My Son's Pet

We lost our family pet when my daughter was about 7. Telling her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. One thing that really helped her deal with her grief was to have a memorial service where she could cry and say goodbye. We made a garden stone from a kit at Hobby Lobby and we got out pictures of the dog. We said a few words about how much we loved her and would never forget her. It was really hard for me (I had the dog for 15 years!) and for my daughter who had known the dog all of her life but she did learn that life goes on and we would always have our dog in our hearts. I too think its better that she knew. She really surprised me at how well she handled it.

I read this when my 8 year old son was around and I asked him which he would rather know, if the cat ran away or that it was found dead. He said he would rather just think it ran away.

I've always heard that the best way for kids to begin learning about death is through the loss of a pet. It would probably be easier for him to begin to accept it over the death of his cat versus the day that someone he knows passes. He is probably old enough to understand that sometimes bad things happen. It's unfortunate when someone hits an animal on the road and just leaves, especially when the chances are that it is someone's pet. (I don't know the area you live in, but I am in a subdivision with no major roads around, and we see a lot of pets that have been hit, all with tags on their collar, and the person responsible does not even bother to tell the owner.) I think the mom who suggested telling him and letting him pick out a new cat has a good idea for helping him deal with the loss. I'm sorry to hear about it, and hope that your son takes the news well, whichever route you take with it. Good luck!

First off I'm sorry to hear about your kitty. I have 5 cats of my own and I had one pass away like 4 years ago. It's hard but I think u should tell your son what happened so they understand about death. Maybe let him pick out a new cat when you guys are ready but it's better to tell them the truth

Hi T.. My first question would be how old is your son? Has he ever experienced death in any way? I think that is how you should decide whether to tell him the truth. Younger kids don't always understand what death really means. My son is 7 and he now understands about death. But there have been several deaths up to this point that he didn't understand. I think either way your son is going to be upset. Decide whether or not telling him the truth is gonna break his little heart even more. Remember it's not going to hurt him if he doesn't know the full details. Good luck.

How rough this time of year. I guess it all depends on your son's maturity. Does he have any family members that have passed away? Use that as a gauge on how he will respond. How long has it been? If you wait too long, he is going to be angry that you made him worry for this long.

I used the story with my daughter that her dog was a very pretty dog, and friendly. Someone must have found him and kept him. She was too young to understand death. Even when we finally did discuss death and all her questions were answered, she was worried pretty bad for the next couple months that someone else might die too, despite the reassurances we gave her. In the end, you know your son and what he can handle. Just make sure you answer all his questions as honest as possible.

I think at the age of nine learning about the reality of life is important. He will have closure and you can even have a special celebration in honor of his cat. A death of a pet is also a very good learning tool for him to understand what happens and be more prepared when an elderly family member passes away. Hugs to you both!

T.,i really think it depends on your childs age.i myself have been in the same situation.the first time it happened i lied to my son and told him his cat had ran away.for weeks he wanted to look for him he was so sad i felt so bad for him he eventually forgot about it.the second time it happened i told him the truth because i thought he needed to grieve and deal with his loss it seemed better for him to do that then worry about his pet he thought had run away.hope this helps.

Thats a tough one, you try all u can to protect your children, if you tell your child that the cat ran away, would he think that if the cat ran away then their might be that hope that it could come back. If the child knows that death exist then I would let him know the truth, and if the child doesnt know about death then let him know and tell him the truth about the cat. If he finds out later you lied to him about the whereabouts of the cat, would he be able to trust later what you tell him. Every child is different. The maturity level of a child varies from child to child. I would say use your better judgement.

Sorry for the loss

Hope that helps

G.

Yes. Because him knowing the truth will save him pain. He will go through his life wondering what happened to Waffles. But if you tell him the truth, he will know that Waffles has gone onto a better place. This experience can also teach him responsibility in honesty and sensitivity to other peoples feelings, even if it may upset him. Just be there for him to lean on.... that's what we mothers are for. I certainly hope you have a wonderful Christmas for Jesus is the Reason for the Season.

At 9 he is certainly old enough to learn the truth. It willl also give him time to learn how to handle grief and worry when he's ready to replace his pet.

In some cases not knowing can be much harder.

Yes, I would. He is old enough to learn the truth. Sorry for your/his loss.

your son is old enough to know the truth about death. i would tell my son. it is easier to learn to deal with death of family and friends if you start with animals.being truthful with your kids also opens the doorway for them to be truthful with you. my son and i have a very open relationship, and i believe it is because i have always been straight with him, on the same note, you can tone down the details of what happened. hope this helps. ~mother of 3.

At 9, unfortunately yes, you didn't help Waffles meet his maker, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. The torture of wondering about him would be worse...every storm, snow, bitter cold, is he hungry? thirsty? eaten by a coyote? I am pretty sure at 9, your son's imagination would do worse things on him than an open frank discussion about concrete facts. "Honey, Waffles died. he was hit by a car and it happened so quickly that he didn't suffer. If you have anything you wanna talk about ever about this, I'm here." I am very very sorry this happened to you and your family...my dad and I hit a kitty when I was about 7 on Christmas day coming home from Stillwater...Dad always said that kitty was "just fine..." uh huh...8 lbs at 2mph vs 1000lbs at 55mph? uh huh. sure dad, thanks...but we talked about how Santa picked him up and fixed him and then took him to the north pole to take care of until next Christmas for another little girl to have...I like the dream story too...best wishes

Sorry about Waffles. Loosing a pet is like loosing a part of the family, expecially to children. I am a children's grief counselor. So, that said, in my experience, 9 is a really good time (if there is such a thing) to talk to kids about death. They are able to comprehend the finality of life on Earth without the magical thinking they may had the last few years (ie, when things die, they aren't really dead or if they are good little children, they can bring the thing back to life.) The circle of life is an important lesson, although depressing and hard to teach for many parents. However, it is only depressing because adults think of it that way. Kids are great at seeing the bright side of things, especially if you do too. They also don't grieve the way we so, they play, then get sad, then play again. When talking to your kids, be on their level, teach through play (this makes it easier on you and him both). I suggest using some helpful tools your child will understand, like books, movies and hands on experience. The Fall of Freddy the Leaf is a good book for his age group. The Lion King is a good movie to watch and discuss. As for hands on learners, plant a tree or get some Marigold seeds and plant in a pot he can decorate himself. Talk about how all living things start small and live for a while, then pass on. As for Waffles, allow him the opportunity to grieve for him, even if you don't tell him he's dead, let him say goodbye with some sort of "ceremony" to provide closure. Good luck, T., and, again sorry for your loss.

I agree with a lot of people here. Tell him. I have worked as a veterinary technician for over 13 years and I know it can be important for the kids to be involved. We recently put our 10+ year old diabetic cat to sleep. I waited until my husband and kids (8 and 6 years) could be there to say goodbye. We then took him home and had a small funeral for him. The girls put flowers on him and my youngest even wanted to help fill in the grave.

If your son thinks Waffles just "ran away" he could be harboring hope that he will return. That can be more painful wondering why your cat doesn't want to be with you than knowing he's deceased and moving on.

Good luck.

I had quite a bit of experience with talking to children about death of pets when I was a practicing veterinarian. It is always better for them to know that their pet has passed, otherwise, for years they will wonder and worry about what happened. Frequently children will worry and search and feel responsible for a missing pet.

The difficult thing with pets is that they never live as long as we wish they would. Your son is the same age as mine and mine is much better able to cope when he knows what happened. We usually have a little funeral service for pets when they pass and plant a flower or tree on the grave so anytime the kids want to talk to their old pet, they know where they are.

For future pets, I highly recommend that if you have a cat, make it indoor only. It is just so heartbreaking to lose one to a car when you don’t have to.