told him that because there was only 30-40 min left in class and technically you were on your way. Kids fall all the time and if every teacher called every mother every time their child fell no mothers would be at work. lol I wouldn't be too worried about it. but if you feel the need to have them call you for everything then i would let them know that. good luck! :)

1 mom found this helpful

I would address it with the teacher because lying to your son is unacceptable! If you don't the response you get then take it up with the Director. I do understand trying to pacify him until school ended, and it was for skinned knees & elbow, which happens ALL the time, but bottom line, lying is not OK. Next time he's sick or really needs you, he's going to question if you are really on your way.

Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

My son is 4 too and if someone lied to him about me, he would hold me accountable! (Where were you mommy?!)
I'm going to have to 99% agree with what Whizzy wrote. I don' know that I would take my son out of the school, but I would definitely THOROUGHLY address the situation and how to handle any foreseeable future goings on.

1 mom found this helpful

I can honestly say I would have not told him I would call you. If she had and you had come to school then he will want them to call you every time he falls down.

Since it's in a church I would especially say she should not have indicated she was going to call you and then not. It's not a good example to him. I would have simply told him he was okay and you'd be there very soon. Maybe given him a special task he could do when he calmed down, like coloring a picture, or doing some puzzles at his seat. Said something along the lines of "just as soon as you can (put your own word in here) calm down, stop crying, sit quietly...then you can do (insert your own word here too) put a puzzle together, color a picture, play with a truck, etc...something he really likes to do that would occupy his mind. Redirecting him to another task but also teaching him about calming himself down.

People are imperfect. You've already talked to her about it and resolved what happened correct? Then I would let it go and not bring it up again. What purpose would it serve? If it happens again then I might consider finding an actual pre-school program to enroll your son in.

I have several friends throughout the state that work in church pre-school programs. Non of them have ANY training what so ever. They are just some ladies who liked children and applied for a job advertised in the paper. These schools are usually not associated with any school system and not regulated like a child care center. Because the teachers have no formal education in this field they may have no idea what they may be doing. I loved our local Mothers-Day-Out program. J loved nearly every day there, he started at 6 weeks and went 1-3 times a week until starting a 3 year old pre-school program at Head Start. The Mothers-Day-Out program had more focus on the kids instead of meeting testing requirements and fitting the kids into a mold that pleased the licensing workers of child care.

Just keep your eyes open and the line of communication with both the teacher and your son.

Sorry he got hurt.

1 mom found this helpful

Ask her not to lie to your son again. Explain to her the predicament she put you in, with your son thinking that you didn't care enough to call or come. Ask her to put herself in your shoes.

I would add, kindly but firmly, that you won't speak to the principal (director) THIS TIME, but you want her to understand your feelings on this so that you won't need to talk to the principal.

That SHOULD take care of it.

So sorry about your son's boo-boos!
D.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello,

The teacher should not have lied to your son, but I also feel like she shouldn't contact you unless its a serious injury. If you feel more comfortable send her an email. I work full-time so I'm in contact with my sons preschool teacher via email. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

You should consult the teacher she should not lie to your son good luck A. no hills

Updated

YOU SHOULD CONSULT THE TEACHER SHE SHOULD NOT LIE TO YOUR SON GOOD LUCK A. NO HILLS

Updated

YOU SHOULD CONSULT THE TEACHER SHE SHOULD NOT LIE TO YOUR SON GOOD LUCK A. NO HILLS

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