My Son Repeats Everything Untill He Gets a Response and It's Driving Me Crazy

He may just be wanting attention. My oldest son used to keep asking "why" to everything, and then "why" to the answer to that, and so on and so on, and it was just because he wanted to talk to us. He always had a high need for attention, and usually I tried to give it to him although it would get exhausting after the 7th time he said, "watch me, mama!" But now he's 19 and he doesn't do that any more and he wants to be with his friends instead, and I miss that, so my advice to you is to put up with it and respond as much as possible and enjoy this time with your sweet little son and remember someday it will be over.

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Hi, L.,
I read several books on child rearing and apparently, (unbeknownst to me at the time), kids don't really WANT a yes or no answer. They want to understand that you understand what they are saying. So, if he says, "Watch trucks?" DO NOT answer, "no, I can't now" because he doesn't want to hear that. Instead, you should say, "oh, you want to watch trucks? Yes, I know! You want to watch trucks." Usually, that should be enough to stop him from repeating himself. You don't even need to say that he can't. If he can't watch it for some reason, then you can grant him his wish in fantasy. Such as, "I wish you could watch trucks, too! If the DVD player wasn't broken we can watch lots and lots of trucks!"
It sounds really weird, but try it. I tried it and IT WORKED LIKE MAGIC!!! That is all they want: acknowledgment that you understand what they want. I think many parents (like myself) try to explain that "no, you can't" and we end up with kids that sound like broken records! When he says, "train! Train!" he is waiting for your answer. Simply saying "yes" is not enough for kids at this age. You have to talk in full sentences for them, since they cannot. Next time, when he says that, try answering with, "yes, I see the train! There's the train!" That should also stop him from repeating himself. He is probably repeating himself to get these responses from you, but since you are not saying them, he keeps repeating himself. My 3.5 year old does that, too, until I realize that I have not answered the way the book encouraged me to answer. Once I remind myself that I need to address him verbally instead of just nodding my head or saying "yes" then the repetition goes away right away. Even if he can't have something, instead of arguing about it, I just say to him, "yes! I wish you could go, too! That would be so much fun!" The book made this comparison: suppose you were admiring a dress in the store. How would you like it if you said, "Oh, what a nice dress!" and your husband's reply was, "You can't afford that dress! It is too expensive and we have more important bills to pay." it would probably put you in a bad mood. It would be nicer of him to say, "I wish we could get you that dress. You would probably look fabulous in it and you could wear it to that party we are going to." So even if you don't buy the dress, you could dream about it. So, dream about the things you son also wants and keep him happy with his dreams! Good luck!

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Try engaging him in a converstaion that goes beyond his first words. i.e. when he sees a train ask him if it is a big or little train, what color the train is, or is it going faster than mommie's car. This way he will be able to expand his converstaion passed his initial sentence. It will also be good practice for comprehesion skills later.

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Well first of all, know that your son is very normal and enjoy all of his talking, because he will be a teenager some day and you'll be lucky if you can get a word out of him. Secondly, he is young and this behavior will take some time to correct. When he repeats something, it sounds like he is excited about it and he wants you to share in his excitment. What you may try is to teach him to place his hand on your arm when he is trying to get your attention. We had this problem with our children when we would be engaged with a conversation and they would want to interupt. We taught them to come up, put their hand on our hand or forearm and that would be a trigger that they needed to talk to us, then when it was appropriate, we would turn to them and ask what they wanted to say. It taught them respect and also that we respected what they had to say. Many times I would find myself putting my hand on their hand to let them know that I was interested in their news. He is awefully young, so this may take a while. Good luck!!

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Hi, I hate to even bring this up with out actually meeting your son. Have you heard of aspergers syndrome? It is high functioning autism. I have a son who is 12 and has severe autism. Aspergers is at the other end of the autism spectrum in that they can speak and are very intelligent but get "stuck" on things and sometimes seem obsessed with certain subjects, like trains,cars,and trucks. I could be completely wrong but if he does have it and you catch it soon there is treatment that can help him and you. The sooner you get him in a program the better. I hope I am wrong but at least you can research it to find out. Good Luck

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This too shall pass! I encourage you to embrace this stage in your son's development and encourage him to talk with you and others. He is learning crucial skills that will give him a lifetime advantage. Soon enough, your son will probably become more independent and feel less compelled to repeat himself. This is your chance to teach some social skills, like the one about saying something once and waiting for a response. But, two-year-olds love to engage adults with their new-found talking skills. To the extent that you can teach him to wait his turn to speak and to be content with the dialog that the adult is patient enough to undertake, he will develop into an articulate young boy. That is something you will thoroughly enjoy, especially when you really want to know what's on his mind. Best wishes.

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Reflect back to him what he says to you so he knows you understand what he wants, sees, etc. If he says "watch trucks?" say "you want to watch trucks? Not right now. you can watch trucks (give specific time like after nap or before lunch). If he says "train, train, train". You say " do you see a train?" Something like that. It will take a few times of doing this, but it worked very well with my son.

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We are going through the same thing with our son. Same age and everything. We are teaching him to say excuse me when others are talking, and then wait until we ask him what he wants. I really think it is just a matter of training and being consistant. Obviously I am going through it so I don't know what works... but PLEASE post your progress if you find something that helps. :)

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LOL - I was wearing your shoes not too long ago!! Such an annoying stage, isnt it?!? You should try to continue or expand what he says when you repeat it back to him - dont just repeat what he says, but add and ask him the next part... No, you cant watch trucks right now, can you find your truck and play with it? Where is your truck? Diversion is a wonderful tactic!! Distract him onto something else, their minds will bounce on to a new thing pretty easy at that age. Their minds also seem to stick in ruts pretty easy, but if you get caught up in his rut too it becomes a game/habit and WILL drive you crazy. I thought it was cute how hed say the same thing over and over and over until I said the same thing. then I figured out that he really was trying to conversate and I added in the questions and expansion things, and boy - you should see some of the stuff he comes up with now! That child will talk your ear off - but hes gotten over the repeating, so take hope! :-)
He really wont get the whole "say something only once" for ((sorry to say)) Q_u_i_t_e a while. We are just now reaching the understanding level where I can say "once is enough" or "I heard you, please wait a minute for me to finish/start/whatever the case may be..." And dont even dream of the golden day when you can say No once and be done with it :-) That takes some training!!

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my daughter (25 months) does this too- what helps (sometimes) is to stop what I'm doing, get down to her eye level, face to face and slowly repeat my answer and then not respond after that. This method can't be done while driving,but after 3 responses from me (driving) I stop responding and hopefully she eventually stops asking- or gets distracted by something else! Its normal- its the curious age!
good luck, he won't always be like this!

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Wow! i think that's going to be tough. My son is 2 1/2 and is doing the same thing. Something that has helped me is asking the questions back and making him think for himself and having more of a conversation of it than it just going around and around with the him questioning and me answering which was driving me crazy too. For example asking where his Baba (father) is and repeating over and over after I have told him. So I say "where do you think he is?" And he stops and thinks and says "maybe he's at work?" and I respond yes or no and maybe ask him another question to help lead him to the right answer if he was wrong. But usually he's right and he knows. And if he asks again I ask the question back again. But it usually shortens the amount of times he asks. I think it's all just being part of two and it will eventually change to something else. Good Luck.

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He just wants to know that you understand what he is saying. My now 3 year old went through a phase also at that age where I had to repeat what she said. I couldn't just say yes or no, I had to repeat her words making her know that I heard everything she said. They are not trying to be annoying, just learning. Try to be patient with him, he is learning his workds and conversation skills.

L., Just a thought you might want to concider....Have you looked into getting him evaluated for Autistic tenencies? Childrens hospital is the best and free. I have a son with Autism and it sounds so familiar he was diagnosed at the age of 18months never too late and the sooner the better.

I'm going through it right now with my 2-1/2 year-old too. It's a phase where they expand their communication skills. If they don't get parental responses, they eventually learn that being physical is a better form of communication than talking because they don't have the capability to be patient yet. So, they start pulling/tugging at the hand/sleeve, etc.... It could be worse. My 7 year-old talked non-stop when she went through it. She still does (e.g. She asks me, "Is 20 minutes over yet?", if I don't set a timer in front of her. At around 4 years of age is when they can start to fully grasp the concept that mommy needs time alone, but usually they will need something 15 minutes later or sooner. My 7 year-old just started to repect my phone time this year after being told 100s of times over the past 3 years. It takes a great deal of time and patience to teach my kids. I find it quite taxing sometimes, as I'm sure it is for every mom.

My son does that too (almost 3), and my daughter did as well when she was that age (now 5). Remember, it is just a phase. It will pass (although it seems like it lasts FOREVER!) Wait until your son starts asking "why" about everything. I mean everything. I just repeat what he says as soon as he says it, that way I don't have to hear the same statement 100x. I think that kids just want recognition, and need to know that we are paying attention. Plus it helps their speech development to have their phrases repeated back. Good Luck!

Dear L.,
I know what you're going through and really, it's just a phase. They haven't learned the art of conversation just yet.
On the other hand, it can be a lethal tactic. We still laugh about a little boy at my son's daycare who would want something another kid had and he would stand there and say, "Give me the toy. Give me the toy. Give me the toy." ....About a thousand times within 60 seconds. Rapid fire. He would have to take a breath in the middle. At first kids were like, "Fine...here, take it." But, after a while, they just started ignoring him. Little kids are actually really incredible tune-out experts.
I think you just have to try to tune him out. For now. In the meantime, you can say things like, "It's not nice to interrupt when adults are talking" and "I heard you the first time. After that...I can't hear you anymore."
My mom had a saying....
They are talking just to hear their own brains rattle.

I think at that age, they just blindly express themselves.
Conversation will come.

Best wishes!

Dear L.,
At this age, kids understand their needs but understanding of logic is not quite developed. My son is quite a talker too and what helps us that we just repeat what he has to say to acknowledge his feelings,for example, so you want to watch this okay let us see how can we do this.... and engage him in a coverstation about that topic and he slowly gets redirected to something else. Kids do not understand staight 'no'. When we acknowledge their feelings and involve them in problem solving they also develop problem solving skills themselves. Hope it makes some sense. There are lots of books out there about emotional and logical development. Sorry, I am so bad with remembering titles and authors.

Hi, L.
I had a boy and a girl who did this...it was exhausting. I tried several different ways and the best for me (and "us") was to consistently do two things. On those occasions the kids wanted to play that game, I would first; Acknowledge his comment and his ideas, and second, let him know that particular subject is closed. ("Yes, I remember that you really like this movie! It is broken now, so we have to do a different thing today. Come show me your favorite truck outside... (He keeps saying "Truck?")...You act like you didn't hear it...You say, "You pick: we play with trucks outside or you help me take care of the dogs!...(same response from him)...You say, "You don't want to pick? Okay. I pick go out and take care of the dogs." Then go outside (sort of slowly, but don't look back.) If he doggedly says, "Trucks, trucks, trucks" you smile sweetly and carry on conversation as if he were talking about the dogs..."Yes, I think the dogs are hungry!" (Trucks, trucks, trucks...) You continue, "Yeah, look how cute the puppy is when she wags her tail at us!" You get the idea. After your initial response to his question, it's like it just won't work for him to keep it up, and you are just going on your merry way. Keep moving, active, and he will eventually become distracted. Have fun with your little guy! J.

My daughter does this too. She is a "talker". She will be 3 in October. I think it's mostly a way of trying to learn how to ask a question and to engage in conversation. It is annoying, but they are learning. They aren't really going to tune into you saying "not now." So, I repeat the sentence to my daughter. Like "You like the red one." or whatever and that seems to quiet her and she wont keeping repeating repeating repeating. And also if you give him an answer like, how about we play with trucks instead...it may detour him off course enough to get him focused on something else. I believe this development stage and this too shall pass.
And also if you tell him No and he keeps at it, then you quietly look him in the eye and ask him if he listening to you and then tell him again you said no and some times a time out is needed to get him to understand to listen to you.

Good Luck L.,
If you get any helpful advice on this subject maybe you could pass it on to me as well. I have been dealing with this same issue for the past five years. My son, who is now 7 1/2, has had the same persevering personality since he was 3 and it just has never stopped. I tried looking for information in books, counciling, and medications for ADD and nothing has worked. I have not found any concrete answers as to why he does this. I even made a visit to a Neurologist and inquired about his need to get the answer or response he is looking for before he will stop the questioning. All he was able to tell me was that this was how he was wired and that nothing could change who he is. Although, I must say, that as he is getting older, his need,whatever that may be, is decreasing in frequency.
I know that this is not what you where looking for as far as a response to your question, but maybe more of an outreach to let you know you are not alone in this quest to find some reprieve. Good luck and try not to let the frustration get to you too much.

g

Hi L.,
Maybe it would help to clearly acknowledge his request. He is way too young to understand yet that he is not the center of the world :) Maybe you could say (with lots of feeling -- sounds stupid but works), "It sounds like you reeaaaaly want to watch trucks right now," pause to let him nod or confirm, and then, "The problem is that Mommy needs to talk to her friend right now. When I am done, I would love to go watch trucks with you." (And then follow through!) This may only work so well w/ a two year-old -- he'll probably still give it a few tries. I think the two main issues here are that: (1) this is what 2 yos do and (2) he probably does not feel like his request is being acknowledged and validated. If your son knows that you heard him and that you care about his request, he will get through this stage more quickly, and you will have an easier time with him when he is a few years older. A similar idea is to say, "Oh, I *wish* I could make another train come. I wish I could make a whole bunch of trains come by. Unfortunately, Mommy cannot make trains show up; only the train conductor can do that." I learned this technique ("granting" wishes) at a workshop, and it works remarkably well. If you acknowledge his request *and* show that you it is valid by sounding empathetic you can get a pretty remarkable response (keeping in mind that your son is displaying pretty typical behavior for a 2-3 yo).

Hi L.,

I think your son's repeating is completely normal. My kids all did the same thing. Yes, it IS a mentally taxing phase! It can really deplete your energy. The seemingly endless repeating is a learning process for toddlers, and I always wanted to help them understand as much as possible, so I would answer, answer, answer, answer, until I was blue in the face. But even when I tried to explain, or say firmly, "Okay, Mama is going to be quiet now. Mama isn't going to say anything else." etc. - the message never seemed to get through.

I am sorry that I don't have any good problem-solving advice for you - but I do completely empathize! Just keep in mind that this phase is VERY temporary ... it will soon be over and won't come back again. Our babies grow up quickly, though it doesn't seem like when you're in the thick of the demanding times. But in retrospect, you will see how fast it went.

All the best to you!

I am sorry to say you have many more years of craziness. They learn at an early sge how to make us crazy and they want what they want when they want it. Later it goes in to the negotiation faze where they don't give up until they get what they want making all kinds of promises to get you to do what they want. You have to just learn how to tune it out.