May 07, 2008,
M.G. asks from Modesto, CA on May 04, 2008
My Son's Teacher Is Ignoring Me!
Throughout the year I have asked my sons teacher if I can help in her class, and she has repeatedly told me that I am not needed, or my son is not that big of a problem, but then my husband and I are told that our son is a terror at school and disrespectful, which does not sound like our son at all. But still, I am told that I am not needed, and the last time I had asked if I could observe or help in the classroom, the teacher told me that she does not want me in the classroom.
I then talked to the principle, and was told that if the teacher feels uncomfortable with me there, that I will disrupt the teaching process. But I am not understanding why I would make her feel that way.
Since I have talked to the principle (which was about two weeks ago) my son has not gotten into any trouble at all, no cards pulled, nothing. But now the teacher totally ignores me! When I say good morning to her or hello, she turns around and walks the other way, or talks to someone else, or acts like I am invisible or something. It is very annoying to me, and reminds me of middle school or high school, it is nauseating! It also seems highly unprofessional.
My son is picking up on it, and it is really starting to bother him too. I talk to him about it and tell him not to worry about it, but I am concerned that he might eventually take his frustrations out towards the teacher for her immature actions towards his mom. My son is the type that sticks up for others, especially his family, and I am really proud of that, but I don't want this teacher losing it and my son ending up in trouble with detention. The reason why I say "his teacher might lose it" is because she had all ready yelled at me two weeks ago when I had asked if I could help in her classroom.
I would really love to put my son in the other second grade class, but there is only one more month left and he is done. I am planning on talking to the principle next week again about the teachers behavior. And my husband and I all ready have papers turned in to transfer my son so that he will not be at this school next year. Any suggestions on how to handle a teacher who ignores the parent????
So What Happened?™
After talking to the principle again, he told me that the teacher feels uncomfortable with me in the classroom, so I am not allowed to observe or help. I asked the principle why she feels this way, but he does not know. He also let me know that he had talked to the teacher about her yelling at me, and she tried to make it sound like I had yelled at her. Luckily though, there was a teacher that had heard her yell at me, and the principle called the witness into his office when he was talking to my sons teacher. After catching her in a lie, and since she won't allow me in the classroom, the principle decided to have "helpers" in the classroom twice a week, and she is also being monitored, and will be monitored throughout next year. The principle told me that my son has his "bad days" when the helpers are not in the classroom, which the both of us thought as suspicious, but he said that there has been drastic improvement after the first week of the teacher being monitored and helped. Now my son only gets into trouble once or twice a week for little things such as talking to his neighbor, which is so much better than all week!
The principle also asked me not to transfer my son out of the school, and promised that things would be better next year. After he told me that, I said, "We had problems at this school last year, and now again this year, both years we were told that things would get better, and there was no explanation for my son's behavior, nor was there any effort to try and help the situation or figure out why my son was acting out of character, except for labeling my son as a "problem child". We told you last year that if there is no improvement, that we would transfer our son to a different school, so we are following through with our plan." And that was the end of it. The paperwork has gone through, my son will be going to a different school next year, and he is really excited about it.
We also took a day trip to the beach last weekend to get out of town and have some fun. It was beautiful weather, and we had a lot of fun adventures! By the time we got home, we all felt very refreshed and rejuvenated. Next trip will be to the Indian Grinding Rock SHP. We figured this would be another nice trip, especially since this place is up in the hills by Sonora, that and my sons class is learning about Native Americans so this would be a really neat trip. We are basically counting the days, and trying not to stress.
By the way, my son's teacher is beginning to acknowledge me a little, but only when she has to. I guess she was ignoring me because she got herself in a bit of trouble and was embarrassed (?).
Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and words of encouragement and advice. ^.^
A.A. answers from San Francisco on May 05, 2008
Personally I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the principal.
Just FYI, for similar reasons, my girls are in a private school. Public school teachers are overworked and overwhelmed and sometimes take it out on the kids. I hope someday the powers that be realize that "No Child Left Behind" leaves a lot of children and teachers behind .
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J.S. answers from San Francisco on May 07, 2008
Follow the chain of command. First ask the teacher one more time. If that doesn't solve it go to the assistant principal or principal. IF that doesn't work then go to the board. You have every right to be in the classroom, especially when you are getting conflicting messages.
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L.S. answers from San Francisco on May 04, 2008
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C.B. answers from Sacramento on May 05, 2008
There's a month left and she has stopped picking on your son, so just ignore her right back. You already know she isn't going to answer, so don't even bother saying hello or trying to talk to her. Teach your son to be polite in the face of inexcusable behavior, stress that he needs to pay attention and do his work--In other words, just because his teacher is acting like she is 12 years old, doesn't absolve him of the responsibility to do his best. Then when the school year is over let it go, and start fresh next year. You have done well to change his schools since he has already been labeled a troublemaker at that one. A new teacher may be exactly what is needed to resolve your child's school behavior issues. It is very difficult for kids when the teacher doesn't like them, and it seems as if this teacher doesn't find anything wrong with inappropriate and unprofessional behavior.
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L.M. answers from San Francisco on May 06, 2008
I have had experience with a teacher that would not listen to me too! I too spoke with the principal, which had little to no avail. My situtation was a little different as my son had emotional issues that were affecting him in school, how ever that's no excuse for being ignored. This was second grade last year around the end of March. I ended up taking my son out of that school, and enrolling him in an Independent Studies Program which was offered by our school district. That may or may not be an option for you. You could try and have him place in another 2nd grade class in his school, it's done all the time. You could also request a principal and teacher conference, by law they must agree to that option! You also have the right by law to come and observe your child in his class environment, especially under these circumstances. If you were told something different then you need to contact your school district as soon as possible! We as parents know our children better than anyone, and we don't need to be argued with, we need to be listened to! Some times children and teachers don't mix, and sometimes parents too! It's no bodies fault, just reality! I hope this helps, and I hope school can remain a positive thing for your son.
A little about me:
I am a happily married stay at home/home schooling mama! I have 4 boys ages 9,6, and 4 year old twins! We love playing, cooking, hiking, camping, cub scouts, and spending time with family and friends!
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S.S. answers from Sacramento on May 05, 2008
It is truly sad when adults act like middle school kids. I know you said you are going to transfer your son, but what about homeschool. You sound like you are already a great teacher when he isn't in school by the things you do together. I bet you both would love it and he would thrive in the environment.
Just a thought.
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Y.S. answers from San Francisco on May 05, 2008
I'm so sorry to hear that you and your son are going through this experience. As a retired teacher, i can truely say how i miss the students and their parents. there were a few parents who were difficult but overall everyone is there for the best interest of the students. the biggest problem i has was with the new administrator. my #1 priority were my students and this new person didn;t seem to understand the needs of inner city families. i was always at school an hour and a half before bell just to be available for students and parents. parents knew they could walk in after school as needed. when that happened i would be tardy for faculty meetings. Please be aware that parents have more power than they might know of. If the teacher does not want you in the classroom my only thought is what does she have to hide. Administrators from school, school district, or county office walk into classrooms unannounced as they see fit, and a teacher should always be prepared for that. It will not disrupt the class if the teacher handles it appropriately. you have a right to observe your son, since the principal didnt solve the issue, i'd set up a grievance with the school district. it is against the law for anyone to prohibit a parent from participating in the educational welfare of their student. the only time it would be disruptive is during testing, and even then administrators are doing walk throughs. hang in there for the remainder of the year but i would go to the district office to find out about parents rights. good luck ys
W.H. answers from Modesto on May 05, 2008
Ugh, I'm sorry you're going through this! It sounds to me that the teacher just doesnt like your son. (unfortunately teachers do have personal biases and if she isn't professional enough to control her actions to you the parent, she doubtfully is controlling her personal biases towards the children in her class.)
Sounds like talking with the principal helped (even if only to alleviate the pressure on your son, while excaberating her attitude towards you). With a month to go.... I dont know if your son would do well with a switch to another classroom. If it had been earlier in the year, I'd absolutely say SWITCH!!!