My Son Is Such a Buger in the Morning!

What really helped me with this is telling my daughter the night before at bedtime what the next day's plans are.(ie tomorrow is Sat there is no school, we can sleep in and go to the park etc..or tomorrow is Tues,we'll get up early and get ready for school, I will take you to school and after school we can play with etc... and I also tell her if it's me or someone else picking her up) I also tell her the next day's plans when I pick her up from school too. I started doing this at age 2, and I really noticed the difference, it helps for her to have the agenda too:)She is 3 now and she is so excited to know what is going to happen the next day:) Hope this helps, good luck!

Your post made me smile. We have been and still are right with you. You have a bright, engaged 2 year old that wants to be a part of the morning, but most likely doesnt understand why everyone is running all around when he just wants to be cuddled and start his day slower. He doesnt understand the concept of being late for work. ;) Good for you too - being super Mommy - give yourself a pat ont he back and a break from the stress.

Here is what I do that helps - I am a hard working super mommy too.
1. Do as much as you can the night B4 after he is tucked in bed. Lay out clothes, pack lunches, I even set the breakfast table. (Yes we sit for 15 mins as a family each morning and eat).

2. Wake up earlier, so you can sit with him snuggling on the couch for 15 mins watching cartoons. While he is waking up. You both need that bonding quiet time together.

3. Tell him what the next day is going to be like in steps. when you wake up in the morining we will have juice together, then I will help you get dressed.

4. Give a few min warning. We only have a few mins before we have to leave - this is what we still need to do.....

5. Enlist your hubby more in the morning rush. Assign him the same duties he needs to do to help you each morning and then forget about it. Feed the dog, make the coffee - warm up the cars.

6. Eat breakfast together sitting down at the table as a family. Even if it is just for 15 mins and your son does eat at first. Eat a peice of toast, furit - etc. A dish of strawberries always makes my daughters eyes and tummy happy.

Once he sees he has a peice of the morning rush and time to be with you and your hubby. He should be the sweet angel you know him to be. :)

Oh dear - he IS giving you a hard time, isn't he??? --- so see what you can switch that will make your life easier. Can the day care provider feed him? --- even dress him?? Have you discussed this with the people who spend most time w/him during the day??? --- And yes, It sounds to me as though he is angry that Mon---------Fri are not like Saturday and Sunday. Please don't have long conversations with him- he's wayyyyyyy tooo young. --- At this age- ( particularly with an angry, upset little 2 year old) - your ''conversation'' needs to look like this:
( you say ) ''' can you help me? - No?? -- then I do it'''

( you say ) '''' can you stop fussing? No??? -- I do it ''''' --- ( and what you do is just put him into his clothes - and take him straight out to the car ---

I know this is going to sound tough- but I encourage you to CONSIDER - '''' want sitting down time w/ Mommy???? --- behave nicely- or we are straight out to car''''' He won't believe you the first time- but about the 3rd or 4th morning that he looses the 15 minutes you COULD have had sitting --- he'll begin to get the message.

a truism from Old Mom -- when you change your approach-- the first thing that will happen ( sorry) is that the behaviour will get WORSE briefly- the child is saying with their body language ''' you CANT mean it'' but if you continue with your response long enough for the child to sort of sigh to themselves and say in their head '''' drat--- she really did mean it -- guess I better shape up'''''' - then it will work. When you hear people say things like ''' oh time outs don't work for my kids '''' -- what they are really saying ( in MY opinion)--- is '''' I wasn't willing to work the time out long enough and consistantly enough to allow it to work- the ''lack'' was in me--- not in ''time out''

--just my opinion--

:-)
Old Mom - aka - J.

A.,

I know this is gonna suck if your not a morning person but I say you guys should get up earlier to have a more slow paced relaxing morning...take your time, go at a leisuerly pace. That might work to slow down any early morning frustration from being hurried?

K.

Hi A., this sounds like my mornings! My son is also 2 1/2 and getting him out the door makes me all sweaty too. It seems that when we are all ready to go, he does something to delay yet another 5 minutes...blah! It helps when I stay calm and give him clear choices, since he is always trying to control his world when things are appearing hectic...do you want to finish your breakfast or all done? Do you want to get dressed or go to school in your pajamas? Actually, we have taken the ride in the car many times in his pajamas, because once we arrive at school after the 1/2 hour drive, I can get him dressed in the car in 2 minutes, rather than the 12 it would have taken me at home. I have also given up on the clean car idea, for my own sanity. Set up a bag the night before with his outfit, and have an option for breakfast in the car (I do scrambled eggs and toast in a bowl) and when your ready, whisk him out to the car and be done with it. Good luck!

Good luck, Ashelee. Mornings can be rough. You might try a sticker chart for certain things that he can do. If he gets dressed by himself, gets his shoes on, etc. And when he gets enough stickers (for a 2 year old, I think he should see a positive reward about every week or so, maybe more at the beginning), he gets to pick a reward. For the reward, I'd suggest doing something special with you or dad. He gets to pick a game to play, which park to go to, which restaurant to eat out at, etc. Maybe occasionally, he gets to choose a new book at the store or a toy. Anyway, my first instinct is always towards the discipline side when behavior is unacceptable, but when I've taken the time to implement positive rewards, it has really worked. The key is to keep it positive, though. No taking stickers away, just offering them as rewards when the behavior is good so that you are reinforcing what you want to see! Good Luck. Now, I need to take my own advice and go get that going for my 9, 7, and 4 year olds, again. Our mornings have been a bit rough lately, too. They have to work a bit longer for their rewards, though. But they still love stickers and special time with mom and dad, too.

A. - The first thing I thought when I read your request was "PHEW!" Just stop fighting him!
I have a son who would not eat for anything! Every night was a fight, me wanting him to eat, him not wanting to eat...back and forth, time outs, me stressed....hating dinner! Then I just decided to stop fighting. "THis is your dinner, you may chose to eat it, or not. If you don't, no dessert. It is the only thing that you get to eat." Pretty soon he figured it out, and now he eats great.
MY point. Tell your son the night before what the plan is (I too do that). If he doesn't want to get dressed, fine. He goes to school in whatever you can get him into. Diapers and nothing else....brr...it's pretty cold outside. Maybe the next day he will let you put more clothes on. Just his PJ's? Well, I guess he wont be able to go outside and play at daycare when everyone else does. You and the daycare need to be on the same page on this one. That way, when it is time to play outside they can say, "Oh Reece, I'm sorry that you didn't get dressed this morning, you can't go outside. I sure hope tomorrow you wear something great!" Then stick to it.
He doesn't want to eat in the morning...don't feed him. He wont starve by not eating breakfast. If he gets hungry on the way to daycare, remind him that you tried to feed him and he chose to fight with you.
Kids are not stupid at 2 years old! He will learn quite quickly that you are in charge and things need to go how you say, not him. If he goes to school a couple of days with one shoe off and one shoe on...so what!? He will learn!
Good Luck, I know how stressful this age is
L.

Welcome to the two's...(sigh).

One you thing you can do if you think your child is in a power struggle with you is remove yourself from the struggle. Hard to do when you have a deadline and you need to be dressed for work.

In this case I would suggest that you give him simple choices. Do you want to eat breakfast with mommy, or eat it at the daycare. Then have a back up breakfast you can take to the daycare.

Do you want to be dressed here and help mommy choose your close, or at the daycare? Then put his clothes in a bag and off you go to the daycare.

My son went once or twice to preschool in his jammies--but only once or twice. This method works. But you must follow through, not be embarrassed at his choices, and stay calm.

Keep choices simple for a 2 year old.

Have every thing else ready before you wake him up. If he screams, put him in the car seat and leave right then and there. Have backups of everything in the car. If it takes 5 or 10 minutes to take care of the dog, he can use the time to calm down, especially if he is in a garage.

Don't have discussions when he is screaming. Doesn't work with a screaming child. Have a time when you tell him what will happen when.... at a time he is calm. Do it more that once.

The other thing choose your battles wisely, and tackle one battle at a time.

Good luck.

I have 2 yr old too, and she has done the same thing. Some days are good, some days are bad. Time outs didn't work, she doesn't seem to be at an age where she really cares whether she gets one or not. I hear TO's work better a little older, cause she doesn't seem to be too affected by them yet. What we did do was do distraction, distraction, distraction. Silly things like letting her stuffed animal "take-off" her pjs, do her diaper, etc. Use silly songs, etc. I also felt like before I even went in her room I had to think of things that she would want to do, like... do you want to help put the roast in the crock pot, ok then you need to get out of your crib now. Distraction, incentives - whatever it takes to motivate. Made me feel like a push over mom for awhile, but it did work.

Also, maybe try to do a set routine in the morning every day, even on weekends. First thing in the morning before we even leave her room, I try to do the same thing things and I even keep the same order: get out of crib, pjs off, diaper change, pick out clothes and put them on, do hair, then binkies back in crib, and then we leave her room. Always those things before we ever start doing anything else for the day. It seems like it will be Ok for awhile and then it "flares up" again, I think that's toddlers for you!

Wow...I remember those days! You managed to still tell your story with a little humor, good for you.

Get up a little earlier, to get crockpot ,breakfast ,lunch and your out fit layed out.

Do you drop him off or does a sitter come in?
If a sitter comes in ask them to come an hour earlier to help. If you drop him off, have his stuff including an outfit in his bag.Take him out in his pj's. I ONCE and only once had to take my son out naked..he would rip his clothes and diaper off.Once he realized he was leaving naked he dressed himself on the sidewalk!
Save putting on nylons until you get to sitters..maybe even the whole out fit (you could have outfit on hanger in car leave house in sweats!) It's important that you get to work on time and presentable.
Where is hubby during this time?( I'm going to assume @ work).
These are the years that prepare us for their teens..when they do crazy stuff and they're bigger than us..but we have learned patience,organization,and coping skills beyond belief..if it helps any...I'd say you have a healthy bright young man on your hands who's learning to get what he wants! Wish you the best!

1st... It sounds like a war zone in the mornings at your house. Where is Dad? Why is it that Reece isn't getting the same message of cooperation from Dad that he gets from you. Runs in nylons, milk all over the place, no, you shouldn't be the only casualty of this morning routine.

2nd... He's two and he wants to be in control. Separation anxiety hits a real high when they reach 2 or so. They fully grasp you're going away and they want you to stay and watch the cartoons, etc. So, find out what's going on at day care. Maybe something has happened in the last few weeks that is causing him concern or hurt. You need to see if daycare can be as much fun as morning cartoons, a place he wants to go to.

3rd... You can't discuss your way out of anything with a two year. You can verbalize what the consequences are going to be and then when the behavior arises, the consequences are immediate. There isn't time for a time out while you're rushing to get ready every morning. So divide and conquer the chores of the morning. Dad gets him up and feeds him breakfast while you're in the shower and finish getting ready. Then switch places, you get Reece changed and dressed while Daddy's doing the same. If need be, get up 20 minutes earlier so you can take care of you, and then you'll have the 'extra' time for Reece in the morning. But if Reece throws his sippy cup and food, then there is no more sippy cup and food that morning. It's all gone. As long as you give him more, he's got more to throw. He'll go hungry that morning, but he will learn. You're not going to change your routine, you're taking away his ammunition. A 2 yr old will not starve if he has to wait until lunch to try eating again.

4th.... Start rewarding good behaviors at home. Sticker chart. At his age the sticker is the reward, so it doesn't have to lead to some bigger award when he's accumulated a certain number. Let him collect them. Find a subject that he likes, such as birds, dogs, dinosaurs, whatever...

5th.... Plan your mornings the night before. Get your breakfast stuff ready, your lunches made and for Reece, his clothes laid out. Have him help you pick out his shirt and pants, etc. Give him part of the routine.

6th... Take a deep breath and breathe!!!

7th.... Happy Mother's Day!!!

I dont know the whoel story behind this. However, I am a working mom and i went through this with my daughter. She wanted/needed that time with me in the morning to "shake off the cobwebs" as we call it. As much as I wanted my sleep, I ended up setting the alarm 1/2 hour earlier so I could be ready to go when she woke up...then the rest of the time was devoted to her and getting her ready, which was easier because I wasnt rushing around like a mad woman. On mornings when I ran late, she would sit on the counter with me in the bathroom and help mommy get ready...
THe bottom line with your son is that he is feeling the lack of attention and he is acting out because of it. I am in no way trying to imply that you are ignoring him, but we get in such a rush most days that we tend to overlook their need for a little mommy time...Make a couple adjustments that will allow time for you and time for him to just sit and be together...then run like mad out the door. Oh, just another note...I would also leave my blouse and coat right by the door, it was the last thing I would put on, saved me from wearing sticky fingers on my suit! :)

Hello,

One of the most important saying a child professional ever told me was:

"A child who is losing it, does NOT need a mom who is losing it too!"

That phasing has help me help my child when all seemed lost.

The age when children want to communicate and physically can't is extremely frustrating for them. I would try and find out what is going on around him that is making his small unmanageable life hard? Something going on where he stays while you work? Missing mom and dad? I'd look into it, sounds a tiny bit over the top for the average 2 year old.

Best,
M.

Be consistent with your routine and do the time out thing if needed. (You got great advice from the other moms-he needs to know you're the Alpha)--He's testing his boundaries. Maybe also try making the routine fun.......... If he sees that you're stressed out about the whole thing, then in a way he won.

On a side note--does he like where he goes during the day? Maybe they can let him know what is going to happen the next day so he can look forward to coming.

It's probably just a phase. I have a 2 1/2 year old and she can be that way on a certain thing, but not the whole routine. Cinsistency has sure helped. These phases don't last long but when you're going through them it seems forever!!