Hi Mamas,
I am the mama of a very interesting 3 year old little boy. He has special needs. He was born with hydrocephalus (water on the brain). He has a tendency to hit things. He really likes to hit our front windows if anyone is there. He has hit it so hard that there is a small crack in the window. If we open the window he just hits the screen which he has ripped as well. He slams toys on the wall for no reason at all. He hits people as well. As far as punishing him we have tried everything. When he hits the window we have tried smacking his hand and tell him no but when we come in to do it he hits his own hand and says no. So he knows it is wrong but he does it anyway. We have tried putting him on a time out which does no good because he just goes right back to it. One day i repeatedly put him on time out for hitting the window for over an hour. We tried putting him in his bed and he just hits the wall and screams. It is causing a major problem between my husband and myself. We constantly fight about what our son does and how to handle it. Mamas you are my last hope I need help!!!!!!!!!
He should qualify for services. They will be give you suggestions to change his behavior. These services are free. He could receive speech, occupational therapy, and pre-school. I agree with one response who said that he needs to be re-directed. I don't believe this behavior, from a child with special needs, qualifies for punishment.
Is this new behavior or since birth. Did he have a shunt put in? Sometimes they get clogged and need to be replaced. That happened to my mom several times. As soon as the shunt was replaced she would do much better. What type of services do you have for him.
Take care
J.
As a special needs child, what kinds of service is he getting? What do the experts think you can try? You and your hubby BOTH need to be really involved in his therapies and get on the same page! This child is 3, he needs you to empathize and educate and help.
Does your son see a behavioral specialist also? You may want to consult one if you are having behavioral issues along with the hydrocephalus. I don't know if the two go hand in hand, but it wouldn't hurt to find out (if you don't know already). The key is finding the right way to get through to your son that what he is doing is wrong and that he needs to stop. I don't really have any suggestions for you, other than to possibly put up some type of barrier in front of the window so that he can't get to it. As far as banging on the walls and such, I don't know what to tell you. Part of it is normal 3 year old behavior...testing your limits.
Good luck to you!
I would highly recommend finding yourself a good Occupational Therapist who has lots of experience working with special needs kids. I'd recommend having him evaluated for sensory integration disorder. It is very common in kids with special needs. My 6 year old has autism and sensory integration disorder. It is very common in kids with autism and in other kids as well. Sensory integration disorder is basically where a kid doesn't perceive sensory input in the way the rest of us do. Some kids are sensory avoiders, some are sensory seekers, and some (like my son) are mixed - they do some avoiding and some seeking . To me, what you are describing sounds like a sensory seeking behavior. A good occupational therapist can help you figure out what is reinforcing the behavior (why he does it, what he's getting out of it) and then help you find a way to extinguish the behavior. Since your child is over 3 and has special needs, is he involved in the school district early childhood program? If he is, you may be able to consult with their occupational therapist. Some schools also have a behavior team that can be helpful. If you aren't involved with the school district, I'd highly recommend you contact them and see if you can get involved. They have great programs for kids with special needs from age 3 and higher...
As far as fighting with your husband, that is pretty normal. Most normal marriages end in divorce. When you throw a special needs child and the stress that comes with that into the mix, it just makes everything so much more complicated. You really have to make a special effort to get on the same page and try to stay there. If you don't, eventually you'll split up and things tend to just get more complicated. What I'd recommend is figuring out 2-3 things that your son does that really drives you nuts. Sit down with your husband and develop a plan on how you want to handle it. Write it down, post it on the wall. If everyone is on board and being consistent, whatever you try tends to work better. Whatever plan you develop, stick with it for at least 2 weeks before deciding what you are doing is not working. If you can both agree on a plan, that is cool. If you can't, negotiate that you'll try one of your ideas first and if that doesn't work, then you'll try the other parent's plan. Once you guys learn to communicate, figure out that you are in this together and quit blaming each other for your son's behavior, it will get easier. It has taken my husband and I six years to work together instead of blame each other. We are certainly not perfect but we are in a way better place than we were 3 years ago. And seek professional help. Behavior modification is a science and an art. It is very, very helpful to bring in a professional when you first start. Special needs kids don't necessarily respond to things the way typically developing kids do. Things like slapping your son's hand can be very ineffective because 1. he may not understand cause and effect - if I hit the window, mom will slap my hand. If he doesn't get the connection, all he understands is that you are hitting him and has no idea why and that does absolutely nothing to change behavior... 2. Special needs kids really tend not to get the "do as I say, not as I do" thing. So hitting them typically just results in them hitting other people. If you model that we deal with frustration by hitting, that is exactly what they'll do.
Basic behavior modification is that every behavior has a trigger or a reinforcer (or both). If you can eliminate the trigger, great. But real life often doesn't work like that. For example, my son at 3 would scream like a banshee every time I put him in his car seat and fight me like crazy. I couldn't exactly quit putting him in his car seat so I had to figure out how to quit reinforcing his screaming and fighting (which basically meant putting him in his seat and buckling him in with no negotiating, no stalling, no extra attention - each time and every time). Even discipling your child is attention - negative attention can reinforce behavior just like positive attention can. Once I took my emotional response and my anger out of the situation and just approached it as a matter of fact - "it is time to go, you need to get in your car seat. Do you want to get in by yourself or do you want mommy to help you?" - and then matched actions with words, his behavior got better - once he realized no matter how hard he fought, he would still be getting in his seat, he quit fighting. I wasn't mean about it, it is just one of those things that must be done. It isn't always an immediate fix, but the goal is to fix behavior long term. Not necessarily beat your child into submission right now.
Does that make sense? Again, it would probably be a very good thing for you to see out an Occupational Therapist or even a behavior therapist. Parenting a child with special needs means you need more tools in your parenting toolbox than other parents. Professional help can go a long way towards filling that toolbox with things that work for your child. You'll get lots of "helpful" advice from friends, family members and even total strangers but unless they've raised a child with special needs, chances are their advice is going to be totally useless to you. If the "normal" stuff worked, you wouldn't be here asking for help...
Good luck,
T.
i would have to sugest showing him something he can hit, give him a soft or even simi hard object and show i'm its ok to hit this objects but not the others such as bring the object to the window, hit the object and say "good" then lightly tap or even thud on the window and say "bad" something along those lines. If he gets the point right away great but if not just keep showing him that its not ok to hit certain things but its ok to hit this one object. some kids just have a lot of anger, my daughter likes to hit people when she is mad at them for what they have done, maybe its something he sees that he doesn't like or even hears that makes him mad. since he already knows its not ok to hit the windows you might also want to make it harder to get to the window for him so its more of a challange and would rather just hit the object that you give him. make sure its something that he will not find outside of the home like at school or something that way he knows that he can only do it at home. he should grow out of this stage soon. i have also found that letting someone that the child really doesn't know punish him/her tends to get there attention. find someone you trust and tell them what to do and exactly how to do it (so you feel better about it) then let them handle it once or twice. try not to be to close so that your son will come running to you or if he does tell him that it is not good to do what ever he is doing. I actolly have a nephew with the same problem it this seemed to help. we have him a pillow with the word mad on one side and hit on the other and he just goes at it when he is mad now instead of people. he will actolly run upstairs and get it and hit it so we know he is mad then when he is calmed down we go up and talk to him about what made him mad and everything is fine again. hope this helps
Check out a wonderful series of books called Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control by Heather Forbes. She also has a wonderful website at beyondconsequences.com and offers free workshops throughout the year in different cities around the country. Her parenting paradigm has made a HUGE difference in our home!
My son was born with ADDHD he like to hit and trow things against everything one thing was windows, he when trough one and I went and change all the windows no more glass, so no matter how hard he hit them they would not break, all the small toys and wood or hard plastic we took them and replace them with soft material, toys, there is no use on punish the boy he doesn't understand, even if he knows what is no and hits his own hand, that only means, he memorize that, and his just repeating what you said, best thing to do is educate your self and your husband, train yourself s, this is only the beginning, my son is 18 now and doing fine
Repetitive, perseverating on a behavior, fearless of danger, frustrated...I wonder if he is autistic? Or if he has pressure on his brain? Have you had a recent medical assessment for his brain? Can you look up a behavioral psychologist and have an evaluation done?
I'd get a piece of plywood cut to the size of the bottom half of the window. Home Depot or Lowes would cut it to size when you buy the wood. Paint it so it looks nice and matches the house for the outside view and cover it with batting and some kind of fabric that matches the curtins or furniture for the inside- use a staple gun, thensecurely fasten it across the bottom of the window. You'll still be able to see out/let in light, but he won't be able to touch the glass and he'll be protected.
Good luck! And give the little guy a hug for me.
I would go to www.tacanow.org for just about any doctors that you would need, assessments to be made, and diet changes along with support. Even though this is a site for autism, your son has similar issues and the searching has already been done by other families. I would look into sensory issues, and change the diet by removing all gluten (wheat, barley, rye, and most oats). There is information on the diet changes on that site that everyone should use.
I would encourage you to find someone who specializes in behavior management to help you figure this out. Call your local Regional Center for referrals. There are many professionals out there who really know how to help you set up a behavioral plan to help you. As far as his knowing that it's wrong, it may be that he just knows that, after he hits the window, you hit his hand and say, "no," rather than that hitting the window is wrong. Does that make sense? Anyway, good luck and we're NOT your last hope; there are a lot of really good professionals who can help you. You'll get through this.
I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but what about giving him toys that are for hitting, like the playschool hammer and nails? Then when he starts for the window, divert him to the toy, put the hammer in his hand and encourage him to go for it! Postitive reenforcement on hitting things that are supposed to be hit......
The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was "sensory processing disorder." Could he be seeking sensory input by ramming his hand (some kids do it with their bodies) very hard into something? Does he have texture issues with food? Hate tags in his clothes? Seem overly sensitive or under-sensitive to touch or hot/cold?
If so, you may want to see if your library has a book called "The Out-of-Sync Child."
My son had sensory issues that were resolved by removing allergenic foods from his diet. He also liked a weighted blanket for awhile (check with an occupational therapist before you look into these because the weights vary with the child's weight - also not appropriate for every child from what I understand).
It may not be sensory related (could be a # of things) - just wanted to throw that out there for consideration. You may want to consult with several types of experts because in my experience they will all tell you different things. I had to figure it out by trial & error.
Good luck to you and your little guy!
I would call your pediatrician and ask him/her. It sounds severe and possibly dangerous to your child with him hitting glass.
Sounds to me like he may be asking for help. A lot of times kids who are 'aggressive' aren't really aggressive at all they just don't know how to express their emotions easily so they bang or make noise. Show him other ways to express his excitement when he's at the window like jumping up and down or clapping. I'd also see a behavioral specialist. If you better understand what's going on in his head you may be able to help him learn to curb this behavior without a fight. I don't think a child that age should see a therapist or take medicine....that's just crazy! There are many programs that the state school system offers for kids with all kinds of special circumstances. Learning coping mechanisms that are productive now will make life so much easier for ALL of you. You can get your family thru this tough stuff.
Is he trying to ask to go outside? Are you interested in nutrition that will help him? God bless!
J.
Hi, I think that you should try a less invasive approach- you don't want to reinforce the behavior by hitting or smacking. He may not understand hand smacking or time out just yet. Try to figure out why he is doing it. Does he need some sensory stimulation? You may want to try to redirect his attention to a positive behavior. Like digging in sand or beans. Or get him a play drum that he CAN hit. Show him how to use his hands. Keep telling him to "use soft hands."
I know it can be frustrating but try some other approaches to see what works for him and you of course. Don't fight with hubby- This is when you need each other the most!
- this may just pass.
As a Behavior Therapist I try many things to find what works-Do not encourage the behavior- redirected it :)
Good luck to you
S. M
I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this, but there is help out there!! You are not alone!!
I would also suggest, (as it looks like you're a resident of CA), in addition to The Regional Center, contacting First 5 and/or Children's Care Connection (aka C3, which falls under the umbrella of First 5) in your area. These are ALL FREE programs that can give you not only a wealth of info. but connect you with Behavioral/Physical/Occupational Therapists, and much, much more!!
First 5 website http://www.ccfc.ca.gov/ (you could also just google it)
Again, you are not alone, utilize all the resources that are out there to help you and your family!!! I hope and pray you find some answers and relief for your son very soon!!!
